Natasha's Diary

by Heather Greenis

  If only I could. “I’m unable to do that, sweetheart,” he managed without blubbering.

  “Ask, Papa,” she pleaded.

  “Hope,” he whispered. “It’s not our decision. Goldie’s not a puppy. She had a wonderful life and was loved. She’s gone to heaven to be with God.”

  “No-o-o,” she cried. “God has Momma. He can’t have Goldie.”

  Tears raced down her cheeks. Unbearable, it tore his heart into millions of pieces.

  “He didn’t use his manners and ask. I would have said no.” She broke down and cried.

  Attempting to remain strong, he embraced Hope and held her. “I know, sweetheart.” He struggled, unsuccessfully, to hold back his own tears. “God must have special plans for such a good dog.”

  “God isn’t kind, or fair,” she cried.

  Stewart released his embrace and looked into Hope’s tear filled eyes. He fought for a breath.

  “God was forced to make a difficult decision. I’m thankful God didn’t allow Goldie to become ill. The pain in our hearts would be unbearable to see Goldie in pain. To listen as she cried. I couldn’t bear to hear that, nor could you.”

  “No.” She sniffed.

  “Instead, God chose for Goldie to fall asleep. She’s in heaven with your momma. We shall miss her, but I promise, Momma will take care of her.”

  “Momma never comes to visit. She never holds me or tells me she loves me. Please, Poppa. Take me to visit Momma and Goldie.”

  Stewart closed his eyes, but the tears raced down his cheeks. He shook his head very slowly. There was nothing in this world he wanted more than to take Hope to see Natasha. If it were possible, they would leave this instant. He opened his eyes and looked at their daughter.

  “Momma is here with us,” he whispered, placing his fingers on her chest. “She is in our hearts, Hope.”

  “God is mean. He takes people we love.”

  “No, sweetheart. God is kind and loving. God allows us the privilege of borrowing people to love. We must be grateful for that.”

  “God took Momma and Goldie too soon. I want to borrow them again.”

  “Oh, sweetheart. That’s not possible.”

  Hope tilted her head toward to sky. “Please God,” she begged. “Allow me to borrow Poppa forever. You have Momma and Goldie. Please, don’t take my poppa. I shall be a good girl. I promise.”

  Listening to his daughter’s anguished plea, Stewart fought to contain his own emotions.

  “God isn’t punishing you, Hope. We must be thankful for the love we feel in our heart. To know both Momma and Goldie are happy in heaven.”

  “I want Goldie and Momma back.”

  “As do I, Hope. As do I.”

  He lifted his weeping daughter into his arms and held her close before walking toward his father and Greg. His father glanced his way.

  “Goldie?”

  Stewart nodded.

  “No-o-o,” he moaned. He placed his free hand on his granddaughter’s back and kissed her cheek.

  “I’m taking Hope home,” Stewart informed him. “Send the crew home.”

  Willard placed his hand on his heart and turned toward Greg. “Inform the men we are packing up an hour early,” Willard instructed. “They will be paid for the entire day. We expect to see them in the morning.” He turned his attention back to Hope. “Nana and I shall miss Goldie as well. I still recall the day I brought a small puppy home to the delight of Aunt Vicki and your poppa.”

  * * *

  That evening, while they waited for Eliza and Willard to arrive, Stewart and Greg began digging the hole in the back yard. With the family gathered around the hole, the men set the limp animal into a box and lowered it into the hole. Vicki comforted her crying niece. It was a quiet night at the Donovan household as they mourned Goldie’s death.

  The following night, Stewart walked out of the parlour en route to the library. He noticed Hope sitting at the top of the steps in her bed attire. She was holding one of the dog’s toys. He walked up the steps and sat beside her.

  “Goldie and your Momma are getting reacquainted,” he whispered in a reassuring tone. “I know you’re grieving, sweetheart,” he continued, his heart clenching at the tears running down her cheeks. “We shall get another dog once you are ready to open your heart again.”

  “I miss her, Poppa. I miss my friend.”

