Compulsive (Liar #1)

by Lia Fairchild

  “You’ve done nothing wrong, here. It’s me who should make this right.”

  He had meant to be kind most likely, but his words felt like a slap in the face. “I see. You’re the professional. You should know better. Is that it?”

  “Look, there’s no need to get defensive. I’m taking the blame.”

  “Of course, you are. Someone like me couldn’t possibly be responsible for her actions. No, I get it. Don’t say another word. I know exactly what you’re getting at. Everything professional and above board from now on. Great.” I placed my hand on the edge of the open door and nudged it a little farther. “You’ll get Shrink of the Year. I’ll get a promotion and adopt some kids from another country. Perfect. See you next week, Dr. Harrison?”

  When I tried to step through the doorway, Daniel paced the rest of the way to me and reached above my head to stop the door. “Don’t leave like this, please.” The desperate plea in his voice shot directly to my heart. The man was insane to want to keep this madness going.

  “Why?”

  “Can you please just stop with the defenses for once, and I’ll tell you?”

  I released the door, turned my body to face him, still uncertain if I even had the energy to continue this fire dance for almost two more months. Once he had my attention, it seemed he lost a bit of his nerve. Silence filled the air around us until a building tension almost had me bolt out the door before Daniel spoke. “I won’t give up on you.”

  The doubt I felt came through my intense stare, causing him to take in a breath and continue, “I’ve never felt pity for you, Gray. That’s not what this is about. I don’t want to give up, Gray. You have absolutely no reason to trust me or my word, but I’m asking you…please, can we stay the course? Can we focus on what needs to be done here? I believe in you, and I truly believe that if we work together and stick this out, things will get better. But, we have to do it together as a team.” He dropped his hand from the doorway and stuck it out to me. “As friends.”

  The corners of my mouth perked up into a slow grin. He’d pissed me off…but then again, everyone did at some point. The truth was, I believed him to be sincere. And Daniel as a friend was better than no Daniel at all.

  “Deal?” he said when I hadn’t answered.

  I needed a few more seconds of staring at this adorable gesture before I caved. “Deal.” I took his hand in mine for an awkward yet still titillating shake. “Friends.”

  CHAPTER 18

  --------------------------

  15 years earlier…

  Noah ambled over from the kitchen wearing Batman pajamas and a giant smile. Two things he was almost never without. A red sucker clutched in his hand, he plopped down on the carpet in front of me.

  “Hey, where’d you get that?” I realized the answer as the question came out.

  “Up on da shef.” He pointed the sucker to the ceiling with a triumphant smile. Noah had been becoming a climber. If he wanted something, he would find a way to get it. That sucker was in a bag on a shelf over the counter.

  “Noah, that’s not safe.”

  “You wanna lick, Gway?” He twisted and plunged the candy so close to my face it almost went up my nose.

  “No thanks…you know what flavor I like.” I knew he wasn’t supposed to be eating sweets so close to dinner, but since I had no clue when that would be, I didn’t care.

  “Gwape.”

  “Yeah, grape.”

  “Can we go swim?”

  We’d already watched the DVD of his favorite movie and now the credits rolled and panic rose in my chest. “No…we can’t swim now.”

  “Why? I wanna swim.”

  “Because…it’s too late now. Besides, we have to be invited, silly.” Our neighbors put in a pool the beginning of last summer. When we played in the backyard, we could hear the high school kids splashing and yelling. Noah learned some new words thanks to them. Mrs. Watson told us months ago she’d invite us over for a swim sometime. Ever since Noah had asked me. Every. Single. Day.

  “When they going to invite us? When’s Daddy coming home?”

  I plucked the remote from beside me and clicked the movie to start again. It was the sole thing I could think of to keep him from asking questions or getting into trouble. What else was I supposed to do with a three-year-old? I’d lost my Mother-of-the-Year status a long time ago, and TV became my go-to solution. We used to be at the park at this time with Grandma, but since her stroke, she hadn’t been over.

  As the opening scene played out, my eyes went from Noah to the TV to the front door and back to Noah. It was about the hundredth time I’d done that in the past two hours. The sun would be setting soon, and I had homework. The fifth grade science fair had been in my sights since Mrs. Boon announced it earlier in the year, but I had barely started the work.

