Someone to Look Up To

by Jean Gill

  Denis sent Fredo to lie in his place, a little basket beside the fire, where he glared at me throughout the evening, making me so nervous I couldn’t sleep. ‘That will sort Fredo out,’ Denis told Nina. ‘We just need to be firm with both of them.’

  ‘Do you think they’ll be all right together tonight? It is the puppy’s first night here.’

  ‘They’ll be fine.’

  The moment the kitchen door was shut on me and Fredo, he sank his teeth in my leg. ‘And that’s for getting me into trouble!’ I was so scared I ran under the table, piddled in the corner straight away and sat there shaking. Fredo chased after me. ‘And don’t think you’re sleeping there. That’s my place!’ I slunk out, passing him so quickly that his teeth snapped on air. He dragged the blanket out of its basket, put it on top of another one that had been laid out under the table, growled, ‘Shut it and let me sleep. Just don’t come near me.’

  The next morning, Nina said, ‘Fredo took both blankets last night – and he slept in the place I’d made ready for the pup. Because he’s going to grow so big, I didn’t think a basket would suit him. What should we do?’

  Denis laughed. ‘We don’t need to do anything. Boys will be boys. They’ll get used to each other – it’s natural that there’s a bit of sorting out to do at first. And I’ll make sure they respect us, don’t you worry. Just be firm with them. Your Mum dropping the kids back here after school?’

  ‘Uh-huh.’

  And so began my new life. I met the young Humans. They were playful and we would chase round the garden, bat paws or jump on each other, as young animals do. Unless Fredo came outside and spoiled the game. He would ignore the children and target me with his spiteful nips, marking me closely and dive-bombing me whenever I tried to play. The children would squeal, ‘Leave him alone Fredo,’ but they would be afraid to play with me after that. Sometimes, Denis would notice, and then Fredo would be smacked, hard, but I’d learnt that a smack for Fredo meant bad news for me later on. The best times were when Fredo stayed indoors with Nina or when Fredo was asleep and hadn’t noticed me stealing outside to play.

  Denis was at work most of the time, sweating in his too-many-clothes, pulling at the tie round his neck the minute he walked through the door. I could hear his car coming home, five streets away Nina said, so Human in her amazement at our ordinary senses. I would be there waiting for him at the door, ready, to jump at his legs, lick his hands, wag my tail. And Fredo would appear, snapping at my tail, snapping at my haunches, enough to annoy me but not enough to earn him any blows. ‘Enough of that, Fredo,’ the Master would say sternly but his hand would make it a lie, stroking the little rat-catcher who was quick enough to wag his tail and lie on his back to mollify Denis.

  And then would come the moment I waited for twice a day. Morning and evening, I got Denis to myself. Fredo ‘didn’t need walks, he got enough exercise in the garden’. Serve you right. I stared my thoughts at Fredo, who looked longingly at the door when he heard the cupboard opening and my lead being taken out. ‘Not you, Fredo,’ Denis would say, and I would glance at two hard marbles of hatred above a black nose.

  We walked the same walk every day, morning and evening, but it never was the same walk to me. ‘You don’t get bored, do you,’ Denis commented, plodding a little after a ‘hard day’ while I tracked every beetle, bin-bag and even badger that had crossed the road since last we walked round the block to the park. I was allowed a long lead, ‘a bit of freedom because you’re a pup’ and I wanted nothing more than to be by my Master’s side, share in his strength and his love while we sniffed the changes in the weather and the light, together. Full of curiosity, I rushed towards new objects of interest, people. Denis tugged me back, tugged me forward – I hardly noticed, I was all nose. If the bin-men had just been collecting, I was delirious. Rotting chicken, cotton wool with Human blood on it, fermenting milk dregs. How could Denis stay so calm and walk in a line, when every step was a new scent. I was young, I thought every scent was for the following.’

  Oh, Stratos, my brother, we didn’t know when we were young that the track is set and whatever scent we follow leaves the others unexplored, a tease and a memory. I wondered about the paths not taken, the choices that weren’t ours to make.

