by Tanu Jain
The waiter arrived with the second course, and Vikram fed her himself, ignoring her protests and making sure she ate properly. He kept up a light-hearted banter, talking about movies, music and cricket, which they both discovered was their common passion.
At the end of the fourth course, Gauri was full to the brim and laughingly protested when Vikram tried to put a second helping on her plate. ‘I’ll be big as a house if you keep feeding me like this.’
‘You need fattening up. You are all skin and bones,’ Vikram told her, all laughter gone. Gauri looked at him and swallowed the lump that suddenly came to her throat at his show of protectiveness. No one had ever made her feel so cherished and cared for. She had fallen headlong into love with him, even though she knew from the first moment that her love was doomed. There was no future with him, but that didn’t lessen the depth and intensity of her love for him.
The waiter cleared their plates and brought the dessert. Gauri was delighted to see that he had brought phirni, a dessert made of rice and milk.
‘It’s been ages since I ate this. I can’t even remember when I had it last,’ she said, spooning a bite and eating it with an ecstatic expression.
Vikram looked at her indulgently. ‘I remember this used to be your favourite dessert.’
‘You remembered?’ she said, amazed.
Vikram looked at her with an intense expression and said, ‘I remember many things. I remember tasting it on your lips when I kissed you during Holi. At that time I thought you tasted sweet because you’d eaten phirni. It was only later that I realised that you tasted sweet even without it.’ He gave a knowing smile.
Gauri blushed hotly. She looked away and said shyly, ‘I thought I’d dreamt that you kissed me. I was intoxicated that day because Maya had added bhang to my thandai and I couldn’t remember anything that happened afterwards. Next morning when I got up I felt so embarrassed about what I thought I’d dreamt that I avoided you for a long time.’
Vikram said grimly, ‘The kiss shook me to the foundations and I had to exercise a lot of self-control to stop. Only the fact that I’d been kissing a teenager stopped me. The next day I felt so guilty I was afraid to face Madhav in case he guessed. I couldn’t forgive myself for kissing you. But I continued to be attracted to you whenever I met you. I don’t know if you remember, but for your sixteenth birthday I bought a bracelet for you because its tinkling sound reminded me of the sound of your silver anklets,’ he offered almost inaudibly.
Gauri admitted softly, ‘When I fled the Mahal, I took two things of value with me which I still have. One was the doll that Dada gave me when I was eight years old and the other was that charm bracelet.’
Vikram looked at her, full of remorse. ‘I accused you of taking money and jewellery when you fled. Another lie spread by Maya, no doubt!’
Gauri whispered, ‘It’s all right! You weren’t to know.’
‘Whenever we came back here I would find myself waiting for a glimpse of you, listening for your light step as you came to meet Madhav and waiting for you to pout when you discovered me with him,’ Vikram admitted candidly.
‘But you never showed it. You were always disapproving and cold towards me,’ Gauri said, amazed.
Vikram stood up, unable to sit any longer. He went and stood at the edge of the terrace and admitted through gritted teeth, ‘I hated being attracted to you. You were, after all, my friend’s younger sister. I felt as if I was being disloyal to my friend. And you were too young for me to even imagine any future with you.’
Gauri stared at Vikram’s ramrod-stiff back in shock. She found it hard to believe that he had been that attracted to her so many years ago. Her heart leapt at his admission. But the next moment she berated herself, for he’d gone on to admit that he hadn’t foreseen a future with her. So his offer to marry her had stemmed from a sense of duty because he felt guilty. If she hadn’t been a virgin he probably wouldn’t have felt so bad.
‘I always felt that you hated me and couldn’t stand the sight of me. You made your contempt for me quite clear, especially that day at the hospital,’ Gauri said in a strained voice.
Vikram felt a punch in his gut when he recalled the sneering contempt on his face as he had turned away from her that last day. He felt ashamed.
He turned and said urgently, ‘When Maya accused you of having an affair I felt angry with you and very bitter. I know it was unreasonable but I felt as if you had fooled me. I was also angry with myself for being attracted to you. Please forgive me,’ he begged.
