Next In Line

by Daws, Amy

  “You know what I mean.” Miles sits on the edge of his seat, propping his arms on the desk. “Look, Sam, you and I are close, but I know there’s a wall between us. There always has been. I opened up to you about my ex drama like crazy, but you’ve never opened up to me.”

  “That’s because I don’t have ex drama,” I argue, feeling my muscles grow tenser the deeper this conversation gets.

  “I know, but you still have drama. And don’t act like you don’t. I know you have plans to help your mom retire in two years and that you’re constantly helping your sisters out. Now you have Tire Depot to run. That’s a lot of responsibility, Sam. And I get that sharing isn’t something all guys do, but I hope you know that I’m always here for you. I’m ride or die, man.”

  Miles’s words stun me into silence. His blue eyes wide and open as if he’s trying to convey his love for me with just one meaningful look. It hurts. Everything he said hurts because I don’t deserve it. Not after all the shit I’ve done behind his back with his sister. I don’t regret what we did, but I regret lying to him about it. I may have a wall up, but Miles is still my best friend. I’m ride or die with him too.

  “Thanks, man. I’m ride or die too.”

  He nods and reaches out to bump fists with me. “That’s basically your version of I love you, so I’ll take it.” He stands up to head out the door and back to work, but I stop him before he walks out.

  “Miles, do you have time to go get drinks with me tomorrow night? There actually are some things I want to talk to you about.”

  Miles’s eyes light up like a kid on Christmas morning. “Definitely. Let’s plan on it.”

  “Sounds good, man,” I reply to his retreating frame while thinking to myself, I hope you’re still ride or die after everything I’m about to tell you.

  I pull out my phone to text Maggie.

  Me: We need to talk.

  Sparky: Okay…

  Me: Can you meet me at Marv’s for lunch around noon?

  Sparky: Sure, I’ll see you soon.

  I’m seated in the same booth Maggie and I first sat in, and my palms are slick with sweat as I stare out the window, waiting for her car to pull up. When it finally does, I swear my heart begins racing as I watch her stride into the bait shop in her long red wool coat, wedge boots, and skinny jeans. Her dark hair is straight and loose down her back, and I stare in amazement at her because this is so not who I imagined would have walked into my life a few weeks ago.

  She smiles a soft smile as she spots me in the corner and makes her way over. Sliding into the booth, she licks her lips and looks around at all the old guys playing cards. “Maybe I should have brought a deck,” she says, her eyes flicking to me nervously.

  My eyes blink slowly at her. “I’m afraid I’m not in the mood for games.”

  She nods and exhales heavily. “I’m sorry, Sam. I’m sorry for so many things.”

  “Like what exactly?” I ask, pushing my sleeves up so I can brace myself for what’s to come.

  “For making you lie to my brother. For turning our friendship into a fuck buddy situation—”

  “Fuck buddies?” I interrupt, my chest tightening at that crass label. “Is that what you think we are?”

  She winces. “I thought so? I don’t know. What would you call us?”

  “Not that,” I reply, turning my head to look away from her as my jaw ticks with frustration. What do I think we are? Definitely not just fuck buddies, that’s for damn sure.

  “What is it then, Sam? What did you want to talk about?”

  I look back at her, inspecting her face just as I did the first time we sat here. She’s changed since that day. She still has the same light eyes and dark hair, but her face holds something more to it now than it did when I met her—perhaps an inner strength that she was sorely missing.

  I exhale heavily. “I want to come clean to Miles about us.”

  Maggie’s eyes fly wide. “Are you nuts? He’s going to murder you!”

  I shake my head from side to side. “I don’t care. I can’t do this to him anymore.”

  She expels a deep breath, her cheeks puffing out. Clearly, she did not expect this from me today. She shifts forward in her seat and chews her lip thoughtfully. “I mean, I realize that we’ve taken this as far as it can go, but that doesn’t mean Miles needs to know about everything.”

  I swallow a knot in my throat at her response. “He needs to know.”

