Just Jessie

by Lisette Belisle

  Some men from the camp had left their families to come and help. They ran toward the barn. Before he could stop her, Jessie joined them. Going from stall to stall, they guided the rest of the animals out of the barn to a safe nearby pasture. Homer came out last. He bellowed and rolled his eyes, but cooperated.

  Down the road, a produce barn caught fire. Flames flickered here and there throughout the fields. An entire acre was lost in a flash.

  Finally, by midmorning, the fire was out. Wisps of smoke curled over the scene. There was nothing more anyone could do.

  The smoke cleared. Grimly, Ben surveyed the damage. He found Jessie. Covered in soot and ashes, she looked beautiful to him. With her father and Jared, she looked at the destruction with a dazed, exhausted expression. Several large barns lay in ashes. Ira looked defeated.

  He stared at the shell of one barn. “It’s gone.”

  Jared spoke. “We’ll just have to rebuild.”

  The two men exchanged a look. “Yes, we will,” Ira said, with a ghost of a smile.

  Hands on his hips, Ben looked around. Jessie’s garden was still a palette of pretty pastel sheets. A new day had dawned—perhaps a new era at Stone’s End, with Ira and Jared working together to rebuild. Ben hoped that would be the case. He had his own future to resolve; his and Jessie’s.

  Jessie’s offer of breakfast was met with enthusiasm. Ben took time for a quick shower. Some women had arrived from town to help. Everyone dug into the large farm breakfast.

  Cal stopped by. “Rita Morales was badly hurt in the explosion. She’s in the hospital.” He looked as if he’d aged ten years. “The authorities are swarming all over the place.”

  Jessie patted his shoulder. “I’m sorry, Cal.”

  “The town opened up the school for the migrants.”

  In a time of need, Henderson had opened its heart.

  Jared stood. “Well, there’s still work to do. Let’s move the animals back to the barn.”

  Jessie noticed that Ben looked gray with fatigue. After the harrowing night, she wanted to wrap her arms around him and tell him she loved him. And about the baby. Soon…

  The main barn had been spared all but some superficial damage. The cattle were skittish. After a taste of freedom, Homer pawed the ground and bellowed rage as the men cautiously circled him. With pitchforks, they prodded him in the right direction, but he kept eluding them.

  “Get the gate, Jess,” her father ordered.

  Jessie hesitated. Homer looked wild-eyed; she’d never seen him so out of control. She swallowed her fear and automatically obeyed. She raced toward the gap in the fence even as everything inside urged her to run in the other direction.

  She heard Ben shout, “Watch out, Jessie!”

  She glanced over her shoulder. Homer had broken through the men. More than two thousand pounds of hard muscle and bone on the hoof were bearing down on her. She could smell the fury on Homer’s breath, see the deadly intent in his eyes. It took every ounce of courage to turn her back on him and run.

  Too late, she thought about the baby. She shouldn’t have risked it. Her child had suddenly become real. If she could only reach the porch. Homer was gaining on her. She would never make it. The earth thundered beneath his weight. The roar of Ben’s motorcycle mingled with the roar in her ears. She felt a rush of air as she tripped. She fell to the ground and screamed.

  Ben shuddered at the sound. Shifting to full throttle, he aimed the bike at Homer. At the very last second, the bull veered away from Jessie. The motorcycle caught Homer with a glancing blow to the hind quarter. The bull exploded with rage and turned on Ben. Regaining his balance, Ben swerved the bike around, darting in and out of Homer’s path. A horn caught and tore off a fender, missing Ben’s thigh by an inch.

  Homer retreated and pawed at the ground. His head dipped and swerved, then he charged the bike again. Ben played him, losing track of time as he locked wills with the rogue bull. Homer hung in there, coming back again and again. Trying to tire the animal, Ben rode in circles until the massive bull stood, head down, panting and confused.

  The other men moved in and herded him into the barn. Jared quickly closed and secured the gate. Ben ran to Jessie’s side, kneeling on the ground beside her. Her face was ashen.

  “Jessie,” he groaned, gently smoothing the tumbled hair from her face. He took her hand. Her pulse felt weak, her breathing seemed almost suspended. Her eyelids fluttered to reveal a leaden expression, her mind obviously still locked in terror.

