Take a Gamble

by Rachael Brownell

  I can’t even think that word.

  “I know she’ll be okay. She needs time to let it sink in. I should have told her before I came home. She needs time to decompress everything.” She pauses and lets out a little sigh. It’s sexy as hell. I have to remember now is not the time to let my body be turned on by her amazingly sexy noises. “As for me… well, I guess we will find out tomorrow.”

  I kiss her hair again because I have no words. There is nothing I can do or say which will reassure her right now.

  “I’m making spaghetti, or at least I was going to. Are you hungry?”

  “Starving. Want some help?”

  “I would love your help. I have no idea where anything is.”

  After dinner we curl up on the couch and watch some made-for-TV movie that I could have cared less about. Mac is curled up next to me, though, so it doesn’t really matter what’s on the TV.

  “Maybe we should go to bed?” Mac sounds nervous all of the sudden. It takes me a minute to realize why. It’s only a little after eight and she’s suggesting that we head upstairs.

  I hadn’t left the first floor of the house yet. I wasn’t sure if I was going to be sleeping in her room with her or in one of her brothers’ rooms. I didn’t want to ask either. I figured she would let me know what she wanted. The fact that she was suggesting “we” go to bed was the answer I needed.

  “If you’re ready.” I wanted to say more but I didn’t want to make things awkward. We hadn’t discussed what had happened the other night or if it would happen again. In fact, Mac had pretty much done everything to avoid the subject. That was fine. I didn’t want to pressure her into having sex again if she wasn’t ready. I was willing to wait for as long as she wanted to wait.

  She shuts the TV off and stands without saying a word. Her hand grabs mine, pulling me to stand in front of her. I understand what is happening, but I let her lead. I want her to take the initiative. I want her to want this, to want me. It’s looking like that is exactly what she wants.

  “Mac. Before we go upstairs there is something I want to say.” She nods, so I continue. I’m going to lay it all out there so that she knows. I don’t want there to be any sort of doubt in her mind that she is who I want. I don’t want her to doubt me or us or the fact I will fight with and for her until she won’t let me anymore. “I love you, with all my heart. I’m not sure how it happened so fast or why and I don’t care. All I care about is you.

  “No matter what happens tomorrow or the next day or the next, I want you to know I will be there for you if you’ll let me. I’m all in, for as long as you’ll let me be. You’re more than a summer fling for me. You’re…everything. You’re the girl. The one. I always thought my grandma was bat-shit crazy when she told me I would find you but she was right. I want you to know that I don’t plan on letting you go. Get used to me being around. I don’t plan on going anywhere. Ever.”

  Tears begin to trickle down her cheeks as I stop talking. Damn, she’s incredibly sexy when she cries. I didn’t mean to make her cry, of course, but I’m pretty sure they’re happy tears. At least I hope they are.

  MAC

  I’m not sure what Roe’s grandma has to do with any of this, with us or our relationship. I plan on asking later, after I stop crying from his sweet words. I didn’t mean to start crying but I couldn’t help it. He’s so sweet and I know he means every word he’s saying. I can feel sincere he is.

  There’s only one problem with all of this. As happy as my tears are right now, I am also a little sad. As much as he wants all of this to be okay. As much as he thinks he will be able to be by my side through all of this. I can’t bring myself to tell him that if I am sick, really sick, again, that I probably won’t be around for him to love for much longer.

  I know how morbid my thoughts are but they are also realistic. I will be completely broken if I’m right and so will Roe. I can’t break him. He deserves so much better. He deserves a love which can last longer than my lifetime. So do I, and I will have that no matter how long I live because I found Roe.

  I plan on holding on to him as long as I can without hurting him and that starts right now. I am going to look at the bright side of things, if there is a bright side. I am going to show him how much I love him, prove to him how much I love him, so when I’m gone he will always remember. He’ll never doubt that I loved him with all my heart.

  I pull him up the stairs and we spend the entire night showing each other how we feel. It’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever experienced. The way he makes me feel, the love I feel when he’s making love to me, it’s incredible. There really are no words to describe it. I feel…whole.

  The drive to the doctor’s office is nothing like our time alone together last night. I can tell Roe is nervous. I’m nervous. Neither of us are speaking. Thankfully, Alexa rode along with us and is talking a mile a minute, filling what would be silence if she weren’t here.

  I’m not really listening to her. She’s filling me in on what she did the entire week and a half we were apart. I should have known better to ask her an open-ended question. She’s been rambling for the past fifteen minutes and showing no signs of stopping before we get to the office. Ten more minutes.

  We wait patiently in the waiting room for the nurse to call me back. Alexa is silent for the first time since this morning. I wish someone would say something. The silence makes it hard to breathe all of the sudden.

  I’m about to speak up when my name is called and all three of us stand. The nurse shakes her head and tells me I need to come back alone. I glance at Roe and he gives me a weak smile. I hope he wasn’t trying to instill confidence in me with that smile.

  I follow the nurse back and hop up onto the table in the small room after she closes the door behind us. She takes my vitals and then exits, promising the doctor will be in shortly.

