Rescued Heart

by Georgia Beers

  “Oh, sweetie, nothing’s wrong with you.” Grace made a face. “I’m sorry I said you suck. You don’t. Well…what you did sucked, but you don’t. You’re one of my very favorite people. You know that?”

  Lisa sniffled, nodded.

  Grace took a deep breath as she studied Lisa, then seemed to come to a decision. With another squeeze of her arm, she held Lisa’s gaze and said, very gently, “It’s not your job to take care of everybody. And not everybody needs you to take care of them.” She waited, raised her eyebrows as if waiting for a sign that Lisa understood what she was saying.

  Lisa kept her eyes on her coffee as she heard soft footsteps. She could smell new perfume in the room and knew Grace’s wife, Ella, had come in. Almost able to feel the exchange of glances, Lisa looked up in time to see the sparkling sheen of love that crossed over Grace’s features, and her heart warmed.

  She wanted that.

  She wanted the devotion, the connection, the certainty that Grace and Ella shared.

  She wanted that. Badly.

  A warm hand landed on her shoulder and a gentle kiss was pressed to the top of her head. Then Ella left the room, Grace watching her go with such reverence on her face that Lisa nearly burst into tears. Turning back to Lisa, Grace smiled and picked up where they’d left off. “You know what I mean?”

  Lisa nodded and sipped her coffee. Oh, yes. She knew exactly what Grace meant.

  She just didn’t know how to fix it.

  ***

  “You’ve got to be kidding me. What the fuck?” Jenna’s hand flew to her mouth as she glanced around the diner. Then she shrunk down in her seat, lowered her voice to a whisper. “What. The. Fuck?”

  Ashley shook her head as she scooped a forkful of scrambled eggs into her mouth, not really hungry, but knowing she should eat something. Having spent the past ninety minutes nothing more than stunned by the morning’s events—or lack thereof—she really could think of nothing to say.

  “Seriously, Ash-hole. Answer me. What. The. Actual. Fuck?”

  The waitress warmed up Jenna’s coffee and Ashley watched as she spooned enough sugar into it to bake a small cake.

  “That was a total guy thing to do.”

  Ashley shook her head. “No. Don’t generalize. I know a lot of guys who’d never do such a thing. I just…” She gazed out the window of the diner, watching the people out for a Sunday morning stroll on Monroe Avenue. “There has to be a reason.”

  “Yeah, maybe because she sucks?”

  Ashley gave a humorless chuckle. “But that’s just it. She doesn’t.” She could feel Jenna’s eyes on her and she waited a beat before turning to her expectantly. “What?”

  Jenna shrugged, took a bite of her toast, and chewed it while she held Ashley’s gaze. Finally, she said, “Why are you defending her? I don’t get it.”

  It was Ashley’s turn to shrug. “I just think…you don’t know her, Jenna. I’m not being stupid about this. There’s a reason. There has to be.”

  “Was the sex bad?” Jenna made a face that said she was sorry to ask such a sensitive question, but Ashley didn’t mind.

  “No. In fact, it was kind of incredible.”

  “For you?”

  “For me and for her.”

  “You’re sure?”

  “You know, normally that question would have me freaking out with insecurity, but not today. Which is weird. Yes. I’m 150% sure.”

  “Then, one more time, because I have yet to get an answer: what the fuck?”

  “I don’t know,” Ashley said quietly, again gazing out the window.

  Jenna grimaced. “So…I guess suggesting you back away from the hot chick with intimacy issues is out of the question, huh?”

  Ashley gave her friend a sad smile. “You’re the best, Jenna. You know that, right?” She’d texted Jenna from Lisa’s driveway, crushed, and asked if she could meet her. Sunday mornings were devoted to Jenna’s yoga class, and she looked forward to it all week. But she hadn’t thought twice about bailing. She’d arrived not five minutes after Ashley, decked out in capri-length yoga pants and a form-fitting neon yellow tank, ready to offer whatever Ashley needed. Which, in this case, ended up being lots of questions with the F-word in them.

  “I do know that. But thanks for telling me.” Jenna winked. They sat in silence for long moments before Jenna softly asked, “What are you going to do?”

