Loving the Lawman

by Ruth Logan Herne

  She liked his family, the few she’d met. And from the sound of it, she’d like Addie. For now, she needed to bite the bullet. Call her mother.

  She didn’t hesitate once Seth had walked out the door. She grabbed her phone, hit the number two on her speed-dial, and when her mother answered, she drew a deep breath and waded in. “Mom? It’s Gianna. I’ve got something to tell you....”

  Chapter Twelve

  Seth drew his jacket collar tighter as he headed to his SUV after work the next afternoon. A low-pressure system had pushed in from the upper Great Lakes, bringing rain and sleet to the Northeast. Strong winds accompanied the system, and he wished he’d gotten new gutters on the far side of the house, because this storm was going to put the old ones to the test.

  As he headed for the interstate exit leading to the north end of the lake, his phone buzzed. Tina’s number flashed on his dashboard. He hit the connect button. “Tina, what’s up? Do you need something?”

  Every now and again she’d have him grab supplies from Clearwater. Running a restaurant independently didn’t leave her a lot of shopping time, and if she ran low on something he’d swing by the wholesale club in Clearwater for her.

  “Jasmine’s here.”

  He’d been waiting to hear those words since Tori returned. He thought he was ready to see his ex-wife, face her and deal with the battle that was sure to come. On top of that her presence would bring more mixed emotions to a nearly teenage girl who had never been first in her mother’s life.

  Anger gripped him deep within. Fear met the anger head-on and wrestled for control. Had she come to take Tori back? Was she here to grab the kid and run, or was she waiting to see what he’d offer in exchange for making him Tori’s guardian? And had he put aside enough money to cut the deal?

  “Where is she?”

  “She was in here, looking for you. And looking for Tori. I played dumb.”

  “Thank you, Tina.”

  “Well, she’s not happy with me, and I can’t say I went overboard being nice, but I was straight with her. Said you’d be home around six. But I didn’t want you blindsided.”

  “Tori’s at Gianna’s. I’ll call over there and tell them to lay low for a while. Unless she saw Tori get off the bus.” Did Jasmine know her daughter was three hundred feet up the road? Gianna’s grand opening was three days away, and he’d promised Tori she could help the ladies on the weekend. She’d been delighted by the prospect of working with Gianna and Carmen in a real store.

  Jasmine’s unexpected arrival might change that and a whole lot more, but he’d suspected this would happen so now he needed to act. Usually it was a task he did well. Today, with Jasmine’s casual treatment of God’s precious gift, a child? He wasn’t sure he could stay calm, cool and collected.

  He pulled around the back of his house, parked and faced the road as an aged Chevy pulled up the driveway behind him. He stood ramrod straight and tall, wondering what to say and what not to say, praying he wouldn’t push Jasmine over some fine line.

  Her car door groaned, begging for a shot of WD-40 as she shoved it open. She climbed out of the driver’s seat and Seth was unprepared for what he saw. The woman before him was a faint imitation of the woman he’d married ten years before. Dark circles rimmed what used to be vibrant green eyes. Dull hair showed a combination of neglect and lack of nutrients. Her color looked sallow, and her prominent cheekbones aged her well beyond her thirty-two years.

  She didn’t look healthy or happy, but he noted a difference as she walked his way: she looked calm.

  He was ready for a fight, if needed. Or at least a bargaining session, where she made demands and he countered with what he could afford, but her first words surprised him and hiked his faith in human nature. “I’ve got the guardianship papers you’ll need.” She handed him an envelope as she continued. “They’re all signed and notarized, just like you asked.”

  “And?” Seth found himself at a loss for words. What did she want in return? What was she after? And how long would she be in town?

  “And that’s it.” She breathed out and watched the encroaching cold night turn her breath into vapor. “I shouldn’t have taken her with me. And I never should have let things go on as long as they did, but she’s here now. Where she belongs. And that’s all that matters, right?”

