Silver Lining

by Wanda B. Campbell

  Marlissa gasped once again when she stepped through the Victorian double doors. The Claremont was grander than she had imagined. She was immediately drawn to the brilliance above her. Endless rows of crystal chandeliers protruded from the high vaulted ceilings. The luminosity radiated off the cream marble flooring with such opulence, Marlissa felt like taking her shoes off. Near life-sized Victorian paintings telling the resort’s history covered the walls. Her inspection was interrupted when the concierge greeted them.

  “Good evening, sir.” The concierge addressed Kevin in what Marlissa considered a fake French accent. “How may I direct you?”

  Marlissa waited anxiously as the concierge searched the guest list after Kevin handed him his ticket.

  “I know you’re not nervous,” Kevin whispered in Marlissa’s ear upon feeling her tremble.

  “Just a little bit,” she admitted.

  Before he could respond, a second gentleman approached. “Good evening, Dr. Jennings. If you and your guest will follow me, I’ll escort you to your table.”

  Guest? Marlissa thought, but didn’t verbally respond. After all, the gentleman wasn’t speaking to her. He was speaking to her husband.

  “Thank you.” Kevin nodded.

  The two of them walked arm in arm into the grand ballroom. Marlissa held her head high and smiled contently as they made their way to the center table at the front of the room, amid smiles and waves from colleagues. Marlissa didn’t know anyone, but since Kevin waved, she waved also, not wanting to appear snobbish.

  Marlissa’s anxiety eased when she saw that Tyson was already seated at Kevin’s table. At least she knew someone there other than Kevin and Pastor Jennings. If Pastor Jennings bothered to show, she wouldn’t show her true colors in front of Tyson.

  “You look good,” Marlissa said to Tyson after he and Kevin exchanged greetings.

  “Not as good as you,” Tyson whispered before giving her a hug.

  “Watch yourself,” Kevin warned.

  “It’s good seeing you guys together like this,” Tyson said seriously, and then jokingly said to Kevin, “Man, I don’t think I have seen you this clean since your wedding.”

  “Man, I don’t think I have seen you this dressed up since yesterday,” Kevin replied, referring to the fact that Tyson’s wardrobe consisted mainly of tailored suits.

  Tyson dismissed the couple’s laughter with the wave of his hand at his friends. “Do you think your mother’s going to show?”

  “I don’t know,” Kevin answered honestly. “She hasn’t spoken to me since I told her I was leaving her church.”

  Marlissa instinctively placed her hand on top of Kevin’s. Kevin didn’t talk about it much, but she knew his strained relationship with his mother was taking its toll on him.

  “Dr. Jennings, congratulations.” Everyone turned to look at an elderly Caucasian couple who arrived at the table.

  “Good evening, Dr. Stullman, Mrs. Stullman.” Kevin stood and reached across the table to shake their hands. Kevin turned back to Marlissa and her stomach somersaulted. “Marlissa, Dr. Stullman is the medical director at Sutter, and this is his wife, Gloria.” The couple smiled at Marlissa and Kevin completed the introductions. “This is my date, Marlissa.”

  Date? Marlissa’s head reflexively jerked toward Kevin, but he was looking straight ahead and didn’t notice. Marlissa quickly gathered her emotions and greeted the Stullmans.

  Without missing a beat, Kevin introduced Tyson, who shook Dr. Stullman’s hand with a grave look on his face.

  Once Kevin was seated again and the Stullmans were gone, he continued chatting as if everything was normal.

  Marlissa tried to ignore the gnawing in her stomach, and pasted a smile on as more people approached the table. That was an honest mistake, she told herself.

  One by one, doctors and administrators, along with their wives or significant others, offered Kevin congratulatory remarks and handshakes. Marlissa continually held her smile in place despite the tightening knot in her stomach. Kevin was too caught up in the euphoria of the moment to notice the color slowly leaving Marlissa’s face.

  “Who is this lovely lady?” seemed to be the question of the evening.

