Imperfect

by Kelly Moore

  I clear my throat. “I’m liking casual…Tuesday’s.” I have to look at my calendar to check the date because the sight of her in those tight pants have made my mind fuzzy. My eyes are clear, but the brain… not so much.

  She walks to the office bathroom, then turns and looks at me before she shuts the door. “Eyes back in your head, Ashe. I’ll be changed in a minute.” She winks and closes the door.

  Ander’s motherboard lighting up garners my attention. He works the keyboard at lightning speed, zooming in on an area. “It’s a category F-5 tornado plummeting down on a populated area of Kansas,” he says, pointing at the massive computer screen on the wall.

  Wren and I are both immediately up and standing behind him. “Do you want to be the first team to dispatch?” I ask Wren.

  The bathroom door opens and Aedon steps out in a casual pair of slacks and a coral blouse. I wish I could say that it looks less sexy than the yoga pants, but it doesn’t. “What’s going on?” She joins us.

  “Cat F-5,” Ander says again and points to the screen.

  Wren is already on the phone while grabbing his bag. “Send out an alert to my team members,” he tells Ander as he gets into the elevator.

  “Notify NOAA that we are sending up drones in the area.” Aedon says, punching in a code on the computer.

  “Winds are sustained at 265mph.” Ander says.

  “The drones will go in the area that the tornado has already torn apart.” Aedon takes a seat beside him. “Once Wren gets there, you will be able to zone in on him.”

  Ander places the tracking of the Tornado up on the screen and then zooms in on areas of damage. “It’s lifted houses completely off their foundation.” He touches his mouth and gasps.

  “That’s why we’re here.” She places her arm around his shoulder.

  He shakes his thoughts off and starts making his connections and dispatching.

  Four hours later, Wren is bigger than life on the screen, surrounded by debris. He gives us an update on the damage and the mission. Forty-five people have already been rescued, some of them with critical injuries the doctors were able to stabilize in the field. He thinks he will be there for several days digging through the devastation left behind.

  He holds his hand to his ear when he hears my voice. “I’ll send out Aedon’s team tomorrow to make sure your team gets a break. You can rotate on and off.”

  “I’ll get my team on the move,” Aedon walks over and fires up her computer.

  “I’ll make sure our private jets are ready to go.”

  For a new company, we are already working like a well-oiled machine. Ander has quickly mastered his job and has fit in nicely with the three of us. After I’ve made all my calls, I sit back in my desk chair with my hands behind my head and watch it all unfold in real time. It’s a good feeling.

  “Hey, King Manning, I’m out of here,” Aedon says as she grabs her bag.

  My mind goes to the dark side - I’d love to be her king - but I’m afraid she would have me dethroned so she could rule the world. But although she may be tough as nails on the outside, there is a soft side to her that she doesn’t let many people see. She thrives in a man’s world by having a tough exterior. “Be careful, and get your Bluetooth activated as soon as your feet are on the ground.”

  I’m tempted to activate my team so that I can go with her, but there are already enough people in the field. We agreed to only dispatch two teams unless it was a complete catastrophe involving thousands of people. We always need one team on standby, in case something else requires our activation.

  “It looks like it’s just the two of us.” Ander says, swiveling his chair to look at me.

  “That it is.”

  “I’m glad I’m sitting behind this desk rather than in the field. I don’t know that I could handle some of the things I’ve seen today if I saw them in person. I’m a little squeamish.” He scrunches up his nose.

  “You get used to it, and then you live for it. It becomes part of who you are, second nature.”

  “Not for me, I can barely handle seeing ketchup splattered on a plate.” He makes a retching noise and I laugh.

  I lock up the office shortly after 8 pm. Ander took his laptop with him to stay connected and I have my phone on me at all times. Needing to relax, I head to the Film Forum. It’s one of the only theatres around that features old movies. Tonight is one of my favorites: John Wayne in Rooster Cogburn. I take my seat in the middle of the back row, scanning around the theater and only counting a handful of people. This is what I’ve done for years to destress. I love old movies. When my highs were too much to handle, I’d find a theatre and watch movie after movie until I found my calm place. Aedon is actually the one that suggested it and it worked for me. She knew my love for old movies.

