Need Me (Truthful Lies Trilogy Book Three)

by Dunning, Rachel

  And make up.

  It’s an argument which can never be finished. And for that, I’m angry at her. So angry.

  When I fight with her in my mind about this (“Why did you do it to yourself, Sav!? Don’t you know I miss you!”), I weep. I say things I regret to her. She says sorry, we sob, we make up. And we hug.

  And then I get up, wipe my tears, and move on.

  This is my life. I will never forget her. I will never forget her brother. They will be a part of me forever.

  Life’s events shape us. I try not to let them get me down, I try and move on.

  Trev, Skate, Vikki, Deck—these people are my family.

  Mr. Bernstein, Melissa Lerrington, Randy Dhawan—they’re my dearest friends. I will fight for them. When I see a glimmer of hopelessness in their eyes, I will not leave them. I will ask them, I will intrude, I will get in their face.

  All I can do is learn from what I have done (or not done), live with it, and try my damndest not to do it again.

  I think this is the meaning of life. I think this is what life is about, the secret to happiness, that Holy Grail of Joy that everyone aspires to: Make Mistakes, Learn, Don’t Repeat.

  I believe true happiness is not a pure substance. It’s an alloy. It is an accumulation of sacrifices, sadnesses, lessons learned, and things lost. I believe true happiness is learning from these things, being strong, and moving on.

  I believe true happiness is having friends to share happiness with, to be there for them, to get in their face when they’re down, to keep them away from things that might hurt them or cause you to lose them, because the only thing that can ruin True Happiness, is the untimely loss of a good friend.

  Did you treat them the best you could when they were with you? Did you do everything you could to let them know they were important—but that so are you? Was the relationship mutual? Did you drop everything when they called and did you rush to their side when they needed your help?

  This is the philosophy I live by now.

  Am I happy? I am. I’m truly happy. An impure substance. I have enough impurities and sadnesses to keep me happy for several lifetimes. But we only need one.

  And so I think I’ve made it, I think I’ve reached the top of that mountain. Because there is no Top of the Mountain. There’s only the journey. And, above all else, there’s who you take the journey with.

  I’ve got a good gang accompanying me the rest of the way. A great team. (And when they’re not enough, I also got the New York Giants as a backup plan. So there.)

  Who knows what will happen: Maybe Deck and I will have kids, maybe Vikki does become a New York Desperate Housewife, maybe Trev hooks up finally and completely with Cyiarra.

  Maybe.

  I’ll experience all these things with them. Live it with them. Cry and laugh with them. And be with them.

  Life goes on.

  We’re shooting stars, all of us—meteors and comets. We’re a brief light in the cosmos of an eternal darkness. So if you’re gonna be a short-lived light in the sky, why not be a Haley’s Comet?

  People will remember you, they’ll remember how you lit up the sky and left your mark. No one likes a black hole, and no one wants to be around one.

  Taking yourself out only leaves a black, empty hole in the lives of the people you love.

  Loving those people who’ve done that, despite how they’ve hurt you, helping your friends, crying, smiling, and just living life, is the way to becoming the brightest comet the sky has ever seen.

  This is my philosophy now. After nearly thirty years of hurting, feeling, looking, learning, this is my life’s philosophy.

  Will it work? I’ll let you know. Or, better, you could try it yourself, and then let me know.

  I’ll be the first to read your story.

  Thanks for reading mine.

  Blaze Ryleigh

  FROM THE AUTHOR (and a deleted scene)

  I am indebted to Luc Reid for putting together the book, Talk the Talk: The Slang of 67 American Subcultures. A lot of the slang I used came from there.

  A ton of research went into this trilogy. Grueling research. A lot of stuff was made up as well. I fell in love with Brooklyn when writing this story. I hope I did the borough justice and, if I got things wrong about it, forgive me. I did my best.

  I spent the last month of finishing this book in the states. The reality of life here helped add minor touches of verisimilitude to many of the chapters. After this book is published I’ll be doing some travelling in this beautiful country, just to get a feel for many of the different cultures and places, so expect a lot more interesting locations for future novels!

  Thanks for making it through book three of this trilogy. If you only read this one, I hope you caught onto the background story quite easily. I know the characters were a little different, their lingo was different. I know some of them were technically antiheroes in some respects. My stories tell themselves. I just go with the flow and let them happen. I’m just the puppet of wherever creativity comes from.

  Please check out the “About the Author” section for links to my blog and Facebook page. I’d love it if you could subscribe to one of those.

  I leave you with the following deleted scene.

