Seclusion

by Leanne Davis

  And now she’d done it again. She was back in the very same room at Scott and Sarah’s house. The only difference, this time she slept with her daughter snuggled beside her in the bed.

  Again, she’d run home.

  This time however, no one suspected anything was wrong. They were glad to see her, glad she had come home, and they thought she was just visiting. What they couldn’t know was that she had come home because she’d finally had to open her eyes and see her husband’s philandering wasn’t something she could keep ignoring. Not after David’s current twenty-year-old fling had stalked her down to the library she was doing research in and cornered her about David. The girl, so infatuated with David had begged her to let David go, to let David be with her, who he truly loved. Angie hadn’t bothered to catch the poor girl’s name. She also hadn’t told the twenty-year-old student about the other twenty-three-year-old student that David was screwing.

  She had, however, sat down by herself in a dark room and finally faced the truth. She was that student. David had never intended to leave his first wife and kids. He only had left them because everyone had found out about her. The only reason David had bothered to marry her was she’d been pregnant, and he’d had nothing better to do. It had not been the profound understanding of each other, or connection she had believed they’d shared. It had not even been love. She had been David’s consolation prize. She had been one of many students. And she’d been the blind one to not see that, not notice that, not to admit that years sooner.

  She’d paid a high price for her stupidity.

  By the time David had come home that night, Angie was sitting there, her bags packed next to her. She told David she was leaving the next morning, with Marie, for home. And that David was free to choose between the twenty-year old and the twenty-three year old student. She didn’t care which one he chose.

  Scott and Sarah had been, as always, open-arms happy to have her. She played it off that she missed Scott so much she decided to take a long vacation. She told them that David was busy with a research project and needed some time to work. Little did they know, the project was deciding which of his student lovers to choose.

  She’d spent a lot of time alone since she got home. Strangely enough, walking the beach. Walking, sitting, staring out at the waves that still came to the beach. Never changing, never wavering. And oddly enough, she kind of started to see the appeal. While the entire world changed, felt tilted on its access, these waves just kept coming, kept going, totally unchanged.

  And now, now she had Sean to add to her odd array of thoughts.

  A long time ago she’d wanted nothing to do with Seaclusion, she’d wanted so much more in life. And what did she have to show by running from Seaclusion? A too-old-for-her husband, who cheated with too-young girls.

  And she had Marie. Of everything David had done to her, he had given her Marie. The reason she hadn’t been able to easily leave him.

  It wasn’t so much that she regretted any of her decisions. Especially Marie. She didn’t.

  But when she had left Seaclusion she had expected to have a career, to travel, to be something. It was turning out she was none of those things. She had turned out like almost every other girl she’d ever known from high school. The ironies of what she hadn’t done with her life were not lost on her.

  The funny part was, she had so disdained Sean, criticized that he hadn’t left Seaclusion, ridiculed that he didn’t seem inclined to do much more than work, and hang out at The Oyster. But it turned out he was the one that built a different life for himself, that had accomplished things outside the box of what was expected of him. And it was her who’d ended up the cliché.

  She was humiliated. That was the primary feeling that kept her tongue silent about why she was once again back in Seaclusion. She was humiliated with herself, with her lack of judgment, with her husband, and the overall predictability of who David was. David who used his position, his age, his intelligence to seduce young girls who worshiped him. David who used vulnerable, lonely young girls, like she had once been, to feel young again. David was really just a middle-aged man who couldn’t quite accept that he hadn’t become quite as brilliant as he had intended.

  She had married David because it had been easier than finding a path for herself, than finding a career of her own, even finding a job of her own. She had taken the easy route, the route that wasn’t her heart’s desire and guess what? Of course, it hadn’t brought her happiness. It had brought her passivity.

  Accepting David’s infidelities, his bullying, his acting as if he were her father and she his misbehaving daughter, was Angie’s fault. That was her part in this marriage. She had accepted all this without even trying to fulfill her long ago dreams. She had become lazy, weak, and unmotivated. Was she unhappy? Yes. Would she have done anything about it if it weren’t for this young student literally rubbing her face in what she had pretended to be blind to? No, she wouldn’t have done anything.

  That’s what had Angie so thrown. She might have gone another decade living this life, half alive, accepting the unacceptable, all because it was easier. It was easier. When had she become this person? Accepting what was easier, what was half of what she wanted, and who she wanted to be. How had she become this person?

  A few days later, Angie wondered into Seaclusion, walked along main street, seeing her entire life flash before her eyes. Unhappy years, and unhappy tears that had made up much of her childhood filtered through her mind. So much unhappiness of which she’d always lain at Vanessa’s feet, and on Seaclusion’s shores.

  But maybe it was time to realize if being unhappy had followed her from year to year, from place to place, from person to person, maybe what was wrong wasn’t the place but inside of her.

  She had loved Sean, but she had walked away from him because it had been easier. It had been too hard for her to stay and face Sean. He hadn’t been ready for her pregnancy, but he had loved her. Things could be learned, dealt with, even accepted over time. But had she been willing to give him or her that chance? No. It had been too scary to wait. So she’d run.

