by Tanu Jain
Vikram had disappeared into his office. He had several tasks in hand. He had put investigators to track down the stable boy and they had reported several leads. He had also sent for his mother’s jewellery. He intended to propose to Gauri that night—time was precious and he couldn’t stay away from her for long. He seemed to have been waiting for her all his life and he didn’t intend to wait any longer to make her his.
Gauri was sitting by her father’s bedside, her hand clasping his, when she heard voices approaching. It sounded like Grandmother’s voice. Her heart began beating like a sledgehammer. Another battle was about to begin.
Her grandmother sat down on a chair with a thump and said contemptuously, ‘I hear you’ve become a lawyer now. Are you any good?’
‘You will have to engage me to find that out!’ Gauri retorted.
Her grandmother snorted inelegantly. ‘Always ready with a comeback, aren’t you? I tried hard but I couldn’t cure you of this annoying habit.’
‘I completely agree! You did try hard but stubbornness runs in my blood. You really can’t do anything about that,’ Gauri riposted.
Maharani Rajkanwar was stumped. The Gauri of the past had never been meek but she hadn’t been this forthright, either.
In the past, Gauri had always held back from tangling with her grandmother out of respect for her father because she hadn’t wanted to seem rude and ungrateful to him, but now that Baba was ill she wouldn’t take anything lying down. Her grandmother had bullied her for too long. She stared at her unwaveringly.
The older woman said, ‘You have shown your true colours again, haven’t you?’
At Gauri’s look of incomprehension, she snorted and said, ‘I know all about the appeal you have filed against Maya’s husband! But, however hard you may try, I will not let you get your greedy hands on our family property. Don’t forget, I have the means to send you back. Remember the document I showed you six years ago that finally made you leave? If it becomes public you’ll be sent away in disgrace and shame,’ her grandmother said threateningly.
Gauri turned her face away impassively. She knew that her grandmother had the means to disprove her claim on her father’s property. But she refused to give the wily old woman the satisfaction of seeing her cower and cringe.
‘I rue the day you were born. It was the unluckiest day of our life when your sow of a mother trapped my poor son. And you have followed in her steps. First you bewitched my gullible son and then my grandson. Your shameless behaviour caused my son’s heart attack and Madhav also lost his life trying to trace you. And now you have set your cap at poor deluded Vikram.’ Her grandmother drew blood with her sharp words.
Gauri froze with dismay. She had trouble drawing her breath. Had her grandmother come to know of their affair? She didn’t care about her reputation. That was in shreds anyway but if Vikram came to be involved in any scandal he would be furious and angry with her for being the cause.
Her grandmother cackled loudly. ‘So you thought I wouldn’t know? Don’t forget I’m still the mistress here. Nothing escapes my notice. Have you slept with him? You are hoping to trap him, aren’t you? He is an honourable man of impeccable lineage and you hope to trap him into marriage so that you can get the legitimacy you hunger for, don’t you? But remember that once he knows the truth about you he will never marry you! You will become a burden for Vikram, just as you were a burden for my son. You always were a shameless hussy just like your mother,’ her grandmother said venomously.
Gauri unfroze. She wouldn’t let her grandmother spew her venom any more. She flared up. ‘What I do or with whom is none of your business. Do what you want to. You have already done your worst and still I survived. You cannot harm me. I don’t fear you any more.’
She turned and left. She didn’t want to engage in more confrontation.
But her grandmother’s words burnt holes in her soul. Her self-respect and self-worth had taken a beating. She was reminded of her childhood anguish. She had never been good enough and she still wasn’t. If Vikram came to know the truth about her, he, too, would condemn her and cast her off. Family honour and reputation were very important to him. After the warmth and loving he had shown her, she couldn’t bear it if he looked at her with chilling contempt once again.
Feeling sick at heart, Gauri trudged towards the stables. She wanted the comfort of knowing she was loved. Only her mare Chulbuli loved her unconditionally. She hugged the mare, who greeted her ecstatically, and held her, drawing comfort from her warm body. She sat for a while with unseeing eyes, pondering over life’s cruel twists.