  Ashley gazed back out the window. A young couple strolled by hand in hand. An older man walked a golden retriever, who stopped to pee on the large pot of flowers near the curb. A woman jogged by pushing a three-wheeled stroller, her baby sound asleep inside, apparently lulled to slumber by the ride.

  People moved along.

  Life went on.

  She turned back to Jenna and said, simply and with determination, “I’m going to get to the bottom of it.”

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  “So? How are things with Ashley the Ambush Kisser?”

  Lisa could do nothing but shake her head in wonder at the bluntness of her aunt. Sitting out back on the patio with Keeler on a chain next to her, she pet his silky fur with one hand while holding the phone to her ear with the other. The afternoon was sunny and warm and Keeler panted gently, his pink tongue lolling over his bottom teeth.

  “You don’t beat around the bush, do you?” she said with a chuckle, then lay her head back against the hard surface of the Adirondack chair. She had a quick memory of Ashley sitting there the night before, all flirty eyes and flushed cheeks. When she’d returned an hour ago, she’d been both relieved and disappointed that Ashley hadn’t still been there, waiting for her.

  “Which doesn’t answer my question,” Aunt Joyce scolded.

  With a sigh, Lisa said, “Can we please talk about something else?”

  “That answers my question. Not so good, huh? What happened?”

  “Okay, since you obviously don’t understand the phrase ‘can we please talk about something else,’ it actually means we should talk about something else.”

  “Oh, fine, then.” Lisa could see her aunt waving a dismissive hand in the air, annoyed by having been shut down. “In other news, I’m having a family dinner. Next weekend. My house. You’ll be there.”

  “Who’s coming?” Lisa asked, having an inkling of where this was headed.

  “It’s a family dinner. Family is coming.”

  “What if I have plans?”

  “Lisa.” It was that stern tone, which Aunt Joyce seemed to be using on her more and more often of late. “Come to dinner with your family.”

  Texting was one thing. Cutting phone calls short was along those same lines. But sitting at the table for hours with her mother and having to play nice-nice…it drained her just thinking about it.

  “Six o’clock,” her aunt went on. “Bring that delicious red wine you brought to my last jewelry party. You know the one I mean?”

  “I do.” Lisa spoke, then looked at her phone and made several crazy faces of frustration at it before bringing it back to her ear. She closed her eyes in resignation.

  “Bring the Ambush Kisser with you if you want.”

  “I don’t think so.” There was no way in hell she’d subject Ashley to the discomfort of a family dinner. Not to mention, she’d probably killed any possibility of that relationship going anywhere but in the crapper by acting like a complete, uncaring coward this morning. She rubbed her fingertips along her forehead, feeling the dull throb of an impending headache.

  “Well,” Aunt Joyce said, and Lisa could actually hear disappointment in her voice. Then it softened, as if her aunt knew things she couldn’t possibly know. “If anything changes, she’s more than welcome.”

  They made some small talk for a few more minutes before saying their goodbyes. Lisa set the phone down and tried to relax. One arm dangling, she returned to petting Keeler, stroking the soft fur on top of his head. As she gazed out onto the small berm of trees behind her complex, birds flitted from branch to branch and squirrels foraged, w
hile her mind went off in the same direction it always did when it came to matters of the heart. Family. Relationship. Didn’t matter, the question was always the same.

  What is the matter with me?

  She posed the inquiry to herself no less than once a week, yet she never seemed able to come up with an answer. Was she selfish? Maybe. Was she damaged by her past? Most certainly, but who wasn’t? Was she afraid?

  Definitely.

  But, afraid of what? That was the real question and she knew it. Yet, she tended it like a giant pothole on the road of her life. Just swerved around it and kept on going. She knew it was there, could see it from a mile away, but when she approached it, just swerve! Avoided. No need to deal. Moving on.

  This was different, though.

  Today was different.

  Because Ashley was different.

