Silver Lining

by Wanda B. Campbell

  Starla accepted a bottled water, more to calm her nerves than to quench her thirst.

  “Starla, you look so much like James it’s scary,” Odessa observed. “Lord, I wish James was here. You don’t know how many days he prayed for this very thing, having you in his home.”

  Starla took a swig of water. “Odessa, I came here today because I need to get some answers about my father. I hope you can help me. I’ve tried talking to my mother, but she refuses to offer any assistance. I need to know why my father left my mother and me.” Starla swallowed in an effort to steady her voice. “I need to know what was so wrong with me that my loving father would up and leave, and not try to contact us until he was dying and too feeble to be a father to me. Why did he no longer desire to be a husband to my mother?”

  Starla didn’t understand Odessa’s stunned facial expression, but continued. “Can you explain to me how you can speak of my father as if he cared about me, when it’s obvious he didn’t?”

  “Starla, how could you possibly think James didn’t care about you? You were his only child. James adored you.”

  “Then why did he leave his wife and child?”

  For a while Odessa was speechless. She reached for Starla’s hand, then withdrew before contact. She wrung her hands before resting them in the praying position. “Oh, Starla, I can’t believe that after all this time, you don’t know the truth. Your mother hasn’t told you.”

  Starla stopped in the midst of searching her purse for tissue. “What truth?”

  “I am so sorry you’ve had to bear this burden all by yourself for all these years.”

  “Odessa, what are you talking about?” Starla persisted.

  “Starla, your father and mother weren’t married. James was my husband for twenty-six years.”

  “No,” Starla said, shaking her head. The numbers didn’t add up.

  “James and I went through some turbulent times in the beginning. That’s when he began having an affair with your mother. When Yvonne became pregnant with you, James left me. We were separated for nine years, but we never divorced. During that time he lived with you and your mother. Then, one day, he said the Lord dealt with him and he couldn’t continue living in sin with Yvonne anymore. James turned his life over to the Lord and begged me to let him come back home.” Odessa read the disbelief on Starla’s face. “It’s true, Starla.”

  “Is that why Mama never used Daddy’s last name?”

  “Could be. Yvonne was so angry at James she refused to allow him to have any contact with you. She didn’t refuse his monthly child support payments, though.”

  That sounds like Mama, Starla thought.

  “James begged her. I even tried reasoning with Yvonne to let James see you, but she flat-out refused. Yvonne was a woman scorned. If she couldn’t have James, he couldn’t have you. She vowed to take you out of state. At first we thought she was just talking, but then she left for a while. After that we took her threats seriously.”

  Starla nodded, remembering the time she and her mother lived in Seattle for a year. This time Starla didn’t stop the tears from flowing.

  “James was so depressed at times over the situation he had created. I felt sorry to the extent that I offered him a divorce so he could be with you, but he refused.” Odessa placed her hand on Starla’s shoulder. “Those last ten years with James were good years, but, Starla, trust me, James hated every day he couldn’t be with you.”

  Starla’s thick tears had blinded her vision when Odessa handed her a napkin.

  “Your birthdays were the hardest for him. James would lie out in that hammock all day, nearly getting sunburned, just thinking about you. Sometimes James would hide out in your neighborhood hoping to catch a glimpse of you. On a few occasions he managed to sneak some pictures with one of those disposable cameras.”

  Starla closed her eyes and attempted to recall ever seeing her father in the neighborhood. She couldn’t recall spotting the gray Ford truck once.

  “I have a niece who attended Hayward High with you: Evangeline Morris.”

  Starla’s eyes bulged. “Vangie is your niece?”

  Odessa smiled. “She’s my brother’s daughter.”

  “I can’t believe it! I’ve known Vangie for years. We work together and she’s never mentioned my father.”

  “That’s because she doesn’t know James was your father,” Odessa explained.

  Starla rubbed her forehead. “I don’t understand.”

