Brides of Penhally Bay - Vol 4

by Various Authors

  CHAPTER TWO

  ANNIE read through the case notes again to refresh her memory. Not that she needed to. She had seen Claire and Roy several times already and knew their history well. Satisfied that she was completely up to date, she sat back and waited for them to arrive.

  The rain pattered depressingly against the window and Annie felt her mind drifting back to the magical last night of her Spanish holiday. Almost four months had passed and yet her memories of Raphael and the time they had spent together hadn’t diminished. She could still remember his every touch, their every kiss. It was as if she had found the missing part of herself. The man she had been waiting for all her life. Her soulmate. She hadn’t believed that such a person existed—but now she knew differently.

  Her heart lurched. Sometimes she wished she had never met him. Because it had made being alone all the more painful, as if she’d left half of herself back in Spain. Annie sighed wistfully, remembering his last words to her.

  ‘Cariño,’ he had said huskily the morning she had left. ‘If only you had come into my life before. But now it’s too…complicated.’ She hadn’t pressed him to explain. What would have been the point? Still, she couldn’t help trying to fathom out what he had meant. Was he married? No—she was sure if he was, his family would have made some reference to it. In love with someone else, committed in a relationship? Perhaps. But it didn’t matter. Even if he had begged her to stay with him, she wouldn’t have said yes. Not so soon after Robert and all their problems. No, much better to lock the memory of him in her heart. Much safer.

  Annie pulled her gaze away from the window and swung her chair back round to her desk. There was no point in thinking of Raphael. She had to get on with her life. Hadn’t she vowed to do just that? Besides, the irony of not being able to conceive made her a better midwife. At least she could console herself with that realisation. And her work in Penhally was more than satisfying and enjoyable. It was what got her up each morning, determined to put her own heartache behind her and help the couples who streamed through her door hoping to realise the dream that she would never have.

  Like her next two patients—Roy and Claire Dickson, who were being ushered in. Annie greeted them warmly, knowing they were nervous. The couple had been trying for years to have a baby, and finally with the help of IVF had succeeded. Their initial scan had shown not one but two healthy heartbeats and now Annie, who had a special responsibility for mothers with high-risk pregnancies, was following them up regularly.

  ‘How have you been feeling?’ she asked Claire, while checking her blood pressure.

  ‘As if I’m on cloud nine!’ Claire smiled with delight. ‘Apart from that, nauseous and tired and more than a little bit scared.’

  ‘The nausea will pass. Take it as a good sign in the meantime,’ Annie said.

  Although she shared the couple’s joy, Annie couldn’t help a pang of envy. How she would love to be in Claire’s shoes, looking forward to her first babies with a loving supportive husband by her side. But she wasn’t even a candidate for IVF, she thought sadly. And it wasn’t as if there was a rush of people wanting to marry her either, but at least she could help this couple experience what she never could. And she found comfort in that.

  ‘Your blood pressure is absolutely fine, but I want to keep an eye on you and these little ones. I’m sure you both know that the first twelve weeks are the riskiest.’ Catching Claire’s look of alarm, she hastened to reassure her. ‘But you’re well past that now. It’s just that twin pregnancies are riskier over the whole of the pregnancy. But we are going to do everything possible to deliver two healthy babies and right now everything appears to be going fine.’

  ‘They gave us a choice at the IVF clinic,’ Roy said, as if Annie didn’t already know, ‘about whether we wanted one or two embryos put back. They explained the pros and cons, that there was a greater risk with twins, but we decided to take a chance and have two embryos replaced. This way we’ll have a complete family in one go, and Claire doesn’t have to put herself through it all again.’ His grin almost split his face in two. ‘I still can’t believe it,’ he said, patting his wife’s tummy with a proprietary air. ‘Two babies. Isn’t she clever?’

  Annie saw the happy couple to the front door of the maternity wing, and watched Claire struggling to open the umbrella over her head as she battled against the slanting rain, She was delighted for them, but it was early days yet. Twin pregnancies had a greater risk of problems developing and although that had been explained to the couple, she wondered if they really understood.

