First Choice, Second Chance

by Lynn Rae

  Emily stopped looking at the display showing an impressive readout of the car’s systems and glanced at Paul. He was staring out of the windshield, and his jaw was tight.

  “Did Mitchell, what?”

  “Never mind. None of my business.”

  Paul’s dismissive tone and his lack of eye contact with her was troubling, and Emily tried not to feel hurt. Maybe Mari was wrong and he truly wasn’t interested in her. It wouldn’t be the first time she’d made an overture to a man and been rejected. At least Paul had been kind about it.

  They edged forward, and within a few minutes, he was turning on to her street with still no conversation. Her chest hurt, and she couldn’t wait to get out of the car and retreat behind her door for a self-indulgent cry. She wished she hadn’t approached him at the parade and let herself feel excited by seeing him, feel so happy to be sitting next to him again.

  She was glad she’d left the entryway light on over her door since the cool and damp evening had grown dark quickly. He pulled in behind her small car and turned off the engine. It was so quiet Emily didn’t really notice the difference. Her heart beat so hard she could hear it.

  “Thanks for the ride. I’m glad I didn’t have to walk home in the dark.” Emily reached for the door handle but stopped when Paul’s hand lightly grasped her wrist.

  “Emily, can you wait a minute? I want to talk with you.” He was quiet, and when she turned to look at him, he was staring at her, his expression shadowed in the low evening light.

  She nodded once and tightened her lips so she wouldn’t say anything. Shifting in his seat to face her more comfortably, Paul drew his hand away and sighed.

  “I’ve been thinking about what I said to you and how I said it. I had to have hurt your feelings, and I’m sorry.”

  An apology was nice. Emily tried to smile at him but her mouth was still tense. She rubbed her free hand against the soft leather seat of the car and wondered how she should respond. A thank-you seemed inadequate.

  “You’re a kind and beautiful woman, and you deserve someone less encumbered.”

  His sincere compliment took her breath away and a flutter of pleasure thumped under her rib cage. He thought she was beautiful. No man had ever said that to her when her clothes were still on. Now she could smile, but Paul seemed as tense as before.

  “Everyone has encumbrances.” She wanted to sound reassuring since he sounded so unhappy. Heaven knew she had her own burdens, ones she rarely shared.

  “I’m trying to figure out the best way for us to act around each other, when we’re in the next meeting. It’s probably going to come up pretty soon, considering what happened. In fact, Shelly’s probably already scheduled it.”

  He shook his head once and gazed out the windshield again. With a sinking feeling, Emily’s earlier pleasure withered away as she realized she needed to give him a way out. He was uncomfortable with her, and she didn’t want to cause him any dismay.

  “Listen, Paul, if you would feel better not having to be on the statue committee, I’ll cover for you with Shelly. She already thinks I alienated Roger and Dave, so if you bow out, she wouldn’t be surprised.” Her boss already had a low opinion of Emily’s leadership skills and losing everyone on the committee would really sink her. Paul turned away from the night to look at her again.

  “I can’t abandon Great-Great-Uncle Peter in his hour of need.” Paul’s tone was light, but she could sense his discomfort. “I’ll stick it out until he’s restored.”

  He might be able to, but Emily wasn’t sure she could. Shelly had promised to replace her once she was back in the office regularly, so hopefully, for all their sakes, it would be soon. If it made her a coward to want to hide in her tiny office, so be it. “I’ll do my best to forget it ever happened.”

  A complete lie. She relived that kiss every chance she got. Just looking at his mouth made her ache. He was right to be worried; she was so turned around by being close to him, and knowing he didn’t want her, that her emotions felt like a knotted pretzel. A big, freshly baked one, all soft and hot in the middle.

  Silence grew between them, and Emily’s twisted feelings morphed into a terrible dichotomy. She wanted to open the door and leave with the same ferocity she wanted to stay, even though it was a torment. Paul seemed to be equally stressed; he clenched his hands on the steering wheel and whispered something unintelligible.

