“Thanks, Sweetness,” he said politely, nodding to me. “I’ll be a half hour or so. Hello to you also, T, and Elle.”
He went upstairs, and I turned to see T and Elle getting up. Terian had appeared. I looked at them, and they looked at each other uneasily. Terian looked at the ceiling, obviously uncomfortable.
“We have to get back,” T said with a forced smile as he hugged me. “Jenny has her own tradition of going out and getting a live tree. So we are going out on Dad’s...my land, and cut one down, and then we are going to decorate it.”
“I understand,” I answered calmly, feeling let down. “Thank you for coming, to decorate a tree with me. I enjoyed spending time with you both.”
“I’m sorry we can’t stay,” Elle said, as she hugged me. “But we’ll see you at Christmas, at Grandma’s.”
“I love you both,” I said, and they disappeared. I sat down on the couch, rubbing my temples.
“Did they leave because of me?” Lash asked quietly, startling me as he sat down next to me, his hair still wet from the shower. He had hurried to come back as fast as he could. I felt a stab of anger at Jenny, because I’d have liked to have Elle and T spend more time with Lash and me, and also Venus and Devlin.
“No,” I answered, leaning on his shoulder. “They have to get back to set up a tree with Theo and Jenny. It had nothing to do with you.”
Lash hugged me. “I’m sorry. This can’t be easy for you.”
“You being here makes it easier,” I said, burrowing into him. “I—”
“You set up a tree?” Devlin exclaimed, entering the room with Venus. “Why didn’t you tell me, come get me and V? We would have liked to help!”
Seeing V’s upset expression, I promptly felt worse than before. Surprisingly, it was Lash who made the save. “You can still help,” he said quickly. “For some reason, we are missing a vital part of the tree, unless there is a new fad I’m not aware of.”
I looked up, then narrowed my eyes. Theo was not about to part with his memories, not a one of them. Our tree had no star.
The three of them looked at me.
Time for Mom to save the day. I went to my craft room, and came back with a spool of silver thread, a needle, heavy wire, some silver material, some pipe cleaners, silver glass beads, a Sharpie marker in black, and scissors.
“Cut out a star,” I said, and handed Devlin the scissors and material. “Leave me room to sew the edges together, about an inch.”
“Bend this into the shape of a star, depending on how big he makes it,” I said, handing the wire to Lash. “And make a spring on the bottom, to fit onto the tree.”
“What about me?” Venus said with desperation. “I want to help!”
“You will, when they finish,” I said, hugging her. “You need to tell me where to put the beads on the star, so it shines like a real star does. And I’ll need help sewing the edges closed.”
“Okay,” she said with gusto. “Hurry up, Dad!”
Devlin grimaced, but he was already nearly done, and he handed me the cloth. He’d done a good job. But then, he’d become skilled with scissors, with all the doll clothes he’d cut out for V.
Lash was having more trouble with the wire, not because it was so heavy a gauge, but because he was so strong, it bent more than he wanted it to. But he, too, was nearly finished.
Venus showed me where to put the beads, and I sewed them by hand on the silver cloth. And then we all went into the sewing room, and I helped her sew the edges of the star together on the machine, leaving a big enough gap to turn it the right side out.
I slid it over the wire, pushed in a little stuffing, and then whip-stitched it closed. We went back out to the tree, and I handed the marker around, and we all signed the bottom of it, Venus with a wobbly “V”, then Devlin dated it. Then he lifted her up, and she put it on top, completing our perfect Christmas tree.
* * * *
Even though Ulysses didn’t show himself in those last days before Christmas, the feeling of foreboding lingered in the air like the scent of burned flesh. Lash put in a few hours every day on the computer looking for Ulysses, and spent time with Titus teleporting to the places Ulysses had been seen, or where previous attacks had been made. But he still could find no trace of him. Devlin told me quietly that had never happened before and it was easy to see that frustrated Lash, as he came home in terrible moods and spent hours in the gym afterwards alone, “working out his anger” as he called it.
But the other problem was Lash himself.
