by Tara Brown
Where is my head?
Wait—Shane is reading . . . ?
The whole angel thing has us all acting crazy. He lifts his head and grins. My schoolgirl crush on him never seems to fade away. I still adore his tanned skin and dark-blue eyes. I love his amazing smile and sweetness.
Vampire Shane was an asshole, but angel Shane is exactly like high school Shane.
“Hey you! I haven’t seen you in ages.”
I don't know if his statement is true or not. My ages are becoming actual ages and my moments are fleeting like a dream. “How’s it going?”
He shrugs. “Just reading some book called Catcher in the Rye. Blake said it was epic. This kid just seems lost like any other teenager. He’s irresponsible.” He lies it down and snorts. “Not my kind of read at all.”
“Shane, do you remember when you liked me in school?”
He blushes a little. “Yeah.”
“Why did you like me?”
He wrinkles his lips before wiggling them and processing. “Gosh, that feels like a million years ago. I guess, I just liked how simple things were with you. You never expected anything or acted like a psycho. You were old, inside.”
“If I asked you out now, what would you say?”
He winces.
It makes me laugh. “I’m not going to ask you out. I’m just curious.”
“I guess I’d say no. I think of you like a sister. It feels like we’ve known each other for a hundred years.”
With all the messing around Ari did, it is like a hundred years. I get his point though. We have been together, in so many different ways that it feels like that life together has been lived. It has played out its part in our hearts.
That's how it is with Aleks too. The love was never true love. It was never soul-mate love. Or whatever other cheesy words there are for that kind of love that time stops for. “Aleks and Hanna are sleeping together.” I blurt it out.
He bites his lip and nods. “I know. Sam was telling me that she and Alex were sort of living some weird farm-life dream. She’s been cooking and hanging out, like the little wife. It’s weird. I didn't even know Hanna could cook.”
“Aleks was a caveman before—she probably can’t cook. He wouldn't know either way.”
Shane’s eyebrows lift. “Sounds petty, Aimes. Doesn't look good on you.”
“I know. I just don't know what to think about the giant orgy we’ve sort of become.”
“Wanna talk about it?”
“Yeah, but I won’t bug you with it.” I nod and wink. I can’t help but stare at the ornate door. It always makes me feel weird. I don't even knock before Roland answers it. “Ms. James, how are you?”
“Crappy.”
He offers me a look. I don't know how to read it. It’s almost like he’s excited I said that. “I didn't know your kind could do crappy. You are all always so happy and jovial, even when mass murdering. Your ability to be conflicted about anything seems a bit stunted as of late.”
“That's why I’m here.”
“You wish to see the doctor? He isn’t in.”
I shake my head. “I came to see you.”
Again he offers me a look and opens the door wider so I can walk past him. When I get into the sitting room my throat tightens. It makes me think of Lydia. In fact, Roland makes me think of her and Annabelle every time I see him.
He leaves me there, but I know he’s getting tea ready. I don't even feel like having a cup but he can’t sit and talk without it. The English are so strange. He comes back moments later and sits. “Whatever can I do for you?”
“I want to know how possible it is that Lillith has cursed us.”
“Cursed you?” His hairy eyebrows lift. I nod. He pauses, contemplating before agreeing. His eyes narrow and I see him start piecing things together in his head. “Well, now. I suppose it is very possible. In fact, now that I add it to all of the oddities I have seen, it’s very likely. The doctor and I noticed a difference in Hanna about six months into you all becoming winged avengers. It would explain why angels cannot be on this Earth without becoming the very thing they are always meant to stop. It would also make sense of why Sam has been sleeping here for weeks, desperately uncertain of why he’s so upset. I try telling him it’s Hanna but he disagrees, saying he’s over her. Then he cries and he later brings a different girl here for the night. He doesn't recall yesterday and he repeats himself all the time.”
“I didn't even know Sam was here.”
He nods. “Oh yes, for some time now. Hanna has moved on, which was what made me think you had come here for Sam. A bit of vengeance sex, if you will.”
“Uh, no.” I wrinkle my nose.
