Cruel and Unusual (Somewhere In-Between)

by C. E. Wilson

  Her lower lip trembled. Oh, God. For the love of God. No tears. Her expression alone already had me on the verge of crying…

  “S-so…Mauve and you…” was all she could stammer out.

  I grimaced at the memory of Mauve’s eyes. The way she was so confident about finding happiness…without me. “Over. Done. She wants nothing to do with me. She’s found God.”

  She choked out a laugh, and finally I could smile. “She’s found what?”

  “She’s found God,” I said again. “I don’t know. Whatever it is she thinks she’s found, she can’t have anything to do with me. Apparently, I’ve been forgiven. And I’ve forgiven her, so things are peachy and perfect,” I said in a bitter voice. I lowered my head and shook it. “I was a complete asshole to you about her.”

  “No. I understand—”

  “And that’s what makes it worse!” I pinched my eyes shut. I had to say something. I had to get it out right now. “I’m sorry for how I treated you when I was getting ready for Mauve to come. It wasn’t fair to you, and it was shitty on my part, but that doesn’t mean that I didn’t mean what I said.” My hands started to reach for her. I couldn’t control them, and I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to. Verity froze like a deer in headlights as my hands came close, but she didn’t back away. “I hurt you. And with the way I was acting you probably thought I was messing with you. I wasn’t. I was in complete denial, and you didn’t help me either, Verity.”

  “What did I do?” she asked, warily looking at my hands as they came to rest on either side of her.

  “You never told me how you felt! You never told me how you felt about what I said.” I slowly clasped both hands around her waist and gently lifted her up from the bed. The warmth in that tiny body of hers awakened something in me that even Mauve’s visit hadn’t. Somehow, some way, I was attracted to that little woman. I lifted her to eye level and held her there. It made no sense. It made perfect sense. Holding her felt right. It felt like home. “So tell me how you feel,” I said in a challenging voice. She must have felt so vulnerable like that, but I didn’t care.

  I needed to hear the words.

  I needed to know she couldn’t escape me if I wanted her.

  “Malcolm…you and her—”

  “We’re not talking about her,” I said curtly. “We’re talking about you and me.”

  “Malcolm, you can’t. We can’t.”

  “You’re not answering me. Tell me how you feel.” I dared to bring her closer to my face. Her eyes widened but there was no fear, just… curiosity. “Tell me.”

  “Malcolm. It can’t…I know what I am—”

  “You think I don’t by now? You tell me often enough.” I brought her even closer. I couldn’t hold her much closer without my eyes crossing. “I told you I thought I was falling for you,” I said, hoping that a gentle reminder would push her to answer. “I meant it, and I still do.”

  Those electric-blue eyes widened. But there was no reply.

  “Tell me, Verity. Tell me how you feel about me.”

  Her voice was barely above a soft whisper, so I could barely hear the words. But I did.

  “The feeling is mutual.”

  I wasn’t letting her go that easily. “What feelings are mutual?”

  “The ones you have for me…they’re mutual.”

  I arched a careful brow. “So what are you saying?”

  “You know what I’m saying.” Her light cheeks grew pink to match her hair.

  “And yet I still want to hear you say it directly.”

  She huffed audibly.

  “Please. Say it to me.”

  “It shouldn’t matter. Because of what I am—”

  “Stop fucking around, and say it, Verity. Say how you feel.”

  “I like you too, all right?” she yelped. “I like you too! Maybe more. I don’t know. I’m scared…it’s not right.”

  “What’s not right about it?” She blinked, and finally a single tear escaped from her eyes. “Please don’t do that,” I said, weakening at the sight of her emotions. “You know what that does to me.”

  “Yeah? Well, so what. I’m allowed to cry. You said it yourself, didn’t you? I’m a person. And guess the hell what? People cry! I’m allowed to!” She blinked again, and several more liquid crystals fell to her cheeks.

  I bit my lip. Hold steady.

