Luminous

by Noelle Marie

  “I don’t know. I... I can’t-”

  Something resembling panic made the words impossible to access, and while Katherine had never had a panic attack before, she imagined that suffering one felt something like this. Her chest felt too tight, and she could feel her heart battering itself against her ribcage as her constricted lungs refused to expand to take in air.

  The hands on her shoulders were suddenly on either side of her face, incredibly tender despite Bastian’s obvious alarm as he forced her to look at him. “Breathe,” he demanded sharply.

  It was as if her body had no choice but to obey the hasty command and she gasped, taking in a painful lungful of air. She took another breath, and another, and slowly felt her panic begin to subside.

  A sharp whistle from Bastian had her confused pack mates shifting back into their human forms.

  “What?” Markus grouched as he got to his feet. “Don’t tell me that her nerves are seriously getting the best of her?”

  Bastian glared, baring his teeth at the man in a threatening manner. Markus backed down, but Katherine suspected it had more to do with the fact that the man had caught sight of her crestfallen expression more than that he was actually intimidated by Bastian’s blunt incisors.

  “What’s going on?” Sophie asked.

  Bastian didn’t answer, and Katherine quickly realized it was because he didn’t know either. She swallowed around a nonexistent lump in her throat. “I... I can’t shift.”

  “What?”

  “Really?”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes, I’m sure,” Katherine snapped, immediately feeling guilty in the tense silence that followed. “It’s like it – she – isn’t there,” she attempted to explain. “My wolf.”

  They stared.

  Zane hesitantly spoke up after Bastian turned his probing gaze onto him. Katherine supposed that if anyone had any useful information on her apparent inability to shift, it’d be him. “I guess it could be considered a somewhat normal setback among bitten wolves to fail to voluntarily transform even after they’ve accomplished it before?”

  It sounded more like a guess than anything.

  Besides, it had been months since Katherine had first learned. Over half a year even! Her first time voluntarily shifting into a wolf was when Cain had attacked her last winter. It was August now. That hardly seemed like a “normal” setback to her.

  Nevertheless, she turned her eyes to Caleb, the only other bitten wolf in the pack. “Did you ever...?” she began, but trailed off at his sheepish shake of the head.

  “No,” he admitted, “but like Zane said, it’s probably completely normal!” he immediately added when her shoulders slumped in defeat. “Right?”

  “I think so,” Zane reiterated.

  Bastian spoke up a moment later. “Go without us.”

  The disappointment everyone felt at the order was obvious, but no one’s was as clearly painted on his or her face as Katherine’s, and not a single one of her pack mates said a word in protest.

  She watched as Markus, Zane, Sophie, and Caleb transformed back into their wolf forms, the ease at which they shifted convincing her further that what had happened – or hadn’t happened, in any case – wasn’t “normal”. Something resembling trepidation swirled in her belly. It was a feeling she hadn’t experienced in a long time – at least not at this level. In fact, the last time she could recall feeling it so intently was nearly a year ago when she’d been staring into the light-filled windows of the abandoned house at the end of Miller Road.

  It was stupid, Katherine knew, but she couldn’t help but think that between her lack of appetite, the strange change in her natural scent, and the mental block she’d experienced when she had tried to shift, something was drastically wrong with her.

  What if she was losing her supernatural abilities? What... what if her inner wolf was disappearing altogether, and she was slowly morphing back into a “normal” human?

  It was an impossibility, surely, but Katherine didn’t know what else to think. She grew distraught at the thought of it, tearing up at the idea of the connection she shared with Bastian and the rest of her pack fading away into nothing.

  What in the world?

  Attempting to shake off the flood of emotion suddenly threatening to do her in, Katherine dunked her head under the water. She stayed there, submersed in the bath until her lungs began to burn in their desire for oxygen. She broke free of the water’s surface, gasping for air.

  As soon as she’d successfully caught her breath, she dragged herself out of the tub and pulled its plug. The water was getting tepid, anyway.