  “James and I were visiting my brother one day when Vangie showed us pictures of her playing with the volleyball team. James nearly broke down crying when he saw you in the first row holding the ball. From then on, James kept track of you through Vangie. Unknowingly, she supplied him with pictures of you and your prom date and your senior yearbook picture. You should have seen how James beamed with pride looking at your pictures. James even caught a few of your games without your mother detecting his presence.”

  The information was too much for Starla to digest. “I don’t believe it. I’ve spent so many years resenting my father, it’s hard for me to receive what you’re saying. I mean, you’re basically telling me the reason I’ve suffered all these years is my mother’s stubbornness.”

  Odessa patted her hand. “Starla, I know this must be hard for you to accept, but it’s the truth.”

  Starla wasn’t convinced. “I don’t believe you. I think you’re lying to protect your dead husband,” she said bluntly.

  “Wait here, I’ll prove it to you.” Odessa left Starla sitting at the kitchen table.

  It was then that Starla allowed herself to consider that just maybe Odessa was telling the truth. Yvonne Griffin was indeed stubborn and sometimes outright spiteful. When Odessa called out of the blue with news of her father’s heart attack, Yvonne told Starla not to go to the hospital. “That no-good man left us, why should you go running to see him just because he’s sick?” Yvonne had said. Starla could still remember the moment she shared the news of her father’s passing with her mother. Yvonne had smiled.

  Odessa returned with a cardboard box, with black bold letters spelling “Starla Howard” on it. “James kept every little token he could steal of you,” she explained.

  Starla gripped her chest as her worst fear became a reality right before her eyes. Odessa displayed picture after picture of her. Some were blurred shots of her walking to school or in her front yard. Her volleyball schedules along with shots of her in motion were numerous and clearer. The photo of her wearing a black cap and gown had been enlarged, and so had the picture she and Vangie had taken together on graduation day. On the back of each photo, James had scribed the words “my baby girl” and the date. The last thing Odessa retrieved from the box was a thick sealed envelope with Starla’s name on it.

  “James wrote this letter the week before his heart attack. I think he knew he wasn’t going to be around much longer. Honestly, Starla, I think James died of a broken heart.”

  Starla, too emotional to agree or disagree, didn’t say anything.

  “Starla, I don’t know what’s in here, but I think you should be the one to open it. More of your questions might get answered.”

  Starla’s hands shook violently as she took the envelope and placed it into her purse. What did her father have to say to her from the grave?

  “You can take this stuff with you, if you want,” Odessa offered.

  Starla still couldn’t speak. She just nodded, then watched as Odessa repacked the box and sealed it.

  “Baby, I know this is a lot for you to digest. Learning your father loved you after believing he didn’t care for you all this time has got to hurt. But, Starla, please don’t hold this against Yvonne.”

  “My mother lied to me,” Starla said, shaking her head.

  “I know she did, but you have to forgive her the same way I had to forgive her and your father. What Yvonne did was wrong, but she wasn’t trying to hurt you. Yvonne was trying to get back at James for taking nine years of her life.”


  When Starla’s head fell onto the table, Odessa began praying. She prayed so hard and fervently, Hiawatha came in from the porch and joined in.

  “Thank you so much,” Starla said when she hugged Odessa an hour later. “I wish I had come here a long time ago.”

  “You came when you were ready,” Odessa said, walking her out to the car. “You should bring the boys by sometime.”

  “I will,” Starla promised.

  Thirty minutes into the drive home, Starla couldn’t resist any longer. She took the Patterson Pass exit and parked at the ARCO gas station. She then removed the envelope from her purse and slowly examined the contents. She read the handwritten letter on the faded paper first.

  Dear Baby Girl,

  If you’re reading this letter, then I am no longer around. You probably won’t notice because I haven’t been in your life for so long. For that I am so sorry. You had to pay for my sin, but, Starla, I don’t regret for one minute fathering you. I do regret every minute I am not able to be a father to you. I have always loved you, Baby Girl, and always will.

