But it was so frightening. So fucking frightening.
* * *
BROOKLYN
I was going on a date with Nolan Bell. Even in my mind I had a hard time believing it. All night I twisted and turned in my bed, thinking about what would happen, if he'd kiss me again, if he'd stop again. I had never been so turned on, so excited in my life.
I checked myself one last time and laughed at myself. My cheeks were all pink and my eyes bright. It'd been a while since I had last looked so alive. The tight black jeans and the chocolate sleeveless blouse I had on were good enough on me and perfect for our mysterious date. After all, Nolan had texted me and all he would tell me was to be ready for seven.
I bit on my lower lip as my heartbeat increased, following the perfect rhythm of the tic toc of the clock in my tiny kitchen. I clasped my hands on my knees, trying to stop shaking. It felt like a first date, the one you have when you're a teen and everything is all new and you have all these expectations bubbling inside. I just hoped that this first date would be better than the very first one I had in my early teen.
Then, tearing me from my worried thoughts, knocking at my door startled me. I jumped to my feet and ran to the door. I took a deep breath, forced a calm mask to my face and failed miserably. My cheeks felt burning hot. I took a last deep breath and opened the door.
Just seeing him on my doorstep was now breathtaking, he was here wearing a black blazer, a tight grey shirt underneath and black jeans hugging his hips perfectly. It made me lose my train of thought. I took a deep breath and a light scent of cologne hit me, sending sinful messages through my awaiting body. Even his scruff and lip ring seemed sexier.
His hazel eyes went up and down the length of my body, slowly, carefully. He was caressing me with just a look as if nothing was covering my skin. He bit on his piercing before his eyes settled on mine, bright and yet darker.
"Beautiful is too tame of a word to describe you, Brooklyn," he said, his voice deeper than I expected and my body immediately answered. My breasts felt heavier in my lacy bra and other parts of me were very sensitive all of a sudden.
Softly, he ran two fingers along my jaw in a whisper of a touch and I stopped breathing altogether. I willed my eyes not to close, but it was difficult. I wanted to revel in the touch of his soft skin on mine, of his warmth, of his willingness to touch me without being coerced to do so. Then, when I thought he'd stop, he let his fingers follow the path of my exposed neck and down to my collarbone. I knew he was looking at my pulse point which was frenetic, but I didn't want to hide the effect he had on me.
"We should go before I ruin our date," he said more to himself than me. He pulled away and smiled at me, but I could see that it was hard for him to stop and I soared at this. I couldn't help but smile.
"It wouldn't be ruined."
"I'm happy to know you have so much faith in my skills," he replied in a chuckle as I locked the door behind me.
I bumped my shoulder into his, registering how good he felt and how amazing it would be to grab his shoulders while he did sinful things to me. "Shut up." It felt so easy, so right to be with him. We were writing a whole new chapter in the story of our relationship and I think it's my favorite. "Where are we going? It's not like we have a lot of options around here.’’ We made our way to the car, bumping shoulders every few steps, our hand brushing softly against each other.
"I reserved at Papa Joe's. Is it okay with you?" he asked me obviously second guessing himself as he opened his car door for me. Who knew Nolan Bell was so chivalrous? He sure wasn't back in the days from what I heard about and the little I witnessed back then.
"I love it and you know it. Italian food is still my favorite." I smiled up at him as I climbed in his big posh car, butterflies in my belly at his thoughtfulness. He remembered that Italian food was my favorite.
He walked quickly to his side of the car and didn't waste any time before he drove us toward the restaurant that was close to the elementary school. "You once told me that you wanted to have a first date in this restaurant. I suppose you had a lot since then, but I don't know... I guess I thought it would be a good idea."
"It's a fabulous idea, Nolan."
He nodded but didn't look back at me. In fact, he was sitting so straight and his hands were so tight around the steering wheel that I wondered what was going on. He seemed just fine when he was on my door step.
"Are you nervous?" Not seeing any reaction, I pressed on. “Nolan?’’