Gauri couldn’t doubt the sincerity of his remorse and she couldn’t let him think it was his fault.
‘Don’t say that! It was not your fault. Maya spun such a web that no one could have believed that I was innocent. Even Baba and Madhav Dada believed I was guilty,’ Gauri choked out, remembering the soul-wrenching loneliness she had experienced that day. Her grandmother’s ranting and Maya’s cruel accusations had paled in front of her father and brother’s reaction. Their shocked silence had been a difficult cross to bear. She had never felt more lonely or unloved.
Vikram looked at the deep sorrow etched on Gauri’s face. The suffering she had undergone shook him. Held responsible for the circumstances of her birth, she had been paying for it since her childhood. She had always been a giver. He felt humbled by her selflessness. She had borne so much just so that her family’s reputation stayed intact. She was an innocent—an innocent in a cruel and selfish world. And she needed looking after. He would look after her, cosset her and pamper her and make sure that she was never treated badly by anyone again.
He came and stood behind her, clasped her bowed shoulders, bent his head and pressed a kiss on her hair, saying reassuringly, ‘From now on you don’t have to worry about anything. I’ll make sure that no one ever harms you again.’
Gauri looked up at him with bruised eyes, her heart full, unable to utter a word. Vikram pulled her up and brought her to stand at the edge of the terrace, facing outwards, and hugged her close from the back.
Gauri could feel his hard erection nudging her hips and stumbled a little, feeling liquid warmth stealing through her legs.
They stood silently, gazing at the magnificent view in front of them. The terrace overlooked the Mahal’s front lawns, and lights twinkled and glittered all around. Vikram’s arms were around her waist, and slowly his fingers began caressing her skin, leaving trails of fire wherever they roamed. His fingers entered her blouse from below, and Gauri gasped as he gently spanned the underside of her breasts. She could never have dreamt that her body could have so many erogenous zones. Her breasts felt heavy and her nipples grew tight. Vikram bent his head and slowly licked her delicate ear. Gauri swayed and trembled at the sensations that assailed her.
Vikram bit her earlobe gently. Gauri almost sobbed out aloud with pleasure. His hands by now had travelled up and slipped inside her low-cut blouse. His fingers stroked the line of her cleavage up and down and then cupped her breasts, and she felt they would explode with desire. His mouth slipped to her nape and then nipped gently at the side of her delicate neck. He pushed her blouse down from one shoulder and then pressed open kisses along the fragile line of her shoulder. Lights exploded behind her eyes, and Gauri felt she would melt into a puddle.
Suddenly, she felt something cold and hard being slipped onto her finger. Gauri opened her eyes in a daze and stared at her finger. A huge diamond-and-ruby ring blinked back at her. She looked at Vikram in utter confusion and saw his face had a shuttered look. How could he be so collected when her body was still tingling from his kisses? He didn’t seem to have felt the drugging passion which had all but drowned her.
‘Marry me!’ he urged, his jaw tightening, the angles of his face standing out in harsh relief. She had to marry him. He couldn’t live with the guilt of having betrayed his dear friend’s memory.
Gauri felt a cold lump lodge in her stomach. He was a very stubborn man. He would continue with his proposal till she capitulated. But she wouldn’t do that
, couldn’t do that. He was proposing under duress. She loved him too much to consign him to a fate where he would ultimately come to hate her. Her eyes fell, hiding her agonised hopelessness.
‘I can’t!’ she said huskily, trying not to let her eyes mist over with pain.
‘Can’t or won’t?’ Vikram said, frustrated at her pigheadedness. Couldn’t she see they were so right for one another?
Gauri said beseechingly, ‘Please, Vikram, don’t force me. And if you think logically you will also realise the sense of what I am saying.’
‘There is no sense in what you are saying. I will not accept your refusal. We will get married and that’s final!’ he thundered, all gentleness gone.
‘Just because we made love doesn’t mean we have to get married. These are modern times and it is not unheard of for men and women to be intimate without being married,’ she persisted stubbornly.