  From afar I have watched you evolve into a beautiful young woman. I pray that one day God sends you a man who will respect you and cherish you for the queen you are. I pray that God will bless you with sons who will honor you and daughters who will admire you. Most of all, I pray that you will find it in your heart to forgive me for not being there to validate you and teach you about men. Starla, you are a star, and don’t you ever forget it.

  Baby Girl, I love you always,

  Daddy

  P.S. You were always on my mind. I have been saving these for you as an inheritance. Buy something nice for yourself.

  Starla continued crying, but composed herself enough to count out 120 one hundred–dollar savings bonds, dated for each month her father was separated from her.

  “Oh, Daddy!” she wailed out loud. “I’m so sorry for hating you.” She was still crying when her cell phone rang. It was Leon.

  “Baby, are you all right?”

  Starla heaved and stuttered to the point that Leon couldn’t understand her.

  “Starla, where are you?” With much effort, Starla managed to give her location. “Stay there!” Leon ordered.

  Starla couldn’t move if she wanted to. Sobs from deep within tore her apart, leaving her gasping for air. It was as if every tear she’d held in from missing her father gushed out all at once. She cried so long and hard, she lost track of time. In between gasps she heard Leon knocking on her window. She hadn’t seen him and Marlissa pull up in his truck. Once she opened the door, Leon held her until she settled.

  “Baby, what happened?” Leon asked.

  Starla still couldn’t speak, but gave the letter to Leon, then lay against his chest as he read silently. When he finished, Leon motioned for Marlissa to drive Starla’s car.

  “Star, let’s go home.” Leon then carried her to his truck.

  Chapter 23

  Lewis studied Leon’s every move through the surveillance camera, trying to decide how to approach him. He had been camped outside Starla’s complex yesterday and witnessed Leon carrying her inside. Lewis couldn’t stand not knowing what was going on with Starla. It was bad enough that Starla no longer attended his church, but now she also refused to accept the flowers he’d had delivered to her job.

  This morning he took a chance by blocking his number and calling her cell phone. His heart sank when he got her voice mail. To satisfy his need for her, Lewis called three times just to hear her voice tell him to leave a message at the beep.

  The longer Lewis observed Leon, the angrier he got. Leon looked happy, too happy for Lewis. He’d noticed Leon smiling more and had heard him whistling on a few occasions, but what puzzled him most was Leon’s new attitude. Leon didn’t appear dependent on this job anymore, which loosened Lewis’s control over him. Last week Leon had informed him he would no longer work the morning shift. When Lewis asked why, the only reason Leon would give was “personal reasons.”

  Lewis spat profanities the day Leon pulled into the parking lot in that new truck. It disgusted him to know that Starla would risk going into deeper debt just so Leon could have something to ride in. On the outstide, where Lewis stood, Leon wasn’t worthy of bus tokens, let alone a brand new truck. Lewis couldn’t fathom what demon had possessed his Starla into thinking she would be satisfied with that drunk over him.

  Visions of Leon and Starla kissing in the store weeks earlier flashed before him again and caused Lewis to slam his fist on the desk. Lewis bowed his head. “Father, show me how to prove to Starla that I am the one she needs, not that has-been.” Leon’s knock on the door disturbed his meditation.

  “Mr. Mason, I am leaving now,” Leon informed his boss.

  Lewis went fishing. “Leon, is everything all right at home? You seem a little preoccupied today.” Lewis was naive to the fact that Leon didn’t like to mix his work and his personal life together, especially with people he didn’t know well enough to divulge his business to.

  “Mr. Mason, everything is fine.”

  Leon turned to leave, but Lewis continued. “Is your wife doing better?”

  Leon’s gaze hardened. “What makes you think something is wrong with my wife? I never said she was sick.”

  Lewis shifted in his seat, but remained cool. “Leon, you know as well as I, nothing can clutter a man’s mind like his woman can.”

  Leon’s face softened, but he didn’t smile. “I guess you’re right, Mr. Mason, but things couldn’t be better with Starla and the boys.”

  “You’re a lucky man, Leon.” Lewis forced a smile. “You’ve been blessed with a wonderful family. I know men who would love to have exactly what you have.”

