Breathe

by Lila Kane

  “He said he wants to start over,” I told Paige.

  Her eyes met mine. “Finn?”

  “Yes.”

  “As in…be mine forever?”

  “Oh, no. God, no.” I fidgeted because I was worried that was exactly what he’d meant. “Not that far. Not now. Just…date. Or, I don’t know. Try again.”

  Paige lifted her wine glass to her lips, thinking. “And what do you want?”

  I wanted…I had no idea. I wanted to feel safe walking around Oasis. I wanted to forget about Mark completely. I wanted to be able to enjoy life and even love someday. But Finn? Hadn’t he been the start of my trip downhill? I mean, if not for him maybe I wouldn’t have started looking for the exact opposite kind of man. Maybe I wouldn’t have fallen for Mark so quickly because he was so different from Finn.

  But Finn wasn’t to blame for Mark’s behavior.

  “He seems different. Finn.” I stared at the rainwater running down the window. “I want to believe he’s different, but I’m scared to go there.”

  “Because of what happened between you two?”

  I swallowed. Nodded. “And because of what happened after.”

  CHAPTER FIVE

  It took some doing, but I managed to get up early the next morning. I was sticking true to my promise to get to know the facility better. So, despite the heaviness of my head from one too many glasses of wine, I dressed and took the back elevator down to the gym.

  I’d only glanced inside before, but now I took a quick tour of the entire room. There weren’t many people inside, but there was plenty of equipment for when more tenants lived in the building. Cardio machines and weight machines, a door to the pool and a Jacuzzi and sauna. Free weights and Yoga balls and a place for stretching and doing Yoga and Pilates. It was an impressive set-up.

  I stretched my legs and then started on a treadmill, making mental notes as I went from a brisk walk to a jog. A mile in, my headache was gone. Another quarter of a mile and someone hopped on the machine next to me, making me jump.

  “Finn,” I breathed.

  He glanced over with a grin. “Ms. Evans.”

  “What are you doing here?” I asked, my breathing more ragged than I wanted it to be.

  “Exercising. Just like you.”

  “Don’t you have your own workout room in your ridiculously ostentatious penthouse suite?”

  He chuckled, starting the machine up and ignoring the comment. “I, like you, have to get out and see the facility. Make sure everything is working as it should. See what can be improved.”

  “Towels,” I said, surprised that he’d irritated me just by showing up. It wasn’t his fault we lived in the same building. And true to his word, he was taking things slowly. He was being patient. If I asked him to give me space right now, he probably would.

  Finn increased his speed to a jog. He had good form, making the workout look easy. Effortless. I wasn’t as smooth as him so I kept my eyes ahead.

  “Towels,” he said.

  “Yes. You have them in the locker rooms and right outside the door, but none out here. There should be a stack next to each workout station. Weights, mats, cardio. You know, in case people forget to grab one from the locker room.”

  Finn glanced around with a nod. “You’re right. I’ll talk to Lance after we’re done here.”

  After we’re done. Like we’d come to work out together.

  But I didn’t mind, especially because after that brief conversation, he let me jog in silence for another mile and a half. It felt almost companionable. This, we could do. We could work together, and it felt right.

  Until I glanced over and my eyes dropped to his forearms—leanly muscled and strong. Then his T-shirt, which hugged his chiseled chest. And finally his face, which was just as sculpted. Almost as if he’d been carved by some ancient Greek sculptor. So perfect he almost couldn’t be real.

  He caught my stare and grinned. I fumbled to turn off the treadmill. When I stepped off to wander to the free weights, he said, “I’ll catch up to you in a few minutes.”

  Shit. I hadn’t meant to look. I shouldn’t be looking, but I couldn’t stop myself. I missed Finn’s presence. His quiet strength. I missed the way he’d hold me close and I felt safe from the outside world. And I couldn’t deny I missed him sexually. Finn had an appetite and he made it known. We’d spent more evenings than not in bed, arms locked around each other, joined in passion. Sometimes slow, sometimes fast. But always sensational.

