Egg the Halls

by Jessica Payseur

  “Don’t be such an ass, Dom. You’d rather spend Christmas with a holiday hookup than your family?”

  “I’d rather spend Christmas with someone who loves me,” said Dom, and it felt good. Devin got very silent on the other end of the line. Dom felt bold. “It’s great, you know, Dev. Actually caring about someone.”

  “You’re lucky it’s me calling and not Mom,” said Devin like it was so easy for him to let the insult roll off him. But Dom could hear how stiff his voice was. “You’d break her heart again.”

  “By living my life? I’m happy, Dev. What kind of mother doesn’t want that for her kid?”

  “Look,” said Devin, voice short. “I’m offering you a chance to come back. Again. Take it or leave it, but it’s up to you.”

  “I’m not driving back down to Illinois for Christmas,” said Dom. “I’m in Wisconsin now. But you’re welcome to come up to Mount Angus and celebrate with me and Kiko.”

  It felt good to have something over his brother like this, a counter-offer that finally made Dom out to be a better person. He’d have to remember to thank Kiko for this later. He could imagine how irritated it made Devin to be invited to Christmas with Dom—but turning down the offer would prove to Dom just how little his family cared. Devin had to know that. But there was no way he’d want to participate in Dom’s life. Dom leaned back against the cold brick, eagerly awaiting the silence as his brother ended the call.

  “All right,” said Devin, words sounding forced through his teeth. Dom’s warm cloud of smugness faded.

  “What?” he asked before he could stop himself. He must have misheard.

  “I’ll come up and spend Christmas with you.”

  Shit. Devin was not supposed to actually agree. Dom tried not to panic. He fought against the urge to immediately come up with an excuse for why this wouldn’t work out anymore, but reminded himself Kiko was a little better at that than he was. He needed to keep calm. Kiko would help him figure it out later.

  “That’s what you want, isn’t it?” asked Devin. “Send me the directions and time and I’ll be up.”

  “Right,” said Dom. “I’ll do that. Look, I gotta get back to work…”

  Dom ended the call and trudged back inside to eat his lunch. Making it to the end of the workday Monday was brutal.

  * * * *

  “It’s not like you to leave an empty tree,” said Katie when she entered Yolks on You. She yawned and moved to the basement to punch in without waiting for Kiko’s response, ponytail bobbing behind her. Katie was his one full-time employee, a blond, pale woman in her forties. She was both a good worker and friend, and though Kiko knew Dom wanted him to get rid of Chad and hire on another full-time person, he couldn’t imagine anyone else at the moment.

  Kiko still had time to put it off. Dom had started helping out occasionally—and with no pay—and Chad was still around now and again. For now. After that call last night, Kiko wondered what was going to change. He knew he couldn’t keep Chad around forever.

  “Cat from Cats N Canvas is getting some art ready for us,” said Kiko when Katie came back up. Her coat off he could see she was wearing a red and white sweater. He self-consciously smoothed his candy cane striped tie. “She’s been going around seeing whether the Twelve Days businesses want to promote her themed art.”

  “I heard,” said Katie, moving to make herself her mug of green tea. Kiko suspected everyone was having a case of the Mondays. He’d given her the morning off but she seemed no more awake than normal, even after coming in at noon. “Elena told me she was getting Turtle Doves art this week.”

  Elena owned the chocolate shop in town and was one of Katie’s close friends. Kiko kept thinking he needed to talk to her about stocking some of her chocolates in his display, but as far as he knew Elena didn’t make egg-shaped truffles.

  “I was saving that space for her items,” said Kiko.

  “Not a bad idea. Chad will be able to handle it at least.”

  “That’s what I thought,” said Kiko as a customer entered and began peering at the sparkling ornaments. “And I like being organized.”

  He expected Katie to laugh at that, but instead she leaned closer.

  “Did you hear Cat asked Ben?” she asked, eyeing the customer, who was no one they knew. Kiko got a lot of Mount Angus information from Katie, had come to rely on her more now that he was spending almost all of his free time with Dom.

  “I wondered if she was going to.”

  Katie nodded, eyes wide.