  At the sound of Ben’s frightened voice, Jessie tried to sit up and reassure him she was all right. But she wasn’t sure how she felt. Terrified, for one thing. What if something had gone wrong with her unborn baby? Had she fallen, or been struck down by the bull? She couldn’t even recall. It was all a nightmare. Ben’s hands held her like a vice. She watched his face darken to a graven mask.

  “What did you think you were doing?” His eyes burned into hers. “You could have been killed.”

  “Dad called me,” she said weakly.

  “Ah, yes, I should have known.”

  She opened her mouth to speak, but he cut her off.

  “Don’t say a word, Jessie. I’m not in the mood for your excuses.” He lifted her in his arms and headed toward the house. “Any normal female would have stayed put. But not you. You are the most stubborn—”

  Regaining some of her spirit, she gasped. “Why, of all the…” To her embarrassment, they had a full audience.

  Cal looked shaken. “The bull slipped past me.” He ran his hand over his face.

  Ira caught up with them. “Is she all right?”

  Ben snarled, “She’ll live—no thanks to you.”

  “Now hold on,” Jared interrupted. “What happened was no one’s fault.”

  “Besides,” Jessie inserted, “nothing happened. I’m perfectly fine and—” Her voice wobbled when she recalled her pregnancy. She prayed everything was all right. It had to be. Life wouldn’t be so cruel. Would it? Suddenly, she felt frightened. Thus, she was slow to react when Ben stopped and abruptly set her down on her feet.

  “Is that so?” Ben reacted. His fear had subsided. Now he just felt furious as he resumed the argument. “Nothing happened!” He’d just risked his life to save hers, and she thought it was nothing! “If you Carlisles tried applying some common sense occasionally, you wouldn’t need rescuing every time I turn around!”

  Ringed in by her father and brother, Jessie drew in a wounded breath. “That’s, that’s…” she sputtered.

  “That’s the honest truth and you know it, Jessie! I’ve been bailing you out of one mess after another since the day I got here. I’m fed up with the whole damn setup.”

  That much was painfully obvious. He was fed up with her.

  “Well, you needn’t bail me out any longer,” Jessie snapped. Fed up with feeling young, inept, and out of her depth, she wanted to be his equal, not a yoke around his neck. Damn him! “I can take care of myself.”

  Ira’s voice held triumph. “Jessie’s right. We got by be-fore you came. We’ll get along fine after you’re gone.”

  Jessie gasped in dismay. She hadn’t said any such thing! Her blow for equality had fallen short. Before she could explain, Ben exploded, his anger directed at her father— leaving her out, as usual. “You’re right, Ira. Stone’s End belongs to the Carlisles, lock, stock and barrel. You can have it. I quit. And this time I mean it! I’m sorry, Jessie. I tried.”

  With a hard parting glance at her, he turned and walked back to his bike. Jessie stared in disbelief. He’d tried? He was sorry? That was it?

  “Damn his blasted hide,” Jared swore as Ben drove off.

  Too numb to move, Jessie heard her father’s satisfaction. “He’s gone.”

  Ben was gone. Sounds and sights swirled around her. She’d come full circle. How many times had she stood in this spot and watched someone leave—her mother, Jared, now Ben?

  Was she destined to relive the same scene over and over? When would she
learn not to care? Like a selffulfilling prophecy, Ben was gone, just as she’d expected. She’d thought herself prepared. The emptiness was overwhelming. Much worse than anything that had gone before.

  “But what about Jessie?” Jared asked.

  Ira huffed, “She’ll get over him.”

  Jared shook her out of her stupor. “Go after him, Jessie. He can’t have gotten far.”

  She shook her head. “I wouldn’t know where to start.”

  “He’ll be in touch,” Jared insisted.

  Her father looked doubtful. “I’m sorry, Jessie.” For the first time in her memory he appeared lost for words.

  Pain threatened to shatter her control. How could she have been so blind? Her life had never been easy, but she’d faced each day with renewed determination. Her loneliness had ended when Ben Harding roared into her life. She’d failed to recognize it; she’d fallen in love so timidly, afraid she would lose it…

  Well, now she had.

  The knowledge came too late. She turned and walked away. Jared and her father were still arguing, but somehow there wasn’t the same rancor. At least, some good had come of this destructive night.

