Silent Love

by Kenadee Bryant

  The ride back home wasn’t long. Our house wasn’t too far from campus, maybe about thirty minutes without traffic. Let’s just say, with New York traffic you are looking at about an hour ride even if your destination is only a few minutes away. I didn’t pay much attention to what the three were talking about, mostly just staring out the window.

  When we did pull into the driveway besides Macey’s parents’ car, I smiled. I loved everything about our home: the brick that covered the garage and some of the front, the grey-green stucco on the outside of the house that seemed to change in different lighting, the patio that had two chairs and a swinging bench I used to sit on every day. The big lawn was green and looked freshly cut, with two medium-sized trees on either side of the walkway to the front door.

  The backyard was just as impressive with a giant pool, a garden off to the side, and a huge swath of grass where Luke and Ethan practiced football. And we couldn’t forget about the swing my dad built for us years go; it hung off one of the big trees in the back and was definitely worn down.

  Not even knocking, we all piled through the front door loudly announcing our presence. We had barely made it a few feet inside when my mom came into view to greet us. She pulled all of us into tight hugs and kissed everyone’s cheeks, like we were two years old.

  “You are finally here! Nick and Kacey are already here as well. Boys, head out back and see if they need help,” my mom instructed, pointing out back where I bet my dad and uncle were setting the grill up. Not needing to be told twice, both boys headed to where my mom wanted them.

  “Well, don’t you two look beautiful?” She grinned at us before leading the way to the kitchen. When you first walked into our house, you were met with a large foyer and a set of stairs off to the right that led to the upstairs bedrooms and bathrooms. If you continued straight ahead, the house would open up to a large living room, and to your left would be the kitchen. And there were two sets of doors by the living room and in the kitchen that led outside. The kitchen of course was probably the best place; it was spacious and was every chef’s dream. I had spent a lot of time in there with my mom making cookies or helping out with dinner.

  I stepped through the archway into the kitchen and was immediately attacked with the sound of paws on the tiles. Grinning widely, I squatted down as far as I could just in time to hug the cutest furry dog ever. I barely had time to push my camera around to my back, so it wouldn’t get ruined.

  “Sammy!” I kissed all over his head as he wiggled around me, not containing his excitement. Sam, or Sammy, was a black retriever with long soft hair. It was my junior year when my parents decided we should get another dog. Our first dog, Nala, had passed away a few years before, and my mom couldn’t bring herself to get another one. But the moment she saw Sammy for twenty-five dollars, she was in love.

  “Oh I missed you, boy!” I scratched his ears as he licked my face. I was glad he was here with my parents. He gave them someone to look after, and was a good companion since me and my brother moved out.

  “He missed you too. I found him in your room the other day,” Mom said as she cut up stuff for a salad.

  “Aww, I wish I could take you with me, I do.” I kissed the top of his head one last time before straightening up. He didn’t seem to mind, because Macey was there a second after I stepped to the side.

  “Aunt Kay.” I grinned at the woman who had been there for me my entire life. Her dark brown hair was cut in a cute bob style, making her face seem even thinner. She pulled me into a tight hug as soon as I was in arm’s length. I loved Kacey like a second mom. She was a presence in all of my memories.

  “So, how is school going, Carter? Do you like your classes? Met any cute guys?” At the mention of guys she wiggled her eyebrows, making it really obvious that Macey was her daughter.

  “It’s only the first week, but so far I’m liking it. My classes are pretty interesting, and it seems like it will be somewhat an easy semester,” I said as I placed my camera on the table and leaned on my forearms. I made sure to ignore her last question. When she asked, I had thought of Gage but pushed him to the furthest part of my mind.

  “Any boys?” she asked again, clearly noticing that I didn’t answer.

  “Nope.” I popped the “p” and made myself keep eye contact with her. If I looked away she would know I was lying and would start asking questions, which might prompt my mother do the same thing. Believing me, she turned back to whatever she was doing. Internally I sighed.