Suddenly a lackey came with a note. ‘Yuvrani, Maya sahiba has given this for you.’ He bowed and left.
Gauri opened it. It was from Maya, asking her to meet her at the stables at eleven o’clock that night. She had written that she was in grave danger from her husband and only Gauri could save her. She further pleaded with her not to tell Vikram anything. Gauri’s brow furrowed.
She walked back to her suite, deep in thought. Vikram was nowhere to be found. He was probably busy in his office, she thought, both relieved and disappointed not to see him. She was unsure what to do about Maya’s letter. She wanted to confide in Vikram but a nameless fear gripped her.
What if Maya knew the truth about her parentage as well? Vikram, too, would come to know and he would be disgusted. She couldn’t bear it if he dismissed her from the palace. Her Baba was still not all right and she wanted to savour the moments spent with Vikram for as long as she could. She wanted to drink till the last drop from the cup of joy his nearness gave her. Besides, if she told him, it would add to his burden further. He already had a lot on his plate.
She decided she wouldn’t tell him. She would face Maya alone.
So lost was she in her musings that it took her a moment to realise that the maid was hovering around her. She laid out a sari on her bed. Gauri looked at her questioningly.
The maid bowed her head and said, ‘Maharaj saheb has requested that you wear this sari for dinner tonight.’
Gauri was flummoxed. ‘Dinner! What dinner?’
The maid answered, ‘I don’t know, Yuvrani sahiba. Maharaj saheb didn’t say anything else.’
Gauri became angry. Vikram’s arrogant behaviour infuriated her. He knew she hated going out in public but he always made plans without even deeming it necessary to inform her.
‘I am not going to any dinner and I will certainly not wear a sari he has picked out,’ she said crossly.
‘But … Yuvrani sahiba, this sari was especially chosen by Maharaj saheb, and he will get angry if you don’t wear it,’ the maid said desperately.
Gauri lost her temper. Vikram was even dictating her clothes now. ‘I will handle Maharaj saheb! You don’t have to worry,’ she said, literally grinding her teeth.
Gauri could see the maid’s nervousness. Blast Vikram! she thought. He was a real ogre. But she refused to just fall in with his wishes. She wasn’t a puppet to be played with. He might be used to people jumping to do his bidding at the merest flick of an eyebrow, but she wasn’t one of them.
Suddenly Vikram entered and took in the entire scene at a glance. He dismissed the maid with a curt nod and said, ‘Why do you have to argue over every trivial detail?’
‘This is not a trivial detail! How can you just assume I’ll go with you to some dinner and wear clothes of your choosing?’ Gauri snapped.
‘Why don’t you stop turning everything into a battle of wills?’ Vikram said exasperatedly.
Gauri retorted, ‘Why don’t you stop ordering me about like a despot?’
Vikram felt like tearing his hair out in sheer frustration but he stopped the caustic retort that sprang to his lips and said in a calm tone, ‘My apologies if I appeared to be rude, but I thought we could go out somewhere for dinner. So, if you please, ma’am, I would be ecstatic if I could have the pleasure of your esteemed company for the evening.’ He gave a theatrical bow.
Gauri bit back the smile that threatened to
break through at the exaggerated show of humility that Vikram was putting on. Maybe there was hope for him.
She looked at the sari that the maid had set out. It was a beautiful orange chiffon with delicate green embroidery and a green blouse. She wondered if Vikram had picked it himself from the shop. He probably had lots of practice choosing clothes for women, she thought with a wave of jealousy, remembering his numerous girlfriends. Depression overwhelmed her. How could she hope to sustain the interest of such a debonair man? What was her attraction for him? Was it only because of his outdated notions of virginity? Maybe he felt guilty for taking hers.
Vikram found Gauri ready and waiting at the French windows, staring at the lawn. She seemed to be deep in thought.
His breath stuck in his throat as he saw her sexy back and the sari which sat low on her hips. His groin tightened and he wanted to crush her to him, to cup her backside to his arousal and bury his mouth in her neck and inhale her scent.
He must have made some sound because Gauri turned, and Vikram surprised an expression of pain on her face, which she quickly hid.
‘What is it? Why are you upset?’ he asked with concern.
