by J. L. Beck
There’s not an ounce of fear in her voice, and she doesn’t even look at him as she says this. She just pops another piece of watermelon in her mouth and carries on like she didn’t just say the one thing I’ve wanted to for the last year.
I almost want to reach across the table and give her a high five, but refrain because that could land me in some extremely hot water. There are a few gasps, and everyone’s head seems to turn in reaction to her comment, even the lunch ladies look up from their tasks.
“What did you just say to me?” Corey all but comes undone. His fist is clenched so hard, the tendons in his arms look at if they’ll snap. His teeth are gritted and he looks like an extremely pissed off bear.
“Mimi, stop.” I whisper, her eyes pierce mine. There’s courage, and devotion in them. It’s then I realize she did this for me. She called Corey out on his shit and made him pay. She embarrassed him in front of the entire school just like he did me last year. She’s made a complete and utter fool of him in front of everyone just like he had to me every day.
She’s done far more than I could ever ask someone to do. She’s put herself in the way of a bully. A smile shines on her face, and she’s actually beaming when she says the next words. “You heard me.”
Out of nowhere, Ryder strolls up. You have to be kidding me. “What’s going on?” He asks sliding into the seat next to me. As if things couldn’t get worse. “Now is not a good time Ryder.” I say quietly. It feels like the room is about to catch fire, like Mimi has just given Corey the fuel he needs to start a blazing one, and something tells me he will.
Corey walks around the table, anger definite in every stride he takes. He leans his arms down on the table across from Mimi, their noses touch, and it almost seems like it should be an intimate gesture.
Eyes searing he says in a faint whisper. “You will pay, even if it takes every fiber of my being, you will I can promise. I will make yours, Jenna’s, and everyone’s life hell. That’s not an open threat anymore. I will hurt you, if you fuck with me again.” His eyes turn to slits, and I shudder from the emotions rolling off of him, drowning out anything else.
“It was worth it.” Is all that Mimi says with a straight look on her face. Corey removes himself from the table, punching the door on his way out. The ricocheting noise of the door hitting the wall is all that’s heard; and my heart beating out of my chest.
I need to find Rex and I need to find him now. I look over at Ryder, and he has the same look on his face as mine does. “Do you know where Rex is?” I need to find him before Corey does, I know all too well his threat doesn’t go without warning, when he says he’s going to do something, he does.
“I don’t know Jenna, today is my first day, and he wasn’t home when I left… I honestly thought he was here with you.” My emotions are swirling around, and I feel the tall-tell signs of a panic attack coming on. I feel like I can’t control anything in my life right now.
This insane game of Jenga were playing is spiraling out of control. The pieces I had precisely put in place feel as if they’re going to tumble down on me, bringing everything I’ve tried so hard to balance. I feel like crying, but I can’t, the tears won’t come and I just don’t understand why.
“I can call him if you want me too.” I shake my head at him. It’s not Ryder’s job to hunt my absent boyfriend, if you could even call him that.
“You don’t honestly believe his threats do you Jenna, they’re just that, threats.” Mimi says unfazed by anything that has just went down. Her emotions are either made of steel or she’s really good at hiding shit.
“Hello, I do in fact believe his threats. He’s made my life hell, if this is what I get for turning him down when it came to putting out, I would’ve easily put out, to not have to deal with this shit. At least then my heart would’ve only been broken a short amount of time. This, this has gone on way too long.” I say letting out a defeated sigh. All of this is my fault, and it makes me wish I wasn’t here.
“Don’t talk like that, virginity isn’t given, it’s earned with loyalty, and love and you don’t have sex because you feel obligated to do so. Doing that would’ve done you no good; he would’ve had sex with you, left you, and still made your life hell. There is no cure for being an asshole. Well except for me, I’m a pretty good cure for assholes. Mimi says lightening the mood slightly.
“It doesn’t matter, I feel like all of this is my fault. All I want is to be happy. That’s all I want is happiness. I can’t get even a shred of it. I don’t know who I can trust, I don’t know what's going on and all of it scares me.” Trust is something needed in every relationship, it doesn’t matter if it’s love or friendship, without it you have nothing, no relationship just two people on two different realms going down two different paths.
“You can trust me.” Mimi says. I look at her, but it feels like I’m looking through her. Can I really, or have I been so naive to all the things going on around me that I have this false idea of what trust is. Maybe everyone that said they were there for me isn’t.
“Can I really?” I ask as if seeing her in a new light. Things between her and Corey have been way deeper than what I initially thought; and Rex I don’t even want to know what he could be lying to me about. Oddly, the only person I feel I can trust is also the only person I know nothing about. Ryder. Even stranger, it feels like he’s the only one in my corner.
“Did you really just say that, after everything I’ve done for you, after everything that just happened, you question my loyalty to you?” I can’t even muster up anything to say so I stare down at my tray.
“God damn of all people Jenna, you're the last person I expected this from.” Mimi says visibly shaken by my admission as she all but pushes her tray off the table. Its contents hit the floor with a loud thud, watermelon, tacos, and milk cover the seat next to me. The room gets quiet, and I think this is the most drama this school has ever seen.