  Kevin repeatedly answered without hesitation, “My date,” or “Marlissa.” The worst came when Marlissa took the liberty of introducing herself as Marlissa Jennings to a middle-aged African American gentleman. She quietly excused herself from the table when the surgeon made a comment to Kevin about how beautiful his sister was and Kevin didn’t bother to correct him.

  Tyson shook his head and mumbled, “Dummy.”

  Marlissa didn’t know the bathroom location and didn’t care. All she wanted to do was get out of there. At the moment she didn’t care if she ever stepped foot inside the Claremont again. In a matter of minutes the white castle had turned into a black dungeon and held her prisoner. It was inside the old walls that she was able to finally see the truth for what it was. The reason Kevin hadn’t told her he loved her was because he didn’t love her anymore. He loved her catering to his every need and sharing his bed, but in public, she was just a date. He had demoted her from the status of wife down to date. She would have much rather been called a girlfriend; at least that carried some form of commitment. “Is that what we’ve been doing all this time, dating?” Marlissa grumbled as she reached for the exit door.

  Once outside, Marlissa’s body trembled as reality slapped her in the face. Her marriage was over, never to be restored. She’d wasted her time and had given her body to a man who didn’t love her in return. She’d squandered her time and energy on a man who couldn’t or wouldn’t forgive her. Outside of the bedroom, she wasn’t good enough for the good doctor. Now more than ever, Marlissa wanted a drink.

  Inside, Kevin continued greeting his colleagues, but his mind was elsewhere, wondering where Marlissa had vanished to. Occasionally, his eyes scanned the crowded room, but to no avail.

  “You never found the right time to have that conversation with Marlissa, did you?” Tyson asked the second they were alone.

  Kevin hunched his shoulders and smirked. “Not tonight, man. I want to enjoy this evening.”

  “No problem,” Tyson said, and then finished off his iced tea. “Kev, you’re my boy. You’re an excellent doctor, but when it comes to dealing with your wife, you are four quarters short of a dollar.” Tyson stood on his feet. “I hope tonight feels like heaven to you. I have a strong feeling you’re going to learn firsthand what the term ‘hell on earth’ means tomorrow.” As another well-wisher approached the table, Tyson went to find Marlissa. He found her outside pacing with her arms folded.

  “You should come back inside.”

  Marlissa stopped pacing. “Tyson, will you drive me home?”

  “Now, Marlissa,” Tyson held his hands up as if to calm her, “I know you’re upset, and you should be, but leaving won’t help anything,” Tyson reasoned. “You should really come back inside.”

  “Why?” Marlissa screamed.

  “You’re his wife.”

  Marlissa pointed to the double doors. “Those people in there don’t know that! They don’t have any idea Kevin is married to me. You heard him just as clearly as I did, I’m just his date and his sister.” Marlissa’s voice broke. “He doesn’t care about me anymore.”

  Tyson handed her his handkerchief and waited for Marlissa to clean her face and blow her nose. “Marlissa.” Tyson’s tone was soft. “Please come back inside. If not for Kevin, then do it for me. The second Kevin gets into the car you can wring his neck, but please don’t leave him here alone. It’s bad enough that his mother isn’t coming, you and I are all he has.” Marlissa didn’t respond. Tyson continued. “Just for the record, Kevin does care.”

  Marlissa walked in circles, debating Tyson’s request. Could she go back inside and act like nothing was wrong? Right now she hated herself for loving Kevin so much, and despised him for not returning her love.

  “Tyson, when will the divorce be final?”
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  Tyson closed his eyes. His lips moved, but no words materialized.

  “This is not the time for prayer!” Marlissa exclaimed. “Tell me when I should expect my freedom papers.”

  “I’ll pull the file and contact you on Monday, but only if you come back inside.”

  Marlissa paced some more before she agreed to Tyson’s pleas. “Where’s the bathroom?”

  Tyson held the door open for her, and then followed her inside. “Are you going to follow me inside?” she questioned when they reached the restroom sign.

  Tyson offered a stiff smirk. “No need, I’ll wait out here. I don’t want to take a chance on you performing a disappearing act.”

  Marlissa rolled her eyes at his imitation of a watchman on the wall.