  Annie felt a wave of fatigue wash over her. She always felt so caught up with her patients, sharing their see-saw emotions as she followed them through their pregnancies. Although she loved being part of the team that looked after high-risk pregnancies at St Piran Hospital, sometimes it was hard to remember that most women sailed through their pregnancies and gave birth to healthy babies without medical intervention.

  But today was different and Annie knew it wasn’t just concern for her patients that was bothering her. She couldn’t continue to ignore what was staring her in the face, no matter how much she wanted to. She hadn’t had a period for months now and she had begun to put weight on around her middle. All the symptoms of an early menopause.

  Unreasonably, even though she knew she couldn’t conceive naturally, there had always been a faint glimmer of hope that one day she might have a child. No matter how much she had tried to convince herself otherwise. But with the menopause, any hope would be completely extinguished. Annie was painfully aware that she had to see someone about it, but there was only one person she really trusted and who would understand exactly how she was feeling. She would pop in to see Kate Althorp, the senior midwife at Penhally Bay Surgery, on her way home.

  Annie enjoyed working with Kate and her colleague Chloe, who were both midwives based at the surgery. To begin with, they had discussed patients they shared over the phone, but over time they had become friends and Annie would often drop in at the surgery on her way home from hospital for a chat. Occasionally the three women would meet up for coffee or supper too.

  Making up her mind, Annie picked up her coat. Kate would know what her next step should be. It was time for Annie to face up to whatever the future had in store. Hadn’t she made that promise to herself just months before?

  Annie found Kate in her office, catching up with paperwork. The older midwife looked up and smiled when she noticed Annie standing in the doorway.

  ‘Grief, is it that time already?’ She looked at her watch. ‘Six o’clock! I’m due to pick Jem up from football practice in forty minutes.’ She glanced back at Annie and something in Annie’s expression must have alerted the experienced nurse. ‘But time for some coffee before then. You look a bit peaky, methinks.’

  As Kate fished out a couple of mugs, Annie wondered whether there was any point in confiding her fears. But if she was right, she would need to consider whether to start hormone replacement therapy and wanted to discuss the option with Kate before she saw Dr Nick Tremayne, her GP and also the senior partner at the practice.

  ‘Hey.’ Kate turned and looked at her closely, her brown eyes warm with concern. ‘So, what’s up? Is Claire’s pregnancy going okay? I know she and Roy were seeing you today.’

  ‘Oh. No, that’s fine. I intend to keep a close eye on them, but so far—touch wood—everything seems to be going as expected.’

  ‘It’s good to see them so happy. They’ve been waiting for this for so long. I’ll call round and see Claire tomorrow,’ Kate said handing a mug to Annie. ‘But back to you. Something’s bothering you. You didn’t come here just to tell me about Claire and Roy, did you? C’mon, whatever it is, out with it.’

  Annie hesitated. Once she told Kate, it would be the same as having it confirmed. Was she really ready for that?

  Kate came over to Annie and dragged a chair across so she was sitting beside her. ‘You don’t have to tell me, but perhaps I can help?’ she said gently. The
older woman was always the one everyone went to with their problems. Annie wasn’t sure why—perhaps because she always made time to listen and never seemed to judge. Annie felt tears sting her eyes and she blinked furiously. She wouldn’t cry. She had shed enough tears to last her a lifetime.

  ‘I never told you this, but I can’t have children,’ Annie blurted. ‘I’m infertile.’

  ‘Oh, Annie, I’m so sorry. Are you sure?’

  ‘Positive,’ Annie said, trying to keep her voice steady. ‘You know I told you that I was seeing someone before I came back to Penhally Bay?’

  Kate nodded and waited for Annie to continue.