Chapter Seven
Lash now spent every night with Devlin and me. He appeared about ten or eleven, and climbed in bed beside me, usually settling down against my back. Devlin wasn’t about to give up his favored spot of sleeping on my chest, which he expected to be empty for him when he wandered in about four or five a.m. But usually after one coupling each, Lash and Devlin acted content to just hold me, and sleep. They also both abided by my rule, which was if I was sleeping, they didn’t wake me, and if they woke me, it was not just for sex.
During the days while Devlin slept, I was awake and busy. And Lash began to come to me for sex. When he showed up at nine a.m. Monday morning in my sewing room, and closed the door behind him, I knew at once by his grin what he had in mind. I didn’t mind: I’d half expected it, that he would come to me in the days so we could be alone. I was as eager as he was, as we’d been unable to touch like that for so long. I put my sewing aside at once, and almost ran to him, throwing my arms around him as my mouth opened on his.
Lash kissed me passionately, immediately easing me down to the floor, as he unbuckled his belt. He had me there on the carpet quickly, amidst the piles of old velvet. Lash kissed me gently afterwards, as he was pulling on his pants, then helped me to my feet. “Will you be here, for the next few hours?” Lash said, his hand already on the doorknob.
“Yes,” I said, confused. “I want to put in a few hours on this—”
“Then I’ll be back soon, for a longer visit with you,” Lash said with a leer. “I didn’t get to hear my name, and I’ll be looking forward to that later.” He left with a last parting grin.
Why was he acting so oddly? Maybe he was trying to be funny? Guess I’d have to wait and see.
An hour later, he was back and had me again. And the next hour, and the next. We had lunch together at noon with V and Serena, some sandwiches I had made. The afternoon was the same, though by then I was in Devlin’s office using the computer, and the floor there was a little harder, but I didn’t mind. I liked Lash’s enthusiasm, and enjoyed his caresses. I loved that he couldn’t seem to get enough of me, and to hear that satisfied note in his voice after I’d come for him.
But by the middle of the second day, I was beginning to get sore from all his attention. It was also getting hard for me to orgasm, because I’d had so much sex. There was also the problem that I couldn’t get much work done, as just as soon as I got back into whatever I was doing, Lash would show up again. In short, I needed a break. So, after the eleventh time, as he was pulling on his pants, I stopped him.
“Lash, I have to ask, is this, um, normal for you?”
He buttoned his jeans, then buckled his belt. “It’s because I’m younger than I was,” he said proudly. “Theo probably wasn’t like this, I know.”
Well, sometimes he had been, but I wasn’t going to say anything. Next Lash would think this was some sort of competition.
“I just feel like I’m twenty again, Sar. And now that we can be together like this, I want you as much as you will let me have you.” Lash looked down at me, suddenly concerned. “Are you sore? Did I hurt you?”
“I’m a little sore,” I admitted. “I want you to be happy, but—”
“I am very happy, to be your lover again,” Lash interrupted, kissing me. “But I don’t have to take so long, if it’s a problem. I’ll be really quick from now on.”
Wait a minute. He is going to be quick? That’s his solution?
“Just tell me,
when you want to come, when I have you,” Lash said lustily. “And I’ll make sure you do. Tell me, too, if you want me to go down on you, or...other things. I need to get back to my training. I’ll see you shortly, Sar.”
Abruptly, he was gone again, leaving me to sink back into my chair and ponder what he’d meant by “other things.” It was surprising that he hadn’t offered to give me a break, like he had back in the Everglades. Maybe with enough time, he’d relax, and some of his desire for me would lessen. As much as I wanted him to want me, this was too much.
