Luminous

by Noelle Marie

  “Besides,” she added, in an attempt to lighten the mood before Bastian decided to get too sappy on her, “a little massage is the least I can do for your poor muscles after you carried me practically the whole way here.”

  He snorted at that. “Please, you’re a tiny thing,” he said, speaking into the worn knees of his jeans. “I can hardly even tell the difference between walking with you in my arms and without.”

  Katherine bit her lip. Even if that was true, it wouldn’t remain that way for long. Caleb had managed to get his hands on a watermelon from the market the other day, and she’d attempted to picture her stomach swelling to the size of the huge, rounded fruit and nearly cried.

  What if she got so large that Bastian’s attraction to her withered away into nothing? She could hardly bring herself to even think such a thing.

  The longer Katherine rubbed his back, the tenser the silence between them seemed to grow, and the heavier the secret she carried seemed to be.

  She had to tell him.

  Katherine was moments away from combusting, and she opened her mouth to choke out the life-altering information when Bastian abruptly twisted around, and she ended up releasing a surprised yelp instead when he pulled her into his lap.

  “How do you always know exactly what I need?” he asked softly, pressing his forehead to hers.

  Katherine blinked. “Huh?”

  Bastian brushed his nose against hers, and it became apparent that while the silence they’d been sitting in the past five minutes may have been uncomfortable for Katherine, they were anything but for Bastian. “This. Getting out of the house and clearing my head, the massage, and spending time together, just us.”

  Katherine swallowed. “Just us?”

  “Just us,” he reiterated, offering her a smile that shone brighter than the sun or moon ever could.

  And just like that, Katherine’s throat swelled shut. She couldn’t possibly tell him about the plus one in her belly and that it would never be just them again. Instead, it was all she could do to force herself to return his smile before hiding her face in his shoulder.

  As shaky as she knew her smile had been, it must have also been convincing enough because Bastian didn’t question it.

  Katherine almost wished he would have.

  She hated feeling like a coward, and while she’d never thought of herself as one before, the quickly stacking evidence suggested otherwise. Unfortunately, every day – every hour – that passed, the more difficult it was for her to work up the nerve to tell him. Thus, she tended to spend her time alternately avoiding Sophie and hiding her food in her napkin at meal times, artistically rearranging her plate to make it look like she ate more than she actually did. It was a risky endeavor to employ under such watchful eyes, but still a better option than being caught throwing up again.

  Regardless, Katherine knew she just needed to get it over with and tell him. She’d convinced herself to do it that very morning, in fact, come hell or high water, come oral sex or sentimental comments about “just us”. Unfortunately, she’d woken up to Bastian getting ready to go to yet another impromptu council meeting, and now she sat at the kitchen table, trapped between Caleb and Zane with Sophie drilling holes into her from across the table.

  It was no wonder really why she felt like she had the word “liar” etched into her forehead.

  Katherine pushed the pile of scrambled eggs Caleb had prepared her across her plate, eyeing the buttery trail they left behind and trying to control the churning of her stomach.

  “Are you sure you don’t want Caleb to make you something else, honey?” Sophie asked. “You don’t seem all that hungry for eggs.”

  Caleb, not at all offended at his services being offered without his permission, nodded eagerly from his spot on Katherine’s left. “I can get an early start on those banana muffins I was planning on making this afternoon,” he offered.

  The idea sounded ridiculously mouth-watering, but...

  “No, thanks, this is great,” Katherine assured, shoving a forkful of eggs into her mouth and making herself swallow. She braved a glance at Caleb, and then Sophie, before focusing her eyes once more on her plate. “Besides, even if I wanted something else, I could make it myself.”

  “Oh, really, like you’ve done other things yourself?”

  Katherine tensed at the pointed comment, forcing herself to look back up at the woman who’d made it. Sophie’s eyebrows were raised and her arms were crossed over her chest disapprovingly as she waited for a response.

  But Katherine wasn’t sure what she expected her to say.