  She blinks rapidly. “But if we tell him about us, then he’ll think I cheated on Sterling.”

  “You didn’t cheat because you aren’t with Sterling, and your brother deserves to know that as well.”

  Her face pales. “So you’re saying you want to tell him like…everything?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why, Sam? Why the sudden need to be forthcoming about stuff that is none of his business?”

  “Because he’s my best friend and your brother, Maggie. He cares about both of us, and this fantasy world you’re living in where you think he’ll hate Sterling for dumping you is just that…a fantasy.” I splay my hands out on the table, my heart thudding hard in my chest. “Your fairy tale can’t happen like this anyway. It’s tainted now.”

  “You don’t know that,” Maggie sputters, her eyes wide and defiant as her face flushes with anger. “And besides, I’m not taking relationship advice from you. You’re a thirty-one-year-old who’s never been in love, let alone had a monogamous relationship. Just because your heart isn’t open to love doesn’t mean you have to ruin my chance at it.”

  Her words punch me right in the gut because I don’t know for sure that my heart isn’t open to love. There’s a lot I don’t know about myself anymore because this spark plug of a woman barreled into my life and electrified everything I thought I knew. But right now, the most important thing on my mind is a clear conscience.

  “My decision to talk to your brother is final.” I sit back in the booth and cross my arms over my chest.

  Her lips twitch, anger bubbling up through her whole body all the way down to her clenched fists on the table. “So this is great. Now my entire family will know that I’m a desperate, basic loser who went to the most ridiculous extremes to win back a guy who doesn’t love me. Thanks for all your help, Sam!”

  She moves to stand, and I reach out to grab her wrist, halting her in her tracks. She spins around, hitting me hard with her blue eyes full of pain and embarrassment. But above all…betrayal. She feels betrayed by me, and hell, maybe I deserve it.

  “I’m sorry, Maggie,” I croak because it’s the only thing I can think of to say.

  She huffs out a laugh, biting the inside of her cheek as she nods over and over. “It’s fine, Sam. It’s fine. Tell Miles everything, see if I care.” Inhaling deeply, she leans down to add, “But do you know what the worst part of all this is?”

  I look up at her silently, waiting on bated breath for her to tell me.

  “That a sick, delusional part of me thought you were bringing me out here today to tell me you had feelings for me.”

  In a huff, she yanks her wrist out of my hand and storms out of Marv’s, leaving me completely tangled up like fishline in a tree.

  Wishin’ I’d Gone Fishin’

  When I was a kid, I was famous for epic tantrums. I remember everyone in my family always feeling so much bigger than me and smarter than me and stronger than me that if I didn’t roll around on the floor and make a gigantic scene, they wouldn’t even notice me.

  My mother said I was melodramatic because I hated change. She told me one time when I cut my Barbie’s hair that I immediately started sobbing and begging her to glue it back on even though I was the one who cut it. And apparently, that lovely part of my personality never went away because I still recall bawling on my brother’s shoulder when he told me he was moving eight hours away with his girlfriend to Boulder, Colorado. Granted, part of that was because I loathed his girlfriend at the time, but the majority of it was because I hated change.


  I still hate change.

  Case in point, Sterling dumps me, and I go on a crazy road trip of self-discovery. I guess some things never change.

  It’s almost dark outside before I pull myself out of my bedroom for the first time in twenty-four hours. I’ve been hiding in my room like a hermit, terrified Miles is going to come storming in at any minute and disown me for lying to him and screwing around with his best friend. But so far, all is quiet in Boulder. Like the calm before the storm.

  I shuffle into the bathroom for a shower that I’m hoping will clear my head, but I know it won’t. Right now, I feel like I keep getting hit by one bus, only to get hit by another bus. First with Sterling, then Kate, and now Sam. For a girl who doesn’t handle change well, a lot of crap is coming at me way too fast.

  The house is quiet when I step out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around me. Miles and Kate will be home soon after another romantic day together at Tire Depot. Maybe I should throw something together for dinner. It could very well be my last supper with them.