  The story continued. ‘I learned to understand my master. He was afraid of puddles. If there was a puddle in my sleeping quarters, he grew angry, as we all do when we’re scared, and he hit me, naturally – the weakest one is there for the leader to treat as he chooses - so I hid when he came in and there was a puddle. He was pleased with me for hiding, said it showed the right attitude, but he still hit me. The puddles stopped happening when I was bigger than Fredo so Denis had nothing to be afraid of any more, he didn’t hit me, I didn’t hide and he said I was a good dog.

  He was a strong master. When he was pleased with me, he praised and caressed me. When he was angry, he shouted and hit me. I began to work out what was good and what was not allowed but I was very young and it was difficult to understand why I was hit for chewing, when my new teeth coming through drove me mad with raw throbbing. Or why I was hit for greeting my mistress with an enthusiastic leap and rolling her on the ground. Or for barking to protect my family from the dangers that passed our house daily. So I didn’t do these things when my master was around. Sometimes he would show me marked furniture or a destroyed cushion and he would shout, ‘You bad boy’ and hit me but I had no idea why. I thought it was like the puddles, something annoyed him and he showed what a strong leader he was. He told me he hit me because it was good for me. I was toughening up and when he noticed that I no longer flinched or ducked while he hit me, he hit me harder.

  I was a strong dog and wanted to be like my master. Of course I accepted anything from him but not from the others. Just like him, I didn’t allow caresses all the time, only when I wanted – and then I would use my great paw to make my demand, If I didn’t want to be stroked, I would walk away, or if I was lying down and couldn’t be bothered to move, I would growl a little. They got the message. Nina told Denis, ‘He’s not the sweet puppy he used to be. He’s getting ...bossy... with me and the children.’

  ‘That’s because you’re too soft with him,’ Denis told her. ‘Look at how he behaves with me – perfect. And if he respects me like that, everything is as it should be. He’s that sort of age now too, finding his feet.’

  ‘With feet that size, it shouldn’t be a problem!’

  ‘If it makes you feel any better, now he’s seven months, he’s old enough to be trained, so I’ll work with him and you’ll be able to tell him to sit, give you a paw, whatever you like.’

  Nina smiled and kissed my master. ‘That sounds great. I just wish I had some of your technique with dogs, that’s all.’

  ‘One master is enough, don’t you worry.’

  It must have been about this time that Denis saved my life. We were coming back from a walk and just before getting home, we passed a chocolate labrador with his master, who stood having a chat with someone else. The lab sent a little snap my way, with ‘You think you’re hard, do you, Fluffy?’ and I lunged at him to protect my honour. Denis pulled me back hard, hit me and said, ‘All testosterone at the moment,’ then moved me on. I could hear the pride in his voice and I could hardly wait to make him prouder still. I aimed a growl behind me to show it wasn’t over. If the lab’s owner kept on chatting, and I was fast enough, I could finish the conversation from the sitting-room window, which looked out over exactly this spot in the street.

  I was into the house and up the basement stairs as if a rabbit had flashed its tail at me and run ahead. I’d give him ‘Fluffy!’ I took a flying jump at the window barking threats and insults at the top of my voice and instead of bashing my face against the glass as usually happened, there was no resistance at all and I was travelling at full speed out onto the ledge between two open windows. Now this was what I call a dominant position! I was looking down on the lab from one storey up, hurling war-cries full-throated, foaming
at the mouth and prancing. The labrador was turning into a pool of chocolate and I was building up to another frenzy when my foot slipped. I scrabbled at the ledge with my claws but I was heading inexorably into a much less dominant position one story lower, when the most almighty yank on neck nearly strangled me.

  ‘Stratos!’ screamed my master.’

  While I listened to my brother’s story, I couldn’t help reflecting on what it meant with regard to Humans. This was another example of the type of human behaviour that I find puzzling. What did Denis think this might achieve when a dog was falling out of a window? We’re not supposed to be good at recall at the best of times, us patous. Luckily he wasn’t just shouting but, rather more practically, hauling on the lead that Stratos was still wearing.

  ‘In my haste to defend my honour and that of all my household, I’d rushed ahead still wearing my lead. So Denis grabbed hold of the end and I was pulled backwards into the sitting-room with a throttling jerk that left me choking on what spit I hadn’t deposited on the labrador and his owner. I like to think I covered them fairly thoroughly before my shaming exit from centre stage.

