Butterfly Swords

by Jeannie Lin

  ‘He’d kill you.’

  ‘Maybe I deserve it.’

  ‘You didn’t seduce me. I came to you willingly because—’ her eyes stung and she blinked furiously ‘—because I wanted to.’

  He shut his eyes, raking a hand through his hair. ‘I need to clear my head.’

  He walked past her, ignoring her when she called after him. It was the first time he had ever done that.

  ‘I’m going for a ride,’ he said, his back turned to her as he retreated.

  She let him go.

  If things could only have remained the way they’d been yesterday: no one but the two of them, hidden in the safety of Longyou with nothing to worry about beyond the next moment together. But she still needed to convince her family. She needed her father to understand the extent of Li Tao’s ruthlessness.

  Grandmother had believed there was a way to set things right, but that was before she’d given herself to Ryam. She refused to regret what they’d done. Ryam was her only bastion of happiness since she’d escaped from Li Tao. He believed in her. He’d always protected her.

  Yet, in all of their conversations Ryam had never mentioned the possibility that she could go with him when he left. He never spoke of any future, for himself or for the two of them. It made her wonder if there were words in the barbarian language to speak of such a thing.

  Ryam rode out through the wild grass, aiming a line for the distant ridge. The pounding of the hooves against the plains drummed out his thoughts and he revelled in solitude as the shadow of the mountain engulfed him. Once he found a pass through these mountains, Yumen Guan was less than a week’s journey away.

  He stared up at the stone peaks as his horse paced in a restless circle. The animal was bred to run. He tugged on the reins to turn them back around and, before he knew it, the day was done.

  By evening, he lay in a room that had belonged to one of Ailey’s brothers, warm and secure with a roof overhead. The cicadas buzzed their incessant trill outside in the trees. He was completely out of place. Anyone could see it. Anyone but Ailey.

  He had wandered all his life. No particular place held any pull for him.

  He expected the knock on the door and knew it was Ailey from her silhouette through the paper panes of the window, a willowy shadow cast by the evening lanterns.

  She slipped inside and shut the door behind her with barely a sound. Her dress shimmered in the lamplight. It was always a breathtaking sight, the sinuous drape of silk on Ailey’s graceful form.

  ‘Where did you go?’ she asked quietly.

  ‘To the mountains.’

  He pushed himself up to sit at the edge of the bed. She stayed just inside the door, her hands folded in front of her. For seconds, the only movement was the rise and fall of his chest and the play of the lanterns on the walls. He knew what she risked to come here. Every moment she had spent with him since they met had been a risk. And she had so much more to lose than he did.

  ‘I found a trail that leads high up into the rocks,’ he said.

  ‘Sometimes the men will go into the mountains to train.’

  Yes. Talk of nothing. This he could manage.

  ‘It’s beautiful up there. Pure,’ he continued absently.

  ‘Even prettier in the spring.’

  She spoke calmly, her voice soothing like cool water. His hands rounded over his knees, itching to hold her, but he tortured himself by holding back. Spring was nearly a year away. The mention of time nicked at his heart, a tiny flesh wound that stung more than it deserved to.

  ‘I thought of you.’

  Even though it was the truth, the words felt clumsy on his lips. He had thought of her the entire time away, as much as he fought against it. She came closer. Her eyes wandered to his bare feet resting against the floor.

  ‘For a moment I thought you had left.’ Her words plunged through the space between them like a stone into a dark well.

  ‘I wouldn’t do that.’

  But he had thought of it. He had considered what it would mean to leave. When he looked back, the mansion had grown small behind him and the mountains loomed above.

  ‘I wouldn’t betray you like that,’ he said, stronger this time.

  ‘I knew you wouldn’t.’

  Did she? He saw the lingering doubt behind her eyes.

  ‘I will need to go some time,’ he began. ‘My people don’t know what has happened to me.’

  She silenced him with her fingertips. Fear clouded her expression as it reared its black head full force. It was a look he could do without seeing ever again. He opened his legs and settled her into the enclosure between his knees.

