Egg the Halls

by Jessica Payseur

  “Christian just doesn’t have what it takes,” she said. Her smile was returning. “What do you want to know? First class will be offered on January fifth.”

  “How big is the canvas?”

  “Eighteen by twenty-four.” Justine seemed proud to be able to answer without having to look at anything.

  “And the paint colors?” asked Dom. Justine made a face.

  “Christian hasn’t decided yet what he’s doing with the class—don’t worry, there will definitely be a specific project for you by the fifth. He wanted to use green and yellow, like a Packers project, but at the moment we also have red and white. I will make sure Ben knows to order black, blue, or anything else necessary in time. Do you have a preference?”

  Dom almost said something in triumph. This had to point to Ben. Those were all the right paintball colors. But he restrained himself and shook his head.

  “Not exactly. I’ll have to ask Kiko what he’s leaning toward. He doesn’t want to hang it unless it looks good on his wall,” said Dom, rolling his eyes. Justine nodded, smiled back.

  “Well, be sure to get back to us when you know. Drop by the store or email us. I don’t want to get in the way of your shopping.”

  She moved around him and wandered off into the rest of the store. Dom could barely wait for her to turn the corner to a different aisle before texting Kiko the good news.

  * * * *

  “That’s not enough evidence.”

  “You’ve got to be shitting me,” said Dom, moving so Kiko could rearrange the ornaments on the breakfast and birds tree now that there were more spaces than just the one Chad mentioned. “Conveniently, Ben has both paintball guns and the right kind of paintballs. Sasha says the business is about to go under. There’s bad blood between Ben and Cat. How is this not open and shut?”

  “Sasha could be lying,” said Kiko. “And if anyone knew what kind of paintballs Ben had, they could frame him.”

  “So what will be enough proof?” asked Dom, slouching against the counter. “A full, signed confession? Just how are we going to get that?”

  Kiko waved at Katie as she left. He was planning on closing a few hours earlier than usual tonight, figuring he wasn’t going to get many more customers and being okay with missing the one or two who would probably return over the weekend anyway.

  “One of his kids could open up to us with something specific,” said Kiko, crossing to Mother’s pen. He opened it up and let the goose out, setting him on the ground gently. He had no idea if letting Mother out more often to wander the store was actually effective at combating the weight gain, but it couldn’t hurt.

  “We can tell Cat what we have, right?” asked Dom, trailing after him. “She does want to know our progress.”

  Kiko turned to him as Mother waddled off, hating how hopeful Dom looked.

  “I’m not sure. Will this escalate the situation with her brother?”

  “Well, he did it, so yeah, but it’s his fault,” said Dom.

  Kiko sighed, caught sight of Chad with a broom trying to keep himself out of Kiko’s line of sight, but he was not very skilled at it. He bobbed back and forth by a tree.

  “Chad, get out of here. It’s Friday night, go hang out with some friends.”

  Chad trudged slowly past, dragging the broom with him.

  “There’s literally no one to hang out with here anymore, boss,” he said. “Everyone’s, like, moved on already.”

  “Go make out with your boyfriend then,” said Dom. Chad swallowed, his ears turning red.

  “Roy’s not my…like, I wouldn’t call him…”

  The door opened and Gaby spilled in with the kids in a gust of cold air and slush. Chad took the opportunity to disappear into the basement to punch out and Kiko turned a hard look on Dom, who shrugged.

  “Oh come on, Kiko. It’s getting him out of here, isn’t it?”

  “I’ll argue with that later,” said Kiko. “Did you double check the list?”

  “Don’t worry, I got everything. I triple checked it just for you.”

  “Triple checked something just for Kiko?” asked Gaby, tossing her kids’ coats on a table and unzipping her own. “It’s true love.”

  “Has he always been like this?” asked Dom. Gaby smiled and Kiko turned away. Tease all they wanted, his way kept everything running smoothly and efficiently. He moved behind the counter and closed the inkpad for the goose stamp that Chad had left open again.

  “Measure five times, then measure another two in the middle of cutting,” said Gaby. Dom laughed. Kiko rolled his eyes at his sister. “Oh, he loves you for it,” she added.

  “Sure I do,” said Dom.