  Dinner was being served when Tyson and Marlissa returned to the table, but Kevin wasn’t eating. Tyson’s words had stung him and, quite frankly, frightened him. His heart rate slowly settled back to normal when Tyson and Marlissa returned. Marlissa reclaimed her seat next to him, but he wouldn’t make eye contact with Tyson.

  “Where did you go?” Kevin asked Marlissa.

  “Outside.” Marlissa placed the gold cloth napkin in her lap and started on her salad.

  “Are you all right?”

  “I needed some air.”

  “I hope you feel better.” Kevin kissed her cheek and she flashed him a quick smile then continued eating. Kevin knew then that something was very wrong. Her beautiful smile was void of its usual radiance, its usual warmth. What presented itself now was cold and rehearsed. Finally, Kevin looked over at Tyson, who had placed four quarters on the table to remind him of his lack of common sense. Kevin narrowed his eyes at his friend, and then attempted to eat his salad.

  Marlissa felt Kevin’s gaze burning her skin. She could hear the stress in his breathing. Marlissa glimpsed out of the corner of her eye. Kevin subconsciously rubbed his freshly cut fade. The hot anger waned to lukewarm against her compassion. Marlissa felt sorry for him, and placed a hand on his leg to alleviate his fears. Immediately his hand covered hers and rendered gentle strokes.

  As always, Kevin shared his prime rib with her and Marlissa shared her grilled salmon with him, although now she transferred the meat onto his plate instead of feeding him. There were moments when the urge to break down threatened to overtake her, but she held on, determined to play the role of the supportive wife, date, girlfriend, or whatever she was supposed to be, even if it was only for the night.

  Marlissa clapped for every word of praise directed toward her husband. Then, like a good woman, she laughed at every joke. When the hospital administrator and medical director presented Kevin with Sutter Hospital’s Physician of the Year Award for his outstanding work in corneal transplants and repair, Marlissa was the first to stand and applaud.

  “Congratulations, Dr. Jennings,” Marlissa whispered in his ear when he hugged her before accepting the award. Marlissa’s heart swelled with both pride and sorrow as she listened to Kevin humbly orate his acceptance speech. “I am going to miss him,” she mumbled during the final applause.

  Kevin and Marlissa walked into the house quietly, each going in a different direction. Kevin went to the kitchen for something to drink. Marlissa went to the bedroom. Kevin remained in the kitchen, praying long after he finished his apple juice, praying that what he feared the most was not about to come upon him. Tyson’s words and Marlissa’s sudden change in attitude haunted him all the way home. He finally admitted to himself that Tyson was right; he had handled the situation all wrong. He should have leveled with Marlissa a long time ago. He’d yielded to fear and now payday had arrived.

  Kevin somberly walked to his bedroom and plopped down on his bed. He had just removed his tie and cummerbund when Marlissa stepped from the bathroom carrying her travel bag. “Where are you going?” he asked, although he knew.

  “Home,” she answered, without bothering to face him.

  “We’re at home.”

  Marlissa continued to remove her clothing from the drawers. “No, Kevin, this is your home. My home is a two-bedroom apartment on Piedmont Avenue, for now anyway.” Before heading back to the bathroom for her toiletries, she added, “Dates go home at the end of the evening.”

  Kevin lowered his head and rubbed his temples. “So that’s what this is about. You’re upset because I introduced you as my date?”

  Kevin’s blasé attitude infuriated Marlissa, and she lost her reserve. “What do you think? Is that what we have been doing here, dating?” Marlissa screamed as she yanked clothes off hangers.

  “Marlissa!”

  “I am a little rusty, maybe you can explain this to me. Since when did cooking, cleaning, waiting on you hand and foot, and giving you free access to my body become a part of dating?”

  “Baby, I’m sorry. I—”

  “Yes, you are sorry,” she interrupted. “Just tell me this, why did you lead me on if you didn’t have any intentions of reconciling? And why on earth did you make love to me when you don’t love me?”

  Kevin walked over to her and attempted to stop her from packing. He reached for her forearms. “Marlissa, please!”

  “Please what?” She yanked away from him. “Do you know how cheap you made me feel tonight?” Kevin looked confused. “Kevin, you used me just like Darius did. The only difference is that you paid for it!”