  Noah turned and smiled at me when his favorite part came. I grinned in return, genuinely happy to see him filled with such real joy. At the same time, I felt sad because I knew that light would fade soon enough. How could it not, with a dead mother and an absentee father?

  His hand reached back and landed on my foot, giving it a tiny squeeze, confirming my presence. Maybe I hadn’t done the best job trying to be a mommy to him, but at least I was there. I won’t ever leave you, Noah, I whispered unsure if he even noticed. I bundled a bunch of the soft curly ends of his feathery hair and played with them when the door finally opened.

  “Daddy!” That was the extent of Noah’s excitement, and then he turned back to the TV.

  “Finally,” I said through an exaggerated breath.

  “Well, hello to you, too, shrimp boat.” His odd smile felt out of place, like he was on one of those TV sitcoms.

  Dad shuffled in and shrugged off his coat, tossing it in a chair. “Where’s Dana?”

  “She left like two hours ago, Daddy.”

  “What the…” He plodded to the kitchen, heading for the phone.

  “You can’t call her.” I followed, glancing back to make sure Noah was still completely engrossed in his movie. “You’re late. She told you she had a final tonight. We called you like ten times.”

  The phone already rested in his tight grip, when my words hit him. His weary eyes turned to me in confusion. He hadn’t shaved in days, and his shirt was wrinkled and stained. “I got hung up.”

  How many times had I heard that one? “What about dinner?”

  Dad turned toward the living room with narrowed eyes. “You gave him a damn sucker, Gray?”

  “He was getting hungry.” The look on Dad’s face made my pulse race. “If there was a grown-up here, he wouldn’t have climbed the shelf to get the damn sucker!”

  One long stride had him hovering over me. “Hey, young lady. You watch your mouth. We don’t talk like that.”

  “You just did.” I folded my arms, feeling bold, waiting for a reason to scream at him.

  He took hold of my arm, not forcefully, but deliberate. He pulled in a deep breath like he was struggling to contain himself. “Gray…you’re a child. I can speak however I choose because I’m an adult.”

  Something took over me in that moment. A hot fire flared in my chest, and I yanked my arm away. “Yeah, well, you could have fooled me!” I marched away, toward the living room, grabbing Noah’s water bottle on the way, Dad hot on my trail.

  “Get back here, Gray. You don’t speak to me that way.” His words had more desperation than strength behind them.

  Ignoring him, I bent down next to Noah whose smile told me he’d been tuning us out. “Sit with me.” He grasped the end of my shirt and gave it a couple of tugs. “Please?”

  “Not right now. Here.” I handed him the water bottle, a trade for the sucker stick he’d obviously been chewing on. “Thanks. We don’t chew these. It’s not safe.”

  I stood, and my eyes met Dad’s. His chest heaved with a sigh, and his features had softened. I couldn’t understand why he suddenly didn’t appear angry. “Hey, I’m going to order some pizza.”

&nbs
p; “I’m going to my room to do homework.” Just because he acted like he wasn’t mad at me, didn’t mean I wasn’t still mad at him. I trudged right by him and down the hall toward my room. Before I slammed the door shut, I yelled. “And you better keep an eye on Noah. He’s a climber!”

  That night I snuck into Noah’s room after Dad had put him to bed and then collapsed in front of the TV. He wouldn’t sleep without me being there for saying prayers to God and Mommy. I knelt beside him, giving him the silent shooshing sign with my finger to my lips. I rested my elbows on the covers that were pulled up to his neck. Each night he said the same prayer, asking God to watch over us, help Daddy to be happy, and give Mommy a hug. Then, he would always add something new like, “Please, tell Mrs. Watson to invite us swimming” or “Send a lost puppy over.” That night he said, “God, thank you for the pizza. I left a piece for Mommy on the table.” Then, he held two fingers to his lips and pointed up to the ceiling. My heart melted and ached all at the same time, but mostly, I was happy that neither of us had forgotten our mother yet.

