The Mammoth Book of Steampunk

by Sean Wallace

  At first I felt nothing – and then, suddenly, the elixir announced its presence in my brain. My throat constricted. My eyes seemed to rotate in their sockets. A thousand clockwork ants scurried across my skin. Sweat gushed from my brow, coursing down my face like blood from the Crown of Thorns.

  Our torments ceased as abruptly as they’d begun, as if by magic – that is to say, by Überwissenschaft. And suddenly we knew that a true wonderworker had come amongst us, le Grand Renault, blessing his disciples with the elixir of his genius. Brave new passions swelled within us. Fortunately I had on hand sufficient ink and paper to give them voice. Although we’d severed ourselves from our simian heritage, Edward and I nevertheless entered into competition, each determined to produce the greater number of eternal truths in iambic pentameter. Whilst my poor swain labored till dawn, and even then failed to complete his Abyssiad, I finished The Song of Boadicea on the stroke of midnight – 210 stanzas, each more brilliant than the last.

  Thursday, 6 June

  And so, dear diary, it has begun. We have bitten the apple, cut cards with the Devil, lapped the last drop from the Pierian Spring. Come the new year my Edward and I shall be man and wife, but today we are Übermensch and Überfrau.

  Such creatures will not be constrained by convention, nor acknowledge mere biology as their master. We are brighter than our glands. Each time Edward and I give ourselves to carnal love, we employ such prophylactic devices as will preclude procreation.

  We do not disrobe. Rather, we tear the clothes from one another’s bodies like starving castaways shucking oysters in a tidal inlet. How marvelous that, throughout the long, arduous process of concocting his formula, Monsieur le docteur remained a connoisseur of sin. How exhilarating that a post-evolutionary race can know so much of post-lapsarian lust.

  To apprehend the true and absolute nature of things – that is the fruit of Nietzschean clarity.

  Energies and entities are one and the same, did you know that, dear diary? Wonders are many, but the greatest of these is being. Hell does not exist. Heaven is the fantasy of clerics. There is no God, and I am his prophet.

  Fokken – that is the crisp, candid, Middle Dutch word for it. We fuck and fuck and fuck and fuck.

  Wednesday, 12 June

  An Überfrau does not hide her blazing intellect beneath a bushel. She trumpets her transfiguration from every rooftop, every watchtower, the summit of the highest mountain.

  When I told Lady Witherspoon what Edward and I had done with the elixir, I assumed she might turn livid and perhaps even banish me from her estate. I did not anticipate that she would acquire a countenance of supreme alarm, call me the world’s biggest fool, and spew out a narrative so hideous that only an Überfrau would dare, as I did, to greet it with a contemptuous laugh.

  If I am to believe the baroness, Dr Renault also wondered whether Infusion U might be capable of causing the consummation of our race. His experiments were so costly as to nearly deplete his personal fortune, entailing as they did lawsuits brought against him by the relations of the serum’s twenty recipients. For it happens that the beneficence of Infusion U rarely persists for more than six weeks, after which the Übermensch endures a rapid and irremediable slide toward the primal. No known drug can arrest this degeneration, and the process is merely accelerated by additional injections.

  The subjects of Renault’s investigations may have lost their Nietzschean nerve, but Edward and I shall remain true to our joy. We exist beyond the tawdry grasp of the actual and the trivial reach of reason. As Übermensch and Überfrau we are prepared to grant employment to every species of whimsy, but no facts need apply.

  Something June

  The third meeting of the Witherspoon Academy was another rollicking success, though Miss Ruggles and Mr Crowther would probably construct it otherwise. When Miss Ruggles inflicted her latest excrescence on us, a piece of twaddle about her garden, Edward suggested that she run home and tend her flowers, for they were surely wilting from shame. She left the estate in tears. After Mr Crowther finished spouting his drivel, I told him that his muse had evidently spent the past four weeks selling herself in the streets. His face went crimson, and he left in a huff.

  Thursday?

  Kitty’s head swims in a maelstrom of its own making. Her stomach has lost all sovereignty over its goods, and her psyche has likewise surrendered its dominion. Her soul vomits upon the page.

