by H. B. Stumbo
The rain had stopped in the early morning and a low fog had set in over the water. I was finishing up a late breakfast and was packing my bag up for the day. I had a few clients to meet in the afternoon but I wanted to get the inevitable out of the way; I wanted to go check on Vance’s place.
I picked up my phone and sent him a quick message to let him know I would be there in about twenty minutes. I smoothed my blue dress and slipped into my brown wedges and headed out the door.
My nerves were in full swing when I realized Vance never sent me a message back. I was nearing his house and suddenly worried that he might not be there; or worse he could be there with someone else…even worse than that he could be there alone.
I pulled into his long drive and relaxed when I saw several vehicles parked in the lawn. I recognized a few of the landscaper’s trucks and I waved at a couple of the guys I had worked with on a few past projects. I noticed a van and a truck from Dave’s Construction Company and smiled to myself knowing they were making progress on the dock.
I stepped up to the porch and knocked lightly on the screen door. I waited for a few minutes and knocked again but no one came. I decided to walk to the backside of the house using the large wraparound porch. The porch was beautiful and old, but it showed no signs of wear. When I rounded the corner to the backside of the house I nearly ran into Vance. He was looking out at the garden and holding a glass of water in his hands, when I breathed in deep and stumbled after nearly plowing right into him, he very calmly turned towards me, a small smile on his face.
“Sorry…I didn’t know where anyone was, I knocked but no one came, I figured you’d be back here.” I noticed I was mumbling and I looked down at my shoes.
He cleared his throat and took a deep breath. “Why are you apologizing?”
I took a deep calming breath and looked up towards the sky. Would he always have this effect on me? Would I always feel mired by his confidence and cool demeanor? Would I ever truly be able to be confident and hold my own around him?
As if he could sense what I was thinking his eyes never left my face and he shook his head and focused back on the yard.
To my surprise the crew had tackled more in a week that I thought they were capable of. The old cobblestones were being removed and replaced and most of the shrubs were gone. A few guys in the back were laying down new grass and I noticed several people working near the old dock.
I turned my attention back to Vance who was eyeballing me in that strange way he always did.
“Do you have a few minutes?”
He turned his head to the side and narrowed his eyes at me. I swallowed the lump and my throat and spoke again.
“I wanted to talk to you, privately if possible. But only if you have some time.”
He nodded and led me into the kitchen. Once we were inside the cool air of his too large kitchen he opened the fridge and pulled out a jug of lemonade. He motioned towards me with it but I declined. He sat down on the stool next to me, right where we had dinner a week ago.
“What do you want to say, Charlotte?” His tone was wary.
I took a deep breath and folded my hands in my lap. “I just wanted to thank you…for what you did on Saturday.”
His eyes narrowed again. “It was no problem.” He mumbled and turned away from me and I suddenly felt very out of place.
“Well either way, if you hadn’t been there, I don’t know what would have happened, so again…thank you.”
I noticed his hands grip the cool marble counter top as I spoke; his knuckles seemed to change to a cream color as he gripped the countertop fiercely. I pried my eyes away from him and focused on my hands.
There was an awkward silence between us that he clearly had no intention of breaking. I stood up and decided it was time to make my exit if he was going to sit here and be the silent statue. As I stood I remembered Kim telling me that he stayed with me in the hospital for a few hours. I turned on my heel and faced him, his own face was unreadable.
“Why did you stay with me in the hospital?”
His eyes grew wide and he looked away quickly. “Kim needed to change and talk to your Aunt and Uncle.” He walked towards the sink and threw his empty glass in.
“Yes but you didn’t have to stay…I was unconscious.”
He looked angry as he pinched the bridge of his nose with his fingers. I could tell he didn’t want to talk but I wasn’t going to let him off the hook, at least not yet.
“Why does it matter?”
“I’m just trying to figure you out.” I mumbled his own words and he looked at me and smirked.
“Sarcasm doesn’t suit you.”
I shrugged my shoulders, “It’s all I’ve got.” He turned back towards the sink and looked out the window, silence still hung in the air.
“Why did you stay?” My words were barely above a whisper.
He whirled around quickly and kicked his foot lightly against the cabinet doors. “For Christ’s sake, Charlotte will you ever give up?” His voice was loud and I cowered.
His eyes were wide and he looked lost in thought for a moment. I got the strangest vibe that he wanted to tell me something, something that was eating at his mind but instead he shook his head.
“I stayed with you because I was worried about you, okay?” he was still shouting. “I didn’t want you to wake up alone and confused. I didn’t want to leave you there alone.”
His words burned through my veins and I momentarily stopped breathing. He didn’t want to leave me alone? The desire I had for him pooled in my stomach.
As though he regretted telling me he turned back around and looked out the window.
“Why do my questions make you so mad?”
He sighed. “Because I’m not used to anyone questioning me.”
I nodded, I figured that much. A man like Vance was powerful because he had money. He was also used to being left alone and used to getting his way. Rick’s words to me about his rebellious stage in high school came unbidden in my mind and I could see an angry, lost, and gorgeous boy stomping on anything that got in his way.
