Lash bared his teeth at the word ‘used.’ His lip curled up, and his eyes went completely to snake. “I’m sorry that you’re so emotionally driven, that you can’t just take pleasure when it’s offered to you,” he hissed angrily. “I’ll stay out of Dev’s bed from now on. And if you need a warm body to fuck instead of a cold one, I’m sure Devlin can ask Nick to join you in bed. I’ve seen the way you look at him, Sar, thinking about how he’d feel inside you—”
How dare you! “How can you not love me, after all the innuendoes, the advances, the stolen kisses, and all your pining!”
I knew I sounded like I was whining, and I cringed, feeling pitiful. But I deserved to know how other men had loved me so quickly, yet Lash, who’d been my lover for the better part of a year, still didn’t, especially when I cared for him so much.
Lash looked at me in confusion. “I don’t know what to tell you, what you want from me. I want you, I like living with you, sleeping with you. I care for you. I wanted to be your lover from the first time you told me to fuck you. For fuck’s sake, it was thoughts of you that got me through jail!”
“Lash, you wanted me to give up my marriage to be with you!” I shouted. “You as much as said so, never mind that you never came out and said the words! And for what? Just good sex? Is that all you were really offering me? Is that all you wanted me for?”
“And what was I to you?” he hissed bitterly “You say you love me. Since when do you care how I feel, or even ask me what I want or need? You sure as hell didn’t that day in the hotel, or afterward, either! You were happy to tease me with your words and your body all fall, get me hard, and then leave me to fuck your cougar!”
“God damn you,” I forced out. My tears started to fall, even though I tried like hell to hold them back.
Lash went on, his words a tirade. “I noticed that you didn’t give up anyone to be with me. The opportunity just landed in your lap, and you took it! Danial’s comatose, and Theo gave you up willingly, you didn’t leave him for me. You wouldn’t leave him for me! You told me you wouldn’t!”
“He tried to change me, Lash. That’s the real reason he left me, because I wouldn’t let him,” I said hollowly, easing myself down on the edge of the bed. “He attacked me as a cougar.”
Lash was holding me in an instant, and his anger shifted immediately to Theo. “Did he hurt you?” he hissed angrily, baring his growing snake fangs. “You just tell me he hurt you in any way, and I’ll kill him, Sar. Danial’s not around to stop me anymore.”
“He didn’t hurt me.”
“Good,” Lash said, running his hands over my arms, as he nuzzled my neck. “He’d better not even look at you, or I’ll slit him open and tie his intestines in a knot. You’re with me now, and I protect what’s mine.”
“You know what pissed him off most?” I said with rancor. “That I’d told you to change me, when I was saving you. That I’d do that for you, but not for him.”
“You should’ve told him that you didn’t mean it,” Lash hissed acrimoniously.
I looked up at him in fury and tried to push him away. But Lash’s arms were like steel cables around me.
“Sar, you’re going to sit here and admit it, that you didn’t want to be weresnake! I thought you did when you asked me to change you, and it made me so happy, that you cared about me that much to want to be snake for me. But as soon as you knew you didn’t have to be what I was, I saw the relief on your face! You never intended to go through with it. It had just been a ruse to get me to take your blood, so you could feel like such the martyr for saving me—”
Asshole. “I did mean it!” I shouted at him, happy that my loud volume made him wince. “Theo heard in my voice that I meant it, and right after I said it, he tried to force me to be werecougar. He did it to keep you and me apart, more than he really loved me or wanted me! I had to shoot him in the heart to stop him, so I could get away!”
“Maybe you did mean it that night you said it, even if you didn’t feel the same the day after. If so, I’m sorry. And I didn’t know he tried to change you,” Lash hissed, stroking my hair as he held me. “Devlin will kill him for you, after I tell him, or send me to do it.”
“Don’t tell him,” I said wearily. “I don’t want Theo dead. He won’t be trying it again.”
“I won’t let him hurt you, Sar,” Lash hissed angrily. “I’m pissed off he tried that! I’m not letting him get away with it! He needs to be taught a lesson.”
“Why do you care what he does to me?” I shouted. “If you don’t love me, why do you care?”
