Afterglow

by Artemis Anders

  There, she said it. Let the shame and judgment begin.

  “What?” Diana said, shock in her voice. “He isn’t divorced yet?”

  “No.” She told Diana about Aaron being “almost divorced” and about what happened, including her $1000 drive home.

  “Jiminy Christmas, Teagan!” Diana cried.

  Teagan couldn’t help but giggle at Diana’s substitute for “Jesus Christ.” Despite having shed the religion of her devout family, Diana was still unable to take God’s name in vain. “Aren’t you going to chastise me for dating a man who wasn’t divorced yet?”

  “Of course not. You didn’t even know until pretty late in the game, and it sounds like they were past all the nitty-gritty and ready to move on.” She paused. “I just… I don’t get it. He seemed so… the way he looked at you on that camping trip? It was like you were the only woman in the world.”

  “Apparently not.”

  “I’m so sorry, sweetie. That’s awful.”

  “It’s okay. I’m home now.”

  “Do you need some money? I’m happy to help out…”

  “No. I’ll be okay. I starting teaching in a few days and I can start paying it off.” She sighed. “Let’s talk about something else. How are you? How was your New Year?”

  “I met someone,” she said in a sing-song voice.

  “You did? I take it you and Stovi didn’t go anywhere…” Part of her was relieved about that. Less connection to Aaron.

  “He’s great, but we live too far from one another, and our work schedules would make things too difficult.”

  “So who’s the guy?”

  “His name is Matthew. I met him through a friend at the school’s holiday party. He’s a divorced dad whose kids go to my school, and he’s very sweet. He’s stable and nothing like the problem cases I usually date, I swear.”

  Teagan smiled. “I’m so glad to hear it. Tell me more. Tell me everything.”

  “Are you sure you want to hear this, after all that’s happened?”

  “Yes! It’ll get my mind off it.”

  Diana told Teagan all about Matthew. As they talked, Teagan felt better, knowing that at least her friend was happy. Diana had been with her share of jerks and broken men, and the prospect of a divorced father of two sounded promising.

  Later, Teagan got cleaned up and bundled into her down coat and sweater cap. She headed out into the chilly air in search of breakfast and coffee, since she had no food in the house. She was back in the city, which meant someplace would be open on New Year’s Day. Just as she stepped onto her porch, she heard a voice.

  “Hey.” Ben stood in his doorway, his hair messy and his face swollen with sleep. “I thought you weren’t back for a few more days.”

  She sighed and told Ben the quick-and-dirty version of what happened, already tired of explaining it and no longer caring what anyone thought of her.

  Ben just stared at her. “Are you serious?”

  “Completely.”

  Ben came over and put his arms around her. Teagan succumbed to Ben’s bear hug, and tears came to her eyes at the unexpected gesture. Ben could be supportive in his own way, but tender? Never. Not until that moment. He let her go and pondered a moment. “You want me to go down there? Rough him up a little?”

  Teagan gave a half-smile. “Would you?”

  “I’ll leave tonight.”

  “I’m heading to the grocery store. Need anything?”

  “Eggs. Please.”

  That night, fully unpacked and her fridge stocked, Teagan began preparing for the inevitable. She had to begin teaching on Monday. This time, she didn’t dread the prospect. All the work she’d done to prepare for fall semester would make things easier for spring. Besides, it would feel good to be busy again and get her mind off the emotional apocalypse she’d suffered through. She realized there was one good thing about LDRs: when everything blew up, you could make a clean escape. You didn’t have to see the guy in your building, at the office, or strolling through your neighborhood with the woman he left you for. There was something to be said for that.

  When her phone rang, she scowled. Who was calling her now? She smiled when she saw Hannah’s name.

  “Hello, my fair lady,” Teagan said.

  “Happy New Year. Although D tells me it’s not so happy.”

  “Yeah,” she sighed.

  “What are you doing tomorrow?”

  “I don’t know, why?”

  “Feel like going skiing?”