  “What happened?” asked Kiko. Katie sipped her tea, drawing out the tension.

  “They had a huge fight last night, down on Second Street. Everyone heard them—somebody actually called the cops! Gordon came down to write up a report and everything.”

  Kiko could imagine Police Chief Gordon making his slow way down the street, hitching up his pants, and then making Cat and Ben stand there for an hour spelling everything for him as he wrote. What was irritating to Kiko personally over Halloween now seemed like a great crime-fighting tactic. After a run-in with perpetually slow Gordon, you’d try harder to stay out of trouble with the law.

  “I knew they didn’t get along,” said Kiko. “But wouldn’t it have been a simple situation?”

  “Oh, I’ve heard all sorts of things,” said Katie. “Cat wouldn’t take no for an answer, Ben insulted her, there were threats on both sides…The only bit of the story that’s the same is that Cat asked Ben if he wanted her art and he said no.”

  “That all for you?” asked Kiko as the customer came up to the counter to pay for several ornaments. He gave them one of his smiles and rang them up.

  “Slow day,” said Katie. Kiko smoothed his hair with a hand.

  “There was bound to be trouble with two art business in two neighboring towns run by two members of the same family. That’s intense competition.”

  “I know,” said Katie, rolling her eyes. “Elena says they both threatened each other’s businesses last night. Cat said she’d run him out, and Ben told her to watch it or she might find she has bigger problems to worry about than mediocre art. Really nasty for siblings!”

  Kiko nodded. He really never had too much of a problem with his sister Gabriela and they had gotten along fine overall, but many people seemed to have terrible family issues. The holidays seemed to bring all the tensions out, too, as with Dom and his brother. While Kiko was looking forward to several days catching up with his sister and watching his niece and nephew try to pet Mother, most people were dealing with real turmoil.

  “You think they’ll gift each other bad art at Christmas?” asked Katie, and Kiko smiled.

  “That sounds like something Dom would suggest.”

  Katie rolled her eyes.

  “You ever stop thinking about him?” she asked. Kiko shrugged.

  “Not really.”

  * * * *

  He considered bringing Kiko soup, but he figured he’d just spill it on the way over, so instead Dom made up a couple of sandwiches and grabbed some fruit before heading over to Yolks on You after work. He was in a bad mood and didn’t care to stay in the house any longer. Even if Kiko made him hang decorations again he figured it was worth it.

  “Brought you dinner,” he said when he approached the counter. Katie was on her way out and waved at him; he raised a hand back. There were two families in the aisles at a quarter to seven, but otherwise it was late enough for Kiko’s shop to be mostly empty.

  “Thanks,” said Kiko when Dom passed the food to him. “What happened?”

  “The bastard said yes,” said Dom, not even annoyed that Kiko could read him that well.

  “Language,” said Kiko, glancing worriedly at where a family was leaving without buying anything. The last few customers were lingering by Mother now. “Your brother?”

  “Yes,” said Dom. “He went for it. Said he’ll come up and visit for Christmas.”

  Kiko blinked, processing that. Before he could respond his store phone rang and he moved to answer
it. Dom scowled and bit angrily into his sandwich.

  “Yolks on You. Kiko speaking, how may I—yes, hello, Cat. What?” asked Kiko, and Dom noticed Kiko glancing over at him. He shoved an extra-large bite of sandwich into his mouth so he wouldn’t have to say anything. He was not in a good mood.

  He glared at the backs of the second family who, apparently having gotten their Mother fix, also left without buying anything.

  “Sure. I’ll be over when I can—half an hour, forty minutes at most? Okay, yes. Bye.”

  Kiko hung up and glanced around the store before making his way back to where Dom was eating at the counter. He didn’t look pleased that Dom hadn’t bothered to take a seat at one of the little café-style tables he had in one corner of the store, but Dom didn’t care. He was annoyed and there was no one else in Yolks on You. He’d probably end up sweeping all the crumbs himself anyway.

  “That was Cat,” said Kiko, and Dom grunted. He was running out of sandwich to shove in his mouth. Kiko toyed with his, then turned and moved to shut the computer off. “I’m closing up early.”