  “You two should probably go say hi to your dads, or they’ll make a scene like they always do,” my mom suggested, gesturing with her head to the backyard. I let out a laugh knowing what she was talking about.

  About two years ago for school, all us “children” went on a field trip that went on for three days. Our science teacher had taken his classes, thankfully only three class periods he taught, on a camping trip. It wasn’t really camping, though; we all stayed in cabins, not tents. But we did eat by multiple fires and went on hikes. We were there to learn all about nature and to see the wildlife, but the only interesting thing we saw was a small squirrel. Because we lived in New York City, we had to travel a good couple of hours to get to anything remotely woodsy.

  We did all have a blast, even if Luke, Ethan, and their friends scared us every night by hiding by our cabin and making noises. When we got home three days later, both of our parents were excited to see us. Since Mace and I hadn’t showered in three days, we made the mistake of going in and showering immediately, rather than greeting our protective fathers.

  They of course had to freak out like weirdos, thinking that we didn’t come home with Luke and Ethan. They even went as far as to go on a rampage throughout the house, yelling our names. When they found us getting dressed, they became embarrassed thinking that we had been left behind. Stupid Ethan and Luke didn’t try to stop them; instead they let them go around the house screaming. Even my mom and Kacey didn’t stop them, thinking it was hilarious. To me and Macey, it was the complete opposite.

  “We are here,” Macey announced as we stepped out back.

  “There’s my girl!” Uncle Nick said, taking three large steps to Macey. He pulled her into a hug. A second later, my own dad grabbed me into a bear hug and twirled me around. I grinned, wrapping my own arms around him. I was such a daddy’s girl. Well, I was a momma’s girl too, but there was nothing like a father’s love.

  “I missed you, sweetie.” When he finally put me down, I shook my head at him.

  “Dad, I saw you like six days ago.”

  “So? Can’t I miss my daughter?” I shook my head at him, but couldn’t help but smile.

  “Hey Uncle Nick.” I stepped over to my uncle and gave him a hug. Macey in turn hugged my father. My family was big about hugs, as you could probably tell.

  “We will eat in about fifteen minutes or so.”

  I nodded before looking around them at Luke and Ethan. As I expected, they were already in the pool. They weren’t even wearing bathing suits, and from the looks of it they were both in their boxers.

  “Really? You couldn’t wait?” I asked, standing next to the pool with my arms crossed. I raised an eyebrow at them.

  “Why would we? It helps with our appetite,” Luke said.

  “But you’re always hungry. You don’t need help with that.”

  “Carter, we don’t need a reason!” he said going to splash water on me.

  “Luke, don’t!” I yelled, jumping back. No way was I getting this dress wet. It was new and so pretty! “If you even try to get me wet, I will unleash Macey on you,” I threatened. He probably didn’t want to admit it, but Macey could be really scary.

  “Fine, I won’t.” He conceded and swam away. I nodded, pleased. I may be the younger sibling, but I held power over Luke. My eyes moved over to Ethan, who was floating on his back. As he treaded above the water, his yummy abs were in plain view. I knew I shouldn’t have, but I found myself lifting my camera and taking a picture of him. He had his eye
s closed, and hopefully his ears were underwater as well. I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to taking a photo of him, especially when he looked like he should be posing for a magazine.

  For some odd reason, as I stood there I started to compare his abs to Gage’s. After realizing what I was doing, I stopped. How could I compare Ethan to Gage at all? They were polar opposites. Ethan was sweet, kind, the golden boy. Gage, on the other hand, was rude, inconsiderate, and the bad boy.

  “You know I was going to say ‘take a picture, it’ll last longer,’ but it seems you already did,” Ethan said, making me jump. I hadn’t even noticed that he moved his head to stare at me. I looked down at my camera, which was still pointed at him.

  “Uhhh…” I trailed off, totally caught. I kept looking back and forth between my camera and his face, not knowing what to do. I literally just got caught taking pictures of the guy I was in love with while he swam almost naked; not embarrassing at all.