  My phone chimes, alerting me to a text message. Mom. I should have known.

  Mom: Any news yet?

  Me: No. I’m waiting on the doctor now.

  Mom: Let us know as soon as you know something.

  Me: I will. Promise.

  There is nothing for a few minutes and then my phone chimes again.

  Mom: Everything is going to be alright. Keep your head up and call me before you leave.

  Me: I will. Love you, Mom.

  Mom: We love you too.

  Of course she’s speaking for the both of them, or all of them. No one else has called or texted me since I left. Just Mom. Always Mom. She’s the only one who has the courage to deal with whatever is about to happen head on. She’s the one who took me to every appointment and treatment last time around. Dad was too busy. The boys were too young to understand what was going on. All they knew was that I was sick and all my appointments were to make me better.

  I hear the handle on the door turn and in walks my doctor. I study his face for a few beats before he smiles at me. I can’t tell if it’s a pity smile or if it’s genuine. I want it to be genuine. I need for it to be. I’m not sure if I’m really strong enough for all of this. I’m not sure if I have it in me to fight that hard again.

  “Hello, MacKenna. How are you feeling?”

  “I feel pretty good. Normal.”

  “Good. I know you’re probably anxious to discuss your test results since I called you into the office. I must say, I’m surprised your parents aren’t with you.”

  “We were actually on a family vacation when I got the message so I flew back alone. They are just a phone call away if I need them. I just finished texting my mom a few minutes ago.”

  “Good. Well, I would like to run a few more tests on you today if that’s okay. Your results are showing some inconsistencies. That’s the main reason I called you in.”

  Inconsistencies? Okay. I can work with that.

  “Sure.”

  He describes what they found and I start to panic a little. I should have brought Mom with me. She would have been able to understand all of this better.

  I send
Alexa, Mom and Roe all a text with the news my doctor wants to run more tests and that I am going to be longer than planned, before follow the doctor to a different room. He does a few chest x-rays and draws some blood. He also needs a urine sample for whatever reason. When I ask, he says he needs to know if there are any medications in my system which could be negatively affecting the results of the tests. I’m not on anything, but he wants the urine sample anyway.

  It’s over an hour later before I finally emerge to find Roe and Alexa watching a soap opera on the television in the waiting room. I pull my phone out to take a photo of the two most important people in my life when I see I have a couple of text messages.

  Mom: call me as soon as you get this!

  Mom: you need to call me right now!

  Dad: MacKenna Grace you are grounded. Do NOT go back to the house. Go directly to Alexa’s house and call your mother as soon as you get this message.

  What the hell is going on? At first I think maybe Mom is freaking out because it’s taking so long, until I read the message from Dad. Why am I grounded? What did I do?

  “Mac,” Roe says, breaking me from my thoughts. I’m still staring at my phone, unable to look away. I can’t figure it out.

  I feel him approach and put his hand under my chin. When my eyes meet his I know something is wrong. I’m expecting to see concern but instead I see how scared he is.

  “I’m okay. I promise.”

  “It’s not that. We’re busted.”

  Oh Shit! That makes sense as to why I’m grounded now. How in the hell did they figure it out?

  “How?” I look over his shoulder at Alexa who is watching the whole thing unfold, waiting for me to break down. I look her in the eye and know she’s innocent. She isn’t the one who ratted us out. Then who?

  “The text. You sent it to me, Alexa and your mom. We all got the same text.”

  Oh. My. God. This is all my fault.

  “Shit!”

  “Yeah. My parents are freaking out right now. My grandma tried to cover for me when they called her. She told them I was in the shower and that I would call them back. They didn’t buy it. I guess your mom went next door to see me. She didn’t even know I was out of town. They all put it together. We’re both in a shit ton of trouble. I’ve been avoiding my parent’s calls. I turned my phone off but it’s only a matter of time.”

  “Let’s get out of here. We can figure this out later,” I say. I don’t care. If I’m sick there is no way they will be able to keep me away from him. I will defy them at every turn. I will refuse treatment if it comes down to it. They will not take him away from me.

  Do I want that, though? Would it be easier to break things off right now and blame my parents? I could do that but my heart might break in the process. I need to wait. I need to know if something is actually wrong with me first. I don’t feel sick. I feel like I did last month, last year. Something felt wrong last time. I feel normal. It could be nothing.

  We drive directly to Alexa’s house. I figure I better follow directions to at least be allowed to speak with Roe. Who knows how severe my consequences are going to be.

  Alexa heads inside, to prepare her parents for our arrival, while Roe and I wait in the car. I still need to call my mom. I dial her number and she picks up on the first ring. I put her on speaker so she doesn’t blow out my ear drum yelling at me.

  “MacKenna Grace Trist. You are in so much trouble little girl. You have no idea.”

  “Hey, Mom.” I try to sounds as innocent and sweet as possible. What I really should have tried was strong and stubborn. She would have hated that even more.

  “Do not take that tone with me. You will answer for your lies starting right now. Where is Roe?”

  “Sitting next to me in the front seat of the car. You’re on speaker. He can hear you.”

  “Hello, Mrs. Trist.”