  To David. And look where that had taken her. Right back here, wandering Seaclusion unhappy, unsettled, wanting more but totally unsure where to find it.

  She finally wandered to the beach. It was a cold, sunny day. She had been sitting on the beach for a while when she heard a laugh. A laugh she hadn’t heard in years, but remembered in her heart daily. Angie turned and saw Amy, with Luke, walking the beach. Angie’s heart clutched…and strangely, it eased. There wasn’t the old sense of tragedy and imminent pain in her heart as she saw Amy. Amy spotted her, and let out a whoop, running toward her. Angie stood up and met Amy with a hug. A welcoming, glad, happy hug.

  Everything felt different to Angie.

  “Hi, Angie! I can’t believe it’s really you. How long are you in town for?”

  “A few weeks. How are you, Amy?” Angie glanced up as Luke Tyler came walking up behind Amy.

  “I’m great. Dad and I were just looking for some shells. Mom had some errands in town, so we decided to walk the beach.”

  “Is school out today?”

  “Yup. Guess what? I start middle school next year,” Amy said smiling. “Sixth grade, can you believe it?”

  She could. She could believe it. She could clearly, starkly, remember the day, over a decade before that she’d given birth to Amy. A day that irrevocably changed the girl she’d been and the woman she’d become, and in many ways shaped exactly where her life had gone.

  Angie didn’t know anything about Amy. She didn’t know her favorite color or what her favorite toy had been as a child. Finally, in that moment as Amy talked about going to middle school, only six years from the age that Angie had given birth to Amy, she could finally see, she would have totally screwed Amy up if she’d tried to raise her.

  A release filled Angie’s stomach, her heart, her head, her guts; she’d done the right thing letting Amy go so long ago. The knowledge made her catch a brea
th. She never imagined she’d feel this way. She had a strange connection to Amy; she loved her, as her own. But it wasn’t the same as what she felt for Marie. Simply, because she knew every little burp, voice, or facial expression Marie had ever made. She knew the entire history of every day of Marie’s life. She only knew yearly bench marks of Amy.

  Simply put, Amy was not hers. Marie was.

  And letting that go, Angie for the first time in ten years didn’t feel the stabbing pain at seeing her first born daughter, smiling, happy, and waiting for her mother, Kelly Tyler, to finish errands.

  “Middle school? Wow! You still getting good grades?”

  “Uh huh,” she said rolling her eyes. “Hard not to when your dad’s a teacher.”

  Luke put a hand to her shoulder. “Amy, you love school. We have to tell you to ease up on the studying. Nice try.”

  She giggled. “Well, it’s not totally cool to be the brainiac of every class, Dad.”

  Angie smiled. She’d always gotten the highest grades in every class. A fact that surprised most because she was so unassuming and below average in every other aspect of her life. The one thing she’d always been smart in was school. It warmed her heart to think Amy got that from her.

  Amy was different than she’d been before. Gone was the bouncing around giggles and little girl cuteness. In its place was Amy standing still, talking easily, looking from her dad to Angie. There was Amy standing almost five foot, and on the cusp of middle school. There was Amy growing up, moving on, as Angie hadn’t done, but should have done years before.

  They talked for several minutes before Amy saw a friend she wanted to go see. Luke waved her on, and they were left alone.

  Luke glanced at Angie. “This doesn’t seem as hard for you as it once was.”

  “No, surprisingly, it’s not. I think realizing I didn’t raise her, like I have Marie, it’s changed things. Marie is my daughter in every sense of the word, as Amy is yours.”

  “I heard you finished your grad school. Did you ever sign up for a doctorate program?”

  Angie shook her head, and looked away. Of course, teacher that he was, he’d check up on her.

  “There are lots of ways to do it now. You can even get them online. You should look into it.”

  “David’s still paying off my first round of student loans. There could be no possible reason to add more to it.”

  “David? You’re married? Then what’s yours is his and vice versa.”

  “I don’t have a job, Mr. Tyler.”

  He laughed. “I haven’t taught you in a decade, it’s Luke. And neither does Kelly work. She raises our daughter, she works same as you.”

  “I appreciate that, but Kelly is a rich, former model who probably buys and sells the rest of us five times over. Not the same as me.”

  “You ever think about teaching?”

  “Think about teaching for what?”

  “For a career. I think you’d be great. You’ve always been sharp in academics, and you obviously love school, who better to teach it? You know with a master’s you can teach at the community college level. Or you could go back, and get your teaching credentials; it would take you a year or two, depending on the program.”

  She did a double take at Luke, not expecting this from him. “No, I never thought about teaching high school. I was going to be an academic, maybe write books, lecture, or travel, instead, I did nothing.”

  “No, life came in, real life. It happens. Doesn’t mean for a moment life is done. I was your age before I went back to get my teaching credentials. I sold cell phones for five years, and made a hell of a living at it. But I wasn’t happy, and decided to make a change. Why can’t you?”

  Why couldn’t she? The strange words, the strange idea from Luke floated into her brain. Not near as unwelcome as she would have thought it.

  “Become a teacher?”