  * * *

  Present Day

  A piercing chime startled me to attention. I’d fallen asleep on the couch with a book and my laptop surrounding me in addition to the television being on. It had been one of those nights I’d anticipated insomnia, so I hadn’t even bothered to turn my ringer lower when I’d set myself up on the couch for the night. Without a clue as to what time it was, I swiped the phone from beside me.

  “Gray, it’s your dad.”

  The voice injected a cold ache in my chest. Silence. I wasn’t awake enough to prepare. Instead of wondering why he called, I felt conned, trapped. Since I moved out eight years ago, we’d only spoken or seen each other a handful of times.

  “Gray…please. This is not about us. It’s urgent.”

  “What? What’s wrong?”

  “Can you get over to Becca and Harvey’s place right away? I’m in the car on my way, too.”

  “Why?” I pulled the phone from my ear to see the time. Eleven-twenty.

  “I don’t know for sure. Just that Becca called me crying, locked in the bathroom. She said she called the police.”

  “Oh, God. I swear, if he did something to hurt her…”

  “Listen, Gray. Don’t go in unless the police are already there. I’m a ways out, so I want someone there for her. Family.”

  Is that what we were? “Okay, I’m leaving.” I clicked off and looked down at myself, not remembering what I was wearing. Pajama bottoms and a tank top. I ran to my room to kick off the bottoms and pull on some jeans. I threw a sweater on over my tank, and I was out the door.

  My mind raced as I drove. I tried to keep my thoughts from my father and our issues. A steady beat thumped behind my ears. I’d seen firsthand what Harvey was capable of. I was ready to handle him if necessary. I scrolled through my phone to check the picture I’d taken at his house and hadn’t looked at since.

  Eighteen minutes later, I pulled into the driveway next to a cop cruiser, lights flashing silently. A female police officer came into view as I approached the open front door. Harvey sat, cuffed and pissed, on the couch with a male officer standing over him.

  When I stepped inside, I spotted Becca, red-faced with mascara smeared down her cheek and looking every bit as fearful and guilty as Harvey. This was the last thing I needed.

  “Gray, what are you doing here?” Becca paced a wide circle around Harvey and the officer to get to me and deliver a desperate hug.

  I reached down and took her hand. “My dad called me. Are you okay? What the hell’s going on?” Who knew why I was whispering. The penetrating stare the female officer sent our way could have had something to do with it.

  Becca led me back toward the kitchen. “I didn’t want you to get involved.” Her voice came out as low as mine. She eyed Harvey and continued. “Especially after what happened between you two.”

  I offered tight lips and a glare. Keep your mouth shut. “I was closer, and my dad didn’t want you here alone. Not with him, anyway.”

  “I heard that.” Harvey twisted on the couch, shooting daggers from his eyes at me. “Screw you, Gray.”

  “Hey. Relax, buddy.” The male officer placed a hand on Harvey’s shoulder and then looked over at me. “Ma’am, we finally got these two calm, so if you’re going to stir them up, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

  “I’m sorry, but can someone please tell me what’s going on?”

  “I came to get something from the house,” Becca said innocently. “I thought Harvey was out of town. He came home and started yelling at me to get out, trying to drag me to the door. To throw me out of my own home.”

  “You don’t live here anymore, Becca. You chose to leave.”

  “She left because you’re a lying, cheating bastard.”

  “Lying?” Harvey stood and turned to face us. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. This coming from the queen of all liars?”

  “Simmons!” The male officer head gestured to the female who snapped to attention after she appeared to be texting. “We might need to separate these folks.”

  Simmons dragged her annoyed expression our way and took up residence in our personal space.

  “The cuffs are on the right person,” I said to no one in particular. Then, I looked to the male officer. “Are you taking this wife beater to jail or what?”

  “I didn’t lay a finger on her. Look at her. She’s fine.”

  “Yeah, this time.” I looked to Becca who avoided me by looking out the window.

  Simmons held up a surprisingly delicate looking hand. “Mrs. Pantero. You’re the one who called 911. Do you want to press any charges at this time?”

