Impulse sa-5

by Moira Rogers

  Sera…wasn’t. Would never be. Shame usually accompanied that reminder, but not today. If Julio and Patrick weren’t here, she’d drag herself to her feet one way or another. She’d do it the way she’d accomplished everything else—by being too damn stubborn to quit. Having different resources at her disposal didn’t make her lesser. Just different.

  Her resources were running low, and there was no shame in that either. She waited for Julio to lift her into his arms and tucked her face against his shoulder with a soft sigh. It was his turn to be the protector, to be the hero, and she wouldn’t begrudge him that.

  More than anything else, she liked it.

  Chapter Eighteen

  The bruises on her face had faded, but Veronica still bore the scars from her encounter with Cesar and Diego.

  Julio held out the cup he’d brought to the solarium. “From Sera. You like honey in your tea, right?”

  “Yes.” Veronica accepted the cup. “Any word on Glenn?”

  The wolf had taken the brunt of the damage from Josh’s truck T-boning the car. “His internal bleeding has already started to heal. Carmen says he’ll be okay.”

  That brought the ghost of a smile to Veronica’s lips. “Good. He’s been with me and Mom—” Her voice broke, and she took a small breath to compose herself. “He’s been with us a long time.”

  Then he was glad, for her sake as well as Glenn’s. Julio sat on the arm of the couch. “You’ve been through a lot.”

  “I have, haven’t I?” Veronica lifted the teacup and studied it, her eyes shadowed. “Over a year and a half ago, I had tea with Nicole Peyton. That was the last normal day of my life.

  Every one since has been… I’m sleepwalking through life in a haze, Julio. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

  How could she? “What do you want to do?”

  “I want to know how to feel normal.”

  Julio cleared his throat. “Two days ago, I killed my father. Even before that, my best friend apologized for not having killed him already. But it’s not just our family.” He could go on, and he did. “Sera’s mom is in a mental institution. One of Alec’s cousins killed his first wife. We’re not normal, none of us. It doesn’t mean we can’t be happy, but it makes it harder.”

  “It does.” She set the cup aside and drew her legs up to her chest. “It’s bad enough that our fathers hurt people we care about. The thing that no one wants to talk about is that they’re still our fathers.”

  “Yeah.” Julio had fully expected to regret having to kill his father. But after finding him ready to do the same to Sera… The emotion simply hadn’t come. What had taken its place was a sucker punch. “I never thought I would mourn. My father wasn’t a part of my life in any positive way. He did nothing but hurt my mother and my sister and brother, so why should I grieve?”

  “For what he could have been. Or what he should have been.” She rested her chin on her knees and shrugged. “I don’t know. Sometimes I remember the stupidest things. When I was a kid and my father was still sure he’d have a son eventually, I was his princess. Sometimes I convince myself he had to be a different man than the one who backhanded me for talking back.”

  The only thing they could do in the end was swear to do things differently. “I’m going to marry Sera. I don’t care what the legacy wolves have to say about it.”

  “Yeah?” For the first time in days, he thought he saw a real smile curve her lips. “You never did care what any of them thought. When we were kids, I was always so jealous of you. You weren’t afraid of getting into trouble. You wanted to.”

  “No better way to piss my dad off, right?”

  “I suppose so.” She reached out to catch Julio’s hand. “I’m glad, I really am. I like Sera.

  She’s tough in a way that makes me a little jealous of her too.”

  She hadn’t had an easy life, either, though in different ways. But she’d always fought, and she always would. “She’s the reason I decided, you know. I ran away from this shit for so long, pretended I was human because my mom wanted me to…but I’m not. So I’ll do what I can to change things, and Sera will be right there with me.”

  “Change.” Her voice wrapped around the word, gave it weight. “That’s something else I said to Nicole. Before my father—” She cleared her throat. “I told her that I’d always thought our generation would be the one to change things. But I’d stopped believing. My dad, our uncle…

  They beat it out of me. Except now it’s happening. It’s really happening.”