  There was something in Lewis’s tone, or maybe it was the emptiness in his eyes. Whatever it was, Leon didn’t acknowledge Lewis’s compliment. “Good evening, Mr. Mason.”

  The cordless phone rested in the crook of her neck as Marlissa measured ingredients with her free hands. Kevin was due home soon and she wanted dinner ready for him.

  “Are you sure you don’t need me to give you half of the rent for this month?” Leon asked. “I feel bad about leaving you to foot the lease alone.”

  Marlissa shifted the phone to her left ear. “You can’t afford that with your wife and kids. Besides, I don’t need the money. My husband provides me with everything I need.” She added a little sassiness to her voice to let Leon know that she was referencing more than money.

  “Whatever, brat. So when are you moving out?”

  Marlissa’s feistiness quickly dissipated. Today, she wasn’t any closer to the answer to that question than she was a month ago. Where did the time go? she wondered.

  For the past month, she and Kevin had practically been living together. The only time Marlissa went to her apartment was on weekends for the sole purpose of exchanging clothing. Marlissa didn’t plan the turn of events, they just sort of evolved on their own. Kevin expressed how much he enjoyed having her around, and after the revival of their sex life, Marlissa was more than happy to stay in close proximity.

  They experienced almost everything together as a couple, from praying to grocery shopping. They continued to attend church and Bible Study regularly and ate out once a week. In the mornings they prayed together and at night they played together, enjoying long bubble baths and steamy showers. Marlissa cooked his meals and saw to the house being in order when Dr. Jennings returned home from long days of surgeries and clinic patients. Marlissa now not only possessed her own house key, but keys to Kevin’s SUV and the Mercedes, which quickly became her vehicle of choice. Kevin had also given her access to his money by allowing her free use of his bank check card.

  Kevin found Marlissa’s opinion necessary for everything from what shirt and tie ensemble to wear to what he should eat for lunch. One day he went as far as to call from Macy’s to ask if he should buy boxers or briefs. “Neither,” Marlissa had said once she finished laughing. He promptly disconnected and rushed home. H
owever, not once did Kevin mention stopping the divorce proceedings.

  Kevin constantly told her how happy he was and how much he loved having her back, but Kevin never said if he still loved her.

  Marlissa often second-guessed her decision to be intimate with him while their future still hung in limbo. Kevin’s attention and response to her helped keep those thoughts on the back burner, though. For her, his actions spoke the volumes his mouth wouldn’t utter. He loved her. He had to, or else he was just using her to fulfill his sexual needs. Marlissa didn’t receive the latter because she believed she knew Kevin. The man she loved was kind and considerate. If he were using her, until the judge signed off they were still husband and wife, and physical intimacy was still a benefit.

  “I’m not sure, but I have started packing,” she finally answered. That was the truth. Either way Marlissa would have to move soon.

  Leon didn’t miss the sudden deflation in her voice. “Marlissa, you and Kevin are getting back together, aren’t you?”

  Marlissa activated her faith, calling those things that be not as though they were. “Of course, it’s just a matter of time.” She heard the garage door. “Hey, bro, the good doctor’s home and I need some healing.”

  Leon yelled into the phone. “How many times do I have to tell you, that’s too much information!”

  Marlissa replaced the cordless phone on the base. She was still laughing at her friend when Kevin entered the kitchen, carrying his briefcase.

  “Hey, gorgeous.” Before she could stop stirring the custard for his favorite banana pudding, Kevin had entwined his arms around her from behind. Relishing that she no longer jumped or flinched at his touch, Kevin commenced kissing her cheek, then neck.

  “You better stop before I scorch dessert.”

  “You did say I needed to watch my sugar intake.” He resumed assaulting her senses.

  Still giggling, Marlissa removed the double boiler from the heat, and turned to face her husband. “Do you still want this kind of sugar?”

  When Marlissa finished kissing him, there was a look in Kevin’s eyes she’d never seen before. The intense expression was raw and primitive. Marlissa thought something was wrong until Kevin suddenly blinked then smiled.