  Another Day

  Ape hair on Edward’s arms. Ape teeth in Edward’s mouth. Ape face on Edward’s skull.

  A Different Day

  Ape hair in the mirror. Ape teeth in the mirror. Ape face in the mirror.

  Another Day

  They pitted me against him. In the mud. My Edward. We would not fight. They did it to him anyway. Necessary? Yes. Do I care? No. Procreation kills.

  No Day

  On the sea. Atonement Atoll. A timbre intended is a tone meant. I shall never say anything so clever again. I weep.

  Habzilb

  habzilb larzed dox ner adnor ulorx qron mizrel bewq xewt ulp ilr ulp xok ulp ulp ulp ulp ulpulpulpulpulpulpulpulpulpulp

  Personal Journal of Captain Archibald Carmody, R.N. Written aboard HMS Aldebaran Whilst on a Voyage of Scientific Discovery in the Indian Ocean

  20 April 1899

  Lat. 1°10’ S, Long. 71°42’ E

  I slept till noon. After securing Miss Glover’s diary in my rucksack, I bid the watch row me ashore, then entered the aborigines’ cavern in search of Silver. Despite Kitty’s fantastic chronicle, I still think of them as Neanderthals, and perhaps I always shall.

  My friend was nowhere to be found, so I proceeded to his mate’s grave. Silver né Edward Pertuis sat atop the mound, contemplating Kitty’s graven image. I surrendered the diary to the gelded apeman, who forthwith secured it in his satchel.

  The instant I drew the Bible from my rucksack, Silver understood my intention. He wrapped one long arm around the sculpture, then set the opposite hand atop the Scriptures. I’d never performed the ceremony before, and I’m sure I got certain details wrong. The apeman hung onto my every word, and when at length I averred that he and Katherine Margaret Glover were man and wife, he smiled, then kissed his bride.

  22 April 1899

  Lat. 6°11’ N, Long. 68°32’ E

  Two days after steaming away from Lydia Isle, I find myself wondering if it was all a dream. The lost race, their strange music, the bereaved beast grieving over his mate’s effigy – did I imagine the entire sojourn?

  Naturally Mr Chalmers and Mr Bainbridge will happily corroborate my stay in Eden. As for the strange diary, I am at the moment prepared to give it credence, and not just because I spent so many hours in monkish replication of its pages. I believe Kitty Glover. The subterranean tournaments, the demimonde drug, the uplift serum: these are factual as rain. I am convinced that Kitty and Edward ventured recklessly into the terra incognita of their primate past, losing themselves forever in apish antiquity.

  My wife is an avid consumer of the London papers. If, prior to my departure, Briarwood House had been found to conceal a cabal of sorceresses bent on reforming miscreant males through French chemistry and Roman combat, Lydia would surely have read about it and told me. Until I hear otherwise, I shall assume that the Hampstead Ladies’ Croquet Club is still a going concern, making apes, curing demons, knocking balls through hoops.

  And so I face a dilemma. Upon my return to England do I inform the authorities of debatable recreations at Briarwood House? Or do I allow the uncanny status quo to persist? But that is another day’s conversation with myself.

  23 April 1899

  Lat. 15°06’ N, Long. 55°32’ E

  Last night I once again read all the diary transcriptions. My dilemma has dissolved. With Übermensch clarity I see what I must do, and not do.

  In some nebulous future – when England’s men have transmuted into angels, perhaps, or England’s women have the vote, or Satan has become an epicure of snowflakes – on that date I may sugge
st to a Hampstead constable that he investigate rumors of witchery at Lady Witherspoon’s estate. But for now the secret of the Benevolent Society is safe with me. Landing again on Albion’s shore, I shall arrange for this journal to become my family’s most private heirloom, and shall undertake a second mission as well, approaching the baroness, assuring her of my good intentions, and enquiring as to whether Ezekiel Snavely finally went down in the mud.