  Teagan clipped into her skis and followed Hannah’s blonde ponytail down the trail. It was cold out, in the teens somewhere, but it was white and peaceful and still, with only the sound of their breathing and their cross-country skis swishing along the snow. Teagan already felt better.

  Into the tall forest they went, skiing along the path as they breathed fog and Teagan began to warm up. What a perfect way to spend the day, especially when the downhill ski resorts would be overrun with holiday crowds. Hannah liked to cross-country ski as a way to maintain her cardiovascular fitness during winter. They skied the trails for a few hours before they finally went to the lodge for some lunch. And at lunch, Teagan told Hannah what happened.

  “You should’ve told me sooner,” Hannah admonished.

  “I couldn’t. I only told Diana because she called and found out I wasn’t at Aaron’s. It’s too humiliating. ”

  “Why? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

  “Besides pick another guy who left me for some other woman?”

  Hannah raised her eyebrows. “Why do you keep blaming yourself for what these guys did? It’s not like Aaron was always talking about his ex or going over to her house all the time. They hadn’t talked in months.”

  “I know. It’s just… I was just getting over what happened with Shawn. When I met Aaron, I had no intention of dating him or having anything beyond that night at his house. He’s the one who kept pursuing it. And I finally opened up and trusted someone again, and it’s like my worst fear came true. Being dumped is bad enough, but being dumped for another woman? It’s the worst.”

  “I know. But it’s not the same, Teagan. Shawn was a lying, cheating asshat who never appreciated you. Aaron… I’m not saying what he did is okay. It’s not. But it seemed like he was good to you, and I doubt he cheated—”

  “You don’t know that. He acted that same guilty way Shawn acted when he was lying to me. For all I know, he was cheating with her the entire time he was in training.”

  “But—”

  “Hannah, I know you’re trying to help. But I can’t talk about it anymore. I just want to forget about it and move on with my life.”

  Hannah watched Teagan with those green eyes. She had that look, the one she gave when she wanted to school you but decided to cut you a break. “Okay. Just… don’t be so hard on yourself. You didn’t do anything wrong, Teagan. At least you’re willing to take a risk. Unlike some people…”

  Teagan smiled. Hannah was notorious for keeping men at arm’s length. Once they got too close or threatened her independence, she showed them the door. “You just haven’t found the right one yet. The one who can scale those lofty walls of yours.”

  Hannah rolled her eyes. “I don’t think he’s out there.”

  “He’s out there. And he’s going to sneak up on you when you least expect it, and he’s going to blow the other guys out of the water, and then all you’ll want to talk about with D and me is whether or not to go strapless with your wedding dress.”

  Hannah laughed at that. “Never happen. You know I hate anything having to do with weddings.”

  “Whatever.”

  Hannah stuck her tongue out at Teagan and changed the subject. “How’s the new book?”

  Teagan smiled. “I like this one. I wrote it while in Tucson, but I’m revising it and… something isn’t right. I’m kind of stuck.”

  “What’s it about?”

  “It’s a desert-inspired science fiction adventure with a human-alien love story.”<
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  “Does the love story end well?”

  “Not quite,” Teagan said. “The heroine and alien don’t make a good couple for the long term.”

  “Change it. Have the relationship blow up in some dramatic way, but then she reconnects with some smoking hot bad-boy space pilot who you introduce earlier in the book… and they wind up together at the end.”

  Teagan laughed. “Wait. A romantic ending? Who are you and what have you done with Hannah?”

  “My mom reads a ton, and I read that kind of stuff when I was a kid. Trust me, everyone likes a bad boy with a good heart. Men, women… everyone. And people love a happy ending.”

  That night, Teagan thought about Hannah’s story suggestions. Maybe she was right. Maybe her novel needed more romantic drama and a happier ending. Sure, a happy ending wasn’t realistic—she was living proof of that—but wasn’t that what novels were for? To escape the realities of real life? Teagan would probably never get her happy ending… but her heroine could. With that, Teagan got to work on revising her novel, feeling better about everything.