  Since clearing her mind was proving to be a hopeless endeavor, Katherine chose to focus on Bastian’s strangely busy schedule instead of the weird upheaval her body had been experiencing lately as she dried herself off with a towel.

  He’d been gone a lot lately, meeting with the community’s council of alphas close to every other day instead of the usual get together once every couple of weeks. Whenever she asked him the reason for the increase in meetings, however, he only assured her that everything was “fine.”

  Right.

  Probably about as “fine” as her not being able to voluntarily shift.

  At any rate, she was sure that whatever the reason behind the influx in meetings, it was something much more important than her sudden reluctance to be away from Bastian or the onset of turbulent emotions making her alternately as angry as a bull or as clingy as an eight-armed octopus.

  Once she was dry, Katherine wrapped the towel around her damp hair before using a hand to wipe away the condensation that had formed on the bathroom mirror. She stared at her reflection, at her pale skin and the way it contrasted starkly with her dark hair, at her small, nondescript nose. Mostly she stared into her own eyes, watching as they sparkled determinedly back at her. She made a promise to herself right then and there. Even if she couldn’t figure out what was going on with her, she could – and would –find out exactly what it was that was going on with Bastian.

  CHAPTER TWO

  It was an unfortunate fact that Katherine wasn’t exactly known for her investigative skills – at least not her subtle investigative skills.

  Taking that into consideration, she decided to give Bastian one more chance to explain the sudden surge of council meetings he’d been forced to preside over before taking matters into her own hands.

  Despite the meetings steadily increasing in number over the past month, the length they lasted seemed to be decreasing, with the latest one only lasting an hour. Katherine wasn’t sure whether the shorter meetings meant that Bastian and the council were getting closer to finding a solution to whatever it was that was bothering them, or if Bastian was simply growing more and more riled at the lack of a solution. Judging by the moods he often returned home in, Katherine thought it safe to assume that the second scenario was closer to the truth.

  Either way, she figured that if the pattern held true, he’d be home sooner rather than later. After pulling on a pair of jeans and throwing a three-quarters sleeved shirt over her head, she managed to drag herself out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. After all, the sun was up now, and even if no other sane person was, she knew that Caleb probably would be, making himself busy in the kitchen as usual.

  She was right, of course.

  The smell of sizzling fat hit Katherine’s nose immediately, causing her to wrinkle it in disgust. Caleb was frying what looked like a couple dozen strips of bacon on the stovetop, and the heavy aroma of grease permeating the air made her stomach churn.

  He was the only person in the kitchen, and Katherine assumed that the remaining members of the pack, Sophie and Zane, were still nestled away in their bedrooms, sleeping. Like normal people.

  “Good morning, Katherine,” Caleb greeted her cheerfully, waving at her with the spatula he was wielding and completely oblivious to her reaction to the nauseating smell emerging from the stovetop.

  “Well, it’s morning,”
she agreed less joyously, shuffling to the refrigerator in search of something to drink. She poured herself a tall glass of orange juice before taking a seat at the kitchen table.

  “You hungry?” he asked over his shoulder, not waiting for an answer before continuing. “The bacon’s almost done. How many pieces do you want?”

  “Uh...”

  She was saved from having to answer by the sound of the front entryway bursting open, double doors banging against adjacent walls. Both she and Caleb startled at the sudden noise, and their attention was immediately directed to the source of it. She took in the forms of Bastian and Markus, freshly back from the council meeting.

  They were home even earlier than Katherine had anticipated.

  She caught sight of the dark expression cast across Bastian’s face. When he spotted her, however, he quickly attempted to disguise it, forcing the wrinkles of his brow to smooth over and his snarl-like frown to lift into something more closely resembling a grimace as he nodded at her.

  Markus, ignoring the tension radiating off the man completely – he was probably used to it – took the time to offer Katherine a leer before grabbing a half dozen pieces of bacon from the pile Caleb had cooling on a plate and shoveling them into his mouth. Then he headed up the stairs, presumably in a bid to catch some more shut-eye.

