Knocks at the door brought me back to the present. I frowned and went cautiously at the door. When I was alone at home I didn’t like to answer the door. Even during the day. For example, three days ago the police arrested two guys in our street who were dealing drugs. During the day! You never knew what to expect on the other side of a closed door and it was one of the few things my parents taught me and Big No was always drilling it in my head as if I could forget.
“Who is it?’’ I asked with a small voice, checking with my eyes to see if I hadn’t forgotten to lock the two locks of the door. That was something I tended to do every once in a while. Not very smart of me.
“Your thirsty neighbor, Little B. Do you have something to drink?’’
I jumped to open the door, my smile bright and big. Big No was looking at me with amusement as he put his t-shirt back on. “I made some iced tea.’’
“Sweet!’’ He skipped in and followed me to the kitchen where he grabbed the pitcher and a glass to pour himself some. As soon as he took a sip, he groaned and closed his eyes. “Fuck, I was so thirsty. That heat is a bitch.’’ I laughed and took another sip of my previously abandoned glass. He re-opened his eyes and cringed. “Sorry for that Little B. I wasn’t paying attention.’’
“You know what, I’d love to have a look at what you’re writing. It must be interesting with the way you talk.’’
I couldn’t say if it was just because the heat had taken its toll on him or if he was truly blushing, but he did look quite embarrassed all of a sudden. “Yeah, let’s just say that you should be older.’’
“Will you let me read something you wrote?’’
He pursed his lips and shook his head before he ran a dirty hand over his buzzed hair. “Nah. I’m just playing around. And I’m not kidding, Little B. It’s not some kid stories I’m writing. Some scenes are not for you.’’
I snorted and turned around. I didn’t want to let it show how hurting his words were. “Have another glass if you want. I have some work to do in my room.’’
And I walked away, not once feeling the need to look back. I was tired of this same old same old. Moreover, he was putting more and more distance between us and I was afraid of what it might mean.
BROOKLYN
Watching Nolan sleep was peaceful and something I never thought I’d ever do. Not that the other times when he fell asleep in my bedroom didn’t count, but it was different. For one, back then he had clothes on.
Right now, the light sheet was barely covering him, leaving one hip for my eyes to see. His chest with barely there hair had me drooling, thinking about how I had my hands and mouth on him, tracing every one of his muscles. I smiled and put a hand to my mouth, careful to not giggle as giddiness made me feel restless. His hair was all mussed and sticking up high on top of his head, probably from the countless times I had played with it in the throes of passion. His scruff was even darker today in the bright light of the first rays of the sun peeking through the half closed curtains. The best part was the hand he had on my stomach, his fingers sprayed over my bare skin as if to have a perfect hold on me and my body. As if to keep me in bed, next to him, as close as possible.
His breathing was calm, deep and it was slowly soothing me back to sleep. I began to close my eyes when a shrill ringtone startled me. Nolan blinked and sat up before he groaned and rubbed his eyes. He looked just like a young boy who had a hard time keeping his eyes open. Quite cute, but when the guy was hot and naked in bed with you, it went straight into drool worthy territory.
“I think it’s coming from your pants,’’ I said with a small chuckle.
He looked at me and nodded, still tongue-tied. He pushed away the sheet and stood up, not even the slightest self-conscious about his body. He fumbled with his pants and just before his cell phone went silent, he found it and answered it with a grunt, not even checking who was calling.
“This better be good, Paul.’’ He turned toward me and smiled at me until his eyes widened and his face slackened. “No shit?’’ He ran a hand in the mess of his hair and I took my fill by looking at him. “Today? But—‘’ He sighed and smiled. “Alright, alright. Need to go.’’ He hung up and laughed, his eyes danced with happiness and it made me smile in return.
“What’s going on?’’
He walked back the bed and sat on my side, his side flushed against my covered leg. I wasn’t trying to hide my naked breasts and he remarked it immediately. His eyes locked on my pert nipples and the light in his eyes turned naughty immediately as a pink hue appeared on his cheeks.