  One of the children cried out. By the time Kiko located where the noise was coming from Gaby was already halfway to them; Kiko came around the corner and he and Dom followed her to the far end of the store. They were near where Cat’s display was and something had fallen from the table to the floor. Gaby reached it first and pulled the children away.

  “But what’s wrong with Mother?” asked Nathan. Gaby shot Kiko a sympathetic look as she guided her kids away but Kiko couldn’t give it much thought. He froze as he saw the scene the kids had stumbled onto.

  A box of bakery sweet rolls that must have been sitting on the table were spilled over the floor, chunks and crumbs everywhere. In the middle of the mess, Mother sprawled, glassy-eyed and motionless, on his side. Kiko blinked. He watched as Dom crouched down to gently poke the goose, but there was no mistaking death. The goose did not respond, and his eyes looked as distant as Kiko felt.

  “Fuck. I’m sorry, Kiko,” said Dom, face an expression of worry.

  Kiko wanted to smile, to tell him it was all okay, but he very much felt like tearing apart the entirety of the nearest aisle, so he decided not to move at all. Mother hadn’t been a cuddly pet like a cat or dog, but Kiko had incubated him as an egg and raised him from a chick. He was more than just a goose.

  “Guess you found those, huh, boss?” asked Chad, tugging on his coat and coming around the aisle. “Oh wow. Sweet. A dead thing. I mean like, sorry and all…”

  Kiko turned to the teen as Dom poked around the bakery box.

  “You knew about these?” he asked, and Chad swallowed again, though Kiko knew it was from the tone in his voice this time and not embarrassment.

  “Yeah. Some delivery guy dropped them by and said they were from a secret admirer. I thought, you know…” He indicated Dom. “I had to help with some falling books so I put them down, guess I forgot about them.”

  “You didn’t do anything to them?” asked Dom, and Chad shook his head. “I didn’t send you these.”

  “No,” said Kiko, forcing himself to take steady breaths. “And we should thank Mother for making the ultimate sacrifice. Whatever was in there that killed him so fast was meant for me to eat.”

  * * * *

  Chapter 15

  “Drink up,” said Dom, passing Kiko the mug of coffee. Kiko had obliged when Dom had shoved him into the breakfast nook and he obeyed now, bringing the coffee to his lips and inhaling the steam with his eyes closed before taking a sip.

  Outside, snow sifted down, a light fall of tiny flakes just caught in the darkness from the light through the window. Dom thought it was impressive Kiko had even gotten up today. Last night, after Dom had called Gordon and the police chief came over to gripe about hate crimes and having to open an actual investigation, Dom had taken Kiko home in his own car and sat him down at the table with a whiskey while unpacking the groceries. Gaby had put a movie on for her kids and cooked. Kiko hadn’t said much. He hadn’t slept well, either. Dom could tell he was having nightmares again.

  “You okay?” he asked now, sliding into the breakfast nook across from Kiko, who gave him the edges of a smile.

  “Of course. I was always going to outlive Mother.”

  Dom didn’t say, “But not like this.” He glanced out the window at the snow. He’d have to drive Kiko in today. He also wanted to stick around. There w
ere worse things to do with his time than help out around Yolks on You and make sure Kiko was fine.

  “Don’t look so worried,” said Kiko.

  “You were having nightmares.”

  Kiko shrugged, drained the rest of his coffee.

  “Death affects me more than it used to,” he said, and Dom thought he understood. They both struggled with bad dreams and jumpiness since Halloween. Knowing that Kiko had been targeted didn’t help. Knowing that whoever sent those sweet rolls wanted him at best in the hospital and, at worst, dead, was something Dom didn’t have the luxury of dwelling on if he wanted to get Kiko into work. He stood.

  “Come on, tie on,” he said, passing over the one he’d picked, green with strands of multicolor tree lights on it. “Your truck’s still at Yolks on You, so you get me to chauffer you in today.”

  “Thanks,” said Kiko, and then something Dom wasn’t expecting. “I don’t blame you. About encouraging Mother to eat people food. Just so you know.”