  Ignoring Caleb and how she could see him watching her with concern out of the corner of his eye, Katherine approached Bastian, who’d opened the fridge and was busy pouring himself a glass of milk.

  “You okay?” she asked quietly when he’d finished guzzling it down.

  He spared her a glance before returning the gallon of milk to the fridge, eyeing its contents like he was searching for something, and not just blatantly avoiding her gaze. “Fine.”

  There was that word again. “Fine.”

  Katherine narrowed her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest as she fought the urge to fidget. “So the meeting went well?” she pressed.

  “Yup.”

  She pursed her lips at the one word answer, fighting – and she suspected failing – to hide her irritation. “What was it about?” she finally outright demanded.

  Bastian shut the refrigerator door, turning to look at her. Despite the frown tugging at his mouth, his hands were gentle as they insisted on taking and holding onto one of hers. “Nothing you have to worry about.”

  Katherine snorted, pulling her hand out of Bastian’s grasp. “Actually, if it put that expression on your face, then yes, it is something I have to worry about.”

  Bastian shook his head, undoubtedly about to deny the accusation.

  She continued on before he could. “And before you ask what expression, I’m talking about the thundercloud of rage you were sporting when you walked into the house a minute ago.”

  Bastian closed his eyes, taking a deep breath before reopening them and laying his hands on her shoulders. He leaned down until his face was level with hers. “Katherine, I promise, if the subject of these meetings was something that concerned you in any way, I would tell you. As it is, it doesn’t, and I don’t want to unnecessarily burden you with what I consider to be a nonexistent issue.”

  Katherine opened her mouth. “But-”

  “Look,” he interjected sharply, causing her to snap it shut, “I’m in a hurry. I have to go check out some suspicious tracks a few miles north of Luther’s house. He thinks some misguided big-game hunters might be looking to set up a stand there or something.”

  Katherine frowned. “So we can talk about this later?”

  Her heart squeezed in her chest when he failed to answer, merely dismissing her concerns with a distracted nod of his head.

  Her gaze traveled to the floor, and she eyed a cracked bit of tile as she attempted to suppress her disappointment.

  A moment later, a calloused thumb was forcing her chin up. “Hey, I love you. You know that, right?”

  Katherine swallowed, nodding.

  She did know that. As she watched Bastian walk towards the door, however, she couldn’t help but wish that he trusted her too. At least enough to realize that he didn’t need to protect her from every little thing, especially what may very well be important information despite his stubborn insistence that it didn’t concern her.

  She’d just have to ask Markus. And she wasn’t going to feel bad about going behind Bastian’s back to do it, either, not when she’d given him plenty of opportunity to tell her what was up himself.

  “Are you alright?” Caleb asked delicately after the sound of the SUV’s engine starting up outside reached their ears.

  Katherine offered him a wane smile. “Peachy,” she assured.

  Before he could give her any sympathetic advice, or worse, ask again how much bacon she wanted, Katherine turned and darted for the stairs. She took them two at a time before reaching the top and rushing to Markus’s room. She knocked, but returned the favor of not waiting for an answer before letting herself in.

  Markus sprang up from where he was lying in bed at her sudden entrance, the blanket that had been covering him falling to his waist. Although his burly chest was bare, Katherine was relieved to spot the waistband of his boxers where the blanket had landed in his lap. He scowled at her, but she wasn’t about to apologize for the exact same bad manners he’d showcased a few hours earlier.

  “How are you?” she blurted instead, immediately feeling stupid.

  She hadn’t exactly had time to rehearse what she was going to say.

  Markus stared. “What do you want?”

  “Nothing!” Katherine immediately denied. “Why would you assume...?” she trailed off at his raised eyebrows, stepping fully into the room and plopping down on the edge of his bed. “Okay, fine. So maybe I do want something,” she admitted.