  “What did she offer you?” asked Dom, swallowing hard to get down a large quantity of sandwich. “I can’t get you to leave this place even for sex.”

  “She wants us to go over to Cats N Canvas and have a look,” said Kiko, shaking his head. He swatted Dom’s crumbs off the counter.

  “Do you really care what art she sends over?” asked Dom. “We have more important things to think about. How’re we going to handle Devin?”

  Kiko shrugged.

  “I don’t know, Dom. Put him in the second spare bedroom.” Before Dom could object to that Kiko went on. “Someone vandalized her place and she wants us to have a look.”

  “Why? Just call the cops,” said Dom, collecting up Kiko’s uneaten sandwich and the fruit. Kiko glanced over at him from where he was removing Mother from his cage.

  “I didn’t realize you were that upset about your brother.”

  “I’m not—”

  “You’re passing up a chance at a mystery?” asked Kiko. “She doesn’t know who did it. Why else would she call us?”

  Dom considered. He’d come to love Kiko while solving mysteries with him, had loved the mysteries, too. It had been just the right amount of excitement and intrigue in his life over the past year, trying to beat the cops to tracking down the odd murderer. But after Halloween turned deadlier than he was used to, he’d had the longing a lot less. It was easier for Dom to get over one murder. But he’d been staring down the barrel of his own death over Halloween, and that had changed him.

  He and Kiko hadn’t talked much about it since, though they both occasionally had the nightmares. And yet it was difficult to get past that slight flutter that happened when Kiko mentioned a mystery.

  “A vandalism?” asked Dom, thinking that wasn’t much. And something like that would make it easy to get back in the swing of things, really keep his mind sharp when it came to solving a puzzle.

  “I know it’s probably not as intense as you’re hoping,” said Kiko. Dom grinned.

  “We have to keep sharp,” he said.

  “Meet you at home? I want to drop Mother off.” Kiko paused. “You did close the breadbox after making dinner, right?”

  Dom grumbled. After they had dropped Mother off at home and Kiko got the goose situated for the night, Dom climbed in Kiko’s truck and watched the cold stars out the window on the way to Catsville. The winter night seemed crisp, like a shiny photo. He figured there was a fifty-fifty chance he and Kiko would have the thing solved tonight if it was a simple vandalism.

  “So where’s this place?” asked Dom. The only place he really knew out in Catsville was B and B’s, a restaurant and bar with two mascot donkeys named Bob and Bab. Kiko turned them down the main road through Catsville and into the lot of an old church. Instead of a sign with Bible verse and worship times outside the place, there was one sporting the names of both of Cat’s businesses: Cats N Canvas, and Cat’s Ceramics with an arrow pointing to the back.

  “It’s an old church,” said Kiko. “Art for display and sale is in the main area where the pews used to be. Cat said she’d meet us there.”

  “Right,” said Dom, and shoved his hands into his pockets against the cold as they trudged through the muddy snow up to the door. Cat pulled it open for them, appearing in the doorway with a gust of warm air.

  “Thanks for stopping over,” she said, then sighed. “Here, have a look.”

  Dom stomped the snow off his boots and turned to peer around the brightly lit place. It was indeed an old church, stripped of pews, and refilled with displays of all sorts of art from paintings to sculptures to jewelry to pottery. But it was easy enough to tell what had been vandalized: nearly everything. Dom turned to take in the golden and white goop, the shells crumbled over the floor or stuck to frames. The entire place was trashed.

  “Somebody egged everything,” said Cat, voice small in the large space.

  * * * *

  Chapter 4

  As Kiko peered around Dom let out a low whistle. Kiko felt sad to see the art—much of it, no doubt, was ruined. He figured egg could be cleaned off of metal sculptures and maybe the wall quilts could be washed, but he wasn’t sure about most of the other art. The watercolors were ruined for certain.

  “Someone bought a lot of eggs,” said Dom. He began walking around looking at the art up close. Kiko watched him turn a corner and then recoil in shock; a demanding meow followed.