  “What?”

  “I said, I wish I could.”

  “You wish you could what?”

  “Forget it. I wish I could forget it.”

  His strained admission shocked her for a second and then stretched on and on. She stared at him, the feeble light from her front door barely allowing her to see his face as he frowned. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “I don’t either.” Paul pulled his hands away from the steering wheel, and before she could react, he was circling them around her shoulders and bringing her close. He stroked a fingertip across her cheek, and she closed her eyes, sadness at his caution making tears well up.

  “Don’t cry.”

  “I don’t know what else to do.”

  He made a noise deep in his throat, and Emily squeezed her eyelids together in the hopes of cutting off her tears. His fingers curled around her cheeks, and she felt the warmth of his skin just before his lips met hers. His taste and shape were like a haunted memory, and she pressed against him, the car’s console cutting into her belly as she strained his way.

  The damp chill fled her body as her skin heated and tingled with every slide of his lips. When he tilted his head and touched his tongue to her, she moaned and welcomed him in, so grateful to have this contact with him again.

  Paul drew back and kissed her cheeks as he whispered he’d missed her. With a smile of delight, Emily lifted her arms and circled her hands around his neck, pressing her fingers into the warm, tousled hair at the nape of his neck like she’d wanted to since she’d first seen him.

  “We saw each other a few days ago.”

  “I know, but I thought that was the end.” Now, he was nuzzling under her ear, and Emily curved her body into a cramp-inducing twist just so he had complete access and wouldn’t have any excuse to stop. “When I saw you at the parade, all my good intentions shorted out like there’d been a power surge. I was almost run over by a lawn mower.”

  Emily laughed until he kissed her again, slowly and playfully this time, with lots of pauses and nibbles. He felt so good. His touches were exactly right, and all Emily could think about was how much better it would be when they weren’t trapped in the bucket seats of his car. Giving herself over to his attentions, Emily relaxed against his body, the console nearly forgotten under her hip.

  The loud rumble of Nate Garner’s truck startled her, and they broke apart as his headlights swung out of the dark and illuminated the car’s interior.

  Paul stared out the rear window while Emily slid back into her seat and straightened her clothing. The headlights went off, and they were once again in the dark. Before more than a few moments had passed, Nate was at the passenger window, leaning down, his face twisted in a parody of a welcoming smile.

  With a sigh, Paul lowered her window, and her neighbor leaned in and looked at both of them.

  “Hey there, Paul. How ya doing?”

  Paul gave a curt nod, and Emily couldn’t restrain herself any longer. “Nate, what are you doing?”

  “Coming home to change before I head to work at the bar. Get better tips in a clean white shirt. Saw this strange car in your drive. Nice car, Paul, by the way, very nice,” Nate looked over the interior and nodded a couple of times. “Since I’m a good neighbor, I thought I should investigate.”

  “And now you know there’s nothing to worry about.” Emily tried to put a dismissive tone in her voice, but she was shaky from Paul’s kiss and Nate’s interruption. She knew it showed. She probably looked flushed and freshly kissed.

  “I don’t know that.” Nate crouched down and leaned his leather jacketed fo
rearms along the open window as he narrowed his eyes.

  “Yes, you do—”

  “Just escorting Emily to her door to make sure she gets home safe,” Paul cut in as he opened his door and got out. He walked around the front of the car and reached in front of Nate to open her door. The younger man stood up with barely a stumble and made a go-ahead gesture with his arm as Emily got out and stood between them. She shot a repressive glance at her neighbor, which he wouldn’t see in the dark, and wrapped her hand around Paul’s elbow as he led her around her car toward her front door.

  “Seeing’s how you have it under control, I’ll just go on in and change,” Nate announced from behind them. “Hey, Emily, call me if you need anything.”