His eyes dart to my pocket. “No, I suppose not. There is another person residing in your heart, if I am not mistaken.”
My cheeks flush as I lower my gaze.
“I won’t tell anyone, if that's your concern. I can just smell him on you. I assume it is the feather in your pocket?”
I nod, almost wishing I hadn’t come.
He gets up, pointing. “I have just the thing for you.” He leaves and comes back, holding a tray with our tea and a silver locket. It’s larger than the one my mom always had. He places the tray down and holds up the locket, opening it and revealing a larger space. “Place the feather in here.”
“It won’t fit.”
He smiles and I see the gleam that he always gets when he is right. “It will, trust me.”
I pull the feather from my pocket and place it on the locket. It closes on its own, taking my feather with it. My heart leaps, but when he places the locket in my hands I can feel the feather is still there. He hands me a tea and sits down with a cup for himself. “It’s magical. It has an enchantment on it. I believe it was once used to smuggle a sword into a cell.”
It makes me smile. He’s so old and wise. I sip the tea, inhaling the strange and relaxing smell coming off of it. I instantly feel better.
“Do you still love him, regardless of his moving on to the next life?”
I nod. “I can’t help but love him. He’s the wrong choice. He’s dead, for starters. He’s snide and shitty to everyone, including me. He’s so bitter and spicy, and yet I can’t get him out of my head.”
“Or your heart.”
I shake my head. “Or my heart. I love him in a way that weighs on me, like it’s drowning me. I don't even know how to be without him and I have never had him. He’s never been mine. He’s always belonged to himself and Lorri.”
“And you were with Aleks.”
I nod. “And now the love I feel for him, regardless of his being dead, is so big it has cast a shadow over anything I have ever felt for another person. He has made me see that I never knew love at all. I knew bewitchment. It was what I felt for Aleks. I hate that I’ve made my feelings for him trivial, but I can’t help it. I just don't feel that way now that we are on equal playing fields.” I sip the tea, clutching the locket. “And Shane, he’s like the brother I never had. My crush on him was shallow like the feelings I had then. Dorian is everything and nothing, and I can’t escape my pain.”
He nods. “Well, we have determined you can have magic placed upon you.”
I scowl.
“The tea. I put a little something in there to test it out. You spilling your feelings like that is a result.”
I scowl but his jovial laugh makes me smile. “You rotten old man!”
He shrugs. “Beyond the mopey angel upstairs, I don't have much else to do in a day.”
Placing the teacup down on the coffee table, I frown. “So we can be affected by magic. What does that mean? How does that solve my problem?”
He raises his eyebrows. “You can find the person doing it, and stop them.”
That makes me sigh. I don't feel like I am closer to any answer.
“The real question is though, how did it not work on you completely? If you see the spell, it didn't work fully.”
His question makes me think. “I don't know. B
lake is fine too. He’s pretty normal. So is Shane.” I scowl and chuckle at the same time, sort of conflicted over the changes in Shane. “Well, sort of normal. Shane’s been reflecting and reading and thinking far more than he used to. But he’s not out causing a ruckus.”
“Are you three the only Port Mackenzie kids?”
I shake my head but then stop. “On second thought, she’s the same too. Giselle, she’s always been kind of vacuous and slutty. This isn’t new for her. She’s a very ‘live for the moment’ kind of girl, not in a bad way though.”
“The humans who were made supernatural are acting the same and the immortals and those born different are acting like the fallen?”
I nod.
“Then whatever the magic is, it only focuses on your angelic side. You kids stand a better chance of fighting it than the rest. You are born human and your human side has not died off.” He speaks like Obi-Wan Kenobi, very contemplative and calm. It’s almost creepy.
“Well, what can I do? How can I stop them all from doing things they will regret and hate themselves for?” I have my own regrets sitting heavily on my chest. I can’t imagine what they have done.
“We will get Marcus and Lorelei to help us trap them somewhere that they can not harm anyone, including themselves, until this is over.”
I wince. “They might like being all stuck together in a room, Roland. It’s a bit like an orgy actually.”