  ‘Robert and I were together for five years. We were in love—or so I thought. We planned to marry and started trying for a family. But after six months, when nothing had happened, I went to one of the doctors I worked with who specialised in infertility and he suggested we get tested. There was nothing wrong with Robert but they have a new blood test that they use to check a woman’s fertility. Well, the result came back. My ovarian reserve, you know the number of eggs I have left, was so low as to be immeasurable.’ Annie’s voice broke. She remembered the day she had been given the news as if it were yesterday.

  Kate put her arm around Annie’s shoulder. Her silent sympathy gave Annie the strength to continue. ‘The test is very reliable. A pregnancy, even with IVF, would be almost impossible for me. They also warned me that it was likely that I would have an early menopause.’ She steadied her voice. ‘Well, I think it’s happening,’ she said, trying not to show how much it hurt her to say the words. ‘I haven’t had a period since…’ She thought back. ‘Well, before New Year. And,’ she continued, ‘I don’t know how else to describe this, but I kind of feel all hormonal, as if my emotions are all over the place. You know it took me all my willpower not to cry when I saw how relieved and happy Claire and Roy are, and that’s not like me. Not that I don’t care about them, of course I do, but I don’t usually let it get to me like this.’

  ‘But it’s understandable, isn’t it?’ Kate said softly. ‘It’s bound to remind you of your own loss. And losing the ability to have a family is a loss. Just as much as a death.’

  ‘I know all that,’ Annie said, ‘but I’ve been feeling so much happier since I came back from Spain. When I was over there, I knew I had to stop looking back and try and think positively about the future. Accept that children weren’t on the cards for me and make something of my life. Be happy with what I have, instead of hankering for what can never be. But if I’m right and I’m experiencing the onset of the menopause, it’s like having to deal with it all over again.’

  ‘And you are certain that that’s what’s happening?’ Kate said thoughtfully.

  ‘There can’t be another explanation. Missed periods. Emotions all over the place, and I swear I’m starting a middle-age spread. I could hardly get into my jeans the other day.’ Annie tried a smile.

  Kate looked at her sharply. ’All this since your holiday? Hmm. I don’t suppose you had a holiday romance while you were away?’

  Annie felt a blush creep up her cheeks. Seeing it, Kate grinned. ‘You did, didn’t you? Well, good for you. It’s about time you let yourself have some fun.’ Then she frowned. ’If it was fun. Oh, dear, I didn’t mean for it to come out that way. You know what I mean.’

  Annie felt her blush deepen as she thought back to that night. Fun? Yes, but now one of her most precious memories.

  ‘And, if you had sex, did you use contraception?’ That was typical Kate. Straight to the point.

  ‘Yes, I mean…no.’ Annie blushed again. ‘I mean, I told him it wasn’t necessary and he just assumed I was on the Pill.’ Oh, dear, this was so embarrassing. Although she felt comfortable discussing most things with Kate, there really was a limit.

  ‘What I’m getting at,’ Kate said gently, still looking thoughtful. ‘I don’t suppose you’ve taken a pregnancy test?’

  Annie was stunned. A pregnancy test! The thought simply hadn’t occurred to her. She had accepted that it was impossible, so hadn’t even considered it. Not even for a second.

  ‘Well, no. It’s hardly likely is it? Not with my history.’ Suddenly she felt dizzy. ‘You don’t think? It couldn’t be? Could it?’ Although she knew it was impossible, the sudden leap of hope was almost too much to bear.

  Kate stood up, all business. ‘It wouldn’t hurt to make sure, would it? Come on.’ She rooted around in a cupboard. ‘Off you go to the Ladies and produce a specimen and we’ll do a quick test. At the very least we’ll be able to rule it out.’

  Ten minutes later, Annie was sitting stunned in front of Kate. ‘You’re sure?’ she said. ‘There couldn’t be some mistake?’

  ‘I’m sure,’ Kate replied smiling widely. ‘We’ll arrange a scan just to be absolutely certain, but there is no doubt in my mind.You are pregnant. Apart from the test, I could feel something when I palpated your tummy. I’ve seen it happen before. Just when a woman thinks a baby is out of the question. Then bam.’