  “I’m allowed to cry, Malcolm,” she said again. “I want you, but it can’t… we can’t. It can’t happen!”

  “Maybe it hasn’t happened before,” I said, trying not to focus on her tears so I wouldn’t become completely undone. “That doesn’t mean it can’t ever work.”

  “That doesn’t even make sense.”

  I shifted topics. “Are you disgusted with me?”

  She sniffed loudly. “What? Why would you ask—”

  “Answer me. Do I disgust you?”

  “Of course not! What’s the reason for…” her words caught in her throat when I leaned forward. I couldn’t take any more. My lips met hers, the most awkward kiss I’d ever experienced but definitely not the worst. She let out a grunt of surprise at first, but when she realized I wasn’t attacking her, she settled into the kiss, moving her tiny lips against mine. It was… surreal. I hadn’t ever experienced anything like it.

  I wanted more.

  I pulled away, though—for a moment—to catch her reaction.

  I hoped it wouldn’t be disgust.

  Her face was red, and her nose and chin were damp from my lips, but other than that… “So that was okay?”

  She nodded slowly. “That was…definitely okay.” She pushed some loose strands from her face. Our eyes met. “In fact…we could try it again…if you want to.”

  I leaned forward. She didn’t have to ask me twice.

  Chapter Eighteen

  The end of another month approached. The end of my sentence loomed over my head. I didn’t need to get pardoned or try to bring down Project Isolation. With her by my side, I could wait out my sentencing, but then what?

  What would happen once I was free?

  I couldn’t very well return home and introduce Verity as my girlfriend to my friends and family. And honestly, I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to go back to reality. With Verity, life felt like a fantasy even when I was in jail. What would happen once I was free? Would life really get better… or more complicated? And if I did decide to go home, what would happen to Verity? Would she come with me? Or would that be the end? People in general scared Verity, and I didn’t blame her for feeling that way.

  As Verity sat on the windowsill, I contemplated my options. I could run away with her… to spend my days someplace warm and in complete isolation. There, I would have no chance of seeing Mauve in her new life or risk seeing the disappointment in my parents’ eyes for what I had done. And with a normal girl, I could see the possibilities. As much as I wanted to keep telling Verity she was normal, I knew in the back of my mind that she was not. Not in her mind and not in her body. Physically, we could do only so many things together, and that thought gnawed at me, warning me that she might never be enough.

  Could I spend the rest of my life knowing—outside a few imaginative endeavors—that we could never truly have a physical relationship? Sure, possibilities like VR existed, but how could we have access to that stuff while living at the very edge of the civilized world?

  “What are you thinking about?”

  Her voice came so quickly I almost missed it. I must have also missed her shifting around on the windowsill to look at me.

  “You look like you have a lot on your mind,” Verity said. “Are you worried for when the wardens come back?”

  “How did you know?”

  “I know it’s getting close to that time.”

  I approached her slowly and stood behind her. No longer as hesitant to touch her, I rested my hand on her back as she glanced up at me.

  “Talk to me, Malcolm.”

  “About what?”

  “About what’s making
you look so worried.”

  I frowned, trying to think of the best way to address it. We still had time. Months from now, I might not be so indecisive. Maybe ways to make this work existed that we simply hadn’t discovered yet. I wanted to believe that if I was to give up everything for her, I wouldn’t regret it.

  “What happens when I’m done serving my time, Verity?” I blurted out. I felt her small shoulders stiffen under my hand, but I kept it there. “You asked what I was thinking about and why I looked so worried. I’m telling you. I want to know—what do you think will happen to us once I’m done here?”

  “Do we really need to think about it now? I mean, how many more months—”

  “Eight,” I said. “Eight more months. And that’s if the new elect remain in charge. Things could easily change if the government loses its power.”

  “You mean…if I come forward?”

  “That’s not what I mean,” I said quickly. “I asked you what you think would happen.” I lifted my hand and dipped a finger under her chin so she couldn’t avoid looking at me. “With us.”