  “Thanks. Good-night,” Emily spoke over her shoulder as they reached her door and stood on the concrete slab in front of it, the outside light now making it much easier to read Paul’s expression. His lips were tight enough to cause a dimple in his cheek, and his eyes were sparkling with something. Probably a mixture of irritation and amusement just like she was feeling. He didn’t do anything until he heard Nate’s front door open and close, and then he reached out to cup her cheek with his hand. His touch made Emily feel light inside, and she wondered if she was floating.

  “Would you like to come inside?”

  He shook his head quickly. “Not tonight. Are you busy tomorrow?”

  “Probably with an emergency statue committee meeting, but otherwise, I’ll be free.”

  Putting on a confused expression, Paul leaned back and narrowed his eyes. “Emergency statue? Sounds like there was a bunch of politicians, an empty pedestal, and they had to come up with an instant hero? Tell me more.”

  Emily lowered her voice and leaned closer to him, enjoying their role play. “Not that kind of emergency. Don’t tell anyone, but someone decapitated our historic, significant, wonderful statue today. Police cars and photographs; they even called out the mayor. Very dramatic.”

  “I wish you luck. It sounds like you could use a break afterward. Would you like to have dinner with me?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  “Good.” Was she grinning too much? Apparently not, because Paul was smiling back as he stroked his thumb across her cheek and under her ear. His touch on her sensitive skin made her quiver.

  “Cold again? You should get inside.”

  “Not yet.” Emily had no idea where her boldness originated, but she wasn’t going to suppress it.

  Paul’s amused expression shifted into something more serious as he took a step closer to her and circled his arm around her waist. Emily relaxed into his embrace, leaning against his body and lifting her face to his.

  “Do you want to try this?” His voice was low and serious, and she knew he didn’t mean just a kiss. It wasn’t going to be just a kiss between them ever again.

  “I do.”

  “It’s probably not a good idea.”

  Emily shook her head and slid her hand up to his shoulder, liking the feel of his muscles under his jacket. He touched his nose to hers, and she relaxed and closed her eyes, ready for him—

  “Aw, haven’t you two kissed good-night yet?” Nate’s deep voice interrupted them again. Emily’s eyes snapped open, and she twisted her head to stare at her neighbor as he stalked toward his car, his white shirt gleaming in the dark.

  “Is he always like this, or is it just me?” Paul’s tone was as dry as a desert.

  “He’s a pain. Don’t pay attention to him; it encourages his bad behavior,” she whispered. Paul ignored her neighbor and simply watched her. A car door slammed, and Nate’s engine rumbled into a rude roar as he backed away. He needed a new muffler.

  “Good, he’s gone.” With that, Paul leaned over and kissed her again, briefly this time. He held his hand out for her keys, and she handed them over with a fumble, remembering how he’d helped her when they’d tangled in her earring. He opened her door and handed back her keys as she struggled with what to say or do.

  “Are you sure you don’t want…?” She gestured back at her living room, unsure if he wanted to be enticed. Most men didn’t need much encouragement, but she’d never been attracted to a widower before. The rules were probably different.

  “Another time. Good-night.” With a warm smile, he turned away and walked back to his car. It started with a soft murmur, and Paul left her warm and confused at her door.

  Chapter 6

  It was four in the afternoon, and Paul found himself wandering around the aisles of the drugstore, his mind bumping around his mission. He had just left the municipal building after the specially convened meeting and was sipping a cup of restorative coffee. Shelly had been wildly efficient with a police report, insurance-coverage information, and a list of art restoration firms she’d already researched. Both Dave and Roger had been uncharacteristically subdued when they’d looked over Emily’s photos of the injured soldier. The gloomy shots of the damage had silenced everyone for a few minutes. Emily had been quiet throughout; she’d barely greeted him, and he’d deliberately seated himself far from her so neither of them would be distracted. He’d found himself leaning in his chair to catch glimpses of her shoulder, hands, and hair. Once, he’d even gotten a good look at her profile. The subterfuge was titillating.