  “As do I. Goldie shall remain in your heart, but the grieving will end. Your memories will bring smiles.”

  “Do you still miss Momma?”

  An image of his smiling wife appeared in his mind. He heard her voice. “Indeed I do. Every day. But I’m able to smile as I think of her. When I say my prayers, I’m thankful for the time we had, and thankful for you. Although you are truly a Donovan, you possess many of your momma’s good qualities.”

  Hope snuggled into his arms and cried.

  Once Hope was sleeping, Stewart went to his room, looked at a picture of Natasha. He retrieved his journal and began writing, thankful for her support and comforting words.

  * * *

  That weekend, while visiting with Anna, Hope spoke of Goldie’s death. Nanny and Marcus and Joshua were sympathetic, but Anna was not. Unable to understand her response, Hope discussed the conversation with her father during their bedtime visit. Keeping his negative thoughts and opinions to himself, Stewart defended Anna, something he never thought he would do.

  “Auntie Anna didn’t spend a lot of time with Goldie, Hope.”

  “Goldie joined me on a few of our visits, Poppa. Even friends from school looked sad when I told them Goldie is in heaven.”

  Lacking any words of explanation, Stewart embraced her. Hope had inherited Natasha’s intelligence.

  The house was quiet without the dog. All three missed their four-legged friend’s companionship. The evenings were the hardest. They were accustomed to hearing the dog woofing and growling in her dreams. Needing a break from their normal routine, Stewart inquired about theatre productions at the local hall after work on Monday.

  * * *

  Stewart took his seat at the dining table beside his daughter and waited for Vicki to take her place beside her beau.

  “I plan to purchase theatre tickets tomorrow for the entire family,” he informed them. “For a weekend performance, not a school night. I shall speak with Momma and Poppa to see if they are interested in attending. Are you interested?”

  “Of course we are,” Vicki replied. “We need something pleasant to look forward to.”

  * * *

  On the evening of the performance, Greg arrived mid-afternoon and stayed for dinner. After clearing the dishes, Vicki and Hope went to get changed. Stewart left Greg in the parlour and walked up the stairs to prepare for the evening. Dressed in appropriate attire, Stewart opened his bedroom door.

  “Tickets. How foolish of me. I almost forgot the tickets.” He returned to his nightstand, tucked the tickets into his jacket pocket, and stepped into the hallway. He heard Greg’s faint voice.

  “I’m a fortunate man to have you on my arm. My heart stopped when I saw you.”

  “I shall be the envy of all the women in the building.” He heard Vicki respond.

  Stewart smiled. He took a step across the hall to Hope’s room.

  Hope’s door opened as he raised his clenched fist to knock. Placing his hand on his daughter’s back, Stewart led Hope to the stairs. Descending, Vicki and Greg came into view. They were sharing a passionate kiss. His gaze dropped to Hope. His daughter’s eyes were wide. Knowing she was about to comment, her voice would disturb the couple’s intimate moment. He quickly placed his hand over her lips. “Shh,” he whispered quietly. Keeping her mouth covered, he scooped her into his arms and carried Hope down the steps and into the kitchen. Wide eyed, she was bursting, desperate to speak. He set her on the floor.

  “Poppa! Did you see?”

  “Indeed I did,” he whispered. Smiling, he lowered himself to his knees. “Aunt Vicki is in love.”

  Hope scrun
ched her nose, giving her father a look of disgust.

  “Did you and Momma do that?”

  “We did,” Stewart admitted, appreciating her innocence. “Many times.” Her nose remained scrunched. Stewart chuckled and pulled her close. “You are far too young to converse on this topic,” he informed her. “It is time we depart, or we’ll be late to meet Nana and Papa.”

  * * *

  Hope remained awake during the entire performance, but drifted off to sleep as they travelled home. With Hope’s head on his lap and her breathing relaxed, Stewart shifted on his seat and turned to his sister.

  “Hope and I witnessed your kiss this evening. It made for an interesting conversation.”