  I tried to get the image of him naked out of my mind and focus on forming a routine. That, and I didn’t want Finn to see just how out of shape I’d become. I’d slacked on the weights the last several months since I’d quit going to the gym.

  After the second time Mark followed me there, I’d decided not to go back. But there was only so much I could do at home. I wasn’t—or hadn’t been—a homebody before this. Before I’d started worrying about where I was going and who might find me there.

  I was finished by the time Finn walked over. His neck glistened with sweat and he had a towel over his shoulder. “Hey. Need a spotter?”

  I rolled my eyes, and then checked the clock over the locker room doors. “I’m finished, I think. I don’t want to rush before work.”

  “I’m finished, too. I’ll wait for you if you want to walk up together.”

  I nodded. Might as well. “I think I’ll shower upstairs.”

  “No problem. Just grab your stuff. I’ll be outside.”

  I was the only one in the locker room. My bag was in the closest locker to the door. I pulled it from within, and then stopped when I heard a shuffling noise near the showers.

  I hadn’t heard anyone come in, but they could have already been inside and I just hadn’t seen them. After another moment of silence, I slung my bag over my shoulder and went for the opposite door.

  Then I heard whispering. Quiet, so low I couldn’t tell whether it was male or female. My heart raced. “Is someone there?”

  The locker room wasn’t that big—how had I not heard someone else?

  Gripping the strap of my bag, I wandered to the showers. The doors were all open except for the one on the end. I swallowed, debating whether or not to check. What if someone was hurt or needed help?

  The whispering started again the closer I got to the stall. My hands shook. No, I couldn’t check. I’d let an attendant know or—

  The lights flickered and then went out. The entire room pitched into blackness and I froze. I was afraid to reach out, afraid I’d touch something unfamiliar. Or worse, human. All the scary thoughts I’d had over the last several months slammed into me. My lungs constricted with each breath.

  “Charloootteee….”

  Oh my God, someone said my name.

  Panic set in. I have to get out, I have to get out, Ihavetogetout! Feeling my way along the wall, I made myself step forward until I saw the exit sign above the door. My lungs were so tight, I could hardly get any air in.

  I whimpered softly, and suddenly, the lights came back on. Too terrified to look around, I darted for the door and burst through. I slammed into someone and stumbled.

  Finn gripped my arms, his face blurring in front of mine. “Charlotte—what?”

  “I can’t—” I pointed to the locker room, and then clutched at my chest where the air wouldn’t reach. “Lights out. Hold on—can’t breathe—”

  “You can’t breathe? Charlotte.” Finn glanced around and found the closest bench. My feet didn’t want to move, but Finn made me walk to it and sit down. “Breathe, Charlotte. Come on.”

  I tried to give him a reassuring smile, but it came off as a wince.

  “Just—a minute—”

  He looked at the locker door, mouth tight with worry, and knelt in front of me. “What the hell happened?”

  “It’s okay,” I said slowly, staring at my shoes to try to focus. “It’ll go away…in a minute…”

  It wasn’t the first time I’d had a panic attack, and probably wouldn’t be t
he last. It was the hyperventilating that scared me more than anything. That my airway would shut off completely and I’d pass out. Now that I was safely away from the locker room with Finn crouching in front of me, the fear of the unknown was gone. But I was still having trouble breathing.

  Finn clasped my hand in his, eyes searching mine while he rubbed warmth back into my fingers. “What do you need me to do?”

  “There was someone…” I glanced to the locker room. “In there. The lights…” I blew out a breath. “The lights went out. Someone was in there.”

  Finn was on his feet in an instant. I gripped his hand as hard as I could, but he pried it loose. “Stay here,” he ordered.