“Because I do!” Lash hissed stubbornly. “But I wish I didn’t! Devlin was right. You can be a real bitch when you feel like being one! And right now, you’re a royal pain in my ass!”
“If I’m such a bitch, and a pain in your ass, then don’t be my lover,” I snarled. “Stay away from me, and find someone else to sate yourself with, who doesn’t mind if you fuck her and leave right after without a tender word. Hell, I’m sure if you call up Lyssa, she’ll be happy to coil with you.”
Lash shoved me hard and I flew backward to land on the bed, all the breath going out of me. “You want it that way, you got it!” he hissed, so furious he could barely talk. “You and I are done, Sar! Do you hear me? We’re done!”
“Good! Get out and leave me alone!” I yelled at him, and he slammed the door as he left.
I decided right then and there to go get drunk. It was past time, really.
I got up and walked downstairs, just in time to see Nick struggling to his feet, blood on his face. I went to him and helped him up. I knew Lash had hit him just because he’d been in the way, and Lash had done that because he had been pissed off from fighting with me.
A Hummer started up, and a look out the side window revealed Lash barreling down the driveway, going about seventy.
Nick got on his cell phone. “Jerry, open the gates now, and get out of the way!” he said quickly, wincing a little from his rapidly healing cut lip. “Lash is headed your way, and if the gates aren’t open, he’ll go through them, and you.”
Dejected, I left Nick, and went to Devlin’s wine cabinet in the kitchen. I sat at the dining room table, uncorked a new bottle of Groom Shiraz, and poured myself a huge glass. I drank it down. Then I poured another. I thought for a few minutes about what I’d given up, and what I’d gained. Had this been what I wanted from my life? That was a resounding no. I hadn’t wanted to lose Theo, or lose my beloved Devon, or lose Danial...
Danial. I’ll go see him.
I swallowed my wine, then grabbed the bottle and glass, and walked to Danial’s room, the room that had been Titus’s. He was lying as he had been, still handsome, still so pale and cold, but his heart was beating. I sat beside him, and settled my hand and put it on his. I also poured myself another large glass of wine.
“Why won’t you wake up?” I said softly. “Everything’s gone to shit since you were hurt, Danial. I miss you so much, and I loved you so much! Wake up! We need you! I need you!”
But Danial didn’t stir. He lay there like a statue, completely beautiful, and utterly unreachable.
“Can you even hear me? Does it matter that I come to you every few days, and talk to you? Will you be like this forever?”
I downed another glass, and poured the rest of the bottle into my glass. I debated smashing the bottle, but decided not to. Someone, probably Robin, will just have to pick it up...
I felt tears on my face. Robin wouldn’t be picking up anything anymore. Robin was dead. Another casualty of Ulysses. Everyone kind and good was dead. Suri, Lander, Flora, Brennan, Demetri, Robin. And my beloved Devon.
Devon was dead. My favorite baby, my boy, the child I’d wanted so long with Theo. I wouldn’t ever be having another one with him. No more baby cougars for me. No more Theo for me. No more Danial for me.
And now, no more Lash for me. And I was going to have to promise myself to Devlin anyway, or break his heart by telling him without Lash as part of it, I didn�
�t want to be with him. My tears flowed faster, as I began shaking.
I’d loved Theo so much, and thought he loved me. But everything Theo had said he felt for me had been a lie, because of a spell, like my induced love for Devlin when he’d saved me with his blood. Theo certainly hadn’t wasted any time proposing to Jenny. In fact, that had most likely prompted him to search for the separation papers, so he could divorce me as soon as he could. How could I trust how I felt for anyone anymore, or what they felt for me, knowing that? And Lash, the one man who’d had no supernatural power over me to make me love him, the one that I trusted my feelings for the most, didn’t love me. He had never loved me. And now he’s told me we’re done. He is probably headed to see Lyssa right now.
I let out a sob, and downed my last glass of wine. I was feeling the effects of it now, and I was grateful for that. Everything seemed surreal. I cried for a while on Danial’s chest. Then I looked down at him. He’s as pale and still as the night I first saw him.
