Four Crows

by Lily White

  “I need to tell you something, Maggie, and I want you to just sit there and listen. You need to know this, baby girl. I need you to know this because it will probably save your life.”

  “Daddy –“

  He raised a shaky hand to place a finger over my lips, his eyes meeting mine before hazing over. Exhaustion was evident in the slouch of his body and the heaviness of his eyelids. I wasn’t sure how much time he had left, but I knew I shouldn’t waste it by arguing. I needed to know what he wanted to say.

  Satisfied that I would remain silent, he reached down to take my hand in his own. It broke me to pieces to realize he didn’t have the strength to squeeze my fingers tight. It rattled me to the core to feel how cold his body had grown.

  “I don’t know how to tell you this, baby, but it’s your right to know.” His hand shook against mine, and his eyes caught my gaze for only a brief second before going out of focus again. “You’re not my daughter, Magpie. Not by blood, at least, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t my little girl.”

  Shock tore through my body as a violent wave of disbelief crashed within my head, memories ebbing and flowing within churning waters as I struggled to understand what he was telling me. I can’t say I was entirely surprised. Brody and Finn had hinted that they weren’t my true brothers. But to hear it from my father – to understand that my fate hadn’t been destined to the parent who created me, but by the man who raised me as his own – it sent chills along my spine.

  When he coughed, the couch shook beneath us, and he raised a soiled cloth to his mouth to wipe the spittle away.

  “I’ve always raised you to believe that family comes first, Maggie Pie,” he said on words broken apart by the weakness of his lungs and body. “I’ve always believed that since I was a little boy, since the day I saw my sister brought into the world and swore I’d always protect her.”

  A tear slipped from his eye. It was the first time I’d ever seen my father cry.

  “I protected her about as well as I protected you. I was a damn failure at both. She died giving birth to you in that old church. That part hadn’t been a lie. The man my father married her off to had beat her within an inch of her life when she was pregnant with you. She barely made it to me, and I took her to hide her. But on the road, she went into labor because her body was too weak to support you anymore. We ran across that church and I dragged her inside. I brought you into this world while she took her last breath. I’m not even sure she had the chance to look at you before she closed her eyes for the last time.”

  More tears leaked from his eyes to flow down his sunken cheeks. My tears dripped along in response to seeing the strongest man I’d known so weak. It didn’t occur to me until that moment that I relied on the protection my father had always promised me. To lose it meant I was losing a part of myself; the part that felt safe and secure and kept me tethered to the belief that I would live a happy life.

  His breathing became wet and shallow, but he pushed himself up straighter where he sat, his hand still nestled in mine.

  “I raised you the best I could, and I thought I could teach your brothers to love you as much as I loved my sister. Until this morning, I thought I’d at least accomplished that. But I was wrong, Maggie. So, very wrong.”

  “Daddy, I know,” I began to say, but with one look he silenced me. He didn’t have much time left, and he still had more to say.

  “After stabbing me, your brothers told me what they have planned for you when they find you. And please believe me, baby, they’ll never stop looking until the day they die. I’m not going to burden you with the details of what they plan to do to you, but you have to know that the evil I’ve always been trying to hide you from was living beneath our roof this entire time.”

  Pausing to catch his breath, he attempted to squeeze my hand. The effort was too much for him.

  His voice even more frail than when I first walked into this room, he begged me to understand what he was telling me.

  “They have to die, Maggie. If you’re going to live a good life, you have to make sure they’re no longer part of it. They won’t stop. There’s a sickness in them and they plan to unleash it on you. I don’t know why. I don’t know what went wrong. They left me to die with the fear that they would find you and ruin you like they helped me ruin so many others.”

  A crack in his voice gave away the fear he felt inside. “That man that waits outside for you now? I think he’s a good one. I think he’s a strong one and I think he can help you survive. You need to stick with him, Maggie. You need to help him find your brothers and you need to let him help you move on from the bullshit life I gave you. He’ll never forgive me for the pain I caused him, but I think he’s forgiven you. It takes a strong man to do that. It takes an honorable man. You’ve never known one of those in your entire life, and that’s my fault. So, I’m asking you to listen to me now and stay with that man for as long as he’ll have you.”

  He fell silent for a few minutes, both our hearts beating with the turmoil and agony of saying goodbye. Although I sat beside him with strength in my spine, inside I was withered and torn apart, afraid to move forward into the unknown.

  “You have a gun in your hand,” he finally said. “Is there a reason why?”

  It was my turn for the words I spoke to break apart. “I think you know why, Daddy.”

  Images flashed in my head. Early mornings where I woke up to the smell of bacon and pancakes. Hot summer days where I had ice cream smearing my cheeks and cold winters where my father stoked a fire to keep away the chill. I remembered his warm, strong lap where I always felt safe, and the way he kissed away the scrapes and cuts when I hurt myself trying to climb trees. There were the days he took me fishing, and the long afternoons where he taught me all there was to know about the land around us. In a day long ago, my father had been my hero. I wished I knew exactly when I would have the ability to let all of that go.