  Tentatively, she braced her hands on to his shoulders, at once beautiful and vulnerable. He searched hard for something to say, to be able to promise to her and felt like a beggar when there was nothing. Words had never escaped him before when it came to women, but they had been empty and sweet. Not real words at all.

  Ailey saw how he struggled. Her eyes lowered as she reached up to pull the ivory pin from her hair. ‘Tell me more about Yumen Guan,’ she said as the dark strands fell about her shoulders.

  ‘Marshland and desert. Not nearly as beautiful as here.’

  ‘Your friends are there. You are loyal to them.’

  He couldn’t think. Her hands reached behind her back while he continued to hold her. He watched in a trance as she pulled her sash free in one long motion.

  ‘Are there beautiful women there?’ she asked. Her hands paused at the edge of her robe as she waited for his answer.

  ‘No.’

  She ran her hands over her shoulders and the silk followed the motion of her fingers down, baring honeyed skin and sculpted flesh. ‘You’re lying.’

  The layers of her dress slipped down her hips, pooling on top of his knees.

  ‘No, I’m not,’ he said with conviction.

  He stared at the smooth hollows and rounded shapes of her body. Strength held itself so differently in a woman. Ailey was stunning to behold, not a line, not a curve wasted. There were no other women in the world.

  His hands itched to help her with the ties of the embroidered bodice, but he waited with forced patience despite the way his erection strained against his trousers. The entire day had been like that, one test of will after another.

  ‘You’ve seduced many women, haven’t you?’

  He shook his head in denial. It was a lie. With a deep breath, she pulled her bodice away and let it drop to the floor. His mouth went completely dry, his mind churning.

  She leaned even closer to run a hand through his hair, the gesture possessive. ‘But you didn’t seduce me,’ she whispered. ‘Seduction implies deception.’

  Her breasts rose and fell before his eyes, ivory skin tipped with dusky coral. No, this wasn’t seduction. Ailey was going to bring him to his knees with an open assault, right down his centre. Unable to hold back any longer, he pressed his lips to the hollow beneath her breasts and then his arms closed around her as he lifted his head to draw her nipple into his mouth.

  With a shuddering sigh, Ailey leaned into the caress, her hand digging into the back of his head. He ran his tongue over her hard peak and licked at the surrounding softness, feeling her melt and mould into his embrace.

  She grasped his tunic, the linen bunching in her hands as she pulled it away. He raised his arms to help her and then they returned to each other, skin to skin. He captured her other breast, the nipple swelled against the wet caress of his tongue. Using his arm across her back to arch her into him, he feasted, scraping his teeth against the tender underside of her breast. He drew the swell of it into his mouth until she gasped and clutched at him and crushed him to her.

  No other women. They had never existed. He could spend the rest of his life exploring her alone.

  With one hand he parted her thighs and found the glistening well at her centre. Bending his head low, he put his mouth there, his tongue caressing a deep, savouring path. With a strangled, startled cry Ailey tensed her
legs. He was holding on to her and she was holding on to him as his mouth circled and tasted. She moaned wonderfully for him. He couldn’t help but delve deeper, thrusting his tongue into her smooth heat.

  Suddenly Ailey’s grip tightened on him and he was being pushed onto his back. She tugged at his trousers and he moved to help her, lifting his hips as she freed him of the last of his clothing. He ran his hands over the swell of her thighs, appreciating the graceful strength in them as she straddled him. His beautiful warrior girl.

  The sight of her over him with her skin flushed with arousal banished all thought from his head. He strained against her, unable to push inside, growing hard and heavy against her flesh.

  ‘Ailey,’ he groaned, amazed by her boldness.

  ‘I’ve seen this in books.’ Her voice was a soft purr in her throat that made him throb.

  ‘Must be better books on this side of the world,’ he laughed.

  He reached between them, guiding himself to her. With a shift of her hips he was sliding into her depths, hot and wet and incredible. His head pushed back into the mattress, neck corded.