Suddenly, everything seemed very clear. I got out my knife from my pocket, the one Lash had given me. He’d sharpened it for me again recently, telling me to be careful. He’d overdid it a little. Before I thought too much about it, I flipped out the blade, and with a quick slice, I opened my wrist. It bled a lot more than I expected, blood welling up and spilling over onto the floor. Maybe I’d pressed too hard. Or maybe the knife had been too sharp. Lash said to think of it as a razor blade...
I leaned over to press the bloody wound to Danial’s lips, and an iron hand grabbed my wrist. But it wasn’t Danial’s.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing, Sar?” Devlin shouted, pulling me away from Danial. He put my wrist to his mouth and healed me, licking my blood off my wrist.
He sighed with pleasure just at the small taste, then hugged me hard right after, as if he’d just found out I was pregnant with another one of his children. “Your blood is almost like it was, Sar,” Devlin said, utterly joyous. “It’s the beginning of summer. A few more months, maybe weeks, and it will be as it was. I’m so happy.”
Good for you, I almost said, but I was having trouble forming words. The wine was in full force now, and it was hard to think coherently.
“Were you trying to kill yourself?” Devlin whispered in my ear, gripping me hard. “Danial would’ve drained you. And even after, he wouldn’t have awakened, and been how he was.”
“I need to save him,” I said stubbornly. Then I was screaming, trying to shove him away from me, almost flailing. “I need to save him! I didn’t save him! I can’t save him!”
“You can’t save him,” Devlin said firmly, holding me close even as I fought his attempts to restrain me. “But I will, Sar. I promise you that, no matter how long it might take, I’ll do it. Have faith in me.”
“I do,” I said softly, slurring my words a little and calming somewhat. “I do.”
“You need to come with me now,” Devlin said. “Teleport us to Davy’s.”
I knew why instantly. “No,” I said, trying to walk away and getting nowhere. “I don’t want to see him.”
“I don’t care what you want,” Devlin said forcefully. “You are taking us there, and making up with him.”
“Fuck you, I’m not!” I yelled.
Devlin shook me hard, making my teeth rattle. “Listen, you bitch!” he growled. “Ulysses challenged me for my territory an hour ago. I need to fight him in a week. And I need you and Lash focused, because you need to help me prepare.”
I was quiet now, listening to his words and trying to process them.
“Teleport us there now,” Devlin said stridently. “Then just tell him you love him—”
“He doesn’t love me!” I screamed.
Devlin ignored me, and kept talking. “—and that you want him back.”
“You’re just like him, you know?” I said viciously. “Always trying to make me give another chance to someone who doesn’t deserve one!”
Devlin stared at me, looking so hurt I trailed off into silence. “You came back to me because he asked you to?” he whispered. “Not because you wanted to?”
Chapter Eight
I was too drunk to make a quick save. But I was good enough even drunk to pull a quick diversion. “Yes,” I admitted. “But the truth is I’d have come back to you anyway, because I needed your protection, Dev. I found out I can have children again. The demon blood healed me.”
Devlin went from being hurt and sad to looking hopeful and ecstatic in the space of two seconds. He pulled me close, and ran his hand over my stomach possessively. “This is wonderful,” he purred, his molten gold eyes filled with joy, and more than a little excitement. “That means we can have another child someday, Sar. I’d love that.”
“Dev, truthfully, I don’t know if I’d want to,” I said brokenly. “Devon...” I dissolved into tears.
“Shh, we don’t have to right away,” Devlin said softly, stroking my back with his hand. “Don’t cry, Sar. It’s enough that you can, that we have that choice again. And we have decades to think about it, now that I can begin giving you my blood to keep you young. I’m so excited, and Danial will be overjoyed, too, when he wakes up. If things go as I plan, he’ll be waking up very soon, Love. Don’t cry anymore. Shh.”