  My cell phone rings, and my mom’s face illuminates the screen. I swipe to answer it, feeling a homesick knot form in my throat just at the idea of hearing her voice again. “Hey, Mom.”

  “Hi Maggie, how are you?” she asks, her voice soothing like always.

  “I’m good,” I lie through my teeth. “How are you?”

  “I’m great. I miss you, though. When do you think you’re coming back from Boulder? I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.”

  I sigh heavily. “I’ll probably be coming home soon.”

  “Good. Your father and I aren’t ready to be official empty nesters yet.”

  “How is Dad?” I ask, biting my lip and trying to stop the tears from welling in my eyes.

  “He’s good. He has that ridiculous flag football league practice tonight. I still can’t believe he joined a senior football program. It seems like an oxymoron to me.”

  I laugh at that. Dad always has loved football. “Mom, tell me how you and Dad met again.”

  “What?” she asks curiously.

  “Tell me the story again.”

  Laughing softly into the phone, she says, “Well, I was at my first college party with my girlfriends, and this boy kept trying to get me to dance with him all night. I was not interested. He rolled his cigarettes up in his sleeve, and I always thought that was so tacky. But the boy wasn’t giving up, and just when I thought I was going to have to leave the party to get away from him, your father stepped right between us, stared that guy in the face, and said, ‘Move along, or your next dance will be with my fist.’”

  My face spreads into a wide, happy smile. “And then he turned around…”

  “Then he turned around, smiled at me, and somehow I knew that I was looking at the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with.”

  “And Daddy felt the same.”

  “Your father later told me that when he saw me across the room rejecting that other guy, he knew it was because I hadn’t looked his way yet.”

  “Gosh, this story is the best.”

  “It really is.” My mom laughs. “I never get sick of telling it.”

  I sniff once into the phone, and croak out, “Do you think that’s what Sterling and I have?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Do you think we could be just like you and Dad?”

  “Honey, I don’t know why that would matter. If I’ve learned anything through my Dirty Birdy’s Book Blog, it’s that all stories are unique. Beginning to end. Fiction and nonfiction.”

  “But you and Dad are so happy. Your story makes me believe that what we read in the romance novels can be real life. I would do anything for that kind of book-worthy happiness.”

  “Happiness shouldn’t be forced, dear. It should come naturally. Do you feel happy with Sterling?”

  I bite my lip, holding back the tiny sob that wants to tear out of my throat because I have been such an idiot. So blindly stupid that I hate myself at this moment. I open my mouth to pour my heart out, but the doorbell interrupts me.

  I look at the front door with a frown. “Hey, someone is at the door, Mom. I better go get it.”

  “Okay, honey. Call me later, though?”

  “I will, Mom. Thanks for the talk.”

  “Always, Maggie.”

  I hang up and tighten the towel around my chest and pad over to the front door, expecting it to be some postal delivery, or maybe Kate and Miles forgot their key. When I open it and peek my head around so they can’t see I’m in nothing but a towel, my mind can’t even accept what’s on the other side.

  Like, my eyes see it, but my mind doesn’t have any physical reaction to it. It just…blankly stares at it with no emotional response whatsoever.

  “Baby,” Sterling’s husky voice says. Pushing the door open all the way, he blasts my nearly naked body with the frigid winter air. He steps inside and closes the door before turning around and eyeing me in my towel. He scoops me up into his arms, and as my feet dangle off the floor, I do everything I can to get my brain to wake up and respond. It’s like I’m having an out-of-body experience as I watch myself cringe while my ex-boyfriend hugs me in the foyer of my brother’s house.

  When he sets me down, I look up at him to make sure it’s actually him. Tall, check. Dark, check. Handsome, check. Brown eyes that are just a touch beadier than I remember, check.

  “Sterling?” I state his name like a question so I get a verbal confirmation that I’m not in the middle of a nervous breakdown and imagining the postman is my ex.

  “Yes, baby. God, I’ve missed you. What are you wearing?”

  I glance down at my towel, pulling out of his arms to tighten it around my chest. “I just got out of the shower.”