  “What do you want to happen?” Her blue eyes darted back and forth.

  “I asked you first.”

  She bit her lower lip. “I can’t go back to how I was…if there ever was truly something to go back to,” she said, explaining herself.

  “You’ve made that clear,” I said. “This is how you are. This is how you’ll stay. I’ve come to accept that.”

  “Have you?”

  I winced and tried to keep my cheeks from growing hot. I wasn’t really successful, and she saw the confusion written all over my features.

  “I see. So…if I’m like this. What can truly happen with us? You just want to take care of me? Because I’m small, right?”

  “Verity, stop putting words in my mouth,” I said, taking my hand away. I palmed my face with frustration before pinching the bridge of my nose. “It’s just…”

  “Don’t you think it’s a little too early to think about things so far in the future?”

  I lowered my hand. “What do you mean?”

  “It’s only that eight months is a long time for any friendship or relationship—not even counting the obstacles that we have. I’m an escaped spy, Malcolm. Not a very good one, I confess, but that doesn’t seem to matter much. I know people are looking for me, and it’s only a matter of time before someone notices something. I might not even be able to hide out here for the rest of your sentence. And if I have to go…” she shrugged lightly, “then I have to go.”

  “Just like that, huh?”

  “What else am I supposed to do? Write you a letter?”

  “If you left, I would never be able to find you again.”

  “Probably not.”

  “And how long have you been thinking this?”

  “Thinking what?” she asked.

  “About the possibility of having to leave.”

  “Malcolm, I never stop thinking about it. It’s kind of a constant.”

  “So why couldn’t you at least talk to me about it?”

  “That’s what I’m doing right now, I thought.”

  I was growing more and more frustrated with the conversation. I thought I had been having doubts. Verity had been planning on leaving me the whole time.

  “Verity, I—” my voice was cut short when I heard a loud horn sound in the distance. We both brought our attention to the window, and my face fell. “What the hell…”

  “Isn’t it early?” she asked as the boat crested the horizon.

  “It is…” I tried to make sense of it. It was too early in the month for supply delivery, and I hadn’t seen Flynn for weeks. Even when I got some fresh air, he would ignore me. I suppose he really was right about one thing—we were done, and he would never forgive me. It didn’t really matter, but suddenly I was curious as to why someone would be coming to the island today. Did Flynn expect a visitor? It wasn’t a visiting day…so why?

  “What do you want me to do?” Verity asked. “Should I hide?” She glanced at the cabinets. “I can hide there…”

  “No,” I said, starting to panic for reasons I couldn’t explain. “It might be Milo, and if it is, I wouldn’t put it past him to search the entire place. He’ll find you if you’re hidden anywhere here.”

  “What about the bathroom?”

  “No.”

  “Maybe I could hide under the bed or under the floorboards.”

  “Verity…” my mind reeled. I couldn’t think. “He’ll look everywhere.”

  “So where do you want me to go?”

  I didn’t want to say it, but I didn’t know what else could be done. I was so convinced that Milo was coming and he was here to search the place that I couldn’t even think rationally. “You’ll have to go like you did that time when Mauve came.”

  “But—”

  “Of course I want you to come back!” I hissed as the boat made its way closer. Flynn left his house and walked up to the coast. Something was going on. Something was happening. “Verity, please make sure you hide someplace far away from here, but I want you to come back to me.”

  “Malcolm, are you sure—”

  I cut off her rambling by picking her up in two hands and jogging outside. Flynn noticed me, but he didn’t say anything as I went around to the side of the house where he couldn’t see anything.

  “Please, Verity…” I said, almost begging now. “It’s not safe. Janet knows about drones going missing, and I don’t think she’ll stop looking. And Milo? He’s a cruel bastard. I don’t want him anywhere near you.”