  For our next voyage my sponsors intend that I should sail to Gávdhos, southwest of Crete, rumored to harbor a remarkable variety of firefly – the only such species to have evolved in the Greek Isles. Naturalists call it the changeling bug, as it exhibits the same proclivities as a chameleon. These beetles mimic the stars. Stare into the singing woods of Gávdhos on a still summer night, and you will witness a colony of changeling bugs blinking on and off in configurations that precisely copy horned Aries, clawed Cancer, poisonous Scorpio, mighty Taurus, sleek Pisces and the rest.

  The greatest of these tableaux is Sagittarius. Once the fireflies have formed their centaur, the missile reportedly shoots away, rising into the sky until the darkness claims it. Some say the constituents of this insectile arrow continue beating their wings until, disoriented and bereft of energy, they fall into the Aegean Sea and drown. I do not believe it. Nature has better uses for her lights. Rather, I am confident that, owing to some Darwinian adaptation or other, the beetles cease their theatrics and pause in mid-flight, thence reversing course and returning to the island, weary and hungry but glad to be amongst familiar trees again, called home by the keeper of their kind.

  Reluctance

  Cherie Priest

  Walter McMullin puttered through the afternoon sky east of Oneida in his tiny dirigible. According to his calculations, he was somewhere toward the north end of Texas, nearing the Mexican territory west of the Republic; and any minute now he’d be soaring over the Goodnight-Loving trail.

  He looked forward to seeing that trail.

  Longest cattle drive on the continent, or that’s what he’d heard – and it’d make for a fine change of scenery. West, west and farther west across the Native turf on the far side of the big river he’d come, and his eyes were bored from it. Oklahoma, Texas, North Mexico next door … it all looked pretty much the same from the air. Like a pie crust, rolled out flat and overbaked. Same color, same texture. Same unending scorch marks, the seasonal scars of dried-out gullies and the splits and cracks of a ground fractured by the heat.

  So cows – rows upon rows of lowing, shuffling cows, hustling their way to slaughter in Utah – would be real entertainment.

  He adjusted his goggles, moving them from one creased position on his face to another, half an inch aside and only marginally more comfortable. He looked down at his gauges, using the back of one gloved hand to wipe away the ever-accumulating grime.

  “Hydrogen’s low,” he mumbled to himself.

  There was nobody else to mumble to. His one-man flyer wouldn’t have held another warm body bigger than a small dog, and dogs made Walter sneeze. So he flew it alone, like most of the other fellows who ran the Express line, moving the mail from east to west in these hopping, skipping, jumping increments.

  This leg of the trip he was piloting a single-seater called the Majestic, one could only presume as a matter of irony. The small airship was hardly more complex or majestic than a penny farthing strapped to a balloon, but Walter didn’t mind. Next stop was Reluctance, where he’d pick up something different – something full of gas and ready to fly another leg.

  Reluctance was technically a set of mobile gas docks, same as Walter would find on the rest of his route. But truth be told, it was almost a town. Sometimes the stations put down roots, for whatever reason.

  And Reluctance had roots.

  Walter was glad for it. He’d been riding since dawn and he liked the idea of a nap, down in the basement of the Express offices where the flyers sometimes stole a few hours of rest. He’d like a bed, but he’d settle for a cot and he wouldn’t complain about a hammock, because Walter wasn’t the complaining kind. Not anymore.

  Keeping one eye on the unending sprawl of blond dirt below in case of cows, Walter reached under the control panel and dug out a pouch of tobacco and tissue-thin papers. He rolled himself a cigarette, fiddled with the controls, and sat back to light it and smoke even though he damn well knew he wasn’t supposed to.

  His knee gave an old man’s pop when he stretched it, but it wasn’t so loud as the clatter his foot made when he lifted it up to rest on the Majestic’s console. The foot was a piece of machinery, strapped to the stump starting at his knee.

  More sophisticated than a peg leg and slightly more naturallooking than a vacant space where a foot ought to be, the mechanical limb had been paid for by the Union army upon his discharge. It was heavy and slow and none too pretty, but it was better than nothing. Even when it pulled on its straps until he thought his knee would pop off like a jar lid, and even when the heft of it left bruises around the buckles that held it in place.

  Besides, that was one of the perks of flying for the Dirigible Express Post Service: not a lot of walking required.