  She held on to his shoulders, her nails cutting into hard muscle as she sank lower onto him with excruciating slowness. He opened his eyes, needing to see her. Digging down with his heels, he thrust into her, embedding himself deep with an upward motion of his hips. Her face tilted in a grip of shock and pleasure. Shadows danced over the slope of her breasts and her stomach.

  ‘God’s breath, Ailey,’ he said through his teeth.

  His hold tightened on her, his fingers gripping her thighs as he urged her to move on him. And she did, rising and falling, slow and then faster with her eyes held shut to focus on the pull of him inside her. Watching her stripped him bare, leaving him raw and open. Defenceless.

  She took hold of his wrists, her fingers slender and cool, circling him and trapping his arms to the bed. Her breasts pressed against his chest as she laid herself over him. All the while she rode his hips, tugging the pleasure from him in wave after wave.

  Hands captured against the bed, he craned his neck to search for her mouth in a haze of hunger. He grasped for her tongue while he kissed her, all finesse gone. Ailey writhed into him, searching for the rhythm that would take them both into oblivion.

  ‘I never knew it could feel like this,’ she panted, her breath feathering against his throat.

  His head dropped back onto the mattress as he felt her inner muscles clenching around him, pulsing, drawing him deeper. He gripped her in his arms, fingers splayed against her back, and tried to absorb every last silken ripple of her body into him before letting go. His release poured into her while he continued to drive his shaft deep as if there could even be more, more than this.

  She sobbed out his name and he wound his hand into her hair to anchor her against him, closing his eyes, breathing her in. Ailey pressed her lips to his neck again and again. Soft kisses in stark contrast to the storm that had taken them.

  He had thought about leaving that day. Known it was the right thing to do. But as he looked into the cold, dark canyon through the mountains and felt Ailey’s presence slipping away behind him, he had turned his horse around and ridden back faster than he’d left.

  She’d brought him along from the beginning, thinking she needed a protector, but he was the one who needed her. The moments without her had been frighteningly empty. He had nothing to fill his thoughts but the shadow of all the mistakes he’d made. There was nothing awaiting him in the future but disgrace and death.

  His arms closed around her, squeezing tight. He knew now what would cause a man like his father to waste away for a woman, even the memory of a woman. Blind sacrifice must be in his blood. It was all he had to offer, as little as it was worth in the end.

  Ryam woke with the coverlet tangled about him, the scent of sandalwood lingering among the threads. He reached out, searching for the familiar touch of Ailey’s skin, but she was gone. Rolling onto his back, he blinked at the milky light flowing through the translucent window panes.

  Ailey always woke up early, eager for the day. A shame. If she had lingered, he could hide her beneath the covers and get her to tell him more about those intriguing books she had mentioned.

  A knock on the door startled him from his reverie. With a muttered oath, he threw the quilt aside and struggled into his clothes. The knocking came again, more insistent the second time. He righted himself and opened the door to find Huang standing there, his complexion ashy. He appeared younger without his armour.

  ‘Did you rest well?’ Huang asked tonelessly.

  ‘Uh…yes.’

  It was a damn good thing Ailey had slipped away. Ryam inspected Fifth Brother’s belt and was thankful to see he was without his sword.

  ‘Come with me.’

  ‘Now?’

  Huang nodded. Dark circles hung below his eyes. The pallor of his complexion made him appear corpse-like.

  Ryam shoved his feet into his boots and tried to right himself, raking his hands through his hair several times before giving up. Their footsteps creaked against the floorboards as they made their way to the front hall. Huang led him to a set of double doors and pulled them open, directing him to enter with a nod.

  The sharp camphor smell of incense clung in the alcove. Ryam faced a raised altar set with flickering candles and plates of fruit and rice. Offerings for the spirit world, as he understood it. A fan of joss sticks stood planted in a ceramic urn at the centre. Wispy fingers of smoke curled up to the ceiling.