  She couldn’t return to the house, not yet. Instead, she walked toward the pond. When she reached the clearing, she stared at the devastation. The tops of the trees were gone, the lower branches were charred black. A bulldozer had plowed a rough track to the water’s edge, where the fire trucks had filled their tanks. The pond was nearly drained. Miraculously, a small green patch of ground remained. She sat down—and her inner reserves collapsed. She wanted to cry, but couldn’t.

  Ben had made love to her here among the cathedral pines. Now they were all gone. Destruction and ruin lay where love had found its roots. She was bound by it, but Ben felt no such ties. He’d never spoken of love. Just as she’d feared, the emotional ties had all been one-sided.

  The other day, Jared had spoken of their father’s hardness—was she hard and unbending? So many times, she could have told Ben she loved him. Instead, she’d kept it locked inside, buried deep within her heart where it couldn’t come to light and flourish. She’d been afraid of rejection. But her coldness had only earned more rejection. She’d let her fear of abandonment keep her from telling Ben how she felt.

  Give me a reason to stay. She recalled how he’d challenged her the morning after they’d made love. He’d reached out to her from the loneliness of his soul and asked for her love. She’d given her body—when all he’d wanted was her heart.

  She might have slept, she wasn’t sure.

  When a noise alerted her, she sat up abruptly. Ben stood across the clearing from her. Jessie scrambled to her feet, shocked, delighted, frightened. She wanted to run to him, but her legs felt like lead. Her stomach churned. What a time for morning sickness! She wanted to laugh, but her throat felt thick with tears—tears she hadn’t shed.

  His words shocked her. “I hope you’re saying goodbye to this place,” he snarled, angry passion darkening his blue eyes. “Because if you’re hiding…”

  “I thought you’d left,” she whispered in confusion.

  “Not without you.” His face grew taut, his lips firm with determination. “I went to town to arrange for a van to move your things. I’m not leaving without you.”

  Her heart skipped a rapid beat. From opposing sides, they faced each other. She took a tiny step forward, then stopped. Once again, she was ready to accept Ben on any terms. He had come back. No. He’d never left! He’d gone to town. The knowledge gave her courage to demand more. This time, she had to be sure; this time, he had to say the words.

  Ben spoke again. “I’m not asking you to change your life—just let me into it. I want us to be partners.”

  “I thought you were leaving. You said you didn’t want any part of the Carlisles or Stone’s End.”

  “Ah, but you’re not a Carlisle. You’re my wife.” He smiled. “Are you going to make me beg?”

  There it was again, that small tug-of-war. Their love was a battle of wills, starting with a contest over the bedsheets the first night he arrived. They were two opposing forces, a push-me pull-me kind of love that tugged at her heartstrings. A battle she intended to win. Jessie took another step. She smiled, seeing, at last; seeing the depth of yearning in him, as strong as her own. “But you didn’t choose me.” That still hurt.

  “Didn’t I?” His eyes grew tender with amusement.

  “You only stayed for my father,” she reminded him.

  “Your father and I have our differences. I respect him. Hell, I even like Ira on his good days. But that isn’t why I married you.” He started toward her.

  In dawning wonder, Jessie watched him dig something out of his pocket, something small and shiny. A ring, a simple gold wedding band. When he held it out to her, it became more precious than diamonds.

  “I’ve been carrying this around for weeks,” Ben said. “I didn’t know how to give it to you. Will you take it?”

  “What are you asking?” She felt her heart pounding.

  “I want you to be my wife.” He stood and offered her everything, everything she’d ever dreamed of. “I want you to forgive me for not courting you the way I should have. I want you to come with me. I want you to love me.”

  “I do…I will. I love you.” Tears of joy sparkled in her eyes. Jessie held out her hand. When he slipped the ring on her finger, she held it out and just looked at it.

  One tug of her hand brought her into his arms. “I love you so much, Jessie.” That note of possession transferred to his lips as he swept her into a bone-crushing demonstration of ownership. She kissed him back in helpless hunger, unable to deny her need. Ben whispered against the corner of her lips, “Come with me. Trust me.”

  “You’re sure?”

