When You Wish

by Deidra D. S. Green

  When You Wish

  By

  Deidra D. S. Green

  Note from the Publisher: This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead or references to locations, persons, events or locations is purely coincidental. The characters, circumstances and events are imaginative and not intended to reflect real events.

  When You Wish…

  Copyright 2012 Deidra D. S. Green

  RATHSI Publishing, LLC

  www.rathsipublishing.com

  All Rights Reserved and Proprietary.

  No part of this book may be reproduced, in any form or format without written permission from Publisher. Send all requests via email to rathsipublishing@gmail.com

  Smashwords Edition

  Printed in the United States of America

  Other Books by Deidra D. S. Green:

   From the Outside In

   Twisted Sister

   Twisted Sister II: Twisted’s Revenge

   Woman at the Top of the Stairs

   A Letter to My Mother

   F**k Sex

  Coming Soon:

   Storm Chaser

   Woman at the Top of the Stairs II

   The Candy Man Revealed

   Suddenly Single

  Visit Deidra D. S. Green at http://deidrawrites.weebly.com/

  Read Deidra’s Blog at http://deidrawrites.weebly.com/

  Follow Deidra on Twitter- @deidrag

  Join Deidra on FB at http://www.facebook.com/deidra.d.green

  Acknowledgements

  I serve a mighty God. I am forever thankful for how He has chosen to bless me. I have said it before, and will continue to say it as long as I have breath - I will never take His gift, His mercies and His grace for granted. I must also thank my publishing family, Rathsi Publishing, LLC. You know how much your love and unconditional support means to me. Yes, I tell you often, but I can never tell you enough! To my family and dear friends, thanks for sticking by me and praying me through. Your support, heartfelt concern and love never go unnoticed. To my editor, beta readers and all those who work so diligently behind the scenes, thank you! To my two phenomenal children, VcToryann C’Mone and Kamerron DeAnthony Alexander, I appreciate the way you love me. Everything I do is for you. To my loyal readers, you know how to make me smile on the gloomiest of days. Your letters, notes, inboxes and words of encouragement keep me going and I am grateful for you. Last, but certainly not least, to my cohorts in crime - my fellow sister and brother of the pen, Candace and J’son - thank you so much for welcoming me onto this project. You both continue to be a source of inspiration, professionalism and strength. I appreciate you.

  When You Wish…

  He kissed her lightly on her back as he thrust his manhood deep inside her willing vessel. She moaned underneath his touch; pushing back to take his fullness in; her back arched for maximum penetration. As he stroked her long and deep she felt her body quiver. The strong sensation of an orgasm on the cusp of being released caused her to push against him harder; wanting to feel him fully. He responded in kind and increased the speed and thrust of his manhood bringing her to the very peak of ecstasy. They came in tandem; their love juices commingling. Exhausted, he collapsed in her and they fell gently to the bed. He held her lovingly from behind as she nestled safely in his ebony arms. They were perfectly matched for each other – mind, body and spirit.

  As Chance Eubanks cuddled his future wife, Alexis Bradley, he thought he heard her crying.

  “What’s the matter babe? You okay?”Chance was concerned he may have hurt her during their last sexual encounter.

  “Nothing… it’s nothing…” she replied trying to quiet the tears she began to shed.

  Chance didn’t believe her though. He had known Alexis long enough to know when something was bothering her. He gently grabbed her by the arm and rolled her over slightly so he could see her face. Alexis’ cheeks were glistening from her spilled tears.

  “Lexi, don’t lie to me. You know me better than that. Let’s talk.”

  She reached out to him and cupped his neck pulling herself up to hug him tightly. She loved Chance so much. He was right. He did know her better than anyone else, but she wasn’t sure how receptive he would be to what she had to say. So she just held him and cried softly for as long as he would let her. She knew she would eventually have to tell him how she really felt,but she wasn’t quite ready. Her timing couldn’t have been worse. She wanted to get better control of her feelings before he detected the problem, but now it was too late. Alexis had to say something.

  Chance and Alexis had been together almost three years. The first year of their relationship was more friends. It then progressed to friends with benefits. Chance was from the wrong side of the tracks; having had some altercations with the law as a juvenile and not having really much of a home life to speak of. But he had turned that all around, left the streets alone for the most part and now, at 28, was doing quite well for himself. Alexis was completely opposite having been raised by two parents in a loving home with her younger sister and brother. Alexis and her family were church folks, and much of their life revolved around their church family. Alexis had always been considered a “good girl” and role model, not only to her siblings, but many of her peers. At age 25, she had recently earned a business degree from a major institution, and was working as an assistant accounts executive for one of the largest banking firms in the southeast.

  She met Chance through a family friend. At first,Alexiswasn’t interested in Chance. He was handsome -six feet tall, ebony skin with anice build (not overly athletic)- butAlexis wasn’t impressed with Chance’s good looks. She came in contact with attractive men on a daily basis. What Alexis wanted was a man of substance with strong character, goals and ambition.