  “I-I think my mom called me.” I rushed out before pivoting on my heel and practically running inside. Once I had the door closed behind me, I slumped against it letting out my breath. Such a stupid move, Carter! I yelled silently at myself. I closed my eyes, trying to calm my racing heart.

  “You know you should just tell him,” someone said right next to my ear. My eyes split wide open and I jumped.

  “Aunt Kay!” I exclaimed as I clenched my chest. I glared over at her while my pulse started to slow down.

  “Sorry,” she said, but she didn’t sound sorry at all. “Carter, you need to tell him.”

  “Tell who what?” I asked, deciding to play dumb.

  “You know who I am talking about,” she pressed. I glanced around to make sure no one could hear us. I mean Macey knew and my mom knew, but I didn’t want anyone else to know, especially my brother or father.

  “How did you find out?” I asked, turning to face her. She gave me a deadpan look.

  “It is clear as day, and your mom told me.”

  “Well so much for secrets,” I muttered. “Aunt Kay, I can’t tell him.”

  “And why not? You’ve liked him for what, your entire life? You need to let him know how you feel,” she reasoned.

  “I’ve already been through this with Macey. If I tell him, it will become all awkward and tense because he won’t feel the same way. And when Luke finds out I have feelings for his best friend, he will get mad at the both of us and never let me near Ethan. And maybe their friendship would end.” What was it with people wanting me to tell Ethan how I felt? I already knew how it was going to end, so why even try?

  “Well…” Aunt Kacey started to say as she glanced around the living room, before she leaned in closer. “If you want to find out if he likes you the same way, why don’t you try to make him jealous or try to get a reaction out of him?” she suggested.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean find someone who doesn’t like Ethan or who Ethan doesn’t like and start to hang out with him. Have Ethan see you two together, and if he gets jealous or does something to try and get you away from the other guy, then you will know he likes you.” She shrugged, as if that wasn’t a big deal.

  “Do you mean like date the guy or just be friends with him?”

  “Either one. Both will probably get a rise out of him. It doesn’t even have to be someone he doesn’t like; it can be any guy for that matter.”

  “And if he gets jealous. Not that I’m saying that I am going through with this plan,” I said.

  “If he gets jealous, then you will know he likes you. If he likes you, then you can finally just tell him your feelings and wah-lah!” She waved her hands in the air. I stared at her, actually thinking about what she just said. Could I really do that? Could I use someone just to make Ethan jealous? Would he even get jealous?

  “You don’t have to do that, Carter, but it is an option if you want. I haven’t been around enough to know if he likes you back, but how could he not? You are an incredible girl, and if he doesn’t like you, then it is his own damn fault.” She pulled me into a quick hug. “Just think about it, okay? But make sure not to change yourself just to get him to notice you.” She gave me a firm look before heading to the kitchen.

  I leaned against the door thinking over everything Kacey just told me. I mean, I could try to find someone who could make Ethan jealous, but what were the odds of that working? He probably could care less about me, and I would just be setting myself up for more heartbreak. Although, at this point, it couldn’t hurt to try. I just didn’t know who I could “use” to do this. It wasn’t like I talked to a bunch of guys, and if I used anyone, the boys knew it wouldn’t work.

  I continued to think about it for a minute before pushing the idea aside. I probably wouldn’t go through with it anyways. Thanks, Aunt Kay, but I am not going to do it. Just as I stepped away to the kitchen from the door, it flung open revealing two wet boys. Ethan and Luke walked in, not even caring that they were dripping water all over the tile.

  “Dude, she was so hot, and you know I am a fan of blondes,” I heard Ethan say. “I think I am going to call her later on.” They both walked by me, not even noticing that I was blatantly staring at them. At the mention of Ethan with some girl, my stomach fell to my feet. Of course he is a fan of blondes, I thought bitterly. My hand reached up to touch my dark brown hair.