  Greg fumbled with the reins, almost dropping them. He lowered his head, placing his fingers over his forehead and eyes.

  “What was I thinking? I am too comfortable in your home. My apologies,” he mumbled. “I didn’t see her. I didn’t see either of you.”

  “That’s pleasing to hear,” Stewart responded. His hand covered his mouth to muffle his chuckle, not wanting to wake Hope. “It’s been a long time, but I recall keeping my eyes closed when I kissed Natasha. I cannot imagine staring into someone’s eyes at such a moment.”

  Greg tilted his head up and glanced at him. Stewart smiled, teasing him. Greg stared into the sky as he shook his head. Vicki covered her mouth, but with the bright full moon, he could see her eyes were laughing.

  “Don’t apologize, Greg,” Stewart whispered in a serious tone. “It’s pleasing to know Hope is able to witness an affectionate relationship. Vicki and I were witness to more than one kiss between Poppa and Momma. Natasha cherished the warm relationship our family shared and wished our children to be raised in the same manner. Although Hope was too young to recall, Natasha and I were very affectionate. It’s my intent to inform my daughter that showing emotions is acceptable within the walls of her home.”

  * * *

  “I love Stewart’s wit,” Keeghan admitted, and then giggled. “Poor Greg. That would have been so embarrassing knowing Stewart caught them in a good, get-the-heartbeat-going kiss. It’s a good thing Vicki laughed. Seeing and hearing her reaction would have made him chuckle at his own predicament.”

  “I’m picturing the scene Stewart brought up in my head,” Will admitted. “We’ve done it, Keegh. We are being silly and pucker up, keeping our eyes open. Suddenly you become a one-eyed bandit. One big brown eye looking at me. The kiss ends, and we laugh. Nothing romantic or intimate about the moment, but it’s worth a giggle or two.”

  Alexander’s focus shifted between Will and Keeghan before he turned his attention back to the screen. It was difficult to tell what he was thinking, but truthfully, it didn’t matter. She and Will were best friends and were in love. They had a perfect marriage.

  * * *

  Six months had passed since Goldie’s death. Stewart was sitting on the sofa reading his novel when Hope reached over and touched his arm.

  “Poppa.”

  Stewart glanced at her over his reading glasses. Hope sat with a photograph album on her lap.

  “I want another dog.”

  Stewart set his book on his lap and looked at the picture in front of her. He and Natasha with Goldie on their wedding day. He had been thinking of the dog recently, but wasn’t certain Hope was ready for another pet.

  “I admit, I miss having an animal as well. I won’t have an opportunity tomorrow, but we can go on Friday once you finish school.”

  * * *

  It was love at first sight between Hope and the shepherd puppy.

  “She needs a name,” he informed her.

  “Brodie. I saw the name in a book. I didn’t like the book, but I like the name.”

  It sounds like a male name, but who am I to argue? Hope is happy. Brodie came home with them. Shortly after dinner, Stewart walked up the steps to the second floor and looked in Hope’s room. She was sitting at her desk with Brodie on her lap, nudging her arm.

  “You’ve gained a study partner.”

  “A partner would assist. Brodie wishes to play, but I cannot.”

  Stewart squatted by the desk and rubbed the dog’s back. The puppy jumped onto his lap, and then onto the floor. She rolled onto her back for a belly rub.

  “Aunt Vicki, Mr. Carson, and I plan to swim,” he informed his daughter. He rubbed the dog’s chest and under her chin. “If you care to join us, Brodie must be tied. I’ll have a long rope attached to the big tree.” He turned his attention back to the dog. She loved the attention. “Goodness, aren’t you a content little thing. Enough for now,” he informed the dog. He stood to leave.

  “We’ll be down soon, Poppa.”

  “Don’t be tardy. We only have a little more than an hour before you retire for the evening.”

  The dog chased at his heels as he left the room.

  That night, Stewart listened as Hope said her prayers. She thanked God for Brodie, and expressed her excitement at the prospect of showing her new dog to Nanny, Uncle Marcus, Uncle Joshua, and even Auntie Anna.