  Two hours later, I’m relaxed enough to decide to walk home. The light mist in the air reminds me of a time that Aedon and I walked home in the rain after one of our classes. Her t-shirt was clinging to her body and I couldn’t wait to get her home to take it off her. She was as insatiable as I was. Our sex life was incredible. I’ve never met another woman that I hungered for as much as her. My sex life now is dull in comparison.

  I pass by several couples hunkering down under umbrellas, walking arm in arm. I tuck my hands deep in my pockets and walk a little faster until reaching my apartment building. Carl is already gone for the night, so I punch in the code to open the main doors.

  I peel out of my clothes and head for a hot shower. Drying off, I reach for my pills and turn on the faucet. The little orange pill rolls around in my hand, daring me to not take it, making me wish so badly that I didn’t need it. I’m a doctor for God’s sake, but there is no cure for me. I cup the water in my hand and throw back my head, quite literally swallowing my sanity. I convinced myself in the beginning to take my meds for Aedon, but eventually came to the realization that the only person I needed to take these damn things for was me. Doing it for another person wasn’t going to save me. Only I could do that.

  I collapse naked on the bed and drift off to sleep.

  Chapter 6

  Saturday morning, I meet Wren for breakfast to get an update. “Here is the report I downloaded on the flight home yesterday. We rescued over 300 people and saved 85 people that would not have made it without us intervening.”

  “Good work. When is Aedon heading back?” I ask him, cutting into my pancakes.

  “She should be home by tonight. The Red Cross can handle everything that is left to do.”

  “How do you feel it went? Do you have any suggestions?”

  “I think it went well for our first time out in the field. I do think we need to hire another person in the office to give Ander a break. He was working 24/7 on his computer.”

  “I think you will have to convince him to share the duties with someone else. He’s a bit of a control freak when it comes to that computer. Now that you guys are back, he’s going to take a few days off. He learned when we are in crisis mode, he will have to work like a dog. How was it for you?” I wipe my mouth.

  “It was awesome. I saved a kid’s leg from being amputated and I did surgery in the field on a man who had a sign impaled through his stomach. He will have a tough recovery, but he will live.”

  “Nice work,” I pat his shoulder. “This is what we live for.”

  “I’m glad we’ve done this, I only hope that when it comes to a really big disaster things go as smoothly.” He finishes the last bite of his food and leans back in his chair.

  “Take the weekend off and get some rest. I’ll go to the office and file all the paperwork for you.”

  “Thanks. I’ll probably sleep the entire rest of the weekend.”

  The office is quiet except for a punctual low bleep that keeps sounding from the National Geological Society monitor. It is reading seismic activity along the Cape Mendocino, California area. The indicators are only small and not unusual for that area. If it were lighting up along Oregon, Washington, and up to the V
ancouver Islands, it would be a catastrophe. That fault line would wipe out millions of people. It’s known as the Cascadia subduction zone, and it runs 700 miles up the coast. The “Cascadia” part of the name comes from the Cascade Range, a chain of volcanic mountains that follow the same course a hundred or so miles inland. The “subduction zone” refers to a region of the planet where one tectonic plate is sliding underneath another one. Typically, the movement is slow and harmless, but when the borders meet, destruction happens. It’s been predicted for years that a major earthquake will cause this area to sink into the sea. The three of us had to take an in-depth course over all the fault lines on the earth. It’s in grained in my memory.

  I watch as the lights slowly fade and the beeping stops before I return to my desk, where I spend the next couple of hours filing paperwork for the government. As I’m finishing and getting ready to leave, the elevator opens and an exhausted Aedon walks into the office.

  “Hey, what are you doing here? You should have gone straight home.” I say, walking up to her and brushing a strand of hair from her face.