“Nolan?’’
He blinked and looked up. “You’re not going to believe this.’’ He held up his cell phone and waved it between us as an excited tension rose from him, making me dread whatever he was about to tell me. The last time something like this happened was when he announced me that he was accepted in college in New York. “Paul is my agent and he announced me that my first book was optioned to be made into a movie. It only needs my signature and it’ll be a done deal. They already have a team to start auditioning.’’
I gaped at him and threw myself at him, bringing us both down to the floor with me sprawled on him, both of us naked in the stark light of the early morning. I pulled back slightly as his laugh rang. “A movie, Nolan! Holy shit!’’
He dropped his phone and hugged me tightly, breathing in my hair. “It’s so crazy,’’ he whispered near my ear, his breath brushing my shoulder and my back.
“I’m so proud of you.’’
He released me from his hug and locked eyes with me, his eyebrows arching in a silent question until he began to bite on his lip ring. He brushed my hair away from my face and ran his fingers along his jaw. “Really?’’
“Of course, Nolan. You’re a well-known author, you won multiples awards for your books, you’ve built yourself a life out of this hell hole and you’ll have your first book made into a movie! How could I not to be proud of what you achieved in only six years?’’ I drew circles on his left pec with the tip of my index finger. His muscles bulged and he smiled lazily at me.
“Yet, you’ve never even read the dedications in my books.’’
I crinkled my nose and groaned before I hid my face in his hot chest. “I have no excuse anymore, I know.’’
He chuckled and grabbed my head to lock eyes with him. “You okay?’’ The seriousness of his voice and the way his eyes were watching me like a hawk as if to not miss one thing that could pass over my face.
I knew he was talking about what happened between us last night. And again, twice, later on. “I have no regret and I’m really happy right now. I’ve never felt so happy. Do you regret it?’’
He shook his head and tightened his hold on me even if it must be uncomfortable to be on the ground with my full weight on him. “I’d never regret something that good with you, Brooklyn.’’ He caressed my hair. “It was amazing.’’
I kissed his chest and smiled at him, feeling a new horde of butterflies taking off in my stomach. “Good.’’
“I have something else to tell you.’’
“Spill it,’’ I whispered, unable to help the frown hardening my face. Even my body tensed.
“I have to go back to New York.’’
I sat up and jumped to my feet. I needed some space, some time to let my heart go back to its normal beating. The butterflies plummeted and their downfall was painful, awakening what I had felt back when he left six years ago. But above all, I was angry because for just a little while, even if I knew that my feelings for him were nothing close to the fondness he felt for me, I hoped for more. He didn’t love me, he was lusting and he held me in his heart for old time sake and I knew it, but my naïve and hopeful side was creeping in and last night only sealed what I was hoping for. But he was leaving again.Again.
“Great. I didn’t think it’d be so fast, but at least you’re telling me face to face this time around,’’ I said, my words more biting than I wanted them. I was going for aloof and detache
d, but even that I couldn’t manage, not when I wanted to slap him and yell at him for doing this. But he didn’t do anything wrong. It was so frustrating and really not at all how I was seeing this morning going.
He stood up and tried to grab my arms, but I stepped away and hid my body by putting on a bathrobe I forgot in my bedroom last night after I got ready for our date. His face closed off and he crossed his strong arms over his chest, not even trying to put on his boxer that was on the ground just at his feet.
“Don’t play that fucking card on me, Brooklyn. I just need to go to New York to sign some papers for the movie. That’s all.’’
I gritted my teeth and snorted. It was hard to look at him and face him, but I didn’t hide any longer. “And you’ll be back here? Why?’’
He waved at the air between us. “Why do you think? I’m back and we’re trying to sort things out and I sure don’t want to have you out of my life, no matter what happens in the future. And there’s my mother—I just have too many things here to sort out before I go back to New York for good. I need to leave for a couple of days, that’s all.’’