  As I stared after them, something in me snapped. I was tired of being on the back burner. If I wanted Ethan to even look at me as something other than a friend, I needed to do something to make him see me as a woman or potential girlfriend. I didn’t even know if Aunt Kay’s plan would work, but it was worth a try. Nothing could be as bad as this, imagining Ethan wrapped around some hot blonde girl.

  I was going to try and make Ethan jealous. With who I didn’t know yet, but with the idea planted firmly in my mind, I turned and walked into the kitchen.

  Chapter Eleven

  The barbecue went off without a hitch. Everyone talked over each other, and like at every get together, they were teasing one another and telling childhood stories. Being around my family made me relax and forget about my stupid plan to make Ethan jealous. We all ate until we couldn’t anymore, but when my mom came out with a cinnamon roll cake, none of us said no.

  In a way visiting my mom was like going to my grandparents’. Whenever we visited them, my grandma would feed us until our clothes didn’t fit us anymore. It was like an unwritten thing: whenever you went to your grandparents’ house, you never left hungry. My mom was just like my grandma right now. Every single person was groaning over how much we ate, even Luke and Ethan, who usually never got full.

  It went by too quick for me, even though we stayed until ten that night. Conversation was getting dry, and with everyone yawning every few seconds, we knew it was time to go. Plus, we had a good thirty-minute drive back to campus. After we said goodbye to my parents, we all got in Luke’s Jeep before heading back in silence.

  That was yesterday, and currently I was in the school’s library finishing up my homework for the week to come. The library was bigger than I imagined, standing at a good four floors. Each floor was designated for certain genres, and had rows of computers and tables for students.

  I was on the top floor with my English textbook in front of me, a couple of notebooks that were for my math and psychology classes, my art notebook off to the side of the table, and finally I had my laptop. I was literally taking up most of the table and was glad no one else was near me. I probably didn’t need to do most of my homework today, but I did not want to get behind during the first week of school.

  It was nearing three in the afternoon, and I had been here since eleven this morning. Slumping back in my chair, I rubbed my forehead feeling a headache blooming. Slowly I twirled in the chair. They had the coolest and most comfortable chairs. There were a few couches a couple of feet away, and I knew they were probably really comfortable; they must be, considering a guy was passed out on one.

  My head was hurting from all the
homework and reading. On top of that, I was tired from being up all night thinking of Aunt Kacey’s advice. The plan to get Ethan jealous wouldn’t leave my head. Sure, I wanted to know if he felt the same way I did, but at the same time I didn’t want to just use someone to do so. That was just cruel. In some ways it was a good plan, but I didn’t know if it would work or if it did, what would happen?

  All these what-ifs kept flashing through my mind. It was stupid to keep thinking about it, but it seemed like it wouldn’t go away until I officially decided. Sure, last night I had wanted to go through with it, but my rational side kicked in.

  Why I was even thinking this, I didn’t know. I just barely started college last week. How could I think about getting a boyfriend? I should just be thinking about school, not boys. I let out a groan under my breath as I tried to silence my thoughts.

  “Hey,” a voice said from above me. I glanced up to see Amy standing by the side of the table.

  “Hey.” I sat up. I hadn’t seen Amy since the other night, when we had dinner. I wanted to believe that she was busy with school and cheerleading, but for some reason I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was a lie.

  “Can I have a seat?” I nodded.

  “You don’t have to ask. You are always welcome.” I sent her a small smile. We sat there awkwardly for a moment before she started talking.

  “Carter, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’ve been dodging you lately. It’s just…things have been crazy these last few days, and I have been trying to figure stuff out.” As much as I was kind of irked that she was being distant to both me and Macey, I knew she didn’t mean to do so.

  “It’s okay. I know things have been crazy with us starting school and trying to get a schedule down. Don’t worry about it. Just don’t freeze Macey and I out. We are still your best friends.” She grinned at me, and I could practically see her slump in relief.

  “Let’s do something tonight,” Amy said, her blue eyes sparkling.