Wednesday, Lash was gone on his job. But Thursday, Lash seemed to be insatiable. No matter how many times he had me, he still seemed to want me as much as he had the first time. But he had me fast now, climaxing in the space of a minute, where before he’d taken five or ten. Since I spent most of that day working on my sewing, trying hard to finish Venus’s present, he knew right where to find me. Even then, I couldn’t make myself refuse him; I loved pleasing him that way. I treasured his eager moans when he first pushed into me, and his loud cries as he came inside me. As always, I cherished the way he held me so tightly to him when he came, as if he could never put his body far enough inside mine. But part of me was sad, too, because for all the times he’d made love to me, he never said anything to me about his feelings for me. He never told me he loved me, or that he was in love with me. And being told I felt good just wasn’t the same.
I told myself not to be surprised. He wasn’t the type to bare his heart easily. But as the days went by, I began to wonder if he did love me.
* * * *
Things came to a head on Friday afternoon. I’d just finished sewing for the day, and been heading into the kitchen for a drink of water. I grabbed a glass, filled it at the sink, and drank it down greedily. It tasted so good, but I was thirsty. I’d been having sex all afternoon. Lash had come to me almost every half hour. It’s good I was almost done, or I never would have finished V’s present...
Then I felt Lash behind me, rubbing his body against mine. I didn’t have to look to know he was erect again; I felt him against my rear as he moved his hips suggestively against me. I gave a mental sigh as I felt him reaching up from behind me to squeeze my breasts.
“Come upstairs with me,” Lash hissed. “We have a few minutes.”
I’d had enough of the “wham, bam, thank you, Sar” treatment. “Sorry, I’m busy,” I said, not turning around to him. “Maybe later.”
“I’ll make it worth your while, my Sweetness,” he said in my ear. Then he began kissing down my neck, his hooked fangs brushing me.
“Anything I want?” I said, keeping my back to him.
“Anything you want that won’t take more than a half hour.”
“No can do,” I answered, smirking a bit. “I need more than that.”
“Why does it always have to be what you want?” Lash hissed in my ear, real anger in his voice. “What about what I want? What I need?”
I turned my head to look at him, anger in my eyes. Why was he irritated? I’d given him what he wanted all fucking week! Almost every fucking hour! Today had been too much. What was I? A sex slave?
Then it hit me. Lash needs to have sex as a snake. He’d told me that human sex brought the desire to have sex in animal form. Well, maybe it was Theo who had told me that, I couldn’t remember. How could I not have known that at once? Maybe Devlin had told him I was planning on coming to him as a snake, and he was just trying to hold off until I could, but he needed this in the meantime.
My anger left me in a rush, and my love for him welled up inside me. I turned around, and reached down for him, sliding my hand over the hardness of him. He hissed sharply, and kissed me hard, grinding himself against me.
“Come upstairs,” he whispered, breaking the kiss.
“If you need me, I’m always here for you,” I whispered, stroking him.
“I need you now,” Lash hissed eagerly. “Come with me. Now!”
I put down the glass I was holding, and took his hand. He half led, half dragged me to Devlin’s bedroom, and lay me back on the bed, pulling off my jeans, hissing loudly. He pulled off my underwear next, and pushed my legs apart, sliding into me immediately. He let out a loud hiss of pleasure, hammering himself into me as fast as he could, sliding his hands up under my top to cup my breasts. He squeezed them, massaging them as he thrust into me again and again. A second later, he shoved himself deeply into me, riding me to the bed as he came, reflexively clenching his muscles again and again as he let go inside me with a snarl of pleasure. It was then I realized the door to the bedroom was still wide open.
Thank God Devlin had taken Venus to Titus’s house for the afternoon. He’d said they had some business matters to discuss, and I’d just nodded, not wanting to hear if it had anything to do with anymore fake construction work. At least there was no one here to walk in on us.
Lash pulled out of me almost immediately, and I felt suddenly used. He’d done that all week, as soon as he was sated, after I’d told him I was a little sore. Why didn’t he want to cuddle with me like we used to? We did at night, but only when we slept, when Devlin was with us. Did he not care about me anymore, besides liking sex with me? Or was this all it had been all along, and I’d been too blind to see it?
I rolled over on the bed away from him, drawing my knees to my chest, trying not to give in to tears.