He turned to me and walked towards me, his blue eyes burning. “Why do you become a ball of nerves when I compliment you?”
So he was going there now? What did I expect though? Here I was demanding answers from him but when he said things to me I closed myself off. I shrugged, “Because I don’t take compliments well.”
“Why?” He was closer to me now. I could smell the lemonade on his breath.
That information was locked away from public knowledge. I shook my head. “I don’t trust people. I don’t trust compliments.”
He narrowed his eyes and a fleeting look of understanding crossed his face. I couldn’t begin to figure out why.
“Well you need to learn to trust people.”
This time I smirked. “Vance…with all due respect, my lack of trust in people goes deeper than I care to explain.”
He shifted his weight onto his left leg and crossed his arms. “Do you trust Kim?”
What an odd question. “Yes. She’s my best friend.”
“And your Aunt and Uncle, and I believe Kim mentioned you had a brother. Do you trust them?”
“With my entire life.”
“So you can trust people you just choose not to.”
The asshole was right. I didn’t like to meet new people, I didn’t like to get to know them because eventually I’d either have a friendship or some type of relationship with them which would mean I would have to trust them in some way shape or form. I shrugged, defeated.
“Do you trust me?”
His words were laced with hope that much I could tell. Why did he want to know that? Did I trust him? Not really, at least not yet but then again he had avoided answering most of my questions and who knows if he had always been truthful.
“Not really.”
“Why?”
“You avoid answering all my questions. And I hardly know you.”
He ran a hand through his hair. �
�You want to know why Riley and I have all of this space for two people. Is that one of the questions that you’re referring to?”
I nodded and looked down suddenly feeling like a child being scolded.
“I like to entertain. Believe it or not I have friends, most of them in North Carolina as I grew up there but I do have friends and they enjoy the same type of lifestyle I do. I enjoy lavish things; I like to boat and I like to eat at fancy restaurants but I like to host parties and cook, too. Besides that this house was given to me by my Father. He entrusted me with the same house that was given to him by his Father and his Father before him. The last thing I’m going to do is get rid of the gift intended for me and for my own children someday.”
I could feel my cheeks blaze as he spoke and he took another step towards me.
“You also wanted to know if anyone else lives here. No. It’s just Riley and myself. Neither of us are married, neither of us have a girlfriend and we have no other siblings.”
I looked down at the floor, his honesty was brutal as he answered the questions he knew I wanted answered but I suddenly felt bad for asking him to do so. I noticed a surge of happiness and possibly even relief when he mentioned not having a girlfriend, how odd.
“You wanted to know if I was watching you that night you were dancing. Yes.” His voice was low and he was inches from me. “I planned on going to every bar in town that night when I heard you say that you were going out. I assumed you would be going with a date but I was surprised to see you with Kim. I wanted to know why you told me you were unavailable, and I wanted to find out who you really were because I don’t buy all that work bull shit. I’m glad I was there, I shudder to think what would have happened to you if it wasn’t my arms you had collapsed into.”
I glanced up at him, I wanted a turn to speak but he held up his hand and continued his tirade.
“I already answered your question about the hospital, but there is another question you have and one you’ve asked me multiple times.”
I glanced back down at my feet unable to look at his perfect face because it distracted me so. I felt his fingers under my chin as he tilted my face up to his and met my gaze. “You want to know why I called you beautiful and I’ve told you the truth. Every. Single. Time. I said it because you are. I don’t know what other answer you want from me. And I don’t know why you don’t trust me; I’ve never lied to you.”
I stared at him unable to find my voice. He had laid out the answers to my questions without hesitation and I suddenly felt horrible about it.
“Now…it seems as though I’m not the one hiding things. Why can’t you trust people or take a compliment?”
I sighed as I felt tears prick my eyes. He released my chin and stepped back a little as he took in my expression.
“Because there were some things that happened to me. Some old, some not so old but they happened none the less and I can’t ever let them happen again.” I felt like I wanted to cry as thoughts of my childhood and thoughts of Jackson filled my mind, it seemed like Vance could tell I was on the edge of a breakdown.
“I struck a nerve. I’m sorry.” His voice changed from agitation to concern.
I held back a sob and blinked my eyes quickly. “Are you?”
He sighed. “Charlotte it’s not my intention to make you cry, if anything I want to keep you from crying. I just wanted you to understand that I have not lied to you and despite what you think I am not being cryptic. You said you hardly knew me, well here I am.” He pointed to himself and I nodded.
“Why did you wait until now to tell me though?”
He sighed again, “I was hoping you’d have enough sense to stay away from me, I’m not as perfect as you think I am and I probably would be no good for you.”
I stared at him and he smirked, “Oh come on Charlotte. Ever since the first day we met you’ve given me that look, the one you’re giving me right now. I can tell you desire way in the same way I desire you.”
I felt my cheeks burn, how did he have the confidence to say things like this?