  Lisa had run like a coward this morning. She knew that. She could admit that. It hadn’t started like that, though. It had started with her opening her eyes to the most beautiful sight she’d seen in years. Ashley was sleeping peacefully on her side, up against Lisa, her arm tossed carelessly across Lisa’s stomach, her forehead pressed to Lisa’s shoulder. Her knees were bent and Lisa’s thigh was warm where they touched her. Ashley’s blond hair was tousled, splayed across the pillow and Lisa. Her eyelashes seemed impossibly long and the tiniest of smiles tugged at the corners of her mouth while she slept. A shaft of golden yellow sunlight crossed the smooth skin of Ashley’s face, and honest to God, Lisa had never seen anything more gorgeous in her life.

  What had happened after that?

  Lisa was uncertain. All she knew for sure was that she suddenly started thinking about how passive Ashley could sometimes be, how she froze during that abuse intake recently, how she’d just stood there while Clark Breckenridge sexually harassed her, how Lisa’d had to take care of her both times. And once that seed of doubt started to sprout in her mind, it hadn’t mattered that Ashley had kissed her senseless at her aunt’s beach house, that she’d stomped into the shelter and brazenly asked Lisa on a date, that she claimed Lisa made her brave. None of that mattered because all of a sudden, all Lisa could see was how much work she’d have to do, taking care of Ashley all those times in the future when she couldn’t take care of herself.

  She felt her mind slipping into the dreaded abyss of useless, circular thought, clawing desperately at the muddy sides, digging in with its fingertips, and at the very moment it felt resistance was futile—her doorbell rang.

  She was quite literally saved by the bell.

  Keeler lifted his head and gave a half-hearted bark, then turned to peer through the screen as if he had X-ray vision and could see straight through to the other side of the front door. Lisa shook her head free of the crazy train that had been chugging around her skull and went inside. She could not have been more surprised when she opened the door, but had no time to react as Ashley pushed past her and into the foyer with a quiet, “What the hell, Lisa?”

  With a hard swallow, Lisa gazed at the floor as she slowly closed the door, then turned to face Ashley.

  The very first thing Lisa had noticed was how wonderful she smelled. Not like cupcakes today, but just as sweet. Peaches, maybe? She wore denim shorts that showcased her tanned legs, legs Lisa’d had her mouth all over the night before. A jolt shot through her as that thought hit, but she tamped it down. A pink graphic T-shirt with the words Paris Or Bust printed across the front in black highlighted the outfit. But the most noticeable thing about Ashley was the flash of her bright blue eyes. Lisa had seen Ashley in many phases: sad, alarmed, frightened, aroused.

  She’d never seen her quite this pissed.

  They stood in the foyer, face to face, not more than two feet between them. Keeler nudged Ashley’s hand with his nose and she absently pet him, never taking her eyes off Lisa. Her arms lifted out to the sides a bit in question, then dropped back down against her body as she waited Lisa out. They stood quietly for long moments.

  “Why can’t you just talk to me?” Ashley asked quietly.

  “What do you want me to say?” Lisa countered, feeling her frustration building. She didn’t like being cornered, especially in her own home. But, this anger she was feeling? She recognized it as her own cowardice in disguise.

  “I want you to tell me what happened this morning.” Ashley studied her and Lisa could see by her expression that she was making an effort to hold on to her temper. After a beat or two, Lisa had to look away, the intensity of Ashley’s gaze too much. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but I was pretty sure last night was kind of awesome. For both of us.”

  Lisa cleared her throat and nodded. “It was.”

  “Okay. Good. We agree on that.” When nothing more came, Ashley pressed her lips together and slowly shook her head. “A note? Seriously? What is this, an episode of Sex and the City? You blow me off with a piece of paper?”

  “I wasn’t blowing you off.”

  “Really? That’s certainly what it looked like from where I sat. In your bed. Naked. Alone.” With a humorless chuckle, she added, “I didn’t even get a cup of coffee as a send-off.”

  The acid in Lisa’s stomach churned. “What do you want me to say?” she asked again, louder this time as her frustration grew. Other emotions pushed to the forefront, vying for attention: anger, embarrassment, and that big daddy of them all…fear. The shock of the realization stunned her silent, as if she’d been slapped.

  She was afraid.

  No.

  Not afraid. She was terrified.