  Dom paused. This hadn’t occurred to him at all, but now that Kiko had said it, a wave of guilt rushed over him. He turned back to Kiko and wrapped his arms around him. They stood like that a few minutes until Kiko pulled away.

  “Do you want me to put this on or not?”

  When they got in to Yolks on You Dom took off his coat as Kiko turned on the computer. They had cleaned up the night before after Gordon had left and there was no way to tell what had happened to Mother. His pen stood empty, though, and Dom suspected the kids wouldn’t be pleased with that.

  “Thanks, but you can go,” said Kiko.

  “Actually, I wanted to stick around today. Avoid my brother.”

  Kiko turned to fix him with a suspicious look but Dom held his ground.

  “I don’t need any more help,” said Kiko. “Chad’s going to be here for a few morning hours and Katie will be here all day.”

  “Tell her to take the day off.”

  Dom could tell Kiko secretly wanted him around because after a few minutes of considering it he called Katie. Just as he was hanging up Chad entered and Kiko rose to take him aside. Dom figured he was reminding the teen to not mention Mother at all.

  The phone rang. Dom glanced over at Kiko, who was gesturing with his hands while Chad rubbed the back of his neck, looking uncomfortable. Dom decided to answer it.

  “Yolks on You, what can I do for you?” asked Dom.

  “You don’t sound like Kiko,” said a familiar voice.

  “That’s because I’m Dom.”

  “Good—this is Buddy. Got a moment?”

  “Yeah,” said Dom, wondering if he was about to regret this.

  “Wanted to send my sympathies,” said Buddy. “Mother was a great goose.”

  Dom blinked. Unless Gordon had gone around Mount Angus gossiping, no one should know yet that Mother was dead. Neither he nor Kiko had told anyone. Probably Chad hadn’t either. The kid looked like he had gotten up twenty minutes ago.

  “Who told you?”

  “Buddy Angus stopped by last night and let us know. Real sorry to hear it, too. If you wanted to drop by later for the séance…”

  “Buddy, no offense,” said Dom, “but I don’t think Kiko should deal with this now…” He paused. “Séance?”

  “Yeah. Martha and I are going to commune later tonight. We got it down pretty good now. It’s a good chance for Mother to pass along any messages he wants to leave.”

  Dom blanked for a moment.

  “Uh, I’ll have to get back to you about that.”

  “Fair enough,” said Buddy. “Where’s the body?”

  “What?”

  “The body. The goose’s mortal remains.”

  Dom figured Buddy needed a feather or diaper scrapings or something for his séance, and Dom really didn’t want to get mixed up in that.

  “Gordon took it as evidence,” he said. “You’ll have to talk to him.”

  “Got it. See you tonight.”

  Dom hung up, really hoping Buddy would forget about Mother by the end of the day.

  * * * *

  “Completely unnecessary,” said Kiko as he accepted the coffee Dom had gone out and gotten him. It was from the gas station, some kind of hazelnut flavor, but it was hot, and secretly, Kiko found it comforting. Dom had really been making sure he had everything today, which was nice, but Kiko didn’t want to get too used to it.

  “I wanted one,” said Dom. “Couldn’t not pick you up a coffee, too.”

  “Where’s mine?” asked Chad, coming back from looking through the far door.

  “I only had two hands,” said Dom, and Chad scowled.

  “Can’t you fire this guy, boss?” he asked, and Kiko smiled.

  “He’s not even hired. He hasn’t gone away in months, so I don’t think we’re getting rid of him that easily.” He noticed some children poking around Mother’s empty cage and turned away, sad.

  “I’ll get it,” said Dom, setting his coffee down to go inform the customers there would be no Mother Goose readings today. Kiko tried not to think about what he was going to do now. Get a life-sized plush goose, probably. He and Dom would have to have a discussion about what kind of pet to get if they were planning on filling Mother’s emptiness.

  Kiko took another sip of hot coffee, letting it warm him. He was thinking about getting a pet with Dom. He was thinking about a long-term future. That sounded like a good way to spend the holidays. Planning for a lifetime of happy milestones. He wondered whether Dom was more of a cat person.

  “What are you smiling about?”

  Kiko turned to see Katie and Elena approaching, each holding a bakery box. Elena slid the one she was holding on the counter toward him and he tried not to flinch. The one that had held the sweet rolls had been half this size, anyway.