  Annie felt a wave of pure joy suffuse her soul. A baby! She was going to have a baby. She had longed for this moment for so long, and now it was here, she could hardly bring herself to believe it. Now the tiredness, the rollercoaster emotions, the hormonal mood swings all made perfect sense. She hugged herself, barely able to contain her delight.

  ‘I assume you’re not still in touch with the father? I mean, you’ve never mentioned him,’ Kate was saying.

  Raphael! Of course it must be his. He was the only man she had slept with since Robert.

  ‘No. I haven’t spoken to him since, well, you know.’ How would Raphael feel about it? Was there any point in telling him? She neither expected nor wanted anything from him and his silence had made it perfectly clear that he wanted nothing from her, either. Her head reeled. She would have to take time off work, of course, at least for the first few months after the birth, but she had a small inheritance from her grandfather that would supplement her maternity pay. One way or another she would cope. One thing was for sure—her baby wouldn’t be short of love.

  ‘God, should I tell him? I don’t know. I’m still trying to take it all in. I can hardly believe it myself. But I suppose he has the right to know.’

  Annie thought she saw something move behind Kate’s eyes, but almost as quickly it was gone. She knew Kate had brought up her child, Jem, on her own since the death of her husband, James. Although it must have been a struggle, Kate had had no choice. James had died before he had even known she was pregnant. All this must be bringing back painful memories for the older woman.

  ‘Only you can make that decision,’ Kate replied gently. ‘Whatever is right for you.’

  ‘I don’t know if I want him in my life, Kate. It’s a complication I could do without. Besides, he lives in Spain. Even if he wants to get to know his child, it won’t be easy.’

  Once again, Annie thought she saw a shadow cross Kate’s face, but Annie knew her friend well enough not to ask. Although always willing to offer guidance and support, Kate rarely discussed her own personal life.

  ‘As I said, it’s up to you,’ Kate said. ‘But if you don’t tell him, what will you say to your child when he asks about his father?’

  Instinctively, Annie knew Kate was right. Whatever the consequences, telling Raphael was the right thing to do, even if he then wanted nothing to do with the baby. One day her child might want to seek out his father. How could she tell the child that its father didn’t even know they existed? And if Raphael wanted contact, it wouldn’t be right to deny her child the opportunity to know his father. But she had so much to think about right now, the decision could wait. The important thing was that she, Annie Thomas, ordinary woman with an ordinary life, had had this extra-ordinary thing happen to her. And for that alone she would always be grateful to Dr Raphael Castillo.

  After Kate had seen a deliriously happy Annie out, she sat deep in thought. She remembered the day she had found out she was pregnant with Jem. A day infused wi
th happiness but also regret and profound sadness. Her son had been conceived the night she had lost her husband to the first big storm almost eleven years ago. But Jem hadn’t been her husband’s child. While James had been out there fighting for his life, she had been in the arms of senior partner Nick Tremayne, and the guilt had haunted her every day since. She hadn’t been able to tell Nick that Jem was his when she’d found out she was pregnant. It wouldn’t have been fair. He had still been married to Annabel with children of his own, but he had found out the truth anyway and in the worst possible way when he had overheard her telling pathologist Eloise Haydon.

  Kate rose and went across to the window. It was dark outside and the glass pane reflected back her blurred image, softening the faint lines that had started to appear around her eyes. Although she was no longer in her first bloom of youth, she still remembered in minute detail the passion her younger self had felt all these years ago, and, if she was honest with herself, the feelings had never truly faded.

  What if she had told Nick that Jem was his as soon as she had found out? Would he have accepted Jem as his child then? But it was no use thinking like that. Rightly or wrongly she had made her decision and had lived with the consequences. Now Annie had to make up her own mind whether to tell the father of her child. Kate just hoped that her story would have a different outcome from hers.

  After leaving Kate, Annie had spent the rest of the night telephoning her parents and siblings with her exciting news.