  Hopefully not too late. “You’ll be protected, free to do whatever the hell you please. It’s what Aunt Teresa wanted.”

  A rusty laugh bubbled up. “I don’t even know, Julio. I know what I don’t want. I don’t want to be sold off like a prize mare. And I don’t know if I want to practice law anymore. I’m tired.”

  He squeezed her hand, his chest tight. “Carmen said you’re going to stay with them for a while.”

  “Yes. Alec declared it. And your sister told him he didn’t get to declare it, that I had a choice.” Veronica almost grinned. “That was so much fun to watch I decided it wouldn’t be so bad. They have the guest house at Alec’s place in New Orleans, and he said I could live there.”

  It would probably be the best place for her to regain that semblance of normalcy she’d talked about. “If they get to be too much, there are plenty of friendly faces in New Orleans. You could escape for a while.”

  “I might come visit you.” Veronica uncurled and leaned over to hug him. “You can teach me how to get in trouble again. You were pretty good at that when we were eight.”

  “I was a terror. I drove my mother nuts.”

  “I remember. You grew up okay, though.” She kissed his cheek. “Go cuddle your woman. I don’t think she’ll stop fretting about people unless you distract her.”

  “Maybe.” Veronica looked so much like her mother, her darker coloring the only hint of her father, but his legacy was there, all the same. The fear. The trauma. “Promise me, Ronnie. You will come visit.”

  “I will. And you promise you’ll call me if you need help getting set up in Atlanta. I know all the wolves in law enforcement and the government, and I’m still licensed to practice law in Georgia.” She touched Julio’s cheek, a gesture that reminded him of Teresa. “If the revolution is finally here, I don’t want to miss it. But I need to be an asset, not a liability, and right now I feel a little broken.”

  He’d known from the time he’d challenged his way onto the council that he’d have to fight again. His vision had been vague, full of swirling faces superimposed on his opponent’s, leaving him with no idea who it might truly be. Cesar, his father, Alan Reed…even his own face had appeared. The only certainty was the possibility of destruction. As he’d struck the killing blow in his vision, he’d felt it in his bones—the fight had the potential to destroy people. So many people.

  Now, he could drown in blame if he let himself. His aunt had died, his cousin had lost her mother, Sera had had to face Josh—all because he hadn’t acted sooner.

  He’d have to set it aside. “I would have done it before,” he murmured. “Killed them already, I mean. But I thought maybe it would make me just as bad as them. No mercy, no law but what I want. I can’t live like that, Ronnie.”

  “So don’t.” She let her hand fall to his and squeezed it. “You’re a protector, Julio. It was true when you were eight, it was true when you turned your back on shapeshifter power to become a fireman, and it’s true now. And if you ever start to forget it, you’ve got friends who will pull you back from the edge. Or kick you there.”

  “I don’t think it’ll be a problem now.” There wasn’t anyone left who might pose a problem, no more fathers or uncles motivated by a hunger for power. “Do you hate me because my father was a part of this?”

  She didn’t answer at once. She looked away instead, her hair falling to hide her face as she studied the floor. “It’s funny,” she said finally. “That’s the questi
on I’ve been too scared to ask Nicole and Michelle Peyton.”

  “I think you should. It might give Derek Gabriel a chance to ask you his own version of it.

  Good or bad, he killed your father.” Julio stood and took a step back. “I’m lucky. I only have myself to deal with when it comes to that. For most everyone else, it’s more complicated.”

  “I suppose it is.” Veronica peeked up at him. “I don’t hate you. Diego and Cesar were more a part of my life than they were yours. Maybe that’s the part that scares me the most.”

  “It doesn’t have to. You’re tough too. Tough enough to leave it behind.”

  “No, I’m not. But I am smart enough to let people help me out.” Rising, Veronica picked up the tea. “I’m going to start by talking to your sister. Atlanta’s big enough to make good use of one of those clinics she wants to open. Maybe I can help her and Sera’s dad with some of the legal issues. It’s a baby step.”

  “A baby step means you’re still moving forward.”