‘Don’t spout nonsense! All this drivel about modern thinking doesn’t wash with me. I took your virginity and you will marry me. That’s it! Nothing you say can sway me,’ Vikram said gruffly.
‘You must have bedded other virgins. How come you never married them?’ Gauri said, trying to inject coolness in her voice.
‘You are the only virgin I’ve met and made love to,’ Vikram ground out.
‘I find it hard to believe that not one of your numerous girlfriends was a virgin,’ Gauri snipped back, trying to douse the jealousy that flared suddenly at the thought of his past girlfriends.
‘Believe what you will and, anyway, it’s none of your business since it all happened so long ago. All those relationships are my past and you will never have cause to doubt me in the future. You are my best friend’s younger sister and I promised him that I would look after you. So, whether you like it or not, you will marry me and I will look after you. That’s final,’ Vikram insisted.
How dare this chit of a girl ask him to explain himself? She was making him feel guilty for his previous liaisons. None of his previous girlfriends had dared to question him or confront him. Gauri was always arguing with him, challenging his authority and questioning his decisions. The thought that he found it exhilarating crept in insidiously, almost blowing his mind.
Gauri stared at him mutely. He could be stubborn as a mule and would not be swayed. But she couldn’t marry him, knowing that he was only marrying her out of guilty compulsion or because of a promise he had made to Madhav. The feeling would soon pall and he would weary of marriage to her. And, sooner or later, the truth about her parentage would come out. He would be thoroughly ashamed of her and would never forgive her for not telling him the truth. For a moment she contemplated telling him the truth but then she held back. She didn’t know how he would react and she could not bear to see disgust on his face. Icy fingers of pain criss-crossed across her frame but she controlled it.
She veiled the anguish in her eyes and tried a different tack. Haltingly, she said, ‘Please, Vikram, marriage doesn’t figure anywhere in my life plan. I have a career that I love and I want to reach great heights in my field. I always felt stifled here at the Mahal and it was a relief to go away and break free. Now you are asking me to come back to this life again. How can I relinquish my freedom?’
Vikram looked at Gauri’s dull face. A dagger seemed to slice his insides. She didn’t want to marry him because her freedom would be curtailed. She had grown to become independent and didn’t want to relinquish that.
‘Now who is living in the Dark Ages? Marriage is not a bondage. You can pursue your career with full dedication. Why would I ask you to give up your career? I don’t expect my wife to sit at home waiting for me to return and to cook for me or to wash my clothes,’ Vikram rebutted heatedly.
‘It is not the same thing and you know it. An Indian woman is never completely independent. First her father or brother, then her husband and finally her son has the final say in her life’s matters. This is what has been happening for ages and this is what has happened with me. You are railroading me into agreeing, and if I marry you, you will continue to dominate and control me. I don’t want such a future,’ she concluded huskily.
Vikram was silent. She had turned him down twice. He could never have imagined any woman refusing him and his pride was wounded. All his life he had been pursued by eager parents and girlfriends keen to marry him but he hadn’t been ready to relinquish his freedom. How ironic that the one woman he had proposed to had turned him down for the same reason.
Emotion overwhelmed him and the room whirled around him. He had turned into a replica of his father. Her accusations of him railroading and dominating her were true. He had forged ahead, disregarding her feelings and emotions, trying to mould her according to what he felt she should do.
She obviously feared him, like his mother had feared his father. His control almost gave way. But he stiffened his spine and stood straight. He was not his father or even his grandfather. He would do the right thing for the woman he loved.
With a roaring in his ears and a thundering heart he realised that he loved her. The inescapable truth rose up, knocking the breath from his lungs, overwhelming him, and he suddenly felt light-headed and swayed a little. He had loved her for ever. Ever since he had seen her as a little girl, looking out warily from those luminous eyes, he had fallen for her. And that was the only reason he wanted to marry her and take care of her. The rest was all nonsense. She had nudged him out of the cold, hard shell encasing him and brought him to life. With her warmth and selflessness she had kindled the embers of his emotions into a roaring fire, banishing the bone-deep coldness engulfing him.