  “It’s almost six o’ clock, baby. Why aren’t you dressed?” he asks, sliding his hands into his pockets and walking farther into the house, inspecting it with an air of entitlement to his posture.

  I shake my head, the fog lingering longer than it should as I try to figure out why he keeps calling me baby. “Wait, why are you here? Don’t you have school?”

  Sterling shrugs his broad shoulders. “School is pretty pointless for me right now since I know I’ll be drafted.” He smiles a cocky smile, and it feels bizarre. “I’m here because I missed you and I needed to see you.”

  “Needed to see me?” I repeat, slowly blinking while my mind tries to wrap around the words he’s saying. “How did you know where Miles lived?”

  “I called your parents,” he replies with a proud smirk.

  I look down, still shaking my head in shock, and I see his jeans hanging over his shoes. Big, saggy jeans bunched over the top of a pair of expensive sneakers.

  “Where’s your bedroom?” he asks, staring down at my towel and causing me to cinch it even tighter around me.

  “My bedroom?” I stammer while goose bumps crawl over my skin.

  He slides his coat off and tosses it on the nearby chair while stalking toward me. “I told you I missed you.” He reaches me and slides his hands into my wet hair, pulling me to him while I do my best to suppress the visible cringe taking over my face.

  His body feels strange and foreign instead of warmth covering my body. It’s worse than a bucket of cold water dumped over my head. “So you came here for…sex?” I blurt out as I push him away.

  “No,” he replies, having the sense to look slightly wounded. “But I certainly wouldn’t say no to a quickie if you were in the mood.”

  I move out of his reach and shake my head firmly. “No, I’m not in the mood.”

  Sterling frowns. “What’s your deal? I thought you’d be happy to see me.”

  “I am…I think,” I say quietly, trying to gain some clarity back. “I’m just trying to figure out what you’re doing here.”

  Suddenly, I hear the garage door opening, and Sterling and I stare at each other while the voices of Miles and Kate waft up the stairs from the lower level garage.

  “
Meg, whose car is that outside?” Miles bellows and then strides into the foyer to see Sterling. “Oh hell, Sterling! I didn’t know you were here!” Miles reaches out and shakes Sterling’s hand, clapping him on the shoulder. “Megan, why didn’t you tell me Sterling was coming to Boulder?”

  “I just found out,” I reply and force a smile as Kate enters the room and stares over at me cautiously.

  “Hi there, Sterling,” she says a lot less enthusiastically than Miles.

  “I was missing my girl, so I just thought I’d surprise her,” Sterling says with a smile for me. “You’re surprised, aren’t you, baby?”

  I nod, and Miles hoots with laughter before saying, “Well, hell, let’s go out to dinner then! We need to show Sterling the wonders of Boulder.”

  Sterling nods slowly while staring at me. “That sounds great actually.”

  Miles frowns for a moment and then snaps his fingers. “Shoot, I just need to call Sam real quick. I was supposed to meet up with him tonight, but I’m sure he’s good with postponing for this occasion.”

  The blood runs cold in my veins, and I blurt out, “Don’t tell Sam that Sterling is here!”

  Miles frowns at me. “Why not?”

  Nervously biting my lip, I stammer, “Um…he’s a big football fan I think, and I don’t want him to show up and overwhelm Sterling.”

  Miles’s face twists. “You don’t know Sam at all, Megs. He doesn’t give two shits about football.”

  Miles turns and looks down to start tapping out a text to Sam, and everything inside me turns to Jell-O as I debate how the hell I’m going to get through this night in one piece.

  I’ve Spent My Whole Life Fishing In The Wrong Hole

  After work, I head over to my mom’s before I’m supposed to meet up with Miles because she called earlier and said the ceiling below her upstairs bathroom was leaking. It’s a reoccurring problem with that shower, and something I’ve been meaning to replace for a while but just haven’t got around to doing. She wanted to hire a plumber to come fix the issue today, but I know it’ll only take me ten minutes. It just needs a patch job, and it’ll be good as new.