He sighed and chuckled self-consciously, running a hand on his face where a light scruff had been catching my attention since I opened my door. He’s deliciously enticing and calling out to all my feminine parts, begging him silently to let his unshaved face do its magic on my skin. I squirmed on my seat, closing my legs more tightly as I pictured it. I was such a pervert sometimes!
“It’s just strange going on a date with you. I heard…’’ He sighed again and dropped his hand back to the stirring wheel.
“Let me guess,’’ I started, my voice more annoyed than ashamed. After all, I shouldn’t be ashamed of myself. I made these decisions, made choices that I don’t even regret, not even ifhe was ashamed. “You heard that I was easy enough to put out on the first date so it wouldn’t be that difficult for you. Or better yet, that I had so many dates that no matter what you couldn’t surprise me with anything.’’
He parked in front of the tiny restaurant, the neon red light ‘Papa Joe’s’ lightning the car and us. Neither one of us moved and I didn’t know what to say or do anymore. It was so frustrating to be with the guy of your dreams and yet having all this ridiculous stuff coming between us.
“I’m just worried because I don’t know what you expect from this date or from me. Brooklyn, I’m not used to dating.’’ He glanced at me, but quickly turned away, his eyes fixed on the door of the restaurant. “For years, I had been that guy trying to score as fast and easy as possible. Even with my ex I didn’t try very hard. She did all the work. All I did was take things lightly.’’ He took a deep breath. “It’s a first and it’s scaring the shit out of me.’’
“And you’re trying to tell me that my past doesn’t bother you?’’
“It’s your past. I hate to think about these guys. Ihate to think about it, but you’re not judging me so why should I judge you?’’
I shook my head and forced a smile on my face. “Let’s pretend that I believe you.’’
“Brooklyn…’’
“No, please! I don’t want to ruin this night. We shouldn’t be talking about that kind of stuff. I want to have fun, I want to enjoy dinner with you and just catch up with who you are right now. It’s what I care about tonight.’’
He nodded and turned off his car before he stepped out and rounded the car to open my door, a soft smile to his face. But that smile wasn’t easing the nervous lines around his eyes and mouth. I climbed out of the SUV and grabbed his hand before he walked away and towards the restaurant.
I tugged on his hand and he followed without a second thought, his body stopping a breath away from mine. In the humid and hot night, I felt his warmth burning between us, calling for my touch, for my body. It was potent, heady.
Slowly, I looked up from his strong chest hidden by a tight shirt and stopped a little longer on his mouth parted as his breathing got louder, faster as my perusal got more thorough. His lips, more thin than full but so very soft looking, were inviting, begging for a touch, for kisses. His cheeks were tinged with pink, what I was starting to realize was his tell. It was so darn cute! And hot. Then, his hazel eyes captured mine. The intensity in his gaze, the way his pupils were dilated, everything was telling me that he was seconds away from ravishing me and in a man, that kind of look was the hottest thing. That anticipation, that exaltation at thinking about what he’d do to you, at how you’ll react to his touches, kisses… All of this made me weak at the knees. I tightened my grip on his hand, sure that if I let it go I’d crumble to the ground from sheer desire. Just because o
f a fucking look! This man was good. Or maybe these years of pent up frustrations were messing with me, my body and my hormones.
With my hand still clasped on his, I closed the small space between us and tilted my head up just a little, not ready to break the eye contact yet. Not just yet. At this point, I wasn’t even sure if I was still breathing. My ears were buzzing and I felt dizzy and it could come from my lack of oxygen, but one thing was sure; my heart was beating at a crazy pace as my brain completely shut off. So close, I could see the darker ring around his eyes, the way his thick eyebrows were so well designed that it gave a real force to his eyes. I could even see the tiny wrinkles born from all his smiles, the smiles he used to reserve mostly for me back in the day.