  It was obvious enough what Sophie was referring to. Katherine knew very well that she hadn’t told Bastian the news yet. And she also knew very well that she had to soon or the blonde in front of her would do it for her.

  Katherine wrenched her gaze away from Sophie’s, fighting the urge to fidget in her seat as Zane and Caleb wearily watched on. They’d obviously picked up on the strain between the two girls. Luckily, the foursome wasn’t sitting in the tension-filled silence for longer than half a minute before the front doors burst open.

  Relief flooded Katherine at the sound, but when she turned to greet the two men who’d unwittingly rescued her, it just as suddenly vanished.

  Bastian and Markus looked pissed.

  There was no other way to describe the expressions on their faces. Bastian’s jaw was clenched to the point of veins bulging out of his neck, Markus’s nostrils were flared, and both of their brows were furrowed in blatant distress.

  Maybe their abrupt entrance wasn’t so lucky then...

  For a second, Katherine feared that Gabriela – the only other person besides her and Sophie that knew of her “condition” – had spilled the beans. She’d worried about the exact scenario already once earlier in the week when Bastian had been called away for a meeting, but so far the woman had kept the information to herself.

  “What’s going on?” Zane asked the question for all of them.

  “Oh, the same crap as usual,” Markus spit out as he stomped over to the stove, and Katherine allowed her stiff shoulders to relax. “Oh, Bastian, my son’s mate got her period again,” he mocked. “What if she never gets pregnant? What if nobody does ever again? Please, we need to bring in fresh blood.” He shook his head as he shoved a sausage into his mouth. “I swear to God if I have to hear another damn word about any woman’s monthly cycle again...”

  Katherine bit her lip. As relieved as she was that her secret was still safe, she did feel more than a little bad about the fact that she held the solution to the council’s growing hysteria in her uterus.

  “This is ridiculous,” Zane complained from his seat at the table. “A lull in reproduction is hardly unprecedented. It’s likely pure happenstance that no babies have been conceived thus far this year, and if not, there’s probably good reason for it. After all, if our population got too large too quickly, we’d be at risk for discovery. Mother Nature is merely nixing such a risk.”

  Markus snorted. “Yeah, well, you tell them that. They’re not taking “no” for an answer.”

  Katherine felt her entire body stiffen at Markus’s proclamation, and her eyes darted over to Bastian, who’d yet to say a word since his return from the meeting. Not only hadn’t he said anything, he wasn’t looking at them. His back was turned to the pack as a whole with his hands braced on the countertop in front of him.

  “What does that mean?” Sophie demanded incredulously.

  When Bastian still didn’t speak up, Markus sighed. “The council wants to send a group of envoys to the western colony in a bid to see if they really live as crudely as Bastian claims, and possibly even extend an invitation to merge colonies if their living conditions and pack specific traditions are found acceptable.” He paused. “Of course, as head alpha, they expect Bastian to lead this group of envoys.”

  What?

  “What?” Sophie asked, the disbelieving tone of her voice matching exactly what Katherine was feeling.

>   For a long moment, no one spoke.

  “Is it true?” Katherine asked quietly, finally able to make her lips and tongue work together to speak actual words for the first time since the two men had returned from the meeting. “You’re leaving?”

  Bastian’s entire body somehow tensed further at the question before he finally forced himself to turn around, his blue eyes immediately finding Katherine’s green ones. “Only for a few weeks.”

  A feeling of such despair came over Katherine at the confirmation that for a second, it felt like Bastian had punched a hole through her chest instead of announcing he’d be inaccessible to her for a couple of weeks. But just the thought of being alone – of Bastian willingly leaving her – made it difficult to breathe, and she had to force herself to keep taking in air around the quickly enlarging hole despite the fact that it felt like her entire being was caving in on itself.

  It was utterly ridiculous.

  But also incredibly real.

  “Bastian, you can’t go,” Sophie snapped, breaking the tense silence the kitchen had fallen into at his announcement. She shot Katherine an imploring glance.

  For once, Katherine was in complete agreement with the other girl.