  “I’m sure of one thing—we belong together. If you can think of anything that matters more than that, then tell me. Because I can’t think of anything but you.” Ben watched as her soft gray eyes shimmered, then cleared to reveal a gleam of joy. “We can come back here often,” he reassured her. “But for now, I think we should start fresh somewhere. We can start a new life.”

  “We already have.” Feeling ridiculously shy after all they’d been to each other, Jessie placed his hand on the gentle mound of her stomach where their unborn child fluttered like a tiny winged butterfly trapped beneath her heart. A heart was a funny thing, she’d discovered. She could risk it after all; give it away and get one back. Ben’s heart.

  His eyes devoured her. “When?”

  “Come spring.”

  His smile was slow. “Our child,” he whispered.

  Unzipping her jeans, Ben slipped his fingers into the gap and caressed his child. He felt Jessie’s pulse quicken and slid his fingers farther down. She drew in a sharp breath at the intimate invasion. All the passion came rushing back, along with the mutual need to be one. He undressed her, slowly revealing every tender inch of her. She was rounder in places; fuller, more sensitive in others. The signs of their child growing filled him with wonder as he touched her gently. There was acceptance in her eyes. Love for their child.

  Ben thought of her garden—how she’d nurtured it—and knew that any child of Jessie’s would be blessed. He kissed her, wanting to share the emotion with her. His touch was sure, arousing her to an excited pitch that left no room for hesitation. She needed him, as he needed her. With clothing removed, with no barriers, nothing hidden, nothing between them but sun and sky and wind, his body covered hers in one swift motion. He claimed her with purpose— hungry, needful—and with what he hoped was the utmost mutual pleasure. They made love as if it were the first time.

  As the sun reached high into a cloudless powder blue sky, they walked back to the farmhouse. Jessie asked, “Where are we going?” Somehow, saying the words wasn’t as painful as she’d expected. She loved Stone’s End and would miss it, but leaving was the only solution for everyone. She’d always known Ben was too independent to remain at her father’s beck and call.
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  Besides, Jared was staying. He and her father would resolve their differences. Her place was with Ben; whenever, wherever he went, whatever he did, she planned to be there.

  “I was wondering when you’d ask.” He smiled wryly. “About that farm in Virginia—did I ever mention it’s a horse farm? My grandparents are waiting for me to come back and take over so they can retire.” A horse farm.

  She tilted her head to look at him. “No, I don’t believe you did.” Could it really be so simple?

  “They’re going to love you. It’s time I went back.”

  He didn’t have to say he’d stopped running. Jessie looked into Ben’s eyes and saw tomorrow and tomorrow. The shadows were gone. He was promising “forever.” When he drew her against him, she felt “forever” in his touch, the whisper of his kiss on her lips. At last, Jessie had found love.

  At the gate, Ben glanced at the weatherbeaten sign hanging at a crooked angle from the old fence-post. Stone’s End. When Jessie’s gaze followed his, he saw sadness, but no sign of reluctance. Her trust and loyalty humbled him as nothing else could. It was something he’d tried to earn. In the end, she’d simply granted it as a gift. That was Jessie—no half measures, no conditions. Ben looked out over the farm with affection.

  Like this northern land, love was for all seasons, like a mountain stream that thaws at the end of winter and runs strong like a river in spring. At the touch of his hand to her cheek, Jessie gave him a radiant smile. The smile transformed her face from pretty to beautiful. She was his; his to touch, to hold, to keep.

  He smiled. Yes, she was definitely a keeper. The road ahead might be full of twists and turns, but for Ben and Jessie, it wasn’t the end; it was only the beginning.

  Epilogue

  It was Ira’s birthday. He sat on the porch, rocking, waiting. Jared had warned him they might not come for hours, but Ira wanted to be there when Ben and Jessie arrived.

  When a van pulled into the driveway, he felt a fullness in his chest. A feeling of gladness swept over him as he watched Ben help Jessie out of the passenger side. She walked slowly up the walk and up the porch steps. After the birth of her baby less than two months ago, she looked slim again, like a girl. She looked so pretty in her pale blue dress, with her fair hair and soft smile, just like her ma. A wave of emotion threatened his composure, but he held on—until she lay the baby in his arms. A tear rolled down Ira’s cheek.