  My master shut the windows. I waited to be hit – it wouldn’t hurt me any more than the burning round my poor throat. Surprisingly, Denis shouted at Nina instead, for leaving the windows open, and she performed the correct submissive gestures so it all finished quite quickly.’

  I knew exactly what Stratos meant. You’ll notice that Human females use words a lot when showing submission, ‘Sorry, I didn’t think, I didn’t mean it, nobody’s hurt, I won’t do it again,’ but some females don’t get the tone right. For instance, ‘Nobody’s hurt,’ said soothingly, reminds the Male that all has turned out well, ‘thanks to him’ is implied, his leadership is reinforced and relationships are restored to their normal surface calm. If however, ‘Nobody’s hurt’ is said resentfully, then it is a challenge to the male’s leadership, suggesting that he is wrong to be angry and that he is picking the wrong person to be angry with. Obviously he then needs to put this dominant female firmly in her place. ‘Hit her,’ according to Stratos. But this is his story and I’m interrupting again.

  ‘Soon after the Master saved my life, but long enough that my throat felt better, I started my Education.’

  Chapter 13.

  ‘Are you going to take him to classes?’ Nina asked. ‘And perhaps I could come with you?’

  Denis laughed, throwing his head back and showing all his teeth. ‘I could teach them more in a class than they could teach me. University of life taught me and that’s what I’ll teach him. And he’s too big for you to handle on your own. Once I’ve worked on him, he’ll be a pussycat for you, just wait and see.’

  ‘Are you sure, Denis... it’s just, I think it’s getting worse between him and Fredo and I don’t know what to do... I thought perhaps an expert might help me.’

  ‘I’ve told you, you’re too soft. They’re just being dogs, that’s all.’ Denis’ voice had the start of a growl in it and Nina said no more. ‘Come on, boy, time to behave like a grown-up. Lesson one.’

  Actually, things had improved dramatically between me and Fredo, ever since the day when he’d given his usual nips at my back ankles and stayed there long enough to find forty-two teeth gnashing in front of his nose. I didn’t do ankles. I followed up the warning with the ear pull, jerk and roll. The little runt had no option but to roll and I waited for the proper submission due me. Older, he might be, but the days were long gone when he was bigger and I had learned from my Master and from Fredo himself everything I needed to know to take over. I held his eyes, blazing my fury at him, so sure he’d admit it was all over that I fell for the quick sideways twist, bark and run, that enabled him to stare back at me from a safe distance, barking defiance. Then Denis arrived on the scene. Both Fredo and I greeted our Master appropriately and this time, I was the one who muscled Fredo aside to let me pay homage first. There was no nipping or yapping but I could feel the resistance in his body as I shoved him out of the way. So, victory not complete but merely deferred, I told myself, glorying in the ripple of power coming to full malehood in my body.

  Apparently, small dogs don’t need Education. Although, you could say that Fredo benefited from mine. When I came back from an hour’s Education, Denis thought I should be ignored for a while after having had so much attention. ‘Too much attention isn’t good for a dog.’ So I would seek out Fredo. He had enough sense to hide from me but I still couldn’t get a submission from the furball and until I did, I would increase the pressure. It made me feel good, restored my sense of my own power, to close my teeth on his flesh. No-one forgets their first bite, nor the first time they’re bitten. Was it you, Sirius, who made me stop? Who squealed like a shrew till the wave of rage in my bloodstream was stopped by the infinite, impenetrable wall of brotherhood?’

  ‘Brother, you bit me, I stopped you,’ I answered, but I could have done without the reference to a shrew and some acknowledgement of my response. Some puppy matters were best left forgotten, or at least kept private.

  ‘Fredo was not you, brother. I still felt his teeth marks in my legs from my early days in the house. The way he had stolen my bed, prevented me greeting my Master, snapped me into my place as his inferior, even when I showed him nothing but politeness. All this was stored in my memory and allowed my teeth the freedom they had always wanted. I needed to Educate Fredo and he did well to run away, to hide in the small corners that suited such a dog-rat. But he could not hide from my voice and I told him what I would do to him when I found him, when there were no Humans to intervene. And still he defied me, even from his hidey-hole, telling me that he was my boss as long as he lived. ‘You said it first, Fredo,’ I told him.