  “Malcolm—”

  “Please,” I hissed. “Go hide. I don’t think Milo will check around the nearby trees, but you never know, so the best place for you is far away. Just…” I trailed off and released her suddenly, relieved that she was already pumping those artificial wings of hers to remain close to my face. “Go somewhere and wait. Wait until the boat is gone. Be safe.” As usual, my hands acted on their own, and soon I was cupping her tiny face in one of my hands. “Promise me you won’t come back until it’s clear.”

  “If you would wait a moment—”

  I cut her off again as I pulled her to my face and planted another awkward kiss. I wasn’t sure if I could get used to those. I was doing the right thing, but her lips were so damn small. It was hard to pinpoint their exact location, but when I felt Verity moan quietly as I pressed my lips to hers, I had to assume something was going right. When I pulled away, her eyes were half lidded.

  “Don’t come back until things are clear,” I said.

  I heard the boat bump against the dock, and Flynn’s annoying voice called out.

  Milo and Janet. Again.

  “Verity, you need to—” I stopped short when I felt the air was empty around my hand. She was gone. She had already gone away. Thank hell. I took a deep breath and shoved my hands into my pockets as I walked around the house to see Janet and Milo talking with Flynn again. I didn’t like it.

  “It’s early,” I called over to Flynn’s side of the cage.

  Milo and Janet turned at the same time.

  Janet looked guilty.

  Milo looked eager.

  ***

  “Mr. Davenport,” Janet said, the first one to speak to me out of the three of them. Flynn wore a strange smirk on his face. “How… how are you?”

  “I have a few ideas,” Milo said, shooting a cruel smile toward Flynn. He returned it gratefully.

  “What does that mean?” My voice wavered slightly.

  As Milo slowly approached my part of the cage, I was relieved that I had forced Verity to leave. Milo looked like he was up to trouble. I noticed a slip of paper in his hands.

  “What’s going on?” I asked.

  “Suspicious Carryings,” Milo said with another grin. “Apparently, Mr. Andersen is worried that you’re housing contraband. You know that’s a no-no, don’t you, Mr. Davenport?”

  “Of course I do—”

  “So then you wouldn’t
mind if I had a little look around?”

  My eyes widened. Dammit, Flynn. He still had it in for me. He’d used my exact words and turned them against me. I couldn’t stop Milo even if I knew he didn’t have the proper paperwork to search my place. He was testing me. Milo wanted to see if there was guilt in my eyes or in my expression. He wanted a reason to be suspicious.

  “Of course not.” I kept my voice cool and detached. Even Janet looked surprised. I motioned for them both to follow me back into my home, Milo on my heels and Janet right after him. As I went to step inside, I felt a heavy hand drop on my shoulder and it took everything I had not to turn around and punch the owner of the hand right in the jaw.

  “I’m sorry, Mr. Davenport,” Milo said in a cool voice. “I’m going to have to ask you to remain outside with Janet as I go over the place. I can’t have any distractions, can I?”

  “May I ask what you are looking for?”

  “That’s my business, Mr. Davenport,” Milo said. “Perhaps you could speak to Janet about your concerns. Because while Mr. Andersen has indeed complained multiple times, it was she who filed the formal claim.” Smiling again, he turned into my house and opened the door.

  My eyes lost their cool demeanor as I looked at Janet. I took a seat on the grass so I could try to compose myself. Janet had filed the suspicious grounds claim?

  “Why?” I asked her immediately. “Why the fuck did you file the claim?”

  “Mr. Davenport, please watch your language—”

  “I’m not a fucking child, and I’m not going to watch my goddamn language. Why the hell did you file a Suspicious Carryings claim on me? What have I done?”

  “Keep it down out there, or I’ll settle you myself, Mr. Davenport,” Milo called from inside.

  From the sounds that were emanating from my cabin, I began to wonder if Milo was part Tasmanian Devil. I could only imagine the damage he was going to do now that he had the right to go through my stuff. The funny thing was, it didn’t matter. What he was looking for wasn’t even in there, so I brought my attention back to Janet.