  “It’s easier when it’s all in the family. Or will be, once you marry that girl.”

  A family, one that centered around Carmen and Alec in so many ways. “With no more Conclave oversight, I wonder what people will say about that.”

  Veronica shrugged. “People talk. That’s the first rule of being in charge. The more unhappy they are, the more they complain. So you do your best, and you ignore the talk.”

  “Yeah.” He flashed her what he hoped was an encouraging grin. “Alec could probably use a political advisor, you know. Just putting that out there.”

  “Bite your tongue, Julio.” His cousin shuddered dramatically. “I smiled at those bastards for most of my life knowing I might end up married to one. I don’t want to see any of them for at least a year. Maybe two.”

  “Suit yourself. Me personally? I’d want to cause them a little bit of pain and consternation.”

  “Revenge?” Something sparked in her eyes, a grim sort of amusement. “I suppose it would make them all miserable to have to deal with me as a political entity instead of a potential broodmare.”

  “Food for thought.” Alec loathed dealing with other legacy wolves, but he seemed to derive a perverse satisfaction from making them deal with him. “I’m hitting the study for something harder than tea. You in?”

  “You sure you wouldn’t rather go snuggle with Sera?”

  “Plenty of time.” He tugged open the door and tilted his head to the hallway. “Come on. One drink.”

  She looked vulnerable in that moment. Bruised and tired, and so clearly moved at the realization that coming to talk to her really hadn’t been an obligation or a duty. She swallowed hard and offered him a trembling smile. “Something tells me you and Sera are going to get me in a lot of trouble.”

  It hurt, that look of pained gratitude, and Julio wrapped an arm around his cousin’s shoulders.

  “I hope so. It wouldn’t be fair of us to hog it all.”

  Sera smelled the Scotch before the bed dipped under Julio’s weight and bit back a smile.

  “Were you drinking with Patrick?”

  “Veronica.” He groaned and peered up at her through a squint. “She can drink too. What the hell?”

  Her body ached and protested as she rolled onto her side and propped her head on her hand, but the worst of the pain was already behind her. Copious food and rest—both ordered and enforced by Carmen—had kicked her healing into high gear.

  She ignored the twinge in her shoulder and smoothed Julio’s hair back from his forehead with a fond smile. “She’s five-eleven and finds kickboxing relaxing. I don’t care if she’s a submissive shifter, Veronica’s a badass.”

  “Well, I’m glad I suggested drinking instead of sparring, then.”

  “Uh-huh.” Whatever had happened, Julio seemed less weighed down. She stroked his temple. “Are you drunk, baby?”

  He laughed. “No, already sobering up.” He rolled to face her. “I figured something out, though. I changed my mind about the council.”

  “Before or after Veronica tried to drink you under the table?”

  “Before.” Julio wrapped his hand around the back of her neck. “I’m not going to quit. If someone wants to hassle us, I’ll kick his ass…but I’m going to stick with it. You know that, right?”

  It almost felt like a warning. “I don’t want you to quit. My dad warned me it wouldn’t be easy, and I told him the truth. I’m not afraid that it’s going to break me. You won’t let it. I’ll always be able to take more crap than you’re going to let anyone give me.”

  His hand tightened as he closed his eyes. “I don’t want it to make you miserable. I’ve given Alec enough shit about that while he and Carmen have been in New York. It’s not right, and it isn’t fair. You didn’t sign up for this.”

  “I didn’t mean—” She sighed. “It’s not the same. Carmen could walk away from the council and the wolves and live a normal life with other people like her. I don’t have that. I never will.”

  “It doesn’t matter, not when I’m the reason they’re all treating you like shit.” He met her gaze with a determined look. “I’ll make it worth it.”

  He still didn’t understand, and she wasn’t sure how to explain why the promise only twisted tension inside her. “You’re not the reason,” she said finally. “You’ll be the reason a few snotty wolves have to deal with me…but you’ll be the reason hundreds more are afraid to treat me like shit ever again. You don’t have to make it worth it. You’re the one who could have an easier life by picking a wolf.” And that was the part that hurt. The secret fear. “When you say that, I wonder if I need to make it worth it.”