  Later, she checked Facebook, and immediately felt worse.

  Right at the top of her feed was a photo of Aaron with an attractive brunette. He hadn’t posted it; someone else had and tagged him. In the picture, the brunette sidled up to him and he had his arm around her. A stab went through Teagan. Aaron’s wife. Teagan hid the offending post. Then she unfriended him.

  She went through her email messages to and from Aaron, all of which she’d saved, and deleted them. She did the same with their long history of text messages. She deleted Aaron’s contact information from her phone, blocked his phone number, and then called her service provider to block any texts from him.

  That was it. The Age of Aaron was over. She was single once more, and she would never make the same mistakes again.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Teagan looked up from her monitor. Outside, snow fell again, and the nearby buildings, trees, and even the streets were covered in a thick blanket of white. Typical March—heavier snows than they got during the winter months, but the water would soak into the ground and prepare it for the arrival of green grass and spring bulbs.

  It was spring break and Teagan was free from teaching that week. Which was exactly what she needed. The week before the break, she’d listened to far too many students whine about taking their midterm exam just before spring break, when they’d hoped to leave town early. Yet, if she’d scheduled the midterm after the break, they’d whine about having to study during their time off.

  Only a couple of months until summer, she told herself. She’d have to teach in the fall again—her book sales hadn’t improved one bit—but at least she’d have the summer to write and spend time in the mountains.

  That week, while her students were off snowboarding or getting high in their apartments, she’d been buried in her place, finishing her novel, the one inspired by her experiences in the desert. She’d made the changes she and Hannah had talked about at the New Year. She loved the story, but wasn’t sure how it would take. That’s what beta readers were for. She hesitated a moment before sending the file off to her betas, her heart beating rapidly. She warned them that this one was different from her others. She asked them to tell her the hard truth. In the end, they would either like it or they wouldn’t. If not, she’d take a couple steps back and revise it.

  After putting on her UGG boots and down coat, Teagan went out for some dinner. She didn’t eat out much these days, not with her pathetic financial situation, but finishing up a new book warranted at least a burrito and a drink at Tio’s. As she walked down the sidewalk, her UGGs made patterned tracks in the thick snow that had accumulated despite someone’s efforts to shovel. A truck passed her on the street… a white Chevy truck. Without thinking, Teagan watched it, glancing at its license plate. Then, embarrassed, she forced herself to look away.

  She still noticed them. Big white trucks, like the one Aaron drove. She’d never noticed them before, not until she met him. Now, they seemed to be everywhere—Ford F150s, Dodge Rams, Chevy Silverados. Big manly vehicles driven by manly men doing manly things. Just like Aaron.

  Teagan stopped at Tio’s, kicking off the excess snow from her boots before going inside. She waited in the long line and ordered a big chicken burrito smothered in green chili and sour cream, and a large margarita. She found a stool at the little bar against the window, not wanting to hog a booth or table where two people could sit.

  Ben had hounded her about getting back online, about dating again. She’d taken his suggestion and quickly received her initial slew of messages, more than last time she’d dated online. It was her hair; she’d changed it back to her natural blonde after years with various bright shades. Some men dug the bright shades, but most preferred hair that looked like other women’s. She’d never cared what men thought about her hair, but maybe it was time for a change. And her mother certainly liked her natural color much better.

  Her attempts at reentering the dating pool had been less than successful. There were the flaky communicators who disappeared and then re-emerged weeks later with a flirtatious hello, as if no time had passed. There were the guys who told her she was hot and beautiful, but never mentioned her hiking pics or book preferences. There were the men over 50 hounding her, ignoring her clearly-stated age preferences and the fact that she had no desire to date men who looked old enough to be her father.

  In that sea of doom, Teagan had managed to find a couple of interesting men, at least interesting enough to warrant meeting in person. There was the guy from her neighborhood who loved to backpack, who asked her out for a beer but then never followed up. There was the fellow fiction writer she’d had one coffee with—very cute and no kids—but a few days after their date, he texted her at 10 p.m. on a snowy night, asking if she “wanted some company.” With that, Teagan shut down her online account.