  Love,

  R

  DELETED SCENE

  I wrote this scene alllllll the way back in Book One, had it as a prologue there, then shifted it to an epilogue, then moved it to Book Two, prologue, epilogue; I brought it to Book Three, but it simply had no place. I love the slice-of-life of it, the feel of it. It’s a glimpse into Blaze’s world and mind, her character, how music is who she is.

  At what stage of her character development is this scene? It doesn’t matter, because it encompasses her at any stage of her life.

  Let me not build it up any further, lest you get disappointed when you read it. Good morning, good afternoon, good night, dear Reader, see you in the next book / trilogy. I leave you with...Blaze Ryleigh...

  ~ THE ONLY GOD THERE IS ~

  Blaze Ryleigh

  Up here I own them. I run them. Up here I rule their minds and their emotions.

  Up here, I control them.

  From up here, I play to them; my fingers sing to them; my thoughts weave through their souls and bring them up from an aching fear into a blissful ecstasy.

  Up here, I am the only god there is...

  Sounds snake slowly through my left ear. My index and thumb slide onto the plastic lever of the crossfader.

  White light washes the dancers of the club. Cigarette smoke rises from the dancefloor in thick blue plumes. A sweaty haze appears above some of the top-naked bodies. A woman in a silver shirt twirls her golden hair, caught in a wild-eyed trance. A man, strong and bodybuilder-large, sneaks over to her, eases a confident left hand around her waist while swaying to the imaginary music.

  Because right now, to them, there is no music. Only a siren. But to me, in my left ear, there is a beat.

  The external siren whirls, slowly, no bass, around the dancefloor, then forward again, surround-sound. Someone down there blows an old-school whistle. My skin breaks out in anticipatory goosebumps. My finger waits on the switch.

  With my other hand, I slide in a beat, just a small one, not even a bass; tinny—thump, thump, tick-tick, thump, thump, tick-tick.

  The bodybuilder dude brings the woman over to him. Even from up here, I see her smile. I see her lust, her desire. I see the beads of sweat shine over her strobe-lit forehead.

  His own skin gleams on his chest.

  And still, the siren wails, back, around the dancefloor, then forward again.

  And the little thump, thump, tick-tick that they can hear.

  In my ear, a train approaches.

  Someone below screams, “Oh yeah!”

  “Woohoo!”

  “Damn!”

  And then, orgasmically, “Oh, motherdamn yeah! GOD!”

  Thump, thump, tick-tick, thump, thump...

  In the headphone pressed t
o my ear, I hear the oncoming beat, the L-train, crashing ahead.

  Chugga, chugga, chugga...

  “Play it, DJ!”

  “OH, MOTHER—”

  Up here, I am the only god there is.

  The beat arrives in my ear.

  I flip the switch.

  The external speakers explode...

  The crowd...goes...wild.

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Blog:

  http://racheldunningauthor.blogspot.com

  Facebook:

  http://bit.ly/RachelDunning

  Twitter:

  http://twitter.com/RachelDAuthor

  Goodreads:

  https://www.goodreads.com/racheldunning

  Rachel Dunning grew up dreaming of places she knew she would never visit, and of people she knew she would never meet. So she visited and met them in books. An avid reader since an early age, she traveled to India, Africa, the Alps, and everywhere a book would take her - even to the moon and Mars. At one stage, she was told that she was now "a grown-up" and should act like one. Confused, she decided to write her first novel - and so began her writing career.

  Rachel writes steamy romances with lots of drama and action. Her heroines have guts, and her heroes are gentlemen...except when they're being Alpha Males. A prolific writer, she is the author of an ever-increasing number of novels and novellas.

  Also by Rachel Dunning:

  Know Me, #1 Truthful Lies

  Find Me, #2 Truthful Lies

  Finding North, #1 Naïve Mistakes Trilogy

  East Rising, #2 Naïve Mistakes Trilogy

  West-End Boys, #3 Naïve Mistakes Trilogy

  Like You, #1 Perfectly Flawed Series

  Christmas Comfort, #1 Hot Holidays Series

  Easter Sundae, #2 Hot Holidays Series

  Girl-Nerds Like it Harder, #1 Girl-Nerd Series

  Girl Nerds Like it Faster, #2 Girl-Nerd Series

  Girl-Nerds Like it Deeper, #3 Girl-Nerd Series

  Girl-Nerds Like it Longer, #4 Girl-Nerd Series

  For news of upcoming releases, visit:

  http://racheldunningauthor.blogspot.com

  Or connect with me on Facebook:

  http://bit.ly/RachelDunning