  He longed to berate her, because whatever indignities Tori had suffered would have been avoided if she’d just left the girl with him.

  Isaiah’s words flooded his heart and soul. Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion for the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will never forget you.

  Consideration helped choose Seth’s next words. “If you need help, why don’t you stay here, Jasmine? Whatever’s gone wrong, there are people and places that can help you.”

  She gave a harsh laugh and lit a cigarette with shaking hands, and that moment of flickering light underscored the gravity of her choices. “That’s not going to happen. I don’t belong here, Seth. I never did. But that wasn’t your fault.” She puffed out a cloud of smoke, then turned to contemplate him and the house behind him. “I wanted to be happy. I wanted to be picket-fence normal, but I hated it. Not you.” She turned and shrugged a shoulder in his direction. When she did, the loose jacket slipped down and he made out the thinness of her frame.

  Realization struck him. She was sick. Maybe seriously. As he moved forward, she jumped, startled, a deer-in-the-headlights look holding him at bay. “You’re not well. Stay here, in town. We’ll get you some medical help, we’ll—”

  “You don’t get it do you?” Old anger hardened her gaze. “I’m not meant for here. Never was. But when I was a kid I read this story about a woman in England. She lived in the country, and there was this cat that came to get warm by the fire. Didn’t stay long and the cat was no one’s friend, but now and again she’d come, nip a bite to eat and warm herself. One day the cat came in as usual, and in her mouth she carried a little kitten. She laid the kitten on the rug and left. She never came back, but the old woman knew why she’d brought the little cat inside to the fire. Because the old cat wanted more for her child than she had for herself.”

  She coughed hard, took another drag on the cigarette, then ground out the butt. “The shrinks say it’s not good for a mother to abandon her child. I expect you to help her with that, Seth. Make it seem not so bad. Because we both know in this case it’s the best choice for all concerned.”

  Remorse warred with caution inside him. Should he insist she stay? Push her to get help? “Jasmine, stay here. Just until you’re strong enough to move on. It’s—”

  “I’ll write when I can. Just to let her know I haven’t forgotten her. And that in my own way, I really did love her.” She climbed back into the car and Seth moved forward.

  “I’ve got money, Jasmine. Let me—”

  “I won’t, but I appreciate the offer. Tell her to expect a letter now and again. And tell her...” She didn’t face him to say these next words, and he read the emotional struggle in her face and neck. She clenched her jaw, pulled in a quick breath and pushed out the words. “I’m sorry. So dreadfully sorry. I want her to have a good life.”

  “I will. I promise. I—”

  She backed down the driveway slowly, not hearing his promise. But then she knew him well. Unlike her, he always kept his word.

  As the car rumbled off into the night, he scrambled to get the license plate number. He committed it to memory, then went inside to examine the papers she’d given him. All in order, exactly as he’d requested before she’d run off. Tucked into the corner of the envelope was a tiny plastic resealable bag. Inside the bag was the ring he’d given Jasmine for their engagement. A scrap of paper with Tori’s name scrawled on it was folded inside the bag. And behind the sheaf of papers was a newborn-size outfit, a white background covered with pink r
osebuds, gently folded and tucked in the corner of the envelope.

  Where had she kept this tiny outfit for so many years?

  Seth had no idea, but this single manila envelope held hints of Tori’s past and a promise for her future. He took a deep breath, tucked the envelope into his safe and headed across the street to pick up his beautiful daughter. Legally she might be called his “ward,” but emotionally?

  She was his, and the thought of having the legal hassles behind him calmed heart rhythms that had been out of sync for two long years.

  But not anymore.

  He knocked on Gianna’s door, and when Tori answered it, he grabbed her into a hug.

  “Dad. You okay?”

  “I’m fine.” He grinned down at her, relieved beyond words. Yes, he’d have to tread softly about the issue of her mother. But he could do it at his own pace, putting prayer and thought behind it. Because once and for all, this beautiful child was his and he couldn’t be happier.