  He snapped out a command at one of the attendants and they both went into the locker room. The longer they were in there, the more worried I got. But when they both walked out looking confused, I felt like an idiot. What if I hadn’t heard anything? What if it was just my overactive imagination?

  And the lights…what about those?

  I got to my feet, pretending to be steadier than I actually felt. The pressure in my chest loosened slightly and I tried breathing in and out full, deep breaths.

  Finn said something else to the attendant and then came to me again. “Do you feel better?”

  I nodded.

  “We didn’t find anyone in there. The attendant said the lights went off earlier, too. He’s going to get the manager to check on it. Charlotte…are you sure you’re okay?”

  “I’m fine. I feel better now. We should go.”

  His jaw clenched, but he nodded. He grabbed my bag and slung it over his shoulder before guiding me to the elevator. Inside, we were alone.

  “Tell me what happened,” Finn said, turning to me.

  My cheeks heated. I was beginning to think I’d overreacted. “I did. I thought—I mean, the lights went out. I heard something. But…it must have been a mistake. It just scared me, that’s all.”

  “Terrified you, more like. Charlotte, I feel like there’s something you’re not telling me.”

  The elevator doors opened and I stepped out. Finn followed me.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  “Walking you to your door.”

  “It’s not necessary.”

  “You’re shaking.”

  I stopped in the middle of the hallway, realizing he was right. I lifted my chin, giving him a level look. “I’m fine.”

  “You might be, but I’m not. I’m worried for you. So, cut me some slack and let me walk you to your door.”

  My mouth hung open, halfway to a response of frustration. But then I saw his eyes and stopped. He was right, there was worry there. Confusion, too, but mostly worry. He looked lost, like he wasn’t sure how to help, only that walking me to my door seemed like a good start.

  So I turned and started to my apartment again with Finn silent at my side. When I got to the door, I fumbled in my pocket for the key card. I dropped it, scooped it up, and dropped it again.

  Finn retrieved it the second time, calmly sliding it into the slot. The door opened and I walked in, biting my lip. Good job, Charlotte. Now he knows just how badly this affected you. When I turned, he was holding the key card tightly in his hand and his lips were pressed into a thin line.

  “I’m good now,” I said, reaching for my gym bag. “Thanks.”

  He didn’t release the bag. Instead, he stepped inside the door, closed it behind him, and set my bag on the floor. A war raged on his face.

  I tried to cut it off before it went anywhere. “Finn, we have to work—”

  “This isn’t going to take long.” He glanced around as though searching for inspiration. His jaw was peppered with stubble, yet another thing he needed to deal with before we were supposed to be into work in an hour. “I care about you, okay?”

  “Finn—”

  “No, hear me out. Something’s going on, and you’re trying to keep it hidden. I can still be patient, but you can’t ask me to stop caring. I want to be here for you.” He took my arms, thumbs rubbing back and forth over the goosebumps on them.

  I shivered and nodded. “I understand. I can’t—I can’t talk about it right now. I just…need space.”

  The war continued on his face, but finally he nodded. The tightness in my chest loosened even more.

  “Of course,” he said. He released my arms and stepped to the door. “I’ll get ready and come back for you.”

  “You don’t have to.”

  “Yes, I do. Lock your door behind me, take a few breaths, and get ready. I’ll be back in an hour and we’ll walk together. Sound good?”

  My breath shuddered a little when I released it, but I nodded. “Yes. Good.”

  “Good.” He opened the door and stepped out. “Remember, lock up behind me.”

  He didn’t have to tell me twice. I knew I’d heard something in the locker room. I was on edge a little, yes, but not enough to imagine something that wasn’t there. It had been long enough that I wasn’t paranoid about things happening around every corner. I was adjusted. And sure I was stressed about a new job and Finn and a dozen other things, but a voice in the bathroom? Coupled with the lights going off? It had to be something.

  I slumped against the door and rubbed my hands over my face. Security. I’d check in with them soon. I’d see who was manning the desk downstairs, who was allowed into the building and how they were monitored. Even who was allowed to use the facilities downstairs.