  Those words knocked the wind out of Kevin. “Marlissa, that’s not the same thing. We’re married.”

  “Really?” Marlissa’s voice dripped with sarcasm. “Here behind closed doors we’re married, but in public, around your prestigious colleagues, I am your date or an occasional sister!” She glared at him. “In most states you could go to jail for doing to your sister what you have been doing to me!” The travel bag was full and Marlissa was angry at herself for being stupid enough to think she had a chance to redeem herself. She was angry at herself for causing the problems that put her in this situation in the first place. Angry because she didn’t follow Mother Scott’s advice, and had yielded to him without a commitment. But what disgusted her most was she had allowed another man to make a fool of her.

  “Kevin, you and Darius are one in the same. He filled my head with all kinds of wonderful crap, then joined his friends in abusing me. You did the same thing. The only difference is, you didn’t take it by force. I freely gave myself to you because I trusted you. I thought you had integrity.”

  By the time Kevin collected his thoughts and found his voice, Marlissa had left the bedroom. “Marlissa, please don’t leave. I am not like Darius. We need to talk.”

  Marlissa stopped abruptly and shook her head. “No, we don’t. Your actions tonight spoke volumes. Tonight you expressed what’s really in your heart, and it’s not me.” She looked around the room and tried to erase all the memories. “I’ll be back for the rest of my stuff later. Don’t worry about the money for an apartment, I don’t want your money. I don’t want anything from you but the one thing I can’t let go of.” Marlissa turned to leave, but then stopped again just before she opened the door leading to the garage. “Kevin, you are just like your mother. You can’t handle the humanity in people. You expect people to be perfect, and when they don’t live up to your high standards, you don’t know how to forgive and move on. You only love when it’s convenient for you. I took the same vows you did and if the situation were reversed, I would have forgiven you. I wouldn’t hold your past against you, and under no circumstances would I have led you on and used you the way you used me. You should rejoin your mother’s church. You and Pastor Jennings are made for each other.” This time she didn’t turn back.

  Chapter 27

  Marlissa lost track of time sitting in the parking lot of the twenty-four-hour Quik Stop. The clock on the console of her Lexus read 11:58 P.M., but that was before the last round of crying and wailing. That was before her head began throbbing and her facial muscles began flinching involuntarily. The clock now read 12:46

  A.M. It was after midnight in her l
ife in every sense. The darkness and demons that had tormented her in the past had quickly returned, invading her mind and spirit with a vengeance. For the first time in over a year, Marlissa wanted a drink. She needed a drink. Just one drink would numb the pain and torture of Kevin’s rejection.

  She craved alcohol to the point where she licked her lips and imagined that the familiar fragrance had filled the car. She moaned, longing for the temporary comfort her old, warm liquid friends could give. “I need this,” was what she’d told herself when she pulled into the parking lot over an hour ago, but she still couldn’t bring herself to open the car door. If Marlissa went inside, she would do more than throw away months of sobriety. She would give Kevin power over her life and prove Pastor Jennings’s judgments about her to be true. All that mattered, but what kept her confined to the security of her vehicle, was the knowledge that one drink could harm the unborn child she carried; the child Kevin would never know about.

  “I can’t do this.” She sniffled as fresh tears formed. “God, please help me.”

  Without consideration of the time, Marlissa grabbed her cell phone and called the one person she trusted to see her fragility.

  “What’s the matter?” Leon didn’t waste time with pleasantries. If Marlissa called this late, something was definitely wrong. Marlissa attempted to tell him, but her sobs distorted her words. All Leon could make out were the words “Kevin” and “divorce.”

  “Where are you?’

  “At the Quik Stop near the apartment,” she managed to enunciate clearly.

  “Marlissa,” Leon asked guardedly, “did you go inside?”

  “No.” She heard Leon exhale. “But I want to. I really want to. I want the pain to stop. Just one drink is all I need.”

  Leon immediately started praying. Marlissa could hear Starla in the background praying with him.

  “Tell her to get over here,” she heard Starla say at the close of the prayer. “She shouldn’t be alone tonight, not like this.”