I wanted to believe him, to drop it and just enjoy this morning with him, but I couldn’t. Not when there was a risk for him to put off his return once he’ll be there. His life in New York was very different from the one I had here. We’re on different speed, different phase in our life and only now I realized what it truly meant. I was just eighteen and for the most part I was very much lost with no idea of what to do with myself. He was a successful author ready to embark on another adventure that was far out of my reach. Damn, I lived in a tiny place and I was eating cheap food just to be able to pay my bills when he had more money than I would ever have.
“Whatever.’’
“What is that supposed to mean?’’ He bent and grabbed his boxer and put it on quickly before he walked to me, forcing me to tilt my head up to keep eye contact. Without my heels I was quite short next to him.
“It meanswhatever.’’
His nostrils flared and his lip ring disappeared in his mouth for a few beats. “I’ll be back in a couple of days because I want to be with you. I’m not leaving because I want to leave the day after I had sex with you, but I have too.’’
Then why wasn’t he asking me to come with him? Even if I couldn’t afford not working for two full days, I wanted him to ask me to come with him. I wanted the illusion of the choice. “What do you want me to say?’’
“That you understand and that you’re not mad.’’ He cupped my left cheek. His hand was shaking slightly and I closed my eyes. “I want you to open the door for me when I’ll be back. I want you to kiss me when you’ll open your door. And I want you to text me and answer my calls while I’m away.’’
He kissed my forehead, then the tip of my nose and finally my lips. He didn’t deepen the kiss. Instead, he let me take the lead and I couldn’t not deepen it. My heart ached in my chest. I wrapped my arms around his narrow waist and slipped my tongue in mouth, tasting him again. Soon, I broke the kiss and smiled bitterly.
“When are you leaving?’’
He sighed and played with the sleeves of my bathrobe, tugging until one of my shoulders was bared. He leaned into me and kissed it, running his lips and tongue over my heated skin and goosebumps broke all over my body. It never ceased to amaze me how responsive I was to his touch.
“As soon as possible. I have to get ready at my hotel room, pay for it and then I’ll drive straight to New York. I have a meeting this afternoon with my agent to debrief the whole thing. I don’t want to look like a moron in front of these people who optioned my book.’’
I nodded and let the stone weight in my stomach. The breakfast I had craved when I had opened my eyes was long forgotten. I just wanted to fall back asleep and wait as long as possible before I had to get ready for my noon shift at the bar. Life wasn’t waiting, though.
“You should go, then. I have to get ready for the day too. And I’d like to go see your mother after my shift.’’
He frowned and let me pull away from him. “Are we okay?’’
I nodded and forced a smile to my numb face. It wasn’t painful to smile per se, but it wasn’t genuine and I felt it in every fiber of my body. I hated to lie, to hide things. It’s not me, but I was like any other girl or woman when it came to the guy who had your heart. I didn’t want to chase him away with my thoughts, fears and resentment. After all, it was an amazing opportunity for him and it wasn’t my right to ruin it by acting like a school girl with trust issues, even if these issues were very real.
He grabbed my hand and kissed my knuckles before he turned around and dressed, ready to leave. I led him to the door silently and let him kiss my lips, but I didn’t let him deepen it. Instead, I hugged him with all my strengths and watched him drive away from the parking lot and back to his life.
I closed the door and went straight to take a shower and only when the hot water hit my aching and tense body did I let the tears fall, mixing with the water as to not see them falling even if I felt them breaking free from the shield of my closed eyelids. And something happened that I never thought possible.
I regretted sleeping with Nolan.
* * *
NOLAN
As soon as I was in my car after paying the hotel for my stay and I was packed to go, I dialed Paul, my agent. He couldn’t have had a worst timing. The day after Brooklyn and I slept together I had to get back to New York.