  “I wanted to drop off my files I worked on during the flight home so I don’t have to worry about it first thing Monday morning.” She walks by me and plops down at her desk chair.

  “I was just leaving. Are you up for some dinner? We could do take out at my place.”

  “Chinese?” She looks hopeful.

  “I’ll call an order in. We can have my driver stop on the way home to pick it up.”

  She stands and stretches. Her white tank top raises enough to show the small of her stomach. She quickly pulls it back down over her faded blue jeans. “Normally, I would fight you on the limo, but I’m too dog-tired to walk anywhere.”

  I call our favorite Chinese place on the way to the limo. I don’t need to ask her what she wants, I already know her favorite is chicken fried rice with an egg roll. She slides in and I sit next to her. Her head falls on my shoulder before I’m buckled into the seat. I cherish the feel of her. She’s sound asleep when my driver pulls up to the restaurant. I hold my finger to my lips to keep him from waking her and stealthily pull my wallet from my back pocket, lightly jostling her with my elbow in the process. She stirs and her head falls into my lap, curling her body up on the seat. I give him the card and he heads out of the limo. My hand has a mind of its own as it strokes her soft hair. She mumbles something and her hand goes under her chin, mere inches from my cock which also has a mind of its own. I suppress a groan and shift slightly away from her hand and the damn woman shifts with me. I let out a couple of deep, calming breaths to try and stifle my need for her.

  As the driver climbs back in, I roll down the window, letting the cool breeze hit my face until we make it to my apartment. “Wake up, sleepy head.” I say as I rub from her shoulder down her arm.

  She slowly rolls over looking up at me. I can’t help but smile at her. “I’m sorry,” she says sitting up.

  “Nothing to be sorry for, you were exhausted.” I love that vulnerable side she only shows me.

  She pulls her shirt down and runs her hands through her messy locks. “I was apparently drooling on your jeans,” she says, looking at my leg.

  “You can drool on me or over me anytime you want, doll,” I tease with her and she rolls her eyes at me.

  “As much as I would love to fall back to sleep, I’m starving.” She shoos me out of the limo, then walks past me and punches in the code to the main entrance.

  I smile at her. “You remember the code.”

  “I remember a lot of things.” She pats my cheek and walks inside. I grab the food from the driver and follow her. She already has the elevator waiting on me.

  When we make it to my penthouse, she heads straight for the bar and mixes herself a cocktail. “Do you want one?”

  “No, I’m good.” I take plates out from the cabinet and place them on the coffee table, knowing that she loves to eat on the couch.

  “I could have used one of these several times this week.” Taking her shoes off, she sits on the couch, tucking one leg under her.

  I open the containers and load her plate with food, handing it to her. She quickly finishes her drink and takes the plate from me. I get up and make her another one before I fix my food. “Was it rough out there?”

  “The devastation some of them experienced is emotionally hard to deal with. Some families lost everything that had taken them a lifetime to build,” she says between bites of food. “Some lost even more.”

  I sit back and join her with my plate. “I read in the report that you saved a lot of people. I’m proud of the work we are doing.”

  “I never feel like it’s enough when we lose people.”

  “We can’t save everyone, you know that.”

  “I know, but that doesn’t make it any easier.”

  She’s quiet while she eats the rest of her food. I get up and make her another drink. “Are you trying to get me drunk?” she asks, taking the glass from my hand.

  I chuckle, “Maybe enough to make you forget.”

  She swirls the glass in her hand before it goes to her lips. She throws her head back and swallows it down. When her eyes open, I see a glistening of tears behind them. “You know…I had my heart set on you.” Her hand goes to my cheek. “Why did we have to be so bad together?” she whispers.

  Moving closer to her, I take her hand from my face and hold it in mine. “I don’t think we were bad together. I’m thinking the sex was amazing.”

  She pulls her hand from mine and leans away from me. “I’m not talking about sex and you know it.” She gets up and fixes herself another drink. “I waited so long for you to work things out.”