“I know. We won’t put them together. We will just trap them and leave them there until we find some kind of solution.”
It makes me uncomfortable but he’s right. Lillith is working some kind of magic on the angels. She always has. Lorri just missed it, because she never was affected by it—I don't know how. I suppose because her resolve was so strong. I glance at the ceiling and nod. “I’m going to go and see him, if it’s all the same to you.”
“Please do. I fear he is not affected the same way the others are. He is melancholy and off, but he doesn't know why. I wonder if his being angel already, if that has issues for him. He and Ari.”
I nod. “She’s full of issues, trust me. I hardly recognize her.” I slip the necklace with the locket over my head and nestle it into my shirt. I instantly feel more of everything, like I used to.
“How ever did you manage to win the heart of a man like Dorian? I did not believe him capable of love.”
Crossing the room, I contemplate it before I turn back and smile faintly. “I think it was fate. Before he showed me his heart, there was always something there between us. It was dark and frightening but if I look back on it honestly, it was the intensity of it all that I feared.” My smile grows into something honest and relaxed, a grin I have not worn in a while. “He watched me before I ever even met him. A long time before Aleks and I ever crossed paths or Shane ever professed his crush on me, Dorian watched me. When I was sick once I caught a glimpse of him. I thought I had imagined it, but I had seen him in the shadows. When I saw the memory in his mind, I was stunned to feel the emotions he felt, seeing me so sick and weak.” My eyes dart to the teacup when I realize I’m babbling. “I didn't win his heart, he gave it freely. He just never told me he had done it.”
Roland smiles. “I do love a good cup of tea, stop by again.”
I cock an eyebrow and wave, winking to the second floor. I knock at the door to the room I imagine he is in. Sam opens it, grinning wildly when he sees me. “Aimes! I am so excited to see you. I was just thinking that maybe we could all go somewhere, the whole group of us. Like a trip somewhere.” He’s erratic. Now that I have the locket on me, touching me constantly, I can see through the fog.
I push my way into the room, sighing and wrapping my arms around him. He responds with a hug, equally relaxing and resembling melting into a person.
It takes several seconds for me to realize he’s shaking. At first I assume it’s laughter, until he drops to his knees and wraps his arms around my waist.
Sam is one of my favorite people in the world. I hate him being devastated. I run my hands through his thick, dark hair. I have to assume the bedhead look he’s sporting is actually from sleeping too much. He stops crying, as if the sprinklers have just shut off, and sits back on his knees. “They’re having an affair.”
“I know.”
He wipes his face and sighs. “I just wish I could make this go away.” He pushes on the spot where his heart is. “It burns and aches and weighs a ton.” He lifts his shirt, revealing old blood stains on perfect skin. “I tried cutting it out but I can’t. I healed so fast, the knife got stuck in there until my skin pushed the blade out.”
I almost gag. He’s lost his friggin’ mind.
His dark eyes look crazy. His angelic face breaks my heart. I drop to my knees too, lifting my fingers to his cheeks. He leans in, pressing his mouth to mine. The kiss is soft and slow, but when his chest presses against mine, the locket burns. I shove him back. “I have to go. I just wanted to see if you’re okay.”
He grabs me, pulling me into him, nestling his face into the crook of my neck. “Don't leave me here. The walls play pictures of us, me and her. They show me how it used to be. But I can’t get that back, and I don't know if I want it back. I just want the ache to go away.”
“Sam, you have to try to remember who you were before Lorri changed you.”
He shakes his head. “I don't want to. I think Hanna ruled me then. I’m over her now. I’m free of the love.” He’s lying to himself or just delusional. The blood on his chest tells me delusional. “I don't ever want to feel the pressure of all that again.”
I don't even understand what he’s talking about. “Come to Shane’s with me. The kids will make you feel better.” I send a text to Marcus and Lorelei to meet me at Shane’s house.
He nods against me as I wink.
Chapter Three
Generation dipshit
Instantly, we are in the living room at Shane’s with the kids. Sam smiles and pushes away from me when he sees them. They come running, hugging, and shoving. He will always be one of them, the lost children.