  When Becca glanced at me, I raised my eyebrows, hoping she’d give that loser what he deserved. Her expression was pleading and apologetic, uncharacteristic of the Becca I’d grown up with. This man had obviously changed her. “No…I’m not pressing charges.”

  “Are you sure, ma’am?” The male officer stared at her with an expression similar to the one I’d just given her.

  Everyone stood in silence for a few seconds before Harvey chimed in. “What the hell? Is anyone on my side?”

  As the officer uncuffed Harvey, my father walked in like he was entering a diner, completely apathetic like this kind of scene was nothing new for him. If I hadn’t known he was coming, I might have been blown away to see his face in person. Still, it was a bit of a shock to the system even with my mental preparation.

  I waited as his eyes swept around the room as if they were after something. When they connected with mine, he offered a thin smile to which my blank stare offered nothing in return. Becca took off, sprinting toward my dad, to cry on his shoulder. Stunned by a closeness I hadn’t known existed, I stood there watching like it was an after school special. Becca and I didn’t talk often about family matters, mostly because she would end up defending him.

  He peeled her arms from around his neck and addressed the male officer. “Henry Donovan, sir. I’m Becca’s brother-in-law. Anything I can do here?”

  “I suppose you can take these ladies out of here. We’re about done.”

  My dad looked confused, but didn’t question the officer. “Of course.” He turned toward the door after sending a disgusted head shake over to Harvey. Simmons also headed for the door.

  “Mrs. Pantero, do you have somewhere to stay?” Simmons asked Becca.

  “Yes, I’m staying with my sister for now. Thank you, officer.”

  “I’ll follow her over,” Dad said.

  “You know…” All eyes turned to me. “I just remembered. There was something I left in your bathroom the last time I was here.”

  Becca looked at me like I’d just lit up a joint. “What are you talking about?”

  I turned from her to Harvey. The recognition on his face told me he knew I hinted for his benefit.

  “Never mind… It’s not important.”

  “Are you sure?” Becca said.

 
“You can bank on it.”

  I swear, I saw Harvey’s lips mouth the word “what” as his brows shot toward his nose. It made no difference that I didn’t have a clue what that bankbook was from. Having Harvey sweating about it would work for now. And it could keep his ass in line for a while.

  The cops stayed inside with Harvey while the three of us left to the cars. The full moon and streetlights provided enough illumination to show the awkwardness on all our faces. Becca began to tear up, and I draped an arm around her shoulders. “I’m sorry to drag you back into this, Gray.”

  “Don’t even worry about it, Bec.” We stopped in front of her car. I took my sleeve and swiped away her tears. “Just get this divorce wrapped up already. And stay away from the damn house. No gravy boat is worth this shit.” She spit out a giggle and nodded. I opened the door for her to get in. “Text me later and let me know how you’re doing.”

  Becca placed her hand on the door. “Hold on.” Determination in her eyes, she took hold of my cheeks. “I’m getting in, but we’re not leaving. You two should talk. It’s been too long.”

  “Becca…”

  Feet shuffling behind me stopped my words. Why did this have to be now? Becca smiled at him over my shoulder, like there was some secret between them and then slipped into the driver’s seat.

  I folded my arms across my body, feeling the night chill for the first time. As I walked to the back of the car, I swallowed the lump forming in my throat. I used my anger to steel myself, knowing I couldn’t let him find a weak spot.

  He slipped one hand into his jacket pocket and retrieved his keys. “So…you were going to leave without so much as a hello.”

  “This wasn’t a dinner party.” I checked the street a few times for cars that weren’t coming. Then, I left my eyes on the road.

  “Gray…Dammit. Are we ever going to try to be a family again?”

  I snapped my attention to him and caught that familiar frustration covering his face. “We haven’t been a family for a long time,” I said. His expression morphed into sad desperation at hearing my words. For the first time in so long, I felt regret instead of anger. I thought about Daniel and what he would say about that. I skimmed through all the mental pages of transcripts documenting what I’d shared with Daniel about my dad. I knew it was hypocritical to hope for my own mending and forgiveness but to exclude him from all of it. The pain I’d have to bear in order to make that possible was too much right now. Daniel still didn’t know the whole story.