“Ms. Haines my office NOW!” The guidance counselor says as she exits the lunch room. I wasn’t even aware there was a teacher in sight. Great.
“It could be worse.” Ryder says shyly as I pick up my tray and dump it. Not really, today seems to be at the top of the worst it could be list.
Walking out of the lunch room I see no one other than Angela and her posse. They sneer and laugh as I walk by, what it would be like to dump a tray of food over her head I think to myself as I walk to the office. The door opens for me, and I take a seat in the colorful, brightly lit room.
“I see you’ve been having some issues with other students, it's also been brought to my attention that you’re spreading rather nasty rumors about some of your peers. Now why would you be doing such a thing?” My jaw drops open at Miss M’s statement, I’m not even sure I heard what she said.
“What did you say?” I ask astonished, and angry that I would be accused of such a thing. This woman has lost her damn mind if she thinks I’m the one spreading rumors about people around this school.
“You heard me Jenna, I’ve never had a complaint about you till this year, seems you have been causing a bit of ruckus among the students. You do realize the schools policy on violence, and harassment right?” As I’m listening to her words I just can’t come up with anything to say in return.
“You have the wrong person Ms. M, if anything it’s me who’s been bullied. Do I even remotely look like someone who would say cruel things about others?” She looks at me sideways, as if she’s not sure she believes what I’m saying.
“That’s strange I have had quite a few complaints of you harassing Angela Winchester and her brother Corey, what do you have to say about that?” The shit storms just keeps a coming now doesn’t it.
“I have no recollection of such acts, I don’t talk to Corey, nor do I talk to Angela; whoever is telling you these things are lying. I keep to myself. I have been hurt many times by untrue statements and in no way would I ever talk about others like that, I know how much it hurts.” I guess when Corey said he would get b
ack at us he really meant it that was fast. To think this kind of thing doesn’t surprise me, how many people get made fun of, or picked on and the tormentor turns around and accuses the victim of the very thing they were doing.
“Jenna, I want to make it clear if I hear of you doing this again, I will be contacting your parents and you will be suspended do I make myself clear?” Her tone is deep, and I just don’t understand how she can accuse me of this, she’s justifying their actions without even knowing it.
“Yes.” I grit out angry that I would have to agree to something so absurd. “You may go now.” She says dismissing me as if I’m the gum on the bottom of her shoe. I leave her office more pissed than I was before. I feel like breaking something, throwing something, anything. Then I see him, standing up against a row of lockers talking to his brother.
The fire inside me dissipates a little but is filled with a whole new kind of passion. Our eyes meet, and I yearn to go to him, to be in his arms. I all but run the rest of the length between us burying my head in his chest. The crisp smell of his cologne with the warmth of his body does fuzzy things to my head.
“I missed you.” He whispers only for me to hear as his hand rubs the length of my back. The second I remember Ryder is standing mere feet away, I pull away and scowl at him. “We need to talk, about that.” I say pointing to Ryder who has a grin the size of Texas on his face.
“Yes we do.” He replies in a determined voice.
“Why didn’t you tell me you had a twin brother?” I ask patiently waiting for an answer. He looks as if he's going to say something to me, but Ryder interrupts. “I’m going to go dude, I don’t want to be here when she rips you a new asshole.” He gives me a cheesy grin, before hitting his brother on the shoulder and walking away. My attention returns back to Rex, thankful that we finally have a chance to be alone.
“You could’ve told me, I feel like you're shutting me out. It hurts, were falling apart before we even get the chance to grow together. If you can’t trust me there is nothing between us.” I can’t believe those words just came out of my mouth.
He looks at me as if he’s seeing through me, as if the words I just uttered are a complete shock to him. If what I just said doomed us completely.
“How can you say that, of course I trust you Jenna. I’ve never felt like this about anyone, maybe it’s you who doesn’t trust me?” He says accusingly. His words hit me hard, how can he possibly accuse me of being the one with trust issues when he’s the one who wasn’t honest with me about his brother. I tried to take Mimi’s advice and not make a big deal out of things, but I have a feeling that it’s not just his brother we’re talking about.
“Me? You’re being so absurd, you know I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt, but it just seems like it bit me in the ass somehow. You should’ve told me you had a brother, and for whatever reason, you didn’t trust me enough to tell me. We’re supposed to be a team, or at least I think so. I can’t really tell what we are right now. “I feel defeated, like a balloon that has released its last bit of oxygen.
“Why would I have to disclose anything about Ryder to you, if you don’t even know what we are? Of course were together, I told you, you’re my girl. I’m sorry I haven’t been around much. I lost you at the party and I heard about what Angela and Marie did to you.”
I take a step back giving him a quizzical look, what is he talking about? “What do you mean you heard what they did?”
“Well I heard about what Ryder said to you at the party. He didn’t mean it you know, he was set up, they told him you were looking for someone and you put out “easy” or whatever. I had no clue, and by the time I found out Ryder found me and told me about the issue. He also told me you punched him in the face.” He says that last part smiling down on me.
I blush slightly ashamed of my actions. Had I known that it was a set up I wouldn’t have reacted that way. I should’ve known that those witches would do something like that.
