by H. B. Stumbo
Chapter 11
Time passed slowly those next few weeks. It was eerie at first and left me feeling like something was missing from my life but I did my best to try to ignore that feeling and trudge onward. The first few days after Vance’s confessions trailed on with the rain that decided to fall again. I knew this would put the work on the garden on hold for a few days but I didn’t care. I spent two days in my room in my comfiest sweats and allowed myself a few good cries. Vance’s words haunted me every night and I tried desperately to forget him but I couldn’t. The fact that he admitted he had the same feelings that I so badly wanted to not exist made it hard to think of anything else. He was able to get me to view things differently and he had more of an effect on me in one hour than my therapist and the doctors had on me in a six month period of time. Worse than his words, I could still feel his lips on mine as they scorched through my soul. The kiss haunted me more than anything else; it was such a powerful kiss, it left me winded.
I was entering week three without having one conversation with Vance since I had been at his house. It was the end of June and I had fallen into a steady pace of small projects to keep me busy. I had passed the remnants of the Wait Plantation onto Rick and explained that at this stage in the game it was important for him to follow up with Vance since he was a shareholder. I assured Rick all the work was done he just had to check in every once in a while and make sure everything was on time. Rick passed the “checking in on things bit” to one of the summer interns, her name was Rita and she was a cute young thing that knew it. She had all the male interns drooling over her and she loved the attention. I felt a pang of jealousy when she came back from one of her visits to the house and spent fifteen minutes talking to another female intern about how handsome Vance was. She went on and on about how good looking he was especially without a shirt and she squealed with delight when she told her that she could see a potential fling being established. The green eyed monster awoke in my soul and after a few days of hearing her stories of the glorious God and all the things he was telling her, I finally had enough.
“Rita, make sure you’re following up on the landscape remodel when you’re at the Wait place and not just socializing with the owner.” My tone was clipped and she looked offended.
“Charlotte my intentions are for business only, I can’t be rude though. Rick always says we should cater to our client’s wants and needs.” The way her tongue lingered on the word needs struck a nerve.
“Okay but please keep in mind this is a really important client and if it all goes to shit, the company could go under.”
Rita and the other intern eyed me oddly with their mouths open slightly. I smiled to myself as I put some things back in the fridge.
“If you’re so worried about it why did you pass the offer onto someone else? It was your project, shouldn’t you be the one following up with it?”
I was grateful that this overly confident little black haired girl would be gone at the end of summer. I shook my head and pinched the bridge of my nose much like Vance did. “Look Rita, I don’t want to argue I’m just trying to remind you that this is a big deal. This is a silent partner we’re talking about and if it goes to hell it won’t matter to you because you’ll be gone in a few months. Just keep your head in the game is all I’m saying.”
I walked out of the break room and towards my desk; I didn’t want to talk to her anymore. I could hear Rita and the girl behind me. “Maybe someone is a little jealous because Vance never took an interest in her?” Rita giggled and continued to swoon over the blonde haired God I had tried to forget.
Oh if only you knew, Rita.
By Wednesday I had happily tucked Vance out of my mind; I had bigger fish to fry. Micah was coming home tonight and I couldn’t wait to see him. It had been far too long since my brother was in town and ever since Kim had left for work again last week I was starting to feel lonely. I made reservations at our favorite place on the river and figured that we could catch up over wine and good seafood.
I was finishing up my makeup when Micah rounded the corner to my bathroom. He leaned against the door frame jiggling his house keys in his hand as I took in the sight of him.
“Well I wondered where my favorite sister was. You look great, Char.” He smiled and I jumped into his arms.
Micah was taller than me and his hair was a few shades darker than mine. We had the same deep brown eyes and the sun brought out matching freckles in us both that were splattered across our noses. Strangers could tell instantly that we were related, there was no mistaking that.
It felt so good to see him, to actually have him in my house and to be able to hear his voice. I felt the tears roll down my face and Micah pulled back.
“Stop crying. I know you’re happy to see me but knock it off.”
Micah was my knight in shining armor. As children, he watched over me in a way that could only be described as the way a Mother watches over her kids. Micah assumed the role of our Mother when she was incapable of fulfilling that duty. She dumped us off minutes away from our Aunt’s doorstep in the middle of February without so much as a reason or a goodbye. Thank God that Lara and Rich were kind and willing to take us in, but Micah never gave up his role as my guardian. Even though he was only a few years older than me, he gave his whole adolescence up to watch over me.
“What are the plans?” He asked grinning wildly.
“Dinner at The Cove and then we’ll come back here and watch old Stephen King movies and eat popcorn.”
“I see nothing’s changed.”
“Hardly,” I said smiling and with that he grabbed my hand and we headed to my car.
Dinner was delicious and we sipped on our wine as we finished our blackened salmon and shrimp. Micah filled me in on his excursions in South America and how much happiness it gave him to work with children who had nothing. Micah wanted to give kids the world, especially kids who came from places even darker than where we came from. He talked a little about a Brazilian woman he met and spent time with, when I asked if he’d be bringing her home anytime soon he shook his head.