  Chapter Twelve

  Stewart was sitting in his bedroom reading.

  Woof.

  He glanced at the dog who only a few minutes earlier was sleeping peacefully in the hallway between his room and Hope’s. Her head was up and ears alert.

  “It’s okay, Brodie. That will be Vic—”

  “Stewart!”

  He dropped his book and ran out of his room, not taking the time to cover his sleeping attire. The dog’s thundering paws scurried down the steps. Reaching the staircase, he saw Greg close the front door and greet the dog. Vicki gripped the skirt of her dress, pulled it up revealing her calves, and darted up the steps toward him.

  “Vicki, what is the matter?” He gasped the words in a panic, watching her from the upper level hallway.

  She raced up the last of the steps and extended her left hand to display the sparkling diamond.

  “Look,” she squealed. “We shall be married.”

  Ecstatic for both his sister and his future brother-in-law, Stewart met Greg’s smiling gaze where he was still squatted, petting the excited canine. Stewart put his arms around his sister, picked her up, and swung her around.

  “This is indeed pleasing news.” He followed his sibling down to the main level.

  “I beg of you, please inform me I still have a job,” Greg joked. “I have your father’s blessing, but I proposed marriage with the assumption I’m able to support a wife.”

  Stewart extended his hand to congratulate his future brother-in-law. “Welcome to our family. Two Donovans and two Carsons working for the same company. I pray you don’t leave me for the competition,” he teased, and then winked at his sister.

  Greg chuckled and stood behind Vicki with his arms around her.

  “Poppa?”

  All three looked up the staircase. Hope was standing in her knee-length dressing gown and bare feet, rubbing her eyes. Vicki covered her face with her hands.

  “My apologies,” Vicki whispered. She covered her mouth with her hand for a brief moment. “I didn’t mean to wake you, Hope. What was I thinking when I squealed?”

  Stewart walked up the steps, lifted Hope into his arms, and carried his drowsy daughter down the staircase.

  “My goodness, Hope. You’re almost too big to carry,” he informed her, watching his footing on the steps.

  Vicki extended her hand when he reached the floor.

  “I was given a gift this evening, Hope.”

  “It’s beautiful. It’s sparkling.”

  “Indeed,” Stewart responded. “From this day forward, since Mr. Carson will be a member of our family, I believe it would be appropriate to call him Uncle Greg.”

  “That would be very pleasing to hear,” Greg admitted. He leaned over and kissed her small cheek.

  * * *

  The following night, once their dinner plates were cleared, to Stewart’s surprise, Greg offered to assist Hope with her studies. He rose from the ta
ble and followed Hope out of the room. Vicki pulled her chair closer to Stewart’s.

  “I would like a word in private,” she informed him, keeping her voice lowered. “After conversing with Greg on the topic, we’re not planning a long engagement. It is our intent to start a family shortly after we’re wed.”

  The prospect of becoming an uncle was thrilling, but in Stewart’s mind, this topic was personal, between Greg and Vicki.

  “I don’t understand why you feel the need to discuss this.”

  “We lack the time to look for a house in which to live. Greg often speaks of this house, appreciating the style and location. I’m afraid if we rush in haste to move, we won’t be happy with our decision.”

  Since moving into their home, he never considered the possibility Vicki would leave. Distressed, he counted on her to assist with Hope.

  “I don’t understand why you would consider leaving,” Stewart responded. “This isn’t a small building. It will provide ample privacy for a married couple. I may become harsh when you wish to discuss my personal life, or lack thereof, but I cherish your companionship as well as Greg’s.”

  “I fear a baby in this home will cause pain in your heart. Both you and Natasha planned a larger family.”

  It was true, they had planned a large family, but that was in the past. His life consisted of work and Hope. It would be pleasant to have a companion to spend time with, but with his heart still yearning for Natasha, that seemed unlikely.

  “It would please me to have this home filled with children. I’ll look forward to hearing the good news I’ll be an uncle. Please. Speak with Greg. You are welcome to stay here as long as you wish.”