  “Everyone’s been very kind,” said Kiko, wanting to keep his commitment thoughts private. “Dom said even Buddy called up to offer condolences.”

  “Well, I hope you’re in the mood for more,” said Elena, smiling at him. “Because Katie and I just dropped by the bakery’s Pipers Piping Contest and made you a cake.”

  “Is it chocolate?” asked Kiko, pulling the box to him. Elena owned the local chocolate shop. Not-quite-openly asexual, Kiko never asked how close she and Katie really were.

  “Marble,” said Elena. Kiko peered at what she had done to the rectangle. There were the traditional shell frosting borders, but she had also done a fairly good job piping a goose shape and ringing it in a heart. “I don’t want to call it a sympathy cake…”

  “I can’t take your cake,” said Kiko. “Although it’s very kind of you…”

  “Take it. Eat it,” said Katie, fixing Kiko with a hard look. She knew how he sometimes skipped meals because he found it difficult to work exercise into his schedule. “Elena and I are sharing this one. My kids are with their father this weekend since they’re with me this Christmas, so we have an entire cake to eat already.”

  “Chardonnay and binge shows, here we come,” said Elena.

  “You’re such a bad influence.”

  “Thanks,” said Kiko. He planned on letting the rest of the people in his house descend on the cake.

  “You’re very welcome,” said Elena.

  “Why haven’t they taken Ben in?” asked Katie. “I was sure after he tried to poison you…”

  “You think it’s Ben?” asked Kiko, setting the cake behind the counter. He’d rather hear Katie’s opinion on it all than think about poison. She and Elena exchanged a look.

  “Wasn’t he the obvious person from the beginning?”

  “Well, yes,” said Kiko. “But as I was saying to Dom, we need evidence.” Right now he didn’t much want evidence, but they still needed it. Maybe Gordon had been able to track down by now who had ordered the sweet rolls. Maybe this would all be out of his and Dom’s hands and they could get back to surviving the holidays.

  “I don’t have evidence exactly,” said Elena, “but I do know a bit about them. Cat and I did a Valen
tine’s Day special deal last year, chocolates and jewelry, so we chatted a bit.”

  “I’m happy to hear any information.”

  “Cat would never hurt an animal,” Elena started with a firm voice, but Kiko could only nod. He wondered how many people knew the poisoned food was actually supposed to be for him. “But Ben—Ben will shoot squirrels. He doesn’t like them in his yard, digging up things. Cat says he’ll even shoot them from inside the house, out a window or door.”

  “Seems violent,” said Kiko.

  “And if you’ve ever met Cat, you know how she pampers her cats,” said Katie. “It has to be Ben doing this.”

  Kiko was beginning to believe that himself. Dom would be pleased. He hoped they were right, though. Accusing a member of the community of vandalism when they didn’t do it would reflect negatively on him, and Yolks on You had been a bit shaky for business a few times this year already. Kiko sighed.

  “Thanks for the information, Elena,” he said. “And the cake.”

  “No problem,” she said, and she and Katie left.

  Kiko sipped his coffee for a few minutes and contemplated everything. The motive was there, and the paintball evidence was fairly good. But he did wonder why Ben would escalate from vandalism to attempted murder just for Kiko and Dom looking into the situation. Regardless, maybe Dom was right.

  “You look like you’re really thinking,” said Dom, returning.

  “Maybe you’re right,” said Kiko. “Maybe it’s time to call Cat.”

  * * * *

  “Didn’t think you were going to go through with it,” said Dom as Kiko hung up the phone. Kiko sighed.

  “We said we’d inform her about what we’re finding out, even if it’s not hard evidence. She’ll meet with us tomorrow morning. I’m worried she’ll use it, but she probably should know about the paintballs.”

  “She should,” said Dom, thankful the loss of Mother was making Kiko ease up a little. The sooner Cat pressed charges, the sooner Ben would be officially investigated and discovered guilty. Gordon would lock him up and Kiko would be safe. Dom had been refusing to think about Kiko being dead today and not Mother. Maybe they should get another goose to feed all Kiko’s food to before he ate any.