Lash went to reach for me, and I recoiled. He froze, and pulled his hand back at once. He sat on the bed, his arms close to me but not touching me. “I want to be with you again, if you’ll let me. But I needed to come first, Sar. I wasn’t going to last long enough to bring you this first time.”
There was more going on here than that, and it was time I said something. “Never mind that. You said you’d do what I asked.”
I felt him move closer, and run his hands over my arms. When I didn’t flinch, or tell him to stop, he hugged me. “What do you want?” he said, kissing my neck. “Oral sex? To be in the shower? In the truck? On a table? To be on the piano keyboard? Just tell me what you want and I’ll do it.”
Where had he got that last one? Whoa. “No,” I stammered, trying to focus. “I need to know something.”
“Then ask,” Lash replied. “You know I’ll tell you the truth. Always.”
“You said you cared for me. What does that mean, exactly?”
The silence stretched for a long minute.
“I care for you very much Sar,” Lash said, hugging me.
“Do you love me, Lash?”
Lash was quiet for a long time. But he didn’t let me go.
“Answer me.”
“I care for you, Sar. More than I’ve ever cared for any woman in my whole life. I want you more than I’ve ever wanted any woman, too, were or human. You make me happy, being with you, making me food, talking and laughing together. It’s so good, waking up with you in my arms—”
“I asked you a question,” I said harshly. “Answer me. Yes or no?”
Lash looked at me and sighed. “No,” he hissed very softly. “No.”
I felt so crushed I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t say anything, keeping my tears in by force of will alone.
Lash held me close. “I smell your hurt, and I’m sorry. But you wanted the truth.”
“I’m sorry, too,” I said heavily. Then I took his arms from around me, and got up from the bed. Lash got up as well, and stopped me from leaving, putting his hand on my arm. I tried to pull away, but he pulled me into his arms, and held me close.
“Why isn’t it enough that I care for you?” Lash hissed, upset. “I know you take pleasure in me, Sar. I meant what I said, that I’ll do anything you need me to. I’ll be faithful to you. I give you my word I haven’t been with anyone else, and I won’t be, if you—”
“It’s not that, Lash. I never doubted your faithfulness. It’s that you aren’t in love with me. You don’t feel for me like I feel for you.”
There was dead silence that stretched. Then slowly Lash pulled back from
me and held me at arms’ length. He looked down at me, his eyes wide with disbelief. “You love me?” Lash rasped out. “Me?”
“I have for a while,” I said, trailing my hand up to caress his cheek. “It was hard to be around you all these months, and not tell you, or even touch you, to keep telling you I couldn’t be with you, when I wanted you so much.”
“Sar, I want you to touch me very much,” Lash said gently, trying to hug me “Please, come here—”
“No,” I said, evading him. “I thought you loved me, thought that I heard it in your voice that day in the Everglades, when we were together. I thought I saw it in your eyes, that last time you kissed me. But you don’t.”
“Why are you so hurt?” Lash hissed angrily. “Because I won’t say some words to you?”
“No. Because you don’t feel them. And I thought you did. I fantasized about you so much, in my mind I made you the man I wanted you to be, not the man you are.”
“What the fuck does that mean?” Lash said loudly. “I’m only ever been honest about what and who I am! You know the man I am! I never pretended to be anyone else!”
“I do know the man you are,” I said sadly.
That seemed to enrage him. “I can’t give you something that I can’t give anyone,” Lash hissed loudly. “I’ve never loved any woman I bedded! Never, Sar!”
As I turned from him, he pulled me back into his embrace. “But we don’t need love to be lovers, Sar,” he hissed. “I—”
“I do,” I whispered.
Lash went totally still. “Why are you saying this now, when we can finally be together?” he uttered. “You know how long I waited to be with you, how hard it was, watching you with Theo, and Dev, and Danial? Being in jail, and not seeing you, and then having you here living with Dev, and seeing you every day and not being able kiss you or touch you at all! You’re all I want! You’re all I think about! And I know you want me.”
“Desire isn’t enough. I feel empty now after we’ve been together, Lash, almost used.”
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