Propelled with my blind desire, I went on my tip toes and brought my free hand to his strong shoulder, clasping the solid muscle there, begging for me to claw with my fingernails. In my head, I cursed the material of his shirt preventing me from skin to skin contact. My fingers only touched the soft and expensive shirt, but underneath, his heat seared me and the definition of his muscle had my attention even if I couldn’t look away from his eyes.
In a daze, I touched my lips to his, softly, slowly as to imprint the feel of his mouth on mine, just long enough to last through dinner without needing to climb on the small table and devour his face. That would be too much even for me. I liked to have the attention of people around me, but that would be pushing it. No need for me to come as insane.
When his lips began to move against mine, starting the entrancing dance that more often than not led to more, I stopped thinking about where we were, what tension was between us. I just felt. I felt his five o’clock shadow lightly scratching my skin, I felt the bite of the small piece of metal from his lip ring and then, when his lips were playing more thoroughly with my lower lip, the moist tip of his tongue traced the seam of my lips, begging for more. But he didn’t have to beg for long. He had me wrapped around his finger and so far it wasn’t such a bad thing. I opened my mouth and met him halfway, my tongue brushing his and making me sigh, almost moan. A low sound escaped him and I tightened my grip on his shoulder.
Suddenly, when I thought the kiss would ease to a stop, he brought up his hand to keep me anchored to his lips, to his mouth mimicking what I spent years dreaming about what he’d do with other parts of his body, other parts still hidden, but so very hard against my flat stomach. His hand delved into my hair, his fingers tight behind my head. This move was possessive, dominant and so very hot. And exactly what I needed without even knowing it.
This time around, when his tongue brushed lightly the roof of my mouth before he nipped at my upper lip, I moaned. I tried to press myself harder against him, wanting to always feel him against me, to feel his desire, his desire to be with me, just like I needed it, him. I was aching from need.
He broke the kiss, but kept his lips ghosting mine. “Don’t make that kind of sound.’’
I opened my eyes, dizzy and not ready to step out of this lust filled bubble, but I was willing to play along a little. “Maybe I want to put you on your knees with lust.’’
The barely there friction of our lips was distracting and so very thrilling, playing with my frustration and what I was craving to do; kissing him to the point where we wouldn’t even mind if we’re in public and going at it. As dirty as it sounded this man was giving me wicked ideas.
He tugged just enough on my hair to make me hiss. “Don’t play with fire, Brooklyn. I don’t want to see you burnt,’’ he said, his lips still grazing mine, his lip ring adding that little something dangerous. His hazel eyes looked dark up close as he tried to keep some kind of control over this.
“I wouldn’t be the only one,’’ I whispered back, my face tingling as his breathing fanned my sensitive skin. At this point, I must be blushing.
He nodded and released me, taking a step back and then two more. As cliché as it sounded, cold invaded my body, chasing away the tingles to replace it with a chill now that his heat wasn’t surrounding me. That transition was hard. I crossed my arms over my chest.
“Let’s go inside. I think the patrons got enough of a show for one night,’’ he said with a rough voice, pointing at the small restaurant where a few people were shamelessly watching us, their noses almost touching the huge bay window. Small towns sucked.
He cleared his throat and, failing at hiding it, adjusted his erection that was obvious in his pants. I turned my head to the side and let my hair hide my victorious smile. Without another word I walked to the restaurant with a spring in my step that I hadn’t been feeling earlier.
Before I could open the door, Nolan ran and grabbed the door handle and opened it with a smile I’d qualify as sexy. When he smiled like this, you could only be drawn to him, your eyes glued to the small silver peeking from his mouth, that little thing you’d damn yourself just to nibble on it between deep kisses. I couldn’t keep my mind out of the gutter for more than one minute. It could get complicated if I had to participate in a conversation with him.