“I’ll never bring anyone home, Char. I don’t want to get married.” I nodded in an understanding way. Even though my trust issues were severed mainly from Jackson, our Mother put Micah off on relationships forever. He only trusted two women, myself and Aunt Lara and it took years for Lara to gain his trust. Micah always said he didn’t have enough love in his heart for any woman other than Lara and myself. It saddened me to think of Micah old and grey and alone, but Micah didn’t want to settle down. Micah wanted to see every inch and corner of this world. I viewed it as a way to fill the void in his life that was loneliness. He didn’t have time to be lonely if he was constantly doing something for someone else.
We talked about him mainly, he filled me in on some amazing people he met and he begged me to go back there with him sometime. I said I would but I doubted that would ever happen. Leaving the comfort of my home for more than a few days made me feel nervous.
“Something is different about you.” He wasn’t asking a question, Micah was incredibly receptive and aware, especially when it came to me.
I shrugged my shoulders. “I’ve just been really busy which in turn makes me exhausted.”
He took a sip of his wine. “No, it’s not that. You seem…lost.”
I felt lost. Ever since the night I was slipped the date rape drug, my whole balance in life was off. It didn’t help that Vance and I had cut all communication ties only after I found out he had the same desire I had; but I was too blame for that.
“I’m not wrong am I?”
I shook my head and rubbed my temples. “It’s been a trying month or more.” He nodded at me, bidding me to continue. “The night at the club, I left something out about all of that.”
Micah’s eyes were full of confusion; he really had no clue where I was going.
“Kim wasn’t the only one who was there. I met someone, a guy, he was there by chance that night and he s
aved me.” My mind scoffed at the chance part. I knew now that had not been the case at all, Vance probably went to six bars before he found me, he was looking for me. He wanted me just as much as I wanted him, even that early on.
Micah twitched nervously as I spoke. He did not trust me to be with anyone especially after Jackson. I should have respected Micah’s worry about Jackson from the beginning but I didn’t and it left me tormented in the worst way.
“You met him at the bar?”
I shook my head. “No, I met him a few weeks prior when I was asked to head up a project at his plantation house.”
Micah’s eyebrows rose and I smiled. I told him about Rick and how he recommended me to him, I told him about how off putting I thought he was at first and about the nice dinner when I went over plans with him. I left out Vance’s cryptic remarks and the rudeness that followed after because I asked him to keep things professional. I told Micah about him saving me, and staying with me at the hospital.
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
I shrugged. “Because there was nothing between us, we were friendly I guess you could say but that was it.”
“And now?”
I shrugged again. “I’m not sure. He told me how he felt about me, he told me he was attuned to me and he knew I was to him. I told him I didn’t trust people and he laid a lot of his feelings out on the line to prove to me he was being honest.” I spared Micah the details. I didn’t want him to know about the desire I felt when he touched me or that he felt it, too. That seemed too personal to share with anyone.
“What happened after that?”
“Nothing,” I sighed and looked at my very confused brother. “I told him I couldn’t be with him, but mainly because he said I should stay away from him, he said he wasn’t as perfect as I thought he was.”
Micah rubbed his temples and leaned forward on his elbows. “Char, sometimes guys use that line to make a break up or whatever seem like it was their idea. He was probably trying to let you down easy.”
I hadn’t thought about that but I knew that wasn’t the case. If Micah knew the whole story, not the shortened, less confusing version I gave him he would probably think differently.
“I don’t know, Micah. I don’t think that is true. He would have been with me, I don’t doubt that but I declined. I told him we had to stay away from each other.”
Micah shrugged, “Look I’m not proud of myself but I’ve been in similar situations with women and you know my intentions are not to be exclusive.”
I wanted to shake Micah and make him believe me that I didn’t think Vance was like that.
“Seriously think about it Char. He told you to stay away from him. Why would he do that unless he had a huge secret or crazy past he was keeping from you? He told you to stay away because he’s probably got someone else on the side. He probably could sense how broken you are and I mean that kindly, but anyone who takes a moment to look at you can tell you that you’re held together very loosely. You’re still recovering from Ja…from before.”
I winced at his words but I knew they were true. I was a walking work of art, a piece of Pablo Picasso’s work perhaps, all misshaped and contorted; I was a mess.
He reached over and grabbed my hand. “I’m not saying this to upset you, I’m hoping it helps you. I don’t know this guy so I can’t say for sure what his intentions were, but if he really wanted you and really felt deeply for you, he would have not let you go. He would have done everything in his power to get you to be with him and he’d still be trying to get you to change your mind. Has he done that?”
Micah’s words hit me like a brick; no, he hadn’t contacted me once. But then again, I told him I wanted to stay away from him, maybe he was respecting my space or maybe he really was the guy Micah pinned him to be. Rita’s face popped in my mind and her words ran through it. I wondered if she had gone back over and he had cooked for her, I wondered how many other women he had cooked for recently. Suddenly I felt the hole in my stomach begin to ache as I thought about the buzz of emotions I would feel when he ran his hand along mine, or touched me.