  Upon first meeting, she wasn’t sure Chance possessed those qualities. She had been guilty of judging a book by its cover, so to speak, and initially dismissed him because of his street savvy and swagger. But underneath all of that bravado, Alexis found an intelligent man with a warm and caring heart. He surprised her, and she gave him a chance. They talked and hung out as friends in the beginning, but Alexis soon found herself more and more enamored with Chance. Hewas a charmer and he made her laugh - a dangerous combination. Although their backgrounds were different, they still found they had a lot in common. One thing led to another and they grew closer; moving from friends to more. Chance was Alexis’ first real love and her first lover. She was a virgin until she gave herself to him. Now three years into the relationship, they were happily engaged. In just over a month, they would be married. Alexis should have been thrilled with marrying the man of her dreams, but there was a problem.

  As much as Alexis loved Chance and loved making love to him, she found herself feeling extremely guilty. The conflict between her sanctified upbringing and being wholly available to the love of her life had been weighing heavily on her. Everything about what she had been taught in home and in church said that fornication wasa sin. Alexis listened with fear and trembling to too many sermons by the pastor and lectures by her parents that the wages of sin is death. Fornication equaled death, but Alexis’s love for Chance caused her to quiet the guilt-speaking voices in her head. She asked God for forgiveness over and over again. She swore she would do better, but then Chance would give her that look, make her laugh, tell her how much she meant to him or kiss her in her sweet spot and touch her in a way no man had ever touched her before. And before Alexis knew it - before she could protest - she found herself completely enraptured with loving her man. Alexis was scared; fearful that God would grow tired of her continued misdeeds and not forgive her again.

  She accepted wearing a pure white dress for her wedding was more for trad
ition than truth. She was no longer the consummate virgin she had hoped she would be when she walked down the aisle of the church to meet her future husband. Alexis accepted that hard truth. For some, it may not have seemed like a big deal. It may have even appeared antiquated. But for Alexis, her convictions were real. The feelings of self-loathing and disappointing her God and her faith were taking a toll on her.

  “Lex, tell me what’s the matter. You know how much it hurts me to see you cry.”

  Chance’s loving voice brought Alexis back from her overwhelming thoughts. She wanted to be candid with Chance about what she was feeling, but she didn’t want to risk alienating him, or worse yet, him making her feel like she was being silly for being so concerned about the whole thing.

  “I know, Chance. Really, it’s nothing,” Alexisreplied; trying to convince herself as much as she tried to convince her lover. She looked away from him, gently wiping the tears from her eyes. Chance wasn’t having that. He reached out to Alexis and lifted her chin; forcing her to look him in the eye.

  “Lex, talk to me.”

  He is so kind and loving. Surely he will understand my plight, Alexis thought to herself. She raised herself up to a sitting position. Lying next to her still naked fiancé was too much of a distraction. She wanted to be able to have this conversation with Chance and not be dissuaded or distracted by him. Alexis reached out to hold Chance’s hand. He obliged and took his other hand and placed it on top; completely covering hers. His touch was reassuring. Alexis took a deep breath.

  “I’m so sorry for crying, you didn’t do anything wrong,” she began.

  “So what’s the matter then babe?” Chance was relieved he hadn’t hurt Alexis, but still needed to know what was bothering her.

  “I’m struggling, Chance…really struggling.”

  “I know it’s a lot with the wedding so close, but just hang on babe. We’re almost at the finish line.” Alexis had been working hard. Even with a wedding planner and the support of her mom and girlfriends, she had still taken most of the responsibility for the wedding logistics. She hadn’t let Chance do much of anything with the exception of picking out his tuxedo and what the best men would wear. But even with that, she was right there with him – in the dressing room and everything. He appreciated how much she had given of herself. He, too, would be glad when the whole thing was over so they could go on their honeymoon and just relax for a while.

  “No it’s not the planning. Yeah it has been a challenge, but that’s not it,” she corrected. It wasn’t fair of her to let Chance guess or assume. Before he could offer any more speculation, Alexis summoned all her courage and tried to tell him what was really bothering her.

  “It’s just that… I mean…”Alexis was still struggling with her words. Just say it, she thought to herself.

  “Chance I love you so much.”

  “I love you, too, Lex…”

  She stopped him before he went any further. Alexis had to get it out now, or risk never saying it at all and feeling worse because of it.

  “When we first got together I thought I knew what real love was and how it made you feel. But you taught me so much…You taught me what it’s like to feel like a woman; to have a man love you and show you just how much he cares.”

  As she continued her voice became a bit stronger; more convincing.

  “I love the way you make me feel and I love making love to you.”

  Chance smiled sheepishly. He was a bit embarrassed. No woman he’d ever been with had said anything like that to him before – at least not in that way. Alexis was a virgin when they first got together, but Chance wasn’t. He had been with plenty of women before her, and a few after they initially got together. But for the past year, he had been monogamous; only sharing himself with the woman he intended to make his wife. Chance knew that Alexis had more to say. That couldn’t have been the problem. He listened intently as she continued.