  “You think I want to?” Bastian demanded harshly, showcasing his blatant anger at the council’s decision for the first time in words. “It’s the only way they’re going to drop this goddamn asinine idea of joining colonies.”

  Tell him, Katherine ordered herself sternly.

  “So you’re just going to leave the pack alpha-less, then?” Sophie shot back, standing from her chair. “Unprotected? You’re going to leave Katherine unprotected?”

  Bastian pulled his lips back to form a downright wolfish snarl at the accusation. “Shut your mouth,” he snapped. “Markus will remain here to protect the pack, and I’ve already talked to Luther about patrolling the house at night.”

  Just tell him.

  The distress Katherine was feeling must have been obvious because Caleb placed one of his hands over hers where he continued to sit on her left and offered it a supportive squeeze. Katherine gratefully squeezed back.

  “You can’t go!”

  “Why not, Sophie? And what the hell makes you think you have any say?”

  “I’m pregnant,” Katherine muttered, finally managing to force the truth past the lump in her throat and bracing herself for the pack’s – for Bastian’s – reaction.

  But there was none.

  She’d spoken the words so hesitantly, so softly, that no one, not even Caleb who hovered worriedly over her shoulder, had heard them.

  She pressed her lips together, blinking back sudden, furious tears as Bastian and Sophie’s argument continued to escalate. Their raised voices – mostly Bastian and Sophie’s, but occasionally Markus and Zane would interject, too – became nothing more than incessant buzzing in her ears.

  Katherine took a deep breath.

  “Would everyone just shut up?” she exclaimed loudly, using the courage that her sudden anger had granted her to pry her hand from Caleb’s and stand.

  Everyone quieted at the sudden clamor, five pairs of eyes zeroing in on her with varying degrees of surprise.

  “I just said,” she pointed out calmly, somehow successful in keeping her voice steady, “that I’m pregnant.”

  The last word was spoken with such conviction that Katherine wasn’t sure if it actually echoed throughout the kitchen or if it was only reverberating in her own ears.

  Pregnant, pregnant, pregnant...

  Everyone stared. Caleb’s eyes were blown wide, Zane’s eyebrows rose to his hairline, and Markus looked downright gob smacked. Even Sophie, who’d known about the pregnancy, looked a little shell-shocked at the sudden announcement, but Bastian... his expression remained stoic.

  Besides freezing, he showed no visible reaction to her proclamation, and Katherine’s ire-induced courage abruptly fled.

  “That’s why you can’t go,” she added quietly, the words hardly more than a whisper.

  Still, no one spoke.

  “I tried to tell you earlier,” she bit out in a rush, the words she’d kept locked up suddenly flying past her tongue in their desperate bid for freedom, “but I didn’t know how, and it never seemed like the right time. I found out last week at the clinic after the fainting and puking. I also failed to shift on the full moon,” she added, grossly aware of the fact that she was rambling, but also unable to stop herself. “Besides me, only Sophie and Gabriela knew. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything before now, I just didn’t think...” I just didn’t think you’d be happy. I just didn’t think you’d want it. She swallowed. “I guess, I just didn’t think.”

  The oppressive silence stretched on until finally...

  “Is this true?” Bastian asked, voice void of emotion.

  It hurt more than Katherine could ever say when he directed the question, and his gaze, at Sophie, instead of her.

  “Yes,” Sophie confirmed quietly.

  Somehow Katherine knew what Bastian was going to do before he did it.

  Keeping his eyes directed steadfastly away from her imploring gaze, he walked – he didn’t run or even stomp, just walked – out of the front double doors, pulling them open before letting them shut behind him, not with a resounding bang, but rather, a somehow much more poignant, quiet click.

  CHAPTER SIX

  Bastian had left her.

  She’d finally told him... and he’d left her.

  Logic fought to break through the dumb sort of daze that fell over her in response to his actions. After all, Bastian hadn’t left her left her. Not only were they essentially soul mates, but she was a member of his pack. They lived in the same house together, slept in the same bedroom. He’d be back. He had to be at some point. But there was no room in her bludgeoned heart for logic at that very moment.