  Huang stepped past him and stood before the altar, head bowed. After an uncomfortably long silence, he stepped back until his shoulders lined up with Ryam’s.

  ‘In memory of our ancestors,’ he said. ‘I have tried to explain who you are.’

  Ryam stared at the wooden plaques, each one etched with a column of black characters.

  ‘I don’t understand any of this,’ he began.

  ‘I thought very carefully all night. When Father arrives, he will demand your death for dishonouring my sister. I have no doubt you are not afraid to die, but Ai Li will be sad when he kills you. She will never forgive him.’

  Ryam pressed the heels of his palms over his eyes. Huang was being brutally forthright. Another trait he shared with Ailey.

  ‘You are a talented warrior and the Shen family has always valued such skill. My father may come to understand one day why my sister chose you. You must ask for our ancestors’ blessing and then you must go.’

  ‘With Ailey?’

  Huang frowned. ‘Of course.’

  It was early and Fifth Brother was staring at him with an expression both haggard and serious.

  ‘You must know that both Li Tao and our father will be hunting for you. Take Ai Li as far as you can. One day, you may be able to return once this is over.’

  ‘What is happening here?’

  Ryam turned at the sound of Ailey’s voice. She stepped into the alcove and their eyes met. He couldn’t control the flash of heat that crossed between them.

  Huang addressed her formally. ‘I may not be able to convince our father, but I will speak on your behalf. I will stake my honour as well as yours. If your swordsman proves worthy,’ he added grimly.

  She tried to place herself between them. ‘This is not his custom.’

  Huang ignored her protest and directed his words to Ryam. ‘Kneel before my ancestors and tell them the honour of your intentions. In life, they did not speak your language but, as spirits, if you speak in earnest I am certain they will understand.’

  Ailey’s brother was talking about ancestors and vows and Ryam still wasn’t clear what he was swearing to. The tiny altar room became stifling as his mind tried to make sense of what was going on.

  ‘This is between me and Ailey.’

  As soon as Ryam spoke, he knew he was wrong. There was no Ailey without her family.

  ‘My sister holds you in high regard. Is she wrong to do so?’ Huang challenged.

  ‘Stop it, Six.’


  Ailey tried to take Ryam’s arm. ‘You don’t have to do anything.’

  Her hand trembled against him as she searched his face. Was she afraid to demand anything of him because she knew he could only disappoint her? Anger followed by shame burned hot beneath his collar. He removed her hold on his arm.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ he said quietly and turned to leave.

  The suffocating perfume of the incense followed him as he stepped out into the open air. He didn’t know what he was apologising for. He’d sworn to Ailey in the past, to protect her, to treat her honourably. But there were things she needed that he could never understand. He had to get out of there, far away from the solemn gravity of the family altar and the judgement of their invisible ancestors.

  ‘He is not worthy of you.’

  Huang’s jaw tensed, his mouth tightening into a hard line. Beneath his anger, she sensed his concern for her. It tore her in two.

  ‘You don’t understand.’

  ‘I do understand. You have fallen in love and you will not listen to anyone, but you came to me and I am trying to help you.’

  ‘I didn’t come to you for this.’

  The altar loomed before her and the haze of incense was making her dizzy. It was so hard to sort out her emotions after spending the night in Ryam’s arms. She had fled to Longyou because she wouldn’t marry Li Tao and because she wouldn’t stand by as Father shattered their family honour to pieces. But when Ryam touched her, she forgot about all those other reasons. She was safe and wanted, and the feel of him beside her became her only purpose.

  ‘You have lost sight of who you are, little sister.’

  He echoed her own troubled thoughts, and it only made her angrier. ‘I know who I am. It is Father who has lost sight of who we are.’

  ‘Is this what that barbarian has done to you? A dutiful daughter would never speak like that.’

  ‘Ryam has nothing to do with this.’

  Huang stood over her, his face twisted into harsh lines. She had never seen her sentimental brother so angry.

  ‘Our father has no daughter.’ The moment the words left her lips, she crumbled inside.