  Enough with dwelling on that, he decided. Time to work up the courage and accomplish what he’d come in the store to do in the first place. He picked up an orange plastic shopping basket by the door and glanced at the signs over the aisles. Makeup, shampoo and hair care, first aid and pain relief, feminine hygiene and family planning. Making his way to the fourth aisle, he stopped at the end cap and selected a couple of toothbrushes since he wasn’t sure he had any spares.

  Reminding himself he wasn’t a nervous teenager anymore, Paul walked past the feminine products and slowed to a halt in front of the section featuring prophylactics. He hadn’t purchased anything like this in years, since Karen had handled that aspect of their sex life, and he was momentarily stunned by the variety of products in front of him. Variety packs, warming oils, lubricants, there was even a cheerful-looking box containing a vibrator and sample “flavors.” How was he supposed to know what to choose?

  As he leaned over to read the small print on the condom boxes, he tilted his coffee cup too far and some of the contents splashed all over the tile floor. Mumbling a curse under his breath, Paul straightened and looked down at the large brown stain next to his shoe. Great. He’d have to call someone to clean it up. Leaving his objective behind, he walked over to the pharmacist’s counter and told the young woman working there what he’d done. She smiled and assured him she’d be right over.

  Feeling stymied, Paul walked the circuit of the store, glancing at the magazine racks and the stacks of Halloween candy before making his way back to the family-planning section where the pharmacist was finishing wiping up the mess. She smiled brightly and asked if she could help him with anything. He must have looked more lost than he’d thought.

  “No, I think I can manage,” Paul lied, and she nodded and took a step away with an inquiring lift of her eyebrow. “Really, I’m fine. Thanks for helping out.”

  As she walked away, Paul returned his attention to the cellophane-wrapped boxes in vivid shades of red and purple. Magnum, ultra, extra-sensitive, ridged, all manufactured for the same purpose. Magnum, really? Why was something this simple eluding him? He designed electrical systems for top-secret drones, he could certainly select a condom. He picked up the box with the least descriptions and most rational-looking font, and on impulse added lubricant to the basket.

  Mission nearly accomplished, Paul headed toward the checkout, where he grabbed a package of breath mints. There was a row of small stuffed bears holding boxes of candy, and he shook his head at the efficiency of the things, a cuddly toy and chocolate in one convenient, inexpensive purchase. There was no way he’d give Emily something like that. She should have a bouquet of fragrant peonies or a filmy silk scarf
, not some garish little throwaway.

  “Hey, Paul!” Mike’s voice interrupted his thoughts.

  “Think Shelly would like one of those?” His brother-in-law reached out and snagged one of the bears off the counter. “I just got her home from that meeting, and she’s so worked up she sent me out to pick up another bottle of ibuprofen and some tabloids to get her mind off Great-Great-Uncle Peter.”

  “Sir, are you ready to check out?” A painfully thin trainee clerk beckoned toward Paul, and he handed over his basket as Mike followed behind. Rather than pull his selections out of the container and immediately bag them as he’d hoped, the young man at the register carefully removed everything and stacked them in a row, set the basket aside, and methodically rang up each purchase under the watchful eye of the manager.

  It was too much to hope that Mike wouldn’t notice what he was buying. Breath mints, condoms, personal lubricant, and sleepover toothbrush all loudly proclaimed he was going out on a date with hopes for sex. Paul didn’t make eye contact when Mike cleared his throat, and he made it through the payment routine without saying a word. As the new clerk handed over his bag, Paul turned and held out his hand to Mike. The other man’s eyes were wider than usual as they shook.

  “Good luck with Shelly. Tell her to ice her knee and take it easy.”

  “Right. Will do. You, ah, have a good evening. A good time.” Mike broke eye contact and dropped Paul’s hand as he untidily piled his magazines on the counter.

  As Paul walked away, he heard Mike loudly proclaim that yes, he was buying that bear.

  Emily’s phone rang just as she was staring with dawning horror at the pile of discarded garments on her bed. It would take her twenty minutes to hang up and fold everything she’d decided against wearing, and she needed to be ready sooner than that. She picked up the phone, and her stomach clenched when she saw the caller was Paul.