His lips twisted in a travesty of a smile.
Gauri stared at the smile on Vikram’s face and felt herself falling in a deep pit of despair. He was smiling in relief. So, he hadn’t really wanted to marry her. He had proposed from a sense of duty. She wouldn’t tie him down. She loved him too much.
Taking off the ring he had slipped on her finger, she put it on the table and turned away, saying expressionlessly, ‘I’m tired. Please excuse me.’
She reached her room and sank down on the floor. Despair clawed at her insides and her heart felt as if it had been shattered in pieces. Uncontrollable sobs broke out. She sat there, crying and shaking, feeling as if her life had ended.
Finally, she got up and changed and crawled into bed. But sleep wouldn’t come. She lay there dry-eyed, and images of Vikram flashed before her eyes. Vikram looking down at her tenderly, clasping her hands warmly, hugging her, giving her strength and making delicious love to her. She felt as if a vital part of her body had been gouged out and she had been left with a gaping wound. She would never be whole again. Tremors shook her again but she controlled them with great willpower.
Suddenly her mobile beeped. It was time for the meeting with Maya. Dressed in a tracksuit, she left the suite silently, fearful she’d wake Vikram. She was glad she hadn’t told him about the note; it would have added to his burden of responsibility, she thought, full of despondence. She crossed the empty hotel foyer and encountered no one except the receptionist.
It was pitch-dark when she reached the stables. She saw a slight cloaked figure waiting near the stable door.
Maya hadn’t left behind her cloak-and-dagger stuff, she thought wryly. The figure waved and disappeared inside, pointing to her to follow. Gauri went in and saw the figure going towards the far end where the horses were tethered.
Suddenly the stable was plunged into darkness. Gauri froze. What trick was Maya playing now? She stood still, trying to get a bearing on her surroundings. She felt a prickling sensation and the hairs on her nape stood up. Suddenly her hands were pinned roughly behind her and someone covered her mouth and began dragging her brutally. It was too dark to see her assailant’s face but it was someone very strong.
Gauri struggled frantically, but the figure didn’t loosen his cruel grip, dragging her towards the small room where the hay bales were kept. Terror flooded her. It couldn’t be him, she thought hysterically. Bu
t it was. The lights came on and she saw Ravi, the stable boy, leering cruelly at her.
‘So, jaaneman, how are you? Did you miss me?’
Gauri felt her terror give way to boiling fury. How dare he? She slapped him hard.
‘How dare you manhandle me?’ she cried.
Ravi’s mean face took on a dangerous glint. ‘Well, well, even after so many years, the fire in you is intact. I was denied a chance last time, but now I will enjoy taming you,’ he purred.
He lunged at her and dragged her down on the hay bales. Gauri struggled, kicking and scratching, but he was too strong for her. He lay on top of her and Gauri gagged as whisky fumes hit her nose. He was drunk, just like last time. She continued with her struggles but Ravi caught her by her hair and began to lower his mouth. Gauri screamed loudly, thrashing her head from side to side, ignoring the pain of her hair being yanked, desperately trying to avoid his thick coarse lips.
Tears seeped from her eyes and she prayed that Vikram would come and save her.
After Gauri had walked away from him, Vikram had spent the last few hours sitting in his study, trying to clear the turmoil in his mind. She felt dominated and threatened by him. What if he couldn’t change and he became a replica of his father? And what about his vow to make sure that his corrupt family line died out with him? His head felt it would burst with all the agonising thoughts that were clamouring inside him, and he bowed his head in despair.
Suddenly the image of her sitting in the temple appeared in his mind. He loved her and wanted to marry her and take care of her.
He remembered that she had said that he was his mother’s son rather than his father’s. He was not tainted. And, arrogant or not, he knew he would never allow sadness to touch her life again. He would ensure that she had all the freedom she wanted and that her career would never suffer because of their marriage. He just had to convince her of his sincerity and his love.