  The truth was, she didn’t want to date. Between online dating and the guys she met hiking on sunny winter days, she’d met a decent number of men and hadn’t felt a thing for any of them. None measured up to Aaron. She hated that fact, but it was the truth.

  When her burrito and margarita showed up, she dug in. The refreshing sweet-sour margarita only reminded her of Aaron and the meals they’d shared, sitting on sunny patios and talking about their lives. It had been so natural with him, in ways she couldn’t explain. Like even though they were different, she got him and he got her. But clearly, she hadn’t really gotten him at all.

  Back at home, Teagan pulled up her online calendar to glance over her schedule for the spring and summer.

  She considered planning some sort of real vacation, somewhere far away and different. But immediately she shook her head, knowing she could never afford to go to Iceland or anywhere abroad. She would have to be satisfied with places she could drive to and camp out. Teagan didn’t mind doing things alone, but she hated vacationing alone. So, that summer would mean spending time in the mountains with Hannah and driving to the Western Slope to camp with Diana.

  She checked her convention schedule: Starfest in April, Denver Comic Con in June, and possibly Phoenix Comic Con. She stared at one weekend in May, where she’d marked the dates for Tucson Comic Con. She deleted it, then deleted Phoenix. She wasn’t going to waste part of her summer driving thirteen-plus hours in the desert heat, just to be reminded of what happened. Not this year, anyway.

  She wondered how long it would take. For her to stop comparing other men to Aaron.

  Teagan realized that Hannah was right, she couldn’t go on blaming herself. Yet, there were things she could have done better. Getting involved with a man whose divorce wasn’t even final wasn’t the wisest of choices. She should have asked for evidence of a divorce decree instead of blindly trusting Aaron. And, she’d been too accommodating, caring for Aaron’s home and dog and spending Christmas alone, without any kind of commitment from him. He hadn’t even told her he loved her, for fuck’s sake!

 
Teagan shrugged. Aaron was the best guy she’d ever met. But he wasn’t the one.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Teagan pulled into the campground, on the lookout for Diana’s Jeep. The summer mountain breeze cooled her through her open window. How great it felt compared to the sizzling heat “down the hill.” When she spotted Diana’s beautiful Mediterranean face and big smile, Teagan grinned and pulled into their campsite.

  “I’m so glad you’re here!” Diana said, hugging Teagan tight. “How long has it been since the three of us got together in person?”

  “Spring of last year, I think.”

  Diana shook her head. “How sad is that? We don’t even live that far from one another. And we’re still mostly single. What happens when we all get married and have kids?”

  “Speak for yourself,” Teagan said with a smile. “You’re the only one with a boyfriend, and you know Hannah… we’ll be lucky to shove her to the altar, kicking and screaming the whole time.” Teagan looked around, spotting Hannah’s SUV but seeing no sign of her. “Is she out running?”

  Diana nodded. “She’s been gone for two hours. She’s training for another race.”

  “Which one?”

  “One of those fifty-milers.”

  Teagan shook her head. “She amazes me.”

  “I know. Me too.”

  “How’s Matthew doing? I take it he isn’t joining us…”

  Diana smiled. “He’s good. We’re doing good. But no, he won’t be coming. Matthew’s more of a hotel guy.” Diana glanced at Teagan’s bike, mounted to the back of her truck. “Do you feel like going for a short ride? It looks like we won’t get rain this afternoon. By the time we get back, Hannah should be done and then we can start dinner.”

  “Perfect.”

  Twenty minutes later, Teagan and Diana were suited up and on their mountain bikes, riding up switchbacks and challenging Teagan’s skills at finding the right gear. Diana led the way and made it look easy as usual, glancing back at Teagan and occasionally stopping to wait for her. Fortunately, the heavily forested trail was smooth and not like the technical and rocky foothills trails.