  * * *

  “Her mother was here?” Gianna faced Seth as Carmen walked Tori across the road a few minutes later. “Tonight?”

  “Yes, and for all the right reasons.” Seth’s gaze followed Carmen and Tori’s progress as he spoke. “She left me signed guardianship papers and a couple of mementos for Tori.”

  “Will she stay?” Gianna paced the small kitchen as she considered the ramifications. “Because if she does, we can—”

  “She’s gone. And I don’t think she’ll be coming back, Gianna.”

  “No?” She turned, read his expression and took a seat. The grim note in Seth’s tone matched the set of his jaw. “How bad is she, Seth?”

  “Illness. Addiction. Emotional instability.” He ticked off his fingers as he went down the list, then stopped and sat down next to her. “But I’m thanking God she did the right thing by bringing Tori here. That no matter what happened, she put Tori first. She’s never done that before.”

  “Desperation makes a tough mirror,” Gianna told him.

  He contemplated her words as he took her hand. “I didn’t know what to say, but it turns out I didn’t have to say anything. For over two years I’ve been mentally rehearsing how to win Tori back from her mother, and in the end, it was answered prayer. And a story about a cat.”

  A cat? Gianna gave him a blank look. “You lost me.”

  “She told me about this story she read when she was a little kid, about a cat who comes to visit an old lady, then brings the lady a kitten.”

  “Wait here.” Gianna went upstairs to the pile of boxes sitting outside the freshly painted nursery. She opened one, rummaged through a small stack, grabbed what she was looking for and hurried back downstairs. “This is it. The story she was telling you about.”

  “The Christmas Day Kitten.” Seth frowned. “I’ve never seen this before.”

  “Gram is a big James Herriot fan, and she always loved this story. When they came out with a children’s edition, she bought it for me. The story is about the mother cat’s sacrificial love, how her last act is to save the life of her child. I’ve probably read it a hundred times over the years.”

  “And you brought it with you to read to the twins.”

  She inhaled deeply, then tapped the book lightly. “When Michael and I got married, we had so many plans. We were both goal oriented, focused and driven, so we never imagined things wouldn’t go our way. Up until that point, we’d both gotten exactly what we wanted out of life. When we couldn’t conceive we decided to use in vitro help at the fertility clinic near Albany. If God couldn’t give us a baby, science would.”

  She faced him square and went on. “That was pretty much my attitude back then. If something didn’t go my way, I worked long and hard to make it happen.”

  “That’s not a bad attribute, Gianna.”

  “When controlled, no. But it’s kind of like ambition, Seth. A good servant, but a bad master. Anyway, I got pregnant, then miscarried and I was mad. So mad. Mad at myself, mad at my body, mad at everything, because how come I was the one thwarted? All around me friends and family were having babies, making playdates, growing fat and round with pregnancy, and I couldn’t make it work.”

  He laid his hand over hers but stayed gently quiet.

  “We tried again with two of our frozen embryos. Once again I got pregnant, but we’d learned a hard lesson. We didn’t dare hope. Didn’t dare dream. But about eight weeks along we started to believe that maybe, just maybe, things would work out.” She sighed deeply and stared at the big, broad hand covering hers. A deputy’s hand. A man in uniform, pledged to serve and save. “I wanted ice cream and we didn’t have any. And all the stores were closed by us, but there was a little convenience store a few miles away that stayed open late. Michael got dressed, went to the store, and when he got there, he interrupted a robbery in progress. He didn’t even have time to pull his weapon. The guy panicked, turned and shot. Mike wasn’t wearing his vest, and he probably walked into that store thinking about me. About the baby. And then he was gone. Just gone.”

  “Gianna.” Seth’s hand gripped hers. He held tight as if wanting to help, but it was an old story now, though the retelling always choked her with emotion.

  “I lost the baby a few weeks later. Despite all my plans, my hopes, my very organized dreams, I was left with nothing. No husband, no baby and for a little while—” she paused, made a face, then admitted “—a long while, I didn’t care about anything. I was a shell, existing. A fairly crazy shell, if you must know.”