  No problem. I’d handle this.

  Pushing away from the door, I went to get ready.

  The office felt safer. There were more people around and nothing had happened here so far. It made it easier to relax once I got to my desk, after skirting more questions from Finn and dealing with his thoughtful looks. He was trying to work it all out in his head. Finn had always loved a good mystery.

  Apparently, I qualified. It was clear something was going on, but I didn’t want to deal with his questions. And I didn’t want to make the situation bigger than it already was, so I was going to stick to my story. It must have been a mistake. I was just on edge. That’s what I was maintaining. That I was stressed.

  I didn’t need Finn involved in this.

  I didn’t need anyone involved.

  If I was slowly losing my mind, then the fewer people who knew about it, the better. And if there was something going on, I couldn’t let it ruin my life here. So I’d deal with it.

  I pressed the button on my phone to contact Tucker.

  He buzzed back. “Yes, Ms. Evans?”

  I laughed. “Charlotte. And can you come in here a minute?”

  “Right away.”

  But it took longer than a minute, and when he finally arrived, he held a mug of coffee. “I thought you could use this.”

  “Do I really look that bad?”

  He set the mug down and I slid it in front of me gratefully.

  “No, you don’t look bad. You look stressed.” He grinned. “Coffee gives you something to do with your hands.”

  I squeezed the handle to try to stop from fidgeting.

  “Can I ask you something?” I said.

  He sat across from me. “Sure.”

  I shook my head. “Never mind. It was a personal thing and it’s none of my business. My mind is wandering.”

  “How about a trade? I answer one personal question and you have to answer the same one.”

  I sipped my coffee, considering. “Okay, deal. Are you and Leslie together?”

  His eyes lit with amusement. “Why are you asking?”

  My cheeks burned, and I frowned at him. “Strictly curiosity.”

  “Ouch. I was preparing to be flattered.”

  “Sorry to disappoint. I’m a bit of a mess right now, so it’s not exactly a compliment coming from me.”

  “Don’t say that.” He shrugged, and I relaxed. I didn’t want him to think I wasn’t attracted. Tucker was a good-looking guy, but we’d gotten off on a good foot as friends and now we were working together. Th
is was an arrangement I liked. Even more, it was a relationship I needed. Something normal.

  “No,” Tucker said easily. “We’re not together. I thought maybe it would work out at one time, but we’re completely different people. It works better this way. Now I’m just a third wheel—she has a boyfriend. In fact, I’m thinking a soon-to-be fiancé.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes, but don’t say anything because she has no clue.”

  “I’ll keep it to myself.”

  Tucker shifted in his seat. “Your turn. You and Mr. Moore. I noticed you call him Finn sometimes even though most of us stick to Finnigan or Mr. Moore.”

  “Old habits die hard.”

  His lips curved. “I thought there might be a story. He said he knew you from his college days.”

  “That’s right.”

  His smile bloomed even further. “And now?”

  “And now we’re colleagues.”

  “You’re not playing fair. I answered. Without coyness.”

  I gave a sigh that turned into a laugh. “You’re right. We’re not together. At present.”

  “Meaning there’s a possibility for the future.” Before I could protest, Tucker continued. “He watches you whenever you walk in front of his office.”

  I sipped my coffee again, and it burned my throat with the hasty swallow. “Security,” I said.

  “Security?”

  “That’s why I asked you in here.”

  He laughed. “Okay. Topic off limits. What about security?”

  “It’s where I want to start. I want to set up headquarters and make sure security is up to par in each of the communities as well as the parking garages and the Commons. I want people to feel safe.”

  I wanted me to feel safe.

  Tucker nodded. “Okay. Headquarters is in Main right now until they set up permanently—”

  “Which they should probably do soon, especially with most stores and facilities officially opening up around the fundraiser party. We’ll need to have everything in place.”