“Nolan? Are you on the road?’’ Paul asked me with his usual business voice. I doubted the man knew how to have plain old fun. But even though he was serious to his core and it annoyed me sometimes, he was also very good at his job.
“Yeah, I’m just about to leave Riverdale. I should be there this evening.’’ I glanced briefly at the road sign signaling the end limits of the small town. Driving away was harder than I expected and brought back the last time I took that same road, turning my back on my home town and on Brooklyn. But it wasn’t the same this time around, I would be back soon.
“What dosed off your enthusiasm? You are at the top of your game and you’re about to sign for a big motion film adaption of your book. What’s not to be ecstatic?’’
I sighed and relaxed behind the wheel. I ran a hand over my cheek and cringed when the whisker scraped my palm. I didn’t even take the time to shave in my haste. And I didn’t took the time to reassure Brooklyn. I was feeling all sorts of messed up for leaving so soon after our night together, so I could only guess how she must feel now.
“You know I’m…’’ I groaned and shook my head. “It’s just the timing.’’
“Hmm…’’ He hummed in the phone. “Your editor told me about your mother. But it’s not like you’re leaving for more than a few days.’’
“The woman is dying, so yeah, a few days matter, Paul,’’ I bit back, unleashing some of the tension tying me into knots. Even though my mother was still an issue and I was mostly lost when it came to her, what bothered me at this very moment was not the woman who gave me life. It was the one who made me remember what it’s like to feel alive.
“Uh…yes, of course. I’m sorry, Nolan.’’ He sighed in the phone with what I supposed was tiredness. “This is a big contract, that’s all I’m saying.’’
“I know, I know.’’ I glanced at the screen of my phone, but there was no new text. It was dumb, I just left her, but I would have loved to see a text from her already. I needed to know how much she didn’t want me to leave, how much she was going to miss me. I was thinking like a woman now. “I can’t thank you enough for landing me this contract, Paul, but there’s a lot going on for me right now and a few more days would have been good.’’
“If I could have given you these days, I would have, but they’re expecting to leave for LA soon and start casting actors foryour movie. Once it’s green lit, it’s a fast business.’’
“Yeah well, I can’t stay long. I’m telling you now, I have to go back to Riverdale in two days, three top.’�
�
“Nolan—‘’
“I’m telling you, Paul. I don’t make demands that often, so listen what I’m saying. I’ll be back to Riverdale in two or three days. Not one day later. Got it?’’
Paul stayed quiet for long seconds until he reluctantly agreed. I didn’t even hold my breath, I knew he couldn’t say anything else. He was paid a percentage of what I was making, not the other way around.
I hung up and turned up the radio. I wouldn’t leave for long and then…then Brooklyn and I would go back to what we had. I wouldn’t stay away and risk what we had because losing her wasn’t an option. I needed to remind her that and that wasn’t something I could do over the phone.
* * *
BROOKLYN
“You’re not saying hello anymore?’’
I looked up and saw Mike at a table, alone and drinking a beer on tap while eating a cheese burger and some fries. As usual, he’s wearing casual yet classy clothes for work and his hair was still that disarray of brown curls that gave him a boyish charm that first drew me in almost eight months ago. I smiled and glanced around to be sure that no one needed something before I sat in front of him.
“I’m sorry. I guess it’s one of those days when I have my head up my ass.’’ I straightened my ponytail and brushed some crumbs from the table.
He grabbed a couple of fries and dropped them in his mouth, his brown eyes on me, unwavering. It’s funny how different he seemed to me now that we weren’t together. He seemed more mature, more man even now that he wasn’t trying to play some kind of weird game of seduction. As if that was what I was expecting from him. Granted, he was still a player who enjoyed looking at women’s goods and he wasn’t fond of his work with his father. But still, he wasn’t the idiot I deemed him to be just because I thought it easier to deal with. I had underestimated him and I felt guilty for it.
Six Years Page 22