  To the world, my father was a monster. I understood that fact and I didn’t hold it against the people who saw him as something different than who he was to me. But he still held a piece of my heart within him. When he died, he’d take that part and leave an empty hole inside.

  “I don’t have much longer, baby. And if by killing me, you’ll earn the trust of the man outside this house, then it’s what you need to do.”

  Sobs shook my body, pain like I’d never known reaching up to slap at every part of me. My hand trembled where I held the gun and my mind was racing with how horrible and unfair my life had become.

  “I don’t think I can do it, Daddy. I don’t have the strength. Can’t I just sit here until you go? I’ll tell Elliot that you died before I had the chance. He’ll understand, Daddy!”

  Shaking his head, my father placed his hand over the gun, but he didn’t attempt to take it from me.

  “You have the strength, baby girl. You’re the strongest person I know. Don’t start your time with him with bullshit and lies.”

  “I can’t,” I cried, the sorrow inside me making it impossible to breathe.

  “You can, Maggie. Because we’ll do it together.”

  “Daddy –“

  “Please, baby girl. Help me leave this world. Save yourself and show me that everything is going to be just fine. I love you, Magpie. I’ve loved you since the day you were born. And I’ll continue loving you from whatever Hell I’m sent to when I die.”

  Wrapping his hand over mine where I held the gun, he lifted it up until the muzzle of the gun was pressed to his head. Both our hands shook as we held the cold weight.

  “Baby,” he said, when he saw I was breaking apart beside him, “It’s time.”

  His finger slid over mine and pressed it against the trigger. His eyes closed tight, but his mouth opened one last time.

  “I love you, Maggie. And I’m sorry I wasn’t a better man.”

  Pressing his finger down on mine, he pulled the trigger. The blast of the gun was so loud that I screamed a terrible sound. I was still scream
ing when his body slumped forward, still screaming when Elliot ran inside to pull me away from the bloody mess that was left of my father.

  The world rotated around me, the room spinning with the confusion and desperation I felt.

  And there was that word again – that all consuming feeling. That damn desperation that had charged at me once again to leave me a pathetic rubble of regret and naked pain.

  Elliot spoke to me as he carried me to the bathroom. He stripped me of my clothes and begged me not to look in the mirror as he carried me by. Settling me in the shower, he turned on the water. I knew he continued talking, but the sound was jumbled with the ringing in my ears. He might as well have been speaking from inside a long, dark tunnel for as indecipherable as his words were to me.

  Slipping from his grasp, I fell to me knees beneath the warm spray of water. My body felt torn apart. My mind was too big for my skull. Everything hurt and was numb at the same time.

  I never understood that love could hurt a person so deeply – at least, not until the moment when I’d been forced to take my father’s life.

  I let Maggie sleep for a few hours while I cleaned up the mess of her father. It didn’t take much to get the bonfire going again and I figured burning one more body wasn’t too much to ask of the flames that roared into the waning light of the late afternoon sky.

  Sitting in the plastic chair that held Jonah while he’d still been alive, I breathed in the putrid scent, my eyes glaring down at his skin as it was burned completely away from his bones. I had to stoke that fire over and over again to get it hot enough to continue turning that man to ash, but eventually there wasn’t enough left of him to worry about.

  It wasn’t the cleanest crime scene and I was sure the cops would have enough to identify the people who had died on this property, but that wasn’t my concern. I didn’t know how long it would take somebody to come out this way to find the scene – or if anybody would, at all.

  Wasn’t it just like life to keep moving forward despite the chaos and pain that occurred on a bright, sunlit day? The birds still flew in formation in the sky. The wind still blew through the branches of the trees. The leaves still rustled their natural song and I sat back simply listening to it while attempting to clear my head.

  In the fourteen years I’d been chasing after the men who stole my family, I’d convinced myself that their death would eventually heal the pain. It appeared I’d been lying to myself that entire time. Despite the smell of Jonah’s death that lingered in the smoke of the fire, I didn’t feel any better. If I had to be honest with myself, his death had simply brought the pain right back to the forefront of my mind, making it feel like it hadn’t been a day since I accepted the hard truth that they’d died.

  Behind me, quiet footsteps crept, the swish of dirt beneath shoes adding to the soft symphony of early evening. The sun was sinking past the horizon, rays of brilliant light painted across the sky in dazzling oranges, yellows and reds. The crickets had already starting chirping and the birds had settled into their nests. I focused on the miracle of nature as those steps grew closer. Remaining perfectly still, I choose to let her approach on her own time.

  “Thank you for –“ Her words broke apart behind me, and I couldn’t stay still any longer. Pushing up from my chair, I turned to find Maggie bent over herself, her arms clutching her abdomen and her face twisted with such naked and raw pain that it forced me to her side.

  Taking her into my arms, I held her close, but I didn’t speak or attempt anything else to soothe her. I knew the feeling of loss that consumed her in that moment. I dared not disturb it with platitudes or kind words that would do nothing to chase that pain away.

  Her body trembled against mine, her tears leaving wet spots on my shirt where her face was pressed to my chest. When it felt like her legs weren’t strong enough to keep her standing, I picked her up and carried her to the chairs. Settling her in my lap, I simply held her and gave her time to collect her thoughts.