My eyes catch dark hair in the corner. When I look up Marcus is standing with his arms folded. Lorelei fixed whatever was broken in him. Whatever it was that made him crave Hanna. I am pretty pleased that part of our shared hell is over.
“To what do I owe the great pleasure of this invitation, Aimee James?”
I love his voice. He’s cocky and reminds me of the person I miss the most in the empty world I am stuck in. “I need your help.”
He starts to do his madman laugh but Lorelei stalks in, looking beautiful as always. She scowls at him and smiles at me. “Why hello there, darling.” Her Southern accent kills me. “From your first response to allllllll my texts, I have to assume y’all are ready to start helping out around here with the world ending and all?” She sounds a bit pissed.
I cock an eyebrow. “Helping with what?”
She offers me a hand. I know what she wants, and I don't want to do it but I have no choice. I walk to her and drape my hand across hers. I close my eyes and prepare for whatever she wants me to see.
But nothing I do can prepare me for what she shows me.
It is horrid. It is chaos and pain and I don't understand. The world is on fire. It literally is on fire. I pull back, confused. “I don't understand.”
She nods. “I gathered. Y’all have been a royal pain in my ass since Lorri changed you. Ain’t nobody answering no texts and no phone calls. I try talking to any one of y’all and I get a blank stare. I don't know what the hell is going on, but this has to change. We are losing the war.”
“Henry? Have you found him?”
She shakes her head. “The minute he left here, I lost the ability to track him down. I want to send them to the garden.” She nods toward the nephilim children. “I need to find him but I don't know how to tell him that.”
“They are the answer, apparently. We will need them before all is over.”
Her eyes light up. “They’re kids and I
ain’t using kids to win a war against demons and hellfire, and whatever else Lillith plans on using.” She holds her phone up, flashing me the headlines of the world around us. “There’s a plague in Europe, the population is decreased by at least half. It came over from Asia. They didn't fair any better than we did. India is a mess. The Middle East is blown to bits. Everyone over there is gone, either fled or dead. Africa is also a mess. The bombing and wars have been particularly bad. South America is a pit of sin and debauchery. The cartels are running everything, killing everyone. I dare say, there ain’t a single person alive that's worth saving, and yet here we are needing to save them anyway.”
I swallow hard. “I haven’t seen this. Are you sure? I was in Miami yesterday.”
“Oh, you guys and your memories.” She chuckles. “I doubt you’ve been there in six months, Aimee. Miami is flooded. The whole of the South is underwater and the North is dry and dying from drought. Lillith is winning. She is killing us, using everything she has at her disposal. My team, apart from a couple people, is dead. The Asian Roses are gone completely. But y’all are intact and drinking mai tais by the pool. So long as you don't notice the pool is filled with sludge and your drink contains the blood of innocents.”
“Well shit.” I slump into the chair behind me, mouth agape and heart pounding. “When did this all happen?”
“It’s been years, Aimee. This didn't happen overnight. It happened while y’all were drinking and dancing and having fun in the dens of sin. I don't blame you. Your generation is a hot mess, as you kids say. I always did think making a bunch of teenaged cell-phone kids angels was a stupid plan, but Lorri was dead and gone before I could complain. But it’s time now; we are in the last hour. Things have to change. You have to wake up and smell the puddle of shit you’re knee deep in.” She covers her lips and glances back at the kids. They don't even notice. They’ve spent years with Marcus. . . .
“Well, I’m awake now. But it’s just Shane, Giselle, Blake, and me. The others are locked in whatever kind of spell Lillith has cast on us.”
She scowls. “What?”
“I swear Lillith has cast something on the Earth or the angels. I can’t be sure. Most of the fallen and most of us are under the spell. They don't see time or feel it. It’s fluid and blended, and they have no guilt. There are no consequences and humans are next to nothing to them. I’ve felt all of it. I can’t remember yesterday, apart from a few events that stick out like they happened recently, but now I’m afraid they didn't. We are distracted by love, sex, drinking, and dancing. She has us acting like the world is our buffet.”