Have you ever felt that feeling before?
No.
His words cut through me and I silently begged for Micah to be wrong. Jealousy swept through me as I envisioned him telling Rita all the things she wanted to hear. I closed my eyes and realized how deeply involved I already was with this man and I hadn’t spoken to him in almost three weeks.
“Hey.” Micah’s words brought me back to the present. “I don’t want to upset you, I don’t want to see you like this, I came home because I was worried about you and I’m glad you’ve told me all of this. Hopefully this prevents more hurt for you before it starts.”
I nodded; right now I couldn’t think of anything but my mangled feelings for Vance and I didn’t want Micah to know that. I wanted to go home and try to forget about things, at least until I was alone and could sort them out the way I wanted to.
Micah offered me a smile and reached for the check, “Come on, enough of the heavy. Let’s go watch a movie and get you in a better mood.”
I nodded and did my best to put on a brave face. I knew Micah would be able to tell I was faking it, he could always tell I was faking it, but God Bless him because he never pried.
Chapter 12
Micah stayed at my house for a few days and I assumed it was to make sure I was really okay. By the weekend he had made plans with a few of his friends from high school and they were going to New Orleans for the Fourth of July weekend and then he was flying to Canada from there. We had dinner with Rich and Lara on Friday night and it felt like it used to, before all of the light was sucked out of my world. We talked about our lives and sat around the large cherry table and filled ourselves full of chicken and biscuits. Even in the heat of the summer Lara’s biscuits hit the spot. I was pretty sure Micah had confronted Lara about my situation or at least given her a little insight. I stood outside the kitchen as they loaded the dishwasher and heard them talking.
“I’ve just been so worried,” Lara’s words were pained.
“I know, I have too but she’s okay. I think she is doing better than any of us think. She’s trying and she’s meeting new people and doing great at work. Just promise me if something happens you and Rich will let me know so I can get back here right away. She still needs a hand every now and again.”
I walked away from the kitchen then feeling bad for listening. I know they all loved me and wanted what was best for me, especially after what happened with Jackson, but they needed to realize I was a grown woman now, not a teenager anymore or a lost little girl.
Well, maybe I was lost but I wasn’t a little girl. I just wanted people to let me be and to understand that even though I had a rough time, I was alive and well after all.
Micah hugged me tightly on Saturday morning before he left and reminded me he was only a phone call away. He would be home in a month or two, but he could come back sooner if I needed him. With the fourth falling on a Monday the whole town was abuzz with Independence Day events. I decided to run into the office since I wouldn’t be back in until Wednesday and finish up a couple of tasks.
I was working on answering some emails when Rick popped his head out of his office.
“Charlotte, can you come in here please?”
I walked into his messy office and sat down in one of the wooden chairs, “What is it?”
“Thought you’d want to know the Wait place was finished Tuesday. Looks just like your designs.”
I smiled but felt a sharp pang at the mention of Vance’s last name. “Great, I’m glad to hear it.”
“If it wasn’t for your hard work in the designs it wouldn’t look as good as it does.”
I nodded, “Thanks but I can’t be credited for the hard work all the construction guys and the landscapers put in.”
“Nonsense,” Rick cut me off. “I know something has been going on lately and I am not going to pry, I know you’ve been through a lot b
ut why don’t you take the whole week off next week. Paid vacation. You earned it.”
I stared at Rick quite unbelievably. I wasn’t an hourly paid wage employee and for him to pay me a week’s worth of my salary without me doing anything was beyond the norm for him, he hadn’t offered paid vacations in a while, salary or not he always found a way to cut out part of our earnings when we were off for extended periods of time.
“Rick, you don’t have to do that.”
“Yes I do,” He cut me off again. “You work harder than anyone here and I owe a lot of money to you. I know you get your share and your salary helps too, but I really do value you as an employee and I’d like it if you took the week off.”
I nodded at him because I agreed with him. I could use some free time as much as I despised not working, the idea of laying in my yard reading a book next week sounded too good to pass up. Besides that, I wanted to be alone. I wanted to wallow in my self-pity. I didn’t want to admit to myself that I missed Vance or had some pang of grievance at the mention of his name, but I did.
“Okay,” I smiled and Rick smiled back at me.
“I’ll take care of your calls for the week and you can answer your emails when you come back. It’s slow season anyway. Enjoy yourself.”
I left his office and felt much appreciated in that moment. I gathered my things up and headed back out into the heat.
I was almost to my car when I heard someone call my name. I looked over my shoulder and felt that pang of grievance again when I saw Riley striding towards me. I smiled at him because his whole being made me smile, but it made me think of his brother, too.
“Charlotte! Hey, I’ve been looking for you!”
I threw my things into my backseat and turned to face him, “You have?”
“Yeah!” He said as he reached me and leaned against my car. “I’ve got something for you.” He reached in his pocket and pulled out a thick cream colored envelope and handed it to me. My name was printed on the front and I was surprised to see that it looked like an invitation.