  Time moves slowly when agony has you in its wicked hold. It pisses you off to know that life continues moving around you, when in your mind nothing remains. I knew that agony, and I knew that anger. So, to join Maggie, I stopped time in my world, slowing it down so that our realities were the same.

  Hours could have passed while I held her, but it was probably just a few minutes before she found the will to finish what she’d been trying to say.

  “Thank you for taking care of my father,” she whispered. “I didn’t want to see that again.”

  “I know, and you’re welcome.” My hand smoothed over her hair and I brushed the errant strands away from her face. “I don’t want to rush you along until you’re ready, Maggie. But it’s probably best we leave here as soon as possible.”

  Nodding her head, she swallowed down a choked sob. “I already packed my bags, Elliot. I just need to put them in the truck and then we can go wherever you want.”

  “I hate to bring this up,” I said softly, “but we need to keep looking for your brothers. Do you have any idea where they might have gone?”

  I wouldn’t rest until I’d killed each and every one of the Crows, and I wondered if the fact that her brothers were still walking around and breathing wasn’t the reason Jonah’s death hadn’t brought me the closure I sought.

  “There are two places,” she admitted. “One is about a day’s drive away. The other is three or four days depending on how fast you drive or how many times you stop to sleep. Those are the only two places they would feel safe enough to run.”

  “Are you sure?” I asked.

  Nodding her head, she reached up to wipe the tears from her red cheeks. “Yeah, I’m sure. If my father had been with them, they would have been harder to find. He had a network of friends that would have hidden them out for as long as they needed. But those friends never liked Finn and Brody that much, and they would question why my father wasn’t there.”

  Letting out a long breath, I stroked my hand over her hair once more, knowing that the small contact wouldn’t completely soothe her. Only time would ease the pain she carried in her heart.

  “Let’s get your bags in the truck. I have one place we need to go before hitting the road. It’s probably best we sleep there for the night. I’ve been up for two days straight and I’m tired.”

  Slowly slipping from my lap, Maggie stood up and offered me a hand. I didn’t need the assistance, but I accepted her hand anyway if for nothing else but to keep her close. Within minutes, we’d retrieved her bags from the house and packed them up with my belongings in the truck.

  Another half hour had us pulling into the driveway of my modest home.

  “What is this place?” Maggie asked, her eyes wide open and curious.

  “It’s where I live,” I admitted.

  A bark of laughter flew from her lips, the sound sad despite the humor she’d been attempting. “This doesn’t look like much of a farm, Elliot. What is it you really do?”

  She’d taken me by surprise by the comment and my shoulders shook with laughter. Reaching up, I scrubbed my palm against the back of my neck to ease the tension of my shoulders. “Um, well…I’m a mechanic.”

  Her green eyes met mine, her head snapping around so fast it shook the black curls that framed her face. “You are one hell of a liar, Elliot –“

  Her mouth shut before she could finish the thought, embarrassment shadowing her eyes. “Hell, I don’t even know your last name,” she confessed.

  “McLoughlin,”I answered, my voice soft because I understood her puzzlement at that moment. She was with a man she barely knew. She’d just watched the death of her father. And for the first time, it was becoming glaringly apparent that I lied to her about everything since the moment we first met.

  In truth, we’d both lied – the only difference was I knew her truth before I’d ever met her. For the first time, Maggie was learning mine.

  Shaking her head, she gave me a hesitant smile. “You’re a mechanic and you didn’t know to check your
battery cable?”

  A tacit grin pulled at my lips. “Who do you think loosened it in the first place?”

  Her eyes met mine again, but instead of anger, there was the stirring of interest behind the forest green.

  We didn’t say another word before crawling out of the truck and making our way inside. Maggie fell asleep on the couch while I showered and put on fresh clothes, her small body curled beneath a blanket when I stepped out to offer her something to eat.

  It took me a minute to rouse her, but I eventually got some soup and bread into her stomach. My eyelids became heavy as the minutes ticked by and I asked her to sleep with me in the warmth of my large bed.

  She hesitated before crawling onto the mattress, but was asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. Leaving her to her dreams, I tiptoed back into the living room to pick up the three envelopes I’d left for my parents, Henry, and Maggie. I wasn’t planning on dying any longer and I wanted to make sure there was nothing connecting me to the disappearance of the Crows.

  Finally settling on the mattress next to Maggie, I slipped my arm around her body and pulled her close. And for the first time since I’d lost my wife, it didn’t feel wrong to have somebody else beside me.

  The next morning I woke to discover my body was entangled with Maggie’s. Staring down at her with wonder in my eyes, I smiled to hear the way she snored softly. I imagined a future where I could poke fun at her for the sounds she made while she was sleeping. If that future could exist, I knew I’d spend many hours simply watching her rest by my side.

  Wishing that the day could be normal, I stayed in bed for as long as the soft light allowed me. But by the time the sun starting climbing higher in the sky, Maggie eventually opened her eyes. Her body startled to wake up in unfamiliar surroundings, but the second she glanced up, she relaxed.

  “Good morning,” she said, her voice groggy with sleep. It was the sweetest sound I’d heard in a long time.