  “Your family must have been worried sick.”

  She sent him a watery smile and dashed tears aside with her free hand. “Well, when you meet them you’ll understand. They mean well, and I was overly sensitive, but they’re not a bit discreet and crazy dramatic to boot. So they were pretty sure I was going crazy, too.”

  “But you didn’t go crazy.”

  “I found faith.” She said the words softly, letting the peace of going outside herself and her needs bathe her. “In all that void there seemed to be only one thing that helped. Talking to God. Once I quit yelling at Him, of course.”

  “I did my share of that. I get it.”

  She squeezed his hand. “Every year I received a storage bill from the fertility clinic. We had two embryos still in cold storage. And last spring, when I got the bill, I started thinking and praying. These two babies had done nothing wrong. They didn’t ask to be conceived. They didn’t come into being accidentally. We had planned to make a host of embryos to complete our family, but all of a sudden I saw what we’d done. We’d created life as if it was a scientific convenience, not a soul-stirring creation. I prayed. I thought. And I talked to Gram.” She shrugged. “And then I quietly went through the treatments to get pregnant, even though I knew the odds of carrying the pregnancy were tenuous with my track record. If I didn’t at least try, these babies had no chance at all. And that didn’t seem fair.”

  “Maternal love and sacrifice.” Seth reached over and hugged her, and the hug felt good. So good. “Gianna, you’re a very brave woman.”

  “I’m righting old wrongs,” she corrected him. “Courage has little to do with it. Faith, yes. Bravery?” She shook her head and tapped the book with the tabby-striped kitten on the front. “The cat in this book, Debbie, did what she needed to do for her baby to survive. And that’s what I’m doing here.” She laid her hand atop her rounded abdomen. “And that’s what Jasmine did, too. Yes, it took her longer, but I’m going to thank God every day that she made the right choice, because your daughter, Tori, is a pure delight.”

  Seth stood.

  So did Gianna.

  “Thank you for telling me all this.” He pulled her into an embrace, a hug she’d love to dwell in forever, but that wasn’t possible. She enjoyed it for the moment, though, loving the feel of him. His scent. The rugged texture of the well-made
Carhartt jacket beneath her cheek. “And I disagree. I think you were amazingly brave and courageous to do this on your own.”

  “Not on my own. Me and God, this time. And Gram.” She smiled up at him, and he dropped his mouth to hers for one sweet, gentle kiss, a kiss that whispered hope and promise. A promise that could never be, so why was she enjoying the kiss so much? “Seth, I—”

  “I’ve got to go. Carmen was nice to take Tori home so we could talk, but I’ve got an early day tomorrow. And then a big weekend coming up over here with the grand opening.”

  “I’m afraid tomorrow’s turn of events will make the grand opening seem anticlimactic.”

  He hiked a brow, and she indicated the wall clock with a thrust of her chin. “In about fourteen hours my mother and one of my aunts arrive at the airport in Erie.”

  “Whoa. Your mother’s quick.”

  “Warp speed. She grabbed the first ticket she could find when I told her what I’d done. So no matter what the meteorologists say about tomorrow’s weather, be prepared, Seth. Storm front approaching.”

  He brushed a gentle kiss across her brow, squeezed her hand and moved to go. But then he turned, and the expression on his face said tough emotions haunted him, as well. “Your husband. Michael. He went to the store to get ice cream for you.”

  “Mint chocolate chip.”

  “And he was carrying a gun?”

  She met his gaze straight on because this was the truth she needed to face. A truth he needed to face, as well. “Michael was a state trooper. Like my father and grandfather. I lost my dad when I was Tori’s age. He was killed while tending an accident scene on a snowy night on an access ramp to the thruway. The last thing I wanted to do was fall in love with a cop, but when I met Michael I threw caution to the wind. And you know the rest of that story.”