  ‘See, Nina,’ Denis said. ‘They’re playing together now.’

  ‘It doesn’t look like playing to me.’

  ‘Women!’ Denis laughed and shook his head. ‘Just as well there’s a man around.’ I was glad he approved of my putting Fredo in his place. Denis understood the compliment, that I was his able lieutenant, following his lead. He was so strong. Just how strong, I was learning from my Education.

  I didn’t know what to expect but was curious when walk-time changed completely. Denis produced a new collar, metal with spikes inside. ‘That will stop you pulling,’ he told me. ‘Time to be a grown-up.’ And instead of the long lead, there was a short chain with a leather handle. Keen for our walk together, I tried to bound off and received as much pain and jerk in my neck as if I’d actually fallen off the window ledge and been held by the lead. ‘Heel,’ I was told and the pain went if I stayed so close to my Master I could feel the warmth of his leg. Every time I stopped to sniff, or followed a scent so much as a paw’s length away from Denis, pain. If I stayed by his side long enough, no pain and, sometimes, ‘Good dog.’ I had to work so hard to change all my habits and remember how to keep the pain away that I couldn’t manage one aroundera all walk. My tail was as limp as my neck was tense, waiting for the needles to dig in. When I got home the first time, I was exhausted and just went off somewhere quiet to sleep, not even reacting to Fredo’s attempts to reclaim territory with some yaps and nips.

  As I grew better at remembering how to avoid pain, how to please my Master on the walk, I kept more of my energy stored inside, had to concentrate less on staying within the tight circle of pain. Denis added new command words, made me sit, stay, lie down. He put me into position with his hands and gave me the command word that went with it. Then he held me there until he gave a release word. Then he told me to do it without him touching me and if I didn’t, he hit me. If I got up before he said, he hit me. So I did what I was told and I was so full of energy that I wanted to explode. I needed to be a leader the way Denis was, and I wasn’t strong enough to challenge him yet, so I taught Fredo a lesson when we got back home.

  Denis added more and more to what I had to do for him. He took off the lead for short spells and made me walk beside him and behave as if the pain was still in pl
ace. I strayed a little once and he hit me. He taught me to give a paw and when Nina used the command and I gave her a paw, she was so happy, she kissed both me and Denis. It was a small thing to allow her and I liked being kissed. I was preparing mentally and physically for the two great challenges in my life. Unbelievably, Fredo had still not given me a formal submission and I was becoming obsessed by his defiant little bark. He now had teeth marks under his eye, on his flank and in his skinny tail, but he still shouted his delusions of leadership at me, even while he was running away.

  And my Master deserved the full power of my testing. I would know when it was the moment. I was sure he was strong enough to prove his worth to me and to win but I had to show my own quality in the challenge, for us both to feel self-respect and respect for each other. He had to show me he was someone to look up to.

  One ordinary day we were on our walk. I was hot, I was irritable. I could feel the inner wolf fretting at the ‘do this, do that’ nagging at my actions all the time, longing for freedom, or better still, the chance to tell someone else to ‘do this, do that.’ We’d gone to the park, where Denis commanded me to lie down. I ignored the spot he’d chosen, because it was in full sunshine and I was already panting like a high speed train. Instead, I chose a comfortable shady position, lush grass under a spreading chestnut tree. Denis’ eyes narrowed but relaxed as I held my downstay as ordered. I was comfortable, I relaxed as the breeze tickled my nose with jasmine and broom, my ears with children playing in the distance. I shifted onto my side, a more comfortable position than the alert one Denis liked me to stay in. I could feel his irritation mounting but I could also feel the summer’s day lulling me with perfumes and sleepy pleasure. ‘Stratos, come!’ broke into my daydream. I opened one eye and shut it again. ‘Oh stuff it.’ I thought. ‘I’m staying here. Let him prove himself now. I can’t lose either way. If he wins, I have a Master worth my respect and if he doesn’t, I get to lie here, drifting asleep in the shadows.’