  To protect herself, Katherine shut down. She felt numb, a tingling sort of feeling buzzing in her fingers and toes as she stood paralyzed, her feet stuck to the kitchen floor as her eyes remained glued to the front doors through which Bastian had just disappeared.

  He’d left her.

  Unfortunately – or fortunately, whichever way one looked at it – Katherine knew the shock couldn’t, and wouldn’t, last long. It was only a matter of time before the dam holding her messy emotions back burst and they flooded all over the place.

  “Oh, honey, I’m sure Bastian-”

  She was right.

  All it took was those handful of words, offered to her sympathetically in Sophie’s voice, and tears swamped her eyes. Before they could fall, Katherine bolted. She hightailed it out of the kitchen, not running out the front door after Bastian – she would never follow after someone who so deliberately walked away from her like that – but retreating to her bedroom.

  She slammed the door after herself – so very opposite of the way Bastian had calmly clicked closed the front entrance – and she would have locked it, too, if that option had been available. Then she threw herself onto her bed, burying her face into one of the pillows there, and allowed the floodgates to open.

  She cried into the pillow until it was damp with her tears. They weren’t loud, heaving sobs that escaped her, but softer, broken little cries as she tried to wrap her mind around the hormonal-induced emotions threatening to overwhelm her.

  She didn’t know how much time passed while she wept, but her eyes were sore and she’d ignored knocks on the door from all of her pack mates (except Bastian, of course) –

  Knock. Knock. “Katherine, look, I’m sorry about my brother. I’m sure he’ll come around sooner rather than later. Won’t you please come out?”

  Knock. Knock. “Katherine? I made those banana muffins I was talking about earlier. Come out and try to eat? ...Here, I’ll leave them by the door.”

  Knock. Knock. “While denying your body substance for a few hours at this stage of pregnancy is hardly likely to cause any harm to the fetus, you do realize that it’s not exactly healthy either, r
ight? ...Katherine?”

  Knock. Knock. “If I were you, princess, I’d get your scrawny, little ass out here before I come in there and drag it out myself.” (Despite his threats, Markus didn’t even jiggle the door handle.)

  – before she eventually managed to tire herself out enough to fall asleep.

  When she finally woke up, the skin around her eyes was even more swollen than when she’d fallen asleep, there was an annoying ache thrumming through her temples, and she was enveloped in a familiar warmth.

  For a second she thought it was Bastian; that he had returned and snuck into bed and wrapped her up tightly in his arms.

  Except...

  The arm draped around her belly wasn’t possessive in the least. It lay over her hip passively, no fingers curling around the bone there. Not only that, but the limb felt just a tad bulkier than usual. And the soft beard that tickled the back of her neck definitely wasn’t the same scratchy stubble she was used to.

  Whoever had crawled into bed with her while she was sleeping was not Bastian.

  Katherine stiffened, her heart suddenly pounding twice as fast in her chest as she forced her heavy eyelids open. She quickly took note of the fact that despite having hid herself away in the room shortly after breakfast, darkness had already fallen outside; there was no light filtering in through the shuttered blinds.

  The body behind her shifted at the tiny movement, the arm around her waist tightening a fraction. “Relax, princess,” a familiar voice muttered in her ear.

  Markus’s baritone sent such a strong wave of relief rushing through her that Katherine couldn’t help but obey, her heart nearly immediately slowing back down to its regular place and the stiffness in her shoulders fleeing.

  Still...

  “What are you doing?” Katherine hissed, grabbing the man’s wrist and pushing his arm off her. She sat up, turning around to face him. Markus’s hazel eyes were open, clear and focused, no sign of drunkenness or sudden lunacy present – the only two explanations Katherine could think of for his presence in her and Bastian’s bed.

  He didn’t seem particularly impressed by her indignation, merely raising an eyebrow. “I was sick of listening to your damn whimpering. Not to mention the tossing and turning. Someone needed to do something,” he explained bluntly.