“He wouldn’t take no for an answer and honestly I wish I wouldn’t have had to find out like that. You know I have trust issues given everything that has happened to me. Plus, there’s more we need to talk about but I know now isn’t the time.” His hand rubs circles on my back, and for one second I let all the anger, pain and sadness seep out of me. I let his body take and absorb the pain.
“I know we do, there are things I have to tell you, that you need to know. But for now can you please just trust me. I care about you more than anything. There’s just so much going on right now.” He says pained. I smile, deciding to give him a chance. We all make mistakes, and were human so I shouldn’t expect anything different. I may have patched things up with Rex for now; but I’m close to losing my best friend, and my arch enemies are out to get us and it feels like World War 3 is about to start. Who will be the next to drop the bomb?
Officially Official
Two weeks has passed, and though I would love to say I’m glad that it’s out that Rex and I are together, I’m not. If anything I’ve painted a bright red X on my back. I’ve made things ten times worse for myself than need be. After accusing Mimi for lying, it took a week for me to get her to talk to me again. Even though, I don’t feel I can trust those around me completely, I need to work on not being so paranoid, or at least I tell myself. That’s why when I walk into the ladies bathroom to do my lady business and hear Angela’s annoyingly screechy voice I rethink the whole paranoid aspect.
“I can't believe he actually went through with being with that little hoe bag.” Angela sneers; hate for whom I’m assuming is me.
I peek between the little holes in the doors to see who she's talking to. Marie’s big head shows in the mirror and I cringe. The last two people I want to be pushed into a corner with.
“Yeah, I totally thought he was going to follow through with Corey’s plan to use her. I mean come on her mom has all but torn your family apart.” Marie says applying yet another coat of lipstick that does nothing for her looks. What is she talking about, my mom hasn’t done anything. I’m about to burst out of the door until I hear what Angela has to say next.
“I know right, just because you work together doesn’t mean you have to fuck each other. You cannot imagine what my mom is going through with this affair, Jenna’s moms’ a slut and so is Jenna. Mother like daughter.” I bite my lip, the metallic taste of blood filling my mouth. I want to scream out, but at the same time I was total silence. I feel like I’m lost with no direction on where to go.
“Rex told me, he’s only going to date her for a little while, and then make a huge scene in front of everyone when he breaks up with her.” I hold in the gasp that wants to release, and the tears that I feel pricking to the surface, this can’t be true. It has to be some kind of lie. They’re just trying to get under my skin and make things worse for me. I keep telling myself these things, and then Ryder’s words pop into my head and for a fraction of a second I think it could be true.
“I know Corey said he would help set everything up, make sure everyone was there to see it. I can’t wait to see the look on her face, when she realizes she's been duped. I’ve wanted to wipe that stupid smile off her face for days. Pretty sure it will be back to her regular ugly look face, and she’ll be back where she belongs. At the bottom like the garbage she is.”
Her words don’t affect me, nor do her feelings about me. I could care less what she has to say. Rex, oh God no, Rex. I feel myself gasping for air. The hurt is radiating, my heart cracks just at the thought. It has to be a lie, it has to be. I feel the acid in my stomach and all its contents sloshing around inside. The bile rises slowing and the second they walk out the door I can’t help but puke everything out. I take the back of my sleeve and wipe it across my face, not even caring that I have puke on my sweater.
I feel like everything has been a lie, and that asking him for the truth will just confirm it even more. I make my way to the lockers, grab my books and exit the school going straight to my truck to go home. I’m going to as
k the one person I know can’t lie to me to confirm it. My mother.
***
By the time I get home I've cried to at least two of Taylor Swift’s songs. My heart is breaking in a way that I can’t even explain, the pieces splintering into tinier pieces. I keep telling myself that it’ll all be a lie, and that I’ll wake up tomorrow and it’ll be a bad dream.
My mom’s car is in the driveway and I throw my truck into park leaving the keys in the ignition. I care about nothing but getting answers, confirming what I already know is true.
“Hello.” My mom’s voice echoes around the house. She’s not expecting me home, so this will probably come as a shock.
“How could you? Do you realize how much shit I have been going through. How mean and horrible everyone has been to me because of you.” I can’t stop the words from coming. The anger was long overdue to erupt. A confused look shows on her face, but a deep rooted fear shows in her eyes.
“I know. God do I know… how could you!!” I scream pounding my fist on the island. Nothing can fix this, nothing can make this better.
“We didn’t mean for this to happen Jenna.” I cut her off, not even caring to hear what she has to say. All of this is because of her, because she couldn’t keep her hands off a married man. They tortured me, because my mother ruined their family.
“You’re stupid, so stupid. You didn’t mean for this to happen? Do you hear yourself? You’ve ruined my life Mom. You’ve crushed everything, you’ve destroyed it.”
“Oh stop being so dramatic your life is not ruined, just because of a boy.” Her words remind me of how deep the hurt, and pain really is. The woman before me doesn’t even care that she’s caused me all these problems. This isn’t even about Rex. It’s about the fact that she’s been slutting away while I’ve been treated like dirt, called names, and hated on. I’ve taken the brunt for her actions.