  “Oh, shoot,” said Cat, rushing over and scooping up an orange tabby cat. “I didn’t want them in here.”

  “Cats?” asked Dom, as if he simultaneously couldn’t believe it and wasn’t shocked in the least. When he glanced over at Kiko, he shrugged.

  “No, Sienna,” said Cat to the tabby, moving to the back of the art hall to open a door and set it down in another section of the building.

  “She has three cats,” Kiko found himself explaining as Dom made his way back to him.

  “They’re good for art,” said Cat, returning and sighing. “Well?”

  “You reported it?” asked Kiko. While he liked solving mysteries with Dom, he preferred everyone do their legal duty and tell the cops what had been going on. Cat rolled her eyes.

  “For all the good that does. The police can’t help me—every artist has a key to get in here and use the studios at any time. So anyone could have done this if they forgot to lock up or someone snatched their key. There’s nothing for the cops to go on. Insurance is not going to cover everything and I can’t hold anyone responsible if I don’t know who they are.”

  “I understand,” said Kiko, nodding. He remembered the few months of hell after the Yolks on You storage building had exploded in the spring.

  “Plus,” said Cat, glancing at Dom, too, now, “I need to give my artists something. Bad enough that I’m going to have to call them up and tell them their hard work is ruined. I need to be able to show them I’m taking action and promise them this won’t happen again.”

  “Makes sense,” said Dom, then immediately launched into questions. Kiko cringed at it but Cat seemed relieved. “When did you find this?”

  Cat blew a breath out loudly and fussed with her hair.

  “The art hall isn’t open on Mondays because I’d rather keep it open on the weekends for customers. I was throwing most of the day—my studio’s way back on the other side of the building, past the other artist’s workspaces. I didn’t notice anything until this evening when Umber wandered in with egg all over his fur.”

  “Umber’s a cat?” asked Dom. Kiko nodded, but Cat ticked them off on her fingers, obviously used to this.

  “Umber’s the male, brown tabby. You saw Sienna, she’s the orange. And then there’s Cerulean. She’s white with blue eyes.” She barely paused before continuing. “I went to find where he’d gotten it and just about died when I saw this.”

  “Have you told any of the artists yet?” asked Kiko.

  Cat shook her head. “No. I
got over my shock, got the cats out of here, and called the police. I called you right after they left. I…don’t know what to do, really. I thought—I mean we’ve all heard you and Dom have beaten the cops to solving a few murders now, how hard can this be for you?”

  She swept her arms around and Kiko saw Dom inflate a little. He seemed less irritated now that Cat was speaking to his ego, which was a relief as far as Kiko was concerned. Dom seemed overly stressed about his brother visiting and Kiko just didn’t care to deal with that now. It had the feel of an argument to it. As bad as it was for Cat, no one was dead, and a little mystery should take the sting of the holidays away to some extent.

  “We’ll certainly do our best,” said Kiko. “Do you have a list of the artists?”

  “They’re all on my site,” said Cat. “Most have their own blogs or pages they like to link to. I want to say I can pay you for your help, but I’m not sure.”

  “No payment’s necessary,” said Kiko, watching Dom’s eyes light up. The idea of getting paid probably never occurred to him.

  “Well, I’ll try to find something to show my appreciation anyway,” said Cat. “If you’ll help.”

  “Of course we’ll help,” said Dom. “We’ll track down the coward who did this before Christmas, easily.”

  Kiko eyed Dom but didn’t want to counter him, so let it go. Hopefully this wasn’t a promise they couldn’t make good on. Cat looked relieved. She sighed again, ran a hand through her hair.

  “Thanks,” she said. “I’ll call you the moment anything else pops up.” Kiko watched her glance around at the egged art before turning back to him. “Think I can put off calling the artists until tomorrow?” At the expression on his face, she shook her head. “No, you’re right. I have to tell them immediately. I’m in for a long night, I guess.”

  “We’ll be in touch,” said Kiko, and he and Dom trudged back out to his truck.

  “Does everyone here have animal mascots?” asked Dom as they got in and Kiko started the engine. He smiled.

  “Why, jealous?”