  “But as much as I love connecting with you in that way, I feel so guilty after it’s over… so ashamed…”

  She dropped her head as she spoke. She was embarrassed to even be saying it aloud, but she knew she had to. Alexis didn’t want any secrets between them. More than that, she didn’t want to feel condemned in her spirit for loving the man she felt was divinely created just for her.

  Chance knew what she was referring to. When he first met Alexis, she was a bit of a goodie two-shoes. Chance could tell she had been sheltered. Alexis was attractive; a little over 5’5, medium build and slightly bowlegged. Her eyes were dark brown and her skin was even darker. Alexis had thick natural hair and she kept it that way – natural. Whether she was rocking her hair in an afro or beautifully twisted, Chance liked the fact Alexis was confident in whom she was and didn’t feel the need to conform to trends. At first he thought she was stuck up and a bit of a prude. His initial interest in her was more of a personal challenge. He wanted to see if he could break Alexis out of her saved and sanctified shell. However, what started off as a challenge and adding a notch to his male egotistical belt, turned into much more. He learned a lot about her and the reasons why she was the way she was. Chance became intrigued by Alexis, and learned to appreciate the fact that she wasn’t like all the other hood-type girls he had dealt with in the past.

  But even with that, Chance was not quite sure how to respond to Alexis’ statement. So instead of saying anything he waited. He wanted her to be able to say what she needed to say before he responded.

  “I know it sounds silly, but we’re not married yet. Don’t get me wrong…I love making love to you, but it goes against everything I believe in…the way I was raised…it makes me feel ashamed.”

  Seeing how serious Alexis was and hearing the depth of anxiety and pain in her voice, Chance got a better understanding of what was bothering her. But he didn’t have the same kinds of convictions. Chance wasn’t born and raised in the church, and really hadn’t given too much thought to the whole religion thing until he got with Alexis. Once he started to fall for her and saw how important her faith was to her, he beganattending church. Sure, he, too, heard the pastor preach against fornication and saving one’s self for marriage, but he didn’t have the same kind of fire and brimstone reaction to it like she did. Maybe he hadn’t taken the pastor’s preaching seriously enough or maybe he felt like it wasn’t that big of a deal. If God was so forgiving, he could forgive this, too, right?In Chance’s mind, the actual marriage was just a formality. When he committed himself to just being with Alexis and nobody else, the real commitment was already made. Apparently Alexis didn’t feel the same way.

  “I wish I could say I understood Lex, but I don’t. I mean, we are committed to each other. We’re getting married in a month. I know it may not be biblical down to the letter, but I can’t say that me sharing myself with you is wrong. I just don’t see it that way.”

  She listened intently to what Chance had to say. She appreciated the fact that he didn’t minimize her feelings - another reason she loved him so much. But it was significant to her,and she needed him to respect that.

  “Chance I need for you to understand. It may not seem like such a big deal to you, but it is to me. How can I enjoy us and at the same time be afraid for my soul? The conflicts in my head are getting to me.”

  “Are you worried about what people are going to say?”

  “No, it’s not about other people. They don’t have a heaven or a hell to put me in. It’s me, Chance. I thought I could just overlook the feelings, but I can’t.”

  She was serious and he knew it. He had noticed something wasn’t quite right before – how quiet and disconnected she seemed after they made love - but now he knew why.

  “So what are you suggesting Lex? I mean it’s not like we can go back in time and change it.”

  “I know we can’t. A part of me wishes that we could though, you know. But the other part of me wouldn’t change a thing. I know so much more about myself after being with you in that way. I know what pleases me, what turns me
on and what makes me happy. I wouldn’t have known any of that if I had never totally given myself to you.”

  “So what are you saying then?”

  Alexis wasn’t sure how Chance would receive what she had to say next. She was a bit fearful that it would be a huge problem, and he wouldn’t go along with it. All she could do was hope for the best.

  “Well, I know we can’t turn back time,” she began hesitantly, “but we could try to do better from now until our wedding night.”

  “What…what do you mean?”

  “What I mean is we could, you know, abstain until our wedding night…”

  Chance took a few moments to let her suggestion settle into his mind. He didn’t want to be too hasty in his response.

  “Let me make sure I understand exactly what you’re suggesting.” Alexis looked at him with eyes pleading for understanding.

  “You’re saying we should not have sex until we get married. Is that right?”

  Alexis slowly nodded her head in the affirmative.

  “Lex, for real?I mean I don’t know if I can do that. You can’t just give a brother the goods and then take it all away just like that! I mean when are you suggesting we start…or stop…or whatever? You don’t mean now do you?”Chance was getting flustered.

  Alexis smiled innocently in hopes she could convince him to go along with her proposition. Her smile always had a way of breaking through to Chance.

  “There’s no time like the present!”

  “Aww hell naw, Lexi! Come on! Like you said, we can’t go back so we might as well keep everything just like it is.”Chance moved closer to her and wrapped his arms around her naked body. Immediately she felt that old familiar electric charge coursing through her. This is gonna be harder than I thought. Alexis wanted Chance to know how important this was to her, so she did her best to resist the temptation.