  I lean back on the couch and watch her. “We’ve never talked about it before,” I say as she makes her way back over, but she sits in the recliner across from me, instead of next to me.

  “I was a fool, thinking you would be true to me.” She takes a long sip, but her deep brown eyes are cemented to mine.

  I scoot to the edge of the couch. “What are you talking about? I never cheated on you.” I can feel the deep crease of a scowl form on my forehead.

  “Really,” she laughs.

  “Aedon. I never cheated.” My frown deepens.

  Getting up, she walks over to the glass wall and stares out at the city. “I came home late one night from a study session. I had tried calling you several times during the day. It was the day after you failed your first exam. You had been on one of your lows several days before and didn’t study.”

  I walk up and stand next to her. “I remember. Thankfully the professor let me retake the exam.”

  “Do you remember the high you had been on right after that? I came home to a woman in our apartment.” She turns and faces me, finishing off her drink before she speaks again. “Actually, she was in your arms. More specifically, you had her pressed against a wall with your body.”

  “I never knew you saw that.” I can feel my face burning red as I jam my hands into my pockets and throw my head back, looking up at the ceiling.

  “Just because you never knew I saw it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.” She turns to walk away and I grab her arm.

  “I didn’t have sex with her. I was out of control, but as soon as I had her in bed, I saw your face and I couldn’t go through with it. The girl left pissed at me. I tried your phone, but you didn’t answer.” I place both my hands on her elbows, turning her to face me. “Is that why you left me?”

  “I tried to stay, but I couldn’t after I thought you had been with someone else. There were so many other reasons for me to leave, but she was the last straw for me. I couldn’t do it anymore.”

  I release her arms and run my hands through my hair. “Was I that bad?”

  “You were a train wreck. I never knew which track you were on. Some nights you wouldn’t even come home. I would wait for you and call all of our friends, trying to find you. I tried to walk away so many times.”

  “Fuck. I’m so sorry, Aedon
. I wish I would have gotten help a long time ago. I never meant to hurt you. I’m not the same guy I was back then and you know it.” I take a step closer to her. Her long lashes fall over her eyes and a tear slips down. I catch it right before it rolls off her chin, then lean in closer and kiss her lips lightly. She tastes so damn sweet. “I never wanted to see you unhappy. I let you walk away because I knew I was bringing you heartache. I know I told you that I didn’t care when you were walking out the door, but it was a lie, one that I’ve regretted since then.”

  Her eyes open and she licks her lips. “I knew you would bring me nothing but heartbreak. I was a fool for hanging on as long as I did back then, but you owned my heart. I remember every little thing. Every damn little thing from the scent that you left on my pillow, to the sound of your heart beating with mine. The high, the anguish, the sting, everything.”

  “I should have fought harder to be the man you needed. Stay the night with me, Aedon.” I search her eyes as she seems to think about it. Then she closes her eyes and stumbles backward. I catch her before she falls. I scoop her up in my arms and her head falls back. She’s sound asleep before I make it into my bedroom. I place her in the middle of the bed and pull the covers over her. I stand staring at her for the longest time. God, I still love this woman, but she deserves so much more than my many shades of darkness.

  I wish I could go back and change so many things. I should have stayed on my medication, but it dulled my thoughts. I still struggle with it somedays, but when performing surgeries or in the middle of an adrenaline rush, my mind is sharp. I’ve learned control, but too late to save Aedon all the heartache that I caused her.

  Bending over her, I place a kiss on the top of her head. “Sleep, doll.”

  Chapter 7

  Aedon

  Gah, my mouth is so dry. I try to ignore it and snuggle further into my pillow and my foot hits something. I stop myself before I jerk up in the bed. I’m in Ashe’s bed. Damn it, the last thing I remember…looking down, I’m still dressed. I touch my fingers to my lips. He kissed me. Did I kiss him back? God, I don’t remember.