  Silence. Ten seconds. Twenty seconds.

  “Take me off speaker, MacKenna.”

  “No. I need to tell you about my appointment with the doctor and I’d rather not repeat myself. It’s going to be hard enough saying it all once.”

  Roe reaches over and grabs hold of my hand, giving it a squeeze. I haven’t said anything about my visit yet. It didn’t seem that important since news of our lies had surfaced. This may be enough to distract my mother from her anger. For a moment at least.

  “Talk.” Or not. She sounds pretty pissed at me. At us.

  “Okay. So, there were some inconsistent results from the round of tests I had done before we left for vacation. He did a couple of the tests over. He said we should have the results in a few weeks, just like last time.”

  “What inconsistences?” Her voice has done a complete 180. All I hear is concern. All remnants of anger have disappeared. Only for the time being, I’m sure.

  I chance a glance in Roe’s direction and he’s staring at me. I haven’t told him everything about being sick last time. I gave him a good overview but I never told him details.

  “Well, he thinks there might be a mass in my chest but the blood tests don’t confirm cancer. He did another round of blood tests, a urine test and took a few chest x-rays. We have to wait and see.”

  “I don’t like this, any of it, MacKenna.” Anger is front and center again. That didn’t take long. “Take me off speaker for a minute.”

  I comply, only because I’m sure she’s about to say something about Roe and the last thing I want is for him to hear how much my parents don’t like him because of my idea to bring him along. This was all my idea and he shouldn’t get in trouble for something he had no part in planning.

  “Yeah.”

  “I want you to know your father and I love you very much. I also don’t need to tell you that you are in a world of trouble because I’m sure you already know that. So is Roe. His parents are furious at him for using his grandma and lying to them. It’s not the lying that gets me that much. I understand why you lied. It’s the fact you lied so you could take him with you today instead of me or your father. You deceived us into thinking you were mature enough to do this alone and you really weren’t. You’ve broken our trust and no matter if you are sick or not, you are going to have to earn that back. Now, get inside Alexa’s house. Her parents are going to take you both in for the next few days until your planes are scheduled to return home. This is not up for discussion.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  She hangs up on me without as much as a goodbye. I knew she would be pissed but I never expected that to be her reason. I figured the lying was going to do it for her. I figured the fact that I flew four states away with a boy and spent the night alone with him was going to be the reason she was mad. Trust never even entered my mind.

  “So…”

  “Welcome to our new place of residence,” I say, gesturing towards Alexa’s house.

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. We’re pretty much under house arrest here until our planes take us back.”

  “If that’s the worst that comes from this then I’ll take it.”

  “Well, that’s the worst that’ll come from it right now. I have a feeling we’re both in for it when we get back to the beach.”

  “Probably. Do you think we’re going to be allowed to share a room?”

  I turn to swat him in the arm when I see his heart-stopping, sexy-as-hell grin which I love so much. He’s messing with me.

  “Mission accomplished.”

  “What mission?”

  “I made you smile.”

  Damn I am one lucky woman. How in the world did I get so lucky? What are the chances that I found the perfect person for me in the one place that I didn’t want to be? I could die a happy woman right now. I guess I just might.

  Damn it!

  ROE

  No matter how much trouble I’m in when we get back I am going to make the most of the alone time I have with Mac right now. We’re still shacking up together. Under the same roof, anyway. Alexa’s parents were serious when it came to slee
ping arrangements. I have a feeling they knew Mac and I wouldn’t do much sleeping if we were together in the same room.

  I didn’t expect any less but I was hoping they would be those “cool” parents who I hear about from time to time. The ones who allow their kids to have parties, as long as everyone sleeps over. The ones who let the boyfriend sleep over as long as their daughter is on birth control. Yeah, those parents.

  Alexa’s parents are not those kind of parents. They’re pretty much the exact opposite from what I can tell so far. It’s only been about an hour, but I have received a stern look from Alexa’s mom twice for getting too close to Mac. They’re very protective.

  I spend the first few hours in bed processing everything that’s happened today. I spend little time thinking about the consequences I’m sure to face when we get back to the beach. Most of my thoughts are of Mac and what the doctor had to say today. I don’t know anything about cancer and there’s a chance that Mac has cancer again.

  I pull out my phone and turn it back on. I silence the ringer immediately, knowing voicemails and texts will flood in as soon as I’m connected. I’m sure my parents filled my voicemail to the brim. I can only imagine the threats my dad left. He’s probably more pissed than Mac’s mom was.

  I’m right. I have a full mailbox and at least a dozen texts from my parents. I scan through them but they all say the same thing. I’m grounded. Call them ASAP. Turn my phone back on. There was even one from Grandma. When did she learn how to text?

  Grandma: Sorry I wasn’t a better cover story. Hope they go easy on you. If not, this girl is probably worth it so don’t sweat it too much. Do your time and move on. Kisses.

  I love that woman so much.

  I open up my browser and do a Google search on Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma. I probably shouldn’t have done that. What I find scares the crap out of me. I try to keep a clear head as I read information from site after site. It’s all I can do to keep my eyes open; eventually I give in to my need to sleep.