Gauri wondered what he would say if she told him about her insane jealousy. But she said nothing and her long hair shimmered like a heavy curtain as she shook her head. Vikram wanted to run his fingers through her glorious hair and kiss away the sadness he could sense but he didn’t trust himself to stop at a mere kiss and so contented himself with offering her his arm.
Gauri put her hand on his arm, conscious of the sudden tingles which assailed her body and of the strength and power pulsing in his arm. Vikram escorted her outside and then towards the lift.
‘Where are we going?’ Gauri was mystified.
‘It’s a surprise,’ Vikram answered with a smile in his voice.
The lift stopped, and Vikram ushered her out on the terrace. It was pitch-dark outside the lift and Gauri would have stumbled if Vikram hadn’t been holding her tightly. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the darkness and by then Vikram had guided her towards a table at the centre of the terrace. Gauri couldn’t control the gasp which escaped her lips as she took in the scene before her.
Tiny earthen lamps, diyas, were scattered around the terrace and they gave off an enchanting glow. The air was thick with the scent of rose petals which had been arranged artistically around a small table set for two. The table was covered with a pristine white tablecloth and a gleaming candelabra was set on it. Soft instrumental music was playing in the background. The only light on the terrace came from the lamps and the moonlight. It was a touching romantic setting and Gauri felt complex emotions whirling inside her. She was almost afraid to look at Vikram, unsure what she would see. Had he asked for this scene to be set up or was it the work of the overly enthusiastic hotel staff?
Vikram clasped her hand tightly and pulled out a chair for her. Gauri sat down gingerly and chanced a look up at Vikram. He looked tense and the grooves around his mouth had deepened. He was probably feeling ill at ease at the romantic setting. She wondered if he would lambast the staff for arranging this.
Vikram sat down, feeling tense and uncomfortable. He was nervous, he realised with a start. He had never felt like this, ever. He had tackled difficult situations with aplomb and met many challenges head-on without turning a hair.
But this wisp of a girl had wreaked havoc on his cool demeanour. He was nervous and unsure of her answer when he proposed properly to her. He could never have imagined any woman turning him down but that was before he had met Gauri. She was most unpredictable. She had reacted so negatively to his first proposal. Although, he admitted, feeling ashamed, it had been less of a proposal and more of a command. He was so used to acting authoritatively that he found it difficult to control his temper if thwarted. As it was, he was having a difficult time keeping his mind on his planned course of action. The sari clung to her curves and the blouse hugged her lush breasts and he was so racked by desire that it was almost impossible to keep his hands to himself.
The waiter arrived with the first course and went about arranging the food. Gauri sat silently, hiding her trepidation and trying to look cool and collected. Vikram narrowed his eyes. He discovered that he had become closely attuned to her moods and he sensed Gauri’s uneasiness though she was hiding it well. There was a wobble to her lips, and a shadow fell over her face whenever she thought no one was watching. She seemed perturbed about something.
‘What is the matter? What is worrying you?’ he asked.
Gauri stared at him in consternation. ‘Nothing! I’m not worried.’
‘Don’t lie! I can sense something is worrying you. You were perfectly fine this morning. What happened? Did someone say something?’ Vikram asked, wracking his brain to find out what lay behind her unease.
‘No, please. You are mistaken. No one has said anything,’ Gauri insisted, amazed at his astuteness and trying hard not to give way to her fears.
‘So, someone has said something to you! Now, just tell me who it was,’ Vikram said with satisfaction.
But Gauri kept silent. She wouldn’t tell him.
Vikram knew how stubborn she could be and decided to change the subject. He would get his answer later on.
‘All right, let’s eat,’ he said, taking a bite of the starter that had been arranged. Gauri fiddled with the spoon, merely toying with her food.
Vikram saw her eating practically nothing and said persuasively, ‘Eat properly, Gauri. Don’t pick at your food.’
Dull colour rushed up her face. ‘I am eating.’
‘I think I’ll have to force feed you. Why are you such a picky eater? I’ve never seen you eat your food with relish. When you eat, it seems as if you are eating as a punishment,’ Vikram commented curiously.