  Instead of the explosion of angry confusion she expected from Ashley, she got even quieter. With a step forward, Ashley put her hands on Lisa’s upper arms, rubbed them gently up and down. “This is what I know. One, I like you. A lot. I’m not always sure why…” She grinned to show she was kidding. “But I do. Two, you like me. And I don’t think that happens to you often, so this is a special accomplishment on my part. Three, I’m not sure how you do it or what it means, but you make me stand up. You make me speak up. You make me a better person. And you know what I want to be most in the world? A better person. And four, you’re afraid.”

  Lisa’s lips parted as a small gasp escaped her.

  “Yeah. I can see it. And I don’t want you to be afraid with me. There’s no reason.” Ashley gave a small shrug and made a face so adorable Lisa wanted to pull her into a hug and forget everything. All of it. Just stay locked in Ashley’s embrace for the rest of time.

  Except that would solve nothing.

  And Lisa realized right then, right at that very second, that she wanted nothing more than to solve things, to fix them, to give this thing with Ashley a real shot, put some genuine effort into it, because Ashley felt…right. Despite her own misgivings, her worries, her penchant for projecting things onto Ashley, Ashley felt right. And that scared the hell out of her.

  Before she could figure out a way to tell Ashley that she was a disaster, broken beyond repair, that Ashley would do herself a huge favor by walking out the door and never looking back because Lisa absolutely was not worth the time or effort, Ashley slid her hands down Lisa’s arms and linked their fingers.

  “So. Here’s what we’re going to do. We’re going to go out to dinner. On a real date. We’re going to talk about things people talk about on a date. We can table this whole thing for the time being, but I will tell you right now, it’s gonna come up again soon, and we’re going to deal with it. Then, after dinner, we’re going to go to a movie, a continuation of our date. After the movie, I will drop you off here and I will go home, so as not to complicate things with the crazy amazing sex we’d most likely have, possibly on the living room floor.”

  Lisa couldn’t help but grin at that.

  Ashley smiled, too, then continued, her voice softer. “And we’re going to do that type of thing—go on dates—until you realize that it’s okay to talk to me, that you’re safe with me, that I’m not going anywhere, that we’re really, really good together.”

  “I alread
y know we’re good together,” Lisa said with a feigned scoff, trying to lighten the mood.

  “Well, good. One down then.”

  Lisa looked at Ashley then. Really looked at her, in the eyes, held her gaze, and saw nothing there but a gentle kindness that put a lump solidly in her throat. It took her a moment to swallow it down before she was able to ask one simple thing. “Why?”

  Ashley smiled so tenderly, the lump came back in full force. “Because I happen to think you’re worth it, Ms. Drakemore. Now. Finish your afternoon. Go beat up a heavy bag if you need to.” At the shocked look on Lisa’s face, Ashley grinned. “Yeah, I know a lot of stuff. Do what you need to do, and I’ll be back at 6:30 to pick you up. Okay?” She squeezed Lisa’s hands, then released them and reached for the doorknob.

  Lisa watched her and when Ashley turned back to give a little wave, Lisa tipped her head to the side, and just looked at her. Nobody had ever done that—taken charge. Never in her life. Not her father. Not her brothers. None of her past girlfriends. Nobody. The one in charge had always been Lisa. And when she pushed somebody to make them leave, they left. Plain and simple. This was different…so very different. Ashley was different. Different and new. And…interesting.

  As Ashley turned and walked out into the summer air, Lisa leaned against the door and said simply—and mostly to herself, “You’re right. You are brave.”

  ***

  Dinner had been shockingly enjoyable. Ashley had been right about taking the deeper, harder part of their issues out of the equation for the time being, because doing so seemed to relax Lisa exponentially. Smart choice. Oh, it was still there, at least for Ashley it was. She had to believe it was floating around in the back of Lisa’s mind as well, but when Ashley had said they wouldn’t talk about it tonight, she wasn’t kidding. A pact was a pact. Instead, they talked about everything else two people on a date would talk about: the shelter, their years in school, their siblings. It was very much like that first coffee date, enjoyable and relaxing. Lisa looked shocked when nearly two hours had gone by and Ashley said they needed to get moving if they were going to make the movie.