  “That isn’t what I want.” He sat up and smoothed a section of the comforter. “Marry me, and we’ll call it even. Worth every second, no matter what.”

  Her heart stuttered. It was like getting hit on the head again, the room doing a crazy, swooping dance, but everything was warm and perfect this time. No pain. No fear. Just-“I want to have babies with you,” she blurted out, because yes wasn’t enough and it was the truest thing she could think of to say. The only thing that encompassed how far past yes she was.

  He touched her cheek, traced the curve of her face down to her jaw. “Even if they won’t be coyotes?”

  “Even if they would be coyotes.” She shivered and closed her eyes. “That was the possibility that always scared me the most. But it doesn’t with you. I don’t know if our kids will be wolves or coyotes or neither, but I know they’ll be safe and loved.”

  His breath stirred her hair and then blew across her skin as he leaned close. “Because I love you.”

  “That’s all I want.” She turned and whispered the words against his cheek. “Not a species. A family.”

  “Family,” he echoed, then groaned. “Your dad. Is he gonna kill me?”

  “No.” Relaxing back into the pillows, she smiled up into his too-serious eyes. “He’s going to worry. He’s my dad, he can’t help it. But I think he likes you well enough…for a wolf.”

  “Good. Though I can’t say he’s my favorite coyote ever.”

  “Better not be.” She traced the bridge of his nose with her fingertip and marveled at the simple gesture. Hers. He was hers to touch, to cuddle, all the tiny little things that she’d missed about keeping a man around longer than it took to screw him. She could spend the rest of her life touching him in a hundred ways, drowning in his strength, his love, his scent-His scent. She shot upright fast enough to wrench a stab of protesting pain from her back, and barely noticed it. “Oh my God. Oh God, I hadn’t even thought.”

  Julio shot up after her. “What? What is it?”

  “My mom.” A different sort of pain closed in on her, pressing against her chest until it was hard to drag in a breath. “She freaked out after I spent two nights in your guest bedroom. Your scent was barely on me. Not like now. What if I can’t ever see her again?”

  “You can.” He gripped her hand and turned her face to his. “We’ll f
igure it out. It might take time or magic or both, but you can’t go without seeing your mom.”

  “Magic. We can try magic.” Her racing heart slowed as she turned her face to his palm.

  “Maybe you can even meet her. As long as you don’t tell her I just took the Lord’s name in vain.

  She’d whoop my ass.”

  “Not throwing any stones, sweetheart. My mom would’ve done the same.”

  Sera shifted her body to curl against his chest. “We can try, after we finish up here. Or at least get things settled. I suppose we’re never going to be finished up here. This house is going to be home.”

  He combed his fingers through her hair. “It doesn’t have to be. We can split our time between here and New Orleans for a while.”

  “We can figure it out. Where to live, and when…” And how she was going to finish college, because she wanted that accomplishment. That giddy success, the security of knowing she had skills and credentials to fall back on. The relief of knowing Julio wouldn’t hold her back, or view her independence as a threat.

  She didn’t have to ask because she didn’t have to wonder, and that made the words she murmured true. “Wherever we are, it’ll be home.”

  “Mmm.” He nuzzled her temple. “It sounds really good when you say it like that.”

  Warm, lazy hunger unspooled in her belly, a creeping awareness still too gentle to be arousal. She rubbed against him with a satisfied sigh and nipped at his jaw. “I bet it’d sound even better if we were naked.”

  “Everything does,” he agreed, and rolled her to her back.

  Callum stood next to Julio at the edge of the garden, his unwavering gaze fixed on the two women seated together under a magnolia tree in full bloom. There was a fierce sort of concentration in the empath’s stance, but that didn’t stop him from poking at Julio. “You and I have vastly divergent opinions of what constitutes a vacation, my friend.”

  “I got out of town. Took a road trip.” He grinned at Callum. “Found myself. Isn’t that what you headshrinkers always want people to do?”