“Besides that, you let a little information out that night at the bar. Before you passed out you told me you couldn’t feel that feeling you get when we touch. I assume it’s the zap of electricity that courses through your body?” If it was possible for my cheeks to flush darker they did but I nodded lightly.
“Yeah…that’s what I thought. I’ve felt it too but not everyone wears their feelings on their face like you. You’re less mysterious than you think you are. Then there were things you mentioned in your unconscious state at the hospital, too.” He measured my reaction which must have been absolute horror and smiled.” Don’t worry, it wasn’t much, you just kept asking me to stay, like you knew I was there; maybe that’s another reason I stayed with you, because you asked me to.” He shook his head at the memory and finally stopped talking. A comforting silence fell between us and the only noise was coming from the workers outside and their hammers and drills.
We stood there, inches from each other for a few moments before I finally spoke, “Vance…I don’t know what to say.”
I looked at his perfect face, his blue eyes were darker and he looked like he was exhausted from bearing his truths. “I didn’t expect you to say what you did…I didn’t expect you to address my…feelings towards you either. I didn’t realize they were as evident as they were.” He looked nervous, like he was expecting me to go on but I didn’t. Instead I stood there and reveled in the silence.
He stepped towards me and I stepped back, he didn’t understand.
“You said I should have enough sense to stay away from you.”
He looked forlorn and wounded even as I spoke his own words back to him. “You said you’re not good for me.” Jackson crept in like always and I shut my eyes quickly forcing him to disappear. “Why?”
He shrugged and looked down, “Because you don’t know my whole story.”
I sighed, “I’ve already had someone who was not good for me. Vance, my life before you has been a whole mess of things that were not good for me. If you want me to trust you then I’m going to trust what you said. I’m going to stay away from you.”
He eyed me curiously but understanding and quite possibly rejection settled unwelcomely onto his perfect face.
“I don’t know your whole story but I’m not going to pry. Not now at least.” I was exhausted. The effects of my earlier week were still wearing heavy on my mind and I was having a hard time lingering on the line of the demons of my past.
Vance, although now withdrawn and silent seemed to shrug in agreement.
“I’m glad you finally came to your senses.” I could tell his words were forced.
We stared at each other and I felt out of place. Looking at the glorious man in front of me reminded me that someday I would have to give in and attempt to have a normal relationship with someone, but his warnings hung fresh in my mind. Maybe he had commitment issues or a past with a crazy ex himself. Whatever the reason he thought he was bad for me was enough for me to climb out of the shallow water I was wading in with him.
“I’ll be in touch with the landscapers and builders. I’ll see that everything is finished on time like promised but right now I think it’s best if someone else stops in to check progress.”
At first Vance looked shocked but then eventually nodded and I suddenly felt like I was regretting my decision. I couldn’t put myself through another relationship that was starting the way ours would.
I walked towards the door aware of Vance’s proximity behind me. I turned around when I reached it and looked up into his burning eyes, “Do you really feel that feeling when we touch?”
He looked uncomfortable but nodded, “Yes Charlotte.”
I nodded then and looked down, “Have you ever felt it before?”
He set his mouth into a hard line, “No.”
So the desire was there but was it desire based solely on our attraction to each other? He made it clear he thought I was beautiful and he k
new he was a God himself. This could purely be a hormonal reaction based on the fact that we were attractive young individuals.
“Stop,” He whispered.
I looked at him oddly and he ran his hand through his hair, “Stop trying to find an answer or a reason for everything. Stop trying to deny that there was something we both felt in the other. Not everything has a reason and reason doesn’t have to do with everything.”
His face was close to mine again and as much as I hated to admit it, I wanted to wrap myself around him and fall into a deep kiss and I hadn’t wanted to be kissed since Jackson. Before I could let that happen I turned and headed out the door but he grabbed me and pinned me against the frame.
His eyes searched mine and begged my own, for what, permission maybe? I swallowed hard and his face was inches from mine.
“I’ve never felt anything like this before,” his voice was hoarse and before I could say the same thing to him because even though he was warning me about himself it was true and he knew it; his mouth was on top of mine. He kissed me hard like he had been waiting forever to have the courage to, and like it would be the only time he would ever get the chance to and his body pressed against my own. I let my hands explore his hair and I moaned against his mouth. I knew where this was going to go and I knew where I wanted it to go but his words crept back into my wary mind. He was no good for me and I couldn’t risk anything, not again. I pushed him away quickly and he stammered backwards. We stared at each other for a few seconds and regained normal breathing.
“I have to go.”
Vance looked pained, he looked nervous and he stepped backwards, “Yes…yes you do.”
I felt like I was going to cry at his reaction and I didn’t know why; after all I was the one who said I had to leave. I turned on my heel and raced out the door and down the porch steps. I didn’t want to look back; I didn’t want to change my mind and run back in and fall into him. I just wanted to go back to the girl I was before Vance Wait struck a nerve in my soul. I was doing fine before him wasn’t I? I thought about that as I put the car into gear and headed back down Water’s Road. No. No I wasn’t fine before him and I probably wouldn’t be fine without him.