Gauri was silent for a moment. Then she said with a bitter smile, ‘When I was a child, meal times were a time of punishment for me. While eating, I was all the time conscious of Aaji Maa and Maya’s disapproving glances. They used to glower in their chairs, begrudging every morsel that I ate, but I had to bear it all because Baba would insist on my being present at the table. After Baba left they would call me all sorts of names in front of the servants, taunting me that I was a burden on my father and that every bite that I ate was a debt that I owed them. I began to hate eating and would eat as little as possible so I could leave the table all the quicker.’
Vikram felt his insides twist when he pictured her as a child, coping with the pain her family had inflicted on her. She had been surrounded by so much wealth but her basic needs of food and caring had remained unfulfilled. Her childhood had been spent under the shadow of her family’s cruelty. He had at least known his mother’s deep abiding love, even if it had been for a brief time. But she hadn’t known that kind of love or support. Only her father and brother had loved her and cared for her.
But in the end that, too, hadn’t lasted and she had been left to fend for herself.
He reached across the table and held her hands, caressing them gently. ‘I will have to cure you of this phobia and make sure you eat well in future,’ he said huskily.
Unwittingly, words were drawn out from her. ‘Aaji Maa came to see me today in Baba’s room. She knows about us.’ She turned pained eyes on him.
So that was what had caused the shadows in her face. Vikram felt angry that the old woman was still trying to upset Gauri. He would have to go and set her right. ‘Don’t worry about her. I’ll handle her and she won’t ever bother you again. She upset you, didn’t she? What did she say?’ he questioned grimly.
Gauri was silent for a moment and then went on in a small voice, ‘She said the usual things, called me names and likened me to my mother. She blamed me for Baba’s condition and Dada’s disappearance and warned me not to overstay once Baba was fine.’
Vikram held her hands tight and forced her to meet his stormy gaze. ‘Don’t pay heed to the ranting of a jealous and crazy old woman. Everyone was jealous of you beca
use you lit up the lives of Kaka Maharaj and Madhav with your beauty and your sweetness and because they loved you. Even I used to feel a twinge of jealousy when you trailed behind Madhav adoringly,’ Vikram confessed rawly.
Gauri was silent and then mumbled in a voice so low that Vikram had to strain his ears to listen, ‘That day six years ago, when Baba was lying ill in the hospital, Aaji Maa came to my room. She accused me of having blighted my father’s family life and of having usurped Maya’s rightful place in my father’s affections. She raved and ranted at me for always thinking about myself and convinced me that by staying in the palace I was acting selfishly. Then she…’ Gauri’s voice stumbled and came to a halt. The pallor of her face betrayed the trauma and anguish she had suffered. The scene with her grandmother would be forever etched in her memory. She could never forget the sense of desolation and fear she had felt.
‘What did she do?’ Vikram prodded her, a muscle twitching in his jaw.
‘She caught my hair and beat me with a stick, cursing me. I tried to protect myself but she proved very strong. I lost consciousness and fell down and when I came to I knew I had to leave,’ Gauri choked out. Pin-drop silence ensued.
Vikram stilled, his face a grim mask. He felt as if a knife had been stuck in his ribs and he had difficulty drawing in breath.
He cleared his throat and rasped, ‘I could never have imagined the extent of your suffering. When I think of all that you have endured, I feel very small. You have endured so much without any complaint that I…’ Words failed him as he looked at her delicate, fragile face.
Gauri couldn’t answer. Emotion threatened to choke her. He was too good for her. She didn’t deserve his caring. She still hadn’t told him everything her grandmother had done that day to drive her away. It was her last, most shameful and most painful secret. Her eyes fell as she tried to hide the emotion that threatened to spill over.
Vikram got up from his chair and yanked Gauri into his arms. He hugged her tight, wanting to banish all traces of sorrow. Holding her in his arms, he made a silent vow to never let sorrow touch her life again. Gauri burrowed into his shoulder, feeling she had found her haven. Vikram gently cupped her chin and placed a sweet and reverent kiss on her lips. Gauri felt her inner pain melting away under the warmth and sweetness of his kiss. Full of tenderness, Vikram put her away from him and seated her in the chair.