  Everybody knew how dangerous it was, flying over Native turf and through unincorporated stretches – with no people, no water, no help coming if a ship went cripple or, God forbid, caught a spark. A graze of lightning would send a hydrogen ship home to Jesus in the space of a gasp; or a stray bullet might do the same, should a pirate get the urge to see what the post was moving.

  That’s why they only hired fellows like Walter. Orphans. Boys with no family to mourn them, no wives to leave widows and no children to leave fatherless. Walter was a prize so far as the Union Post – and absolutely nobody else – was concerned. Still a teenager, just barely; no family to speak of; and a veteran to boot. The post wanted boys like him, who knew precisely how bad their lot could get – and who came with a bit of perspective. It wanted boys who could think under pressure, or at the very least, have the good grace to face death without hysterics.

  Boys like Walter McMullin had faced death with serious, pants-shitting hysterics, and more than once. But after five years drumming, and marching, and shooting, and slogging through mud with a face full of blood and a handful of Stanley’s hair or maybe a piece of his uniform still clutched like he could save his big brother or save himself or save anybody … he’d gotten the worst of the screaming out of his system.

  With this in mind, the Express route was practically a lazy retirement. It beat the hell out of the army, that was for damn sure; or so Walter mused as he reclined inside the narrow dirigible cab, sucking on the end of his sizzling cigarette.

  Nobody shot at him very often, nobody hardly ever yelled at him, and his clothes were usually dry. All he had to do was stay awake all day and stay on time. Keep the ground a fair measure below. Keep his temporary ship from being struck by lightning or wrestled to the ground by a tornado.

  Not a bad job at all.

  Something large down below caught his eye. He sat up, holding the cigarette lightly between his lips. He sagged, disappointed, then perked again and took hold of the levers that moved his steering flaps.

  He wanted to see that one more time. Even though it wasn’t much to see.

  One lone cow, and it’d been off its feet for a bit. He could tell, even from his elevated vantage point, that the beast was dead and beginning to droop. Its skin hung across its bones like laundry on a line.

  Of course that happened out on the trail. Every now and again.

  But a quick sweep of the vista showed him three more meaty corpses blistering and popping on the pie-crust plain.

  He said, “Huh.” Because he could see a few more, dotting the land to the north, and to the south a little bit too. If he could get a higher view, he imagined there might be enough scattered bodies to sketch the Goodnight-Loving, pointing a ghastly arrow all the way to Salt Lake City. It looked strange and sad. It looked like the aftermath of something.

  He did not
think of any battlefields in east Virginia.

  He did not think of Stanley, lying in a ditch behind a broken, folded fence.

  He ran through a mental checklist of the usual suspects. Disease? Indians? Mexicans? But he was too far away to detect or conclude anything, and that was just as well. He didn’t want to smell it anyway. He was plenty familiar with the reek, that rotting sweetness tempered with the methane stink of bowels and bloat.

  Another check of the gauges told him more of what he already knew. One way or another, sooner rather than later, the Majestic was going down for a refill.

  Walter wondered what ship he’d get next. A two-seater, maybe? Something with a little room to stretch out? He liked being able to lift his leg off the floor and let it rest where a copilot ought to go, but almost never went. That’d be nice.

  Oh well. He’d find out when he got there, or in the morning.

  Out the front windscreen, which screened almost no wind and kept almost no bugs out of his mouth, the sun was setting – the nebulous orb melting into an orange and pink line against the far, flat horizon.

  In half an hour the sky was the color of blueberry jam, and only a lilac haze marked the western edge of the world.

  The Majestic was riding lower in the air because Walter was conserving the thrust and letting the desert breeze move him as much as the engine. Coasting was a pleasant way to sail and the lights of Reluctance should be up ahead, any minute.

  Some minute.

  One of these minutes.

  Where were they?

  Walter checked the compass and peeked at his instruments, which told him only that he was on course and that Reluctance should be a mile or less out. But where were the lights? He could always see the lights by now; he always knew when to start smiling, when the gaslamps and lanterns meant people, and a drink, and a place to sleep.

  Wait. There. Maybe? Yes.