I hugged him to me, and slowly gained control of myself, deep shame descending on me. I’d broken my promise to Lash, and I’d hurt the one man who’d stood by me this past month from hell, no matter that he was telling me now that it didn’t matter. “I’m sorry,” I said tearfully, when I could talk again. “I’m such a bitch! I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“I always suspected it,” Devlin said, kissing me gently. “It was too pat, how you showed up right after Theo had his fight with Robert, after months of not seeing me or wanting to be around me, and suddenly told me you’d let me back into your life. But I wanted you enough that I didn’t care.”
“I do love you, Dev,” I said, slurring my words a little. “Tell me you know I mean it! That I feel it, really feel it? I don’t want you to feel like you did in the spring, when I thought I loved you, and I didn’t! This time it isn’t the blood, it isn’t—!”
“I know it,” he said, hugging me. “And it’s okay, because I want you any way I can get you. I don’t care if you were coerced into coming to me. I only care that you came, and that you’re here now with me willingly—”
“I’m here with you willingly,” I exclaimed, passionate in my drunkenness. “I want you, and I love you!”
Devlin drew back to look at me, grinning at my enthusiasm. “I know it, but it’s always good to hear you say the words, Love, even drunk as you are. And we are going to Davy’s now, where you are going to tell Lash that, too. He needs to hear it as well.”
“Devlin, he doesn’t love me!”
“He’s devoted to you, Sar. He’s never cared for a woman like he does for you, not ever. Don’t deny him your love because he can’t bring himself to tell you he loves you.”
“You’re saying he does?” I said softly, sobering up a little just thinking of it.
“I’m saying he’s done a lot for you, to be with you,” Devlin said, grinning down at me. “It’s a pretty good imitation of love he’s been doing practically this whole year, if he doesn’t. But he loves differently than Danial or I do. He’s been hurt a lot in his life, because of how he used to look, what he was, and who he is. He’s never had a serious girlfriend, Sar, not that I ever knew about. He’s probably afraid to love you, afraid you’d do what you did today, and tell him to leave you alone.”
“Dev, he’s been coming to me all week, and fucking me, and then leaving me right after!” I said crossly. “I’m sore, I’m feeling used, and I don’t like the feeling.”
“He needs to have sex as a snake,” Devlin said bluntly. “Are you going to do it for him or not, Sarelle? Because if not, tell me right now and I will make arrangements with Lyssa.”
I couldn’t stand the thought of Lash being with anyone else. I especially c
ouldn’t stand the thought of him and Lyssa; it felt like a dagger in my heart. I could feel the pain radiating inside me, as I imagined him making love to her, wrapping his body around hers. “Terian’s making the potion,” I said very loudly. “It’s going to be ready tomorrow!”
“Did you tell Lash that?” Devlin said probingly, folding his arms over his chest.
“I thought you told him! I thought he was doing what he was doing because he was trying to wait for me.”
“He told me that he’d gotten Titus to make one for you, Sar. It’s ready, and has been for days, ever since you spent that first night with him. Lash was only waiting for you to tell him you’d do it, and he was going to go to Titus and bring it to you himself, so he could walk you through the change. I told him to tell you what he’d done, to ask you to do it, and he said you already knew he needed that, that he wasn’t going to ask you for it. That I was to say nothing to you about it. That he’d hold off as long as he could to give you time to come around to the idea. And then he’d go to Lyssa, if you couldn’t make yourself do it.”
“I was going to do it! Terian said it would take a week to make it!”
“Why not tell Lash that?” Devlin said with narrowed eyes. “He’d have told you he couldn’t wait any longer, and that you didn’t have to wait, anyway.”
I looked at him and licked my lips, and then I looked away, feeling like a coward. “I wanted it to be a surprise.”
“It wasn’t that you wanted to give yourself a way out, if you decided you couldn’t do it?”
“Maybe,” I shrugged. “I’m a little afraid. I remember how scary he looked, as snake. It’s one thing to hold him in my arms as a human and another to imagine him—”
“There’s no time for your fear! Tell me now you’ll do it, or I’ll call Lyssa tonight, and have her drive there to Davy’s. I know she came here to see him after he got out of jail, and that she still wants to be his lover. Once he sees her in snake form, he won’t even fight his urges. Though when that part is over, he’ll probably be with her as a human, too.”
Tempest of Vengeance Page 17