I smiled back and walked inside with Nolan hot on my heels. As soon as I looked up a tall and very thin man opened his arms and walked up to me. His wrinkles were like lines of every emotion life gave him, some bad and many good. Around his eyes, his wrinkles made him appear to be always smiling, which wasn’t far from the truth as it was well-known that Mr. Cullpeper or Pepper as he had always been nicknamed, was a good natured man. Not caring if his cook attire was dirty, I went in his arms and hugged his thin body. Close up, he smelt like a fabulous Italian recipe and it made me chuckle before he released me, keeping his big paws on my thin shoulders, his deep brown eyes on my face as to see if I was truly good.
“It’s been too long, honey,’’ he admonished me with his booming voice, attracting the attention of the patrons eating at the few small tables scattered around. His only waitress, his cousin who was much larger than Pepper, waved at me before she focused back on the old man who was obviously a difficult patron. Poor Tania.
“I know, Pepper, but I’ve been working more shifts to pay for a new place.’’
His thick eyebrows went up on his forehead, accentuating the three lines marking it. “You’re on your own?’’
“Don’t worry, I’m fine.’’ I waved his concern off and stepped away from him before I went back beside Nolan who was strangely very quiet, his eyes taking in the scene as if he was storing some kind of information just to use it later on in one of his books. “Do you remember Nolan Bell?’’
“Oh my!’’ Pepper laughed heartily and extended his hand with bulging veins. The men shook hands before Pepper’s eyes landed on our holding hands. His smile broadened even more before he shook his head. “I read all your books, young man. You’ve got some talent.’’
“Thank you, Sir. It looks like you know Brooklyn well.’’
Pepper led us to a table in the far corner of the restaurant—not that the place was big, but at least no one was directly sitting next to us—and gave us the menus. “She worked here last year.’’
Nolan kept his eyes on me after he helped with my chair and went to sit in front of me. “I thought you’d only worked at the bar.’’
I shook my head. “I needed more money so I took a few shifts here.’’
“She’s a feisty one. And thanks to her beautiful face, many young people came back here at Papa Joe’s.’’ Pepper said before he excused himself and went back to the kitchen he manned alone.
“Beautiful face, huh?’’
“Something like that.’’ I smiled sheepishly at memories of last year came crashing back. To say that last year had been quite wild would be an understatement. We all went through such a period. For some it’s when they’re teenagers like I had been, while for others it was later on once they’re about to get settled. Most of it was out of my system now.
He frowned and looked down at the appetizing meals listed on the menus. The stiffness in his shoulders and the way his hands fisted tightly the menu made it
obvious that he was upset.
“Nolan, don’t tell me you’re jealous or some shit like that. It’s ridiculous and you weren’t even here!’’
He put down the menu and locked his eyes on me, bright in the soft lights of the restaurant. “You needed money so you slaved at a bar and here after a day spent in high school while I basked in more money than I could spend. That’s my issue right now. It’s not about who you fucked or teased or even with whom you were.’’
I leaned over the table, bringing my face closer to his. “You’re not responsible of me and that stuff with money? It was all because of me. I made a mistake and I had to pay for it. Literally.’’ I made sure to keep my cool mask on, not willing to get into my mistakes and delve into some part of my past I wasn’t that proud of.
“Tell me about it.’’ His voice held the kind of note that called for no bullshit. Even his whole face seemed closed off and when the waitress came to take our orders, he didn’t ease off.
I stalled some by taking a sip of my glass of water, but I couldn’t play this kind of game for much longer. Under the table, his leg was tapping a fast rhythm he was the only one to hear. “I met a guy and he made me think that maybe we could…I don’t know.’’ I laughed, but it was humorless. In my chest, a tightness I thought disappeared months ago came back, along with a bitterness I abhorred.
“Did you love him?’’ he asked me with a blank voice, his eyes now downcast, focused on his hands as he played with his fork.
“I was on the track to, but I wasn’t in love. I guess I was hoping that he would be the one able to make me forget you and forget these ridiculous feelings I had for a guy who wasn’t even here and who never saw me as something else but a sister. And as a foolish freshly seventeen year old girl with an older guy, I lost all common sense for a little while.’’
Six Years Page 19