  “Become a teacher. Not like the school part would be hard for a brainiac like you. Not lost on me who Amy got it from.”

  She smiled, and looked away at the flush of tears into her eyes. “Thank you, Mr. Ty—I mean Luke, I never would have thought about this. I don’t know. It doesn’t sound so terrible.”

  “How’s Marie?”

  “Marie is wonderful.”

  “Bring her by. I don’t see any reason why Amy and Marie can’t know each other. They are half-sisters no matter the politics behind it all.”

  “Do you mean that?”

  “Actually, Amy asked me. After she heard you were back in town, with Marie. She knew you’d had another baby. I think it’s a good idea.”

  “Okay, yes. I’d like to do that.”

  “What do you say next Saturday?”

  Angie felt a rightness fill her, at both of her daughters meeting. “Yes, I’ll be there.”

  “Say noon? We’ll have lunch and let them play?”

  “I’d like that, thank you, Luke.”

  “A long time ago, you gave me what no one else could have, a daughter. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you if I could.”

  “Strangely, I know that. Probably more so the older I get.”

  It was strange being glad she’d given these people her daughter. But it filled her with peace to know what her sacrifice had meant to them.

  Walking into town from the beach to grab her car, she ran into Sean. Still feeling strange from seeing Amy and Luke, she cringed at the irony, and the fact that this was why she’d always run from Seaclusion. It was so small.

  He was coming out of the hardware store, carrying a brown bag full of stuff. He paused when he noticed her a hundred feet away and across the street. Their eyes met and held over the distance of the two lane street. A car went by, breaking the moment. Sean opened his truck, and set the bag in. She thought he might get in and leave. Instead he shut his door, and crossed the street toward her.

  Sean’s presence made her heart pause, then skip several beats. He had kept his hair shorter, in between the long of years ago, and the short he’d worn it when she’d left town. He looked as good to her, as much to her heart, as he’d been almost three years ago.

  He stopped steps before her. They stared at each other again, as if shock had them unable to articulate words. It was strange seeing him again after so many years, yet this familiarity between them couldn’t be ignored.

  “So where is this daughter of yours?”

  “Marie? With Sarah again. The girls adore her.”

  He grinned. “Yeah, my nieces would. So what are you doing in town? Sightseeing? Or beachcombing? Wait, it couldn’t be either, you hate both.”

  “Not so much anymore. I was looking around town, and I did just come from the beach.”

  “Really? Huh. You really have changed.”

  “No. Sad part is I’m not so sure I have.”

  “Did you see Amy down there? I past her a few minutes ago with Luke.”

  “I did. I saw them.”

  “And?”

  Angie smiled. “And we made a play date for Saturday.”

  “For Marie and Amy?”

  Angie let out a breath. Her daughters. “Yes.”

  “And you’re okay with this?”

  “I am.”

  “Good. Well, I need to get back to Seclusion, had a toilet quit flushing, got to get it fixed before the couple decides the place isn’t worth having to share a bathroom. Back to my as always glamorous life.”

  She nodded, watched him turn, cross the street, get in his truck and drive away as if it were no big deal that he’d run into her in town. As if seeing her was like running into an old friend from high school. The way it made her heart twist clued her in on what she’d been dancing around for a while now, she’d never gotten over Sean Langston. Or Seaclusion.

  Everything she’d left, was still here, waiting for her. Including Sean. And for once, the thought didn’t send her running the other direction in horror.

  Chapter 23

  Angie found Sean in the bathroom lying under the sink working inside
the cabinet. Only his legs stuck out from the cabinet. She had wasted only moments before she’d gotten into her own car and driven out to Seclusion just minutes behind him. The front door had been open, she’d come up here on her own, remembering the layout from before. She marveled at the changes the place had gone through. Kind of like the changes she had.

  “Why didn’t you come after me?”

  She stood in the doorway, and blurted it out to the pair of legs that were sticking out from under the sink. She heard what she thought was Sean’s head hit the pipes under the sink and a curse. His head and upper body came out of the cabinet.

  “Angie?”

  “Why didn’t you ever come after me? I waited almost six months before I married David. Six months. You could have wised up, grown up, got over my having a baby in those six months. You could have come after me. You could have called me. You could have done something. Yet you did nothing.”

  Sean stared up at her from the floor where he sat.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Nearly three years ago. You should have come after me. You said you loved me, and yet, you didn’t even try to stop me from leaving. You didn’t ask me to stay. You let me go easier than people give away pets when they move.”

  “That’s what you think? That I didn’t care? Do you think that was easy for me? You left me. You told me not to come. You were pregnant with another man’s child. You were going back to live with that man. What exactly was I supposed to do?”

  “I don’t know. Something. Anything. Let me know that you were going to stick with me.”

  “Stick with you? You were pregnant. That wasn’t like you had a pet I didn’t want. You were having a baby.”

  “And you couldn’t be bothered to even try to accept it.”

  “You ran. You didn’t give me much chance to accept it. You were too busy making sure you didn’t end up here in Seaclusion. You didn’t exactly waste any time leaving me for David, now did you?”