  Markus groaned, throwing himself backward and tugging the blanket over his head as he muttered something about it being “too early for this shit.” A moment later, he was whipping the sheets back down. “Well?” he demanded, not bothering to sit back up. “Out with it. Although I must confess that I don’t know why you’re asking me instead of Bastian.”

  Katherine curled her toes into the carpet. “I already asked him,” she confessed.

  “Really?” Markus sounded half-intrigued, half-disbelieving as he turned onto his side. “Okay, now I’m curious. What could you have possibly asked for that Bastian wouldn’t give you?”

  Katherine fought off a blush at the insinuation behind his words. “Information.”

  It was as if a light bulb went off in Markus’s head. “Ah.”

  “Yeah. So, will you at least tell me what all these meetings are about lately?”

  Markus frowned. “I can’t,” he said bluntly. He sounded annoyed; not with her, but the situation.

  Katherine stiffened at the unexpected answer from the one person in her life she thought she could always count on to give it to her straight. “Can’t or won’t?” she demanded.

  Markus sighed. “Does it matter?” he asked. “Look, I promised Bastian that I wouldn’t. He doesn’t want to upset you.”

  It was unfiltered anxiety now instead of the smell of fatty bacon frying on the stove that had Katherine’s belly churning in discomfort. “Why would whatever these meetings are about upset me? What’s going on? Is it something really bad?” A dozen dangerous scenarios flew through her head. Had hunters somehow located the colony? Was someone vying for Bastian’s position as head alpha? Katherine tensed. “Or... or do the meetings somehow have something to do with me?”

  Markus’s eyes danced away from hers for only a second, but it was all the confirmation she needed. “That’s it, isn’t it?” she demanded hotly. “They’re about me.” She was stunned. “And what? You big, strong men think that even though they’re about me, they somehow don’t “concern” me at the same time?” She asked, spitting Bastian’s words back at Markus. “That I have no right to know about them?!”

  Markus sprang up into a sitting position, forcing a rough hand over her mouth. “Yo
u want everyone to hear you?” he hissed.

  She glared, and he reluctantly released his hold on her face.

  “Look,” Markus said with a sigh, “the meetings aren’t actually about you. Not really. They involve you in a round-about way, maybe, but it’s not my place to explain how, alright?”

  “But-”

  “If Bastian thinks you need to know, he’ll tell you,” he reiterated. “He wouldn’t leave you oblivious to danger. Just... let it go, okay? Just this once.”

  Yeah right.

  “Whatever, Markus, thanks so much for your help.” Sarcasm was infused in her words as she stood.

  “Katherine,” he groaned in protest.

  She ignored him, striding over to the door before promptly slamming it shut behind her. She took a minute to compose herself at the top of the stairs before descending them and reluctantly returning to the kitchen, where Caleb and now Sophie sat at the kitchen table, eating their respective breakfasts. Sophie offered her a smile while Caleb stood at the sight of her. “Bacon?” he asked. “I made some scrambled eggs, too, while you were upstairs.”

  “No, thanks,” Katherine declined, searching the cupboards for something a bit blander than bacon and eggs to fuel her upset stomach. She eventually settled on a box of instant oatmeal she spotted pushed to the very back of the highest cupboard. It was hiding behind a box of mashed potato spuds that Katherine was sure Caleb had never touched in his life.

  She had to climb atop the counter to reach it.

  “Do you need help?” Caleb asked, immediately leaping from his chair in concern as she nearly lost her balance.

  Katherine rolled her eyes in fond exasperation. “I got it,” she assured, outright ignoring Sophie’s loud snickering in the background.

  Caleb reluctantly returned to his chair when her feet were back on the floor, and Katherine busied herself blending together a bowl of oats and milk before heating the mixture in the microwave for a minute.

  Caleb and Sophie both frowned in concern at her choice of breakfast as she joined them at the table. She couldn’t exactly blame them. Oatmeal didn’t make a regular appearance in most werewolves’ diets. She was surprised there was even any in the house.