Confessions_Robbie

by Ella Frank

  “Most definitely.” Julien took Priest’s hand and entwined their fingers. “He did tell me his nonna broke her hip in two places, and that they still have some more tests to run, but for the most part, everything else seems to be in one piece. No other broken bones.”

  “Okay, well, that’s something, at least.”

  Julien nodded and then gestured to the brown bag. “You brought dinner?”

  Priest opened it up and pulled out one of the little white Chinese containers. “I did, yes,” he said, as he handed it to Julien and then fished around inside the bag for some chopsticks. “I have some for Robbie and Vanessa too, if they’re hungry.”

  “You didn’t have to do that.” At Robbie’s voice, both of them turned to see him standing with his hands jammed in his skinny jeans, his hair mussed from worried hands, dark circles under his eyes, and a swollen lip from the night before.

  He looked tired, but so adorable, and Priest had to fight the instinct to go to him, pull him down on his lap, and hug him.

  Julien handed the food container back to Priest and got to his feet, and then he walked around to Robbie and touched a hand to his arm. “How are you, princesse?”

  Robbie gave a little shrug. “I’m okay. Nonna’s finally had all her tests and they made her comfortable enough to sleep. I called my mom, and she’s driving up first thing tomorrow, and Vanessa went home to change for work. She has her final week of night shifts at 7-Eleven. I already called Bianca to take my shift at the bar tonight and…” Robbie frowned. “I feel like I’m forgetting something.”

  “Food and rest,” Priest said, as he got to his feet and came over. “You both need food and rest.”

  Robbie let out a deep sigh and rubbed his hands over his face, and then looked to Julien. “You didn’t have to stay today.”

  “Si, I did.”

  “Thank you,” Robbie said, and then looked to Priest. “And thank you for the food. I really should go home, but…”

  When Robbie lowered his eyes, Priest gently said, “But what, Robert?”

  Robbie raised his head and looked at the two of them. “I don’t really want to go back there right now, you know? Can I…can I come home with you?”

  “Of course,” Julien said, and Priest added, “You never have to ask.”

  Priest went back to pack up Julien’s uneaten food and pick up the brown paper bag. Knowing Robbie would likely feel more comfortable with Julien right now, Priest suggested, “Why don’t you two head home together in the SUV and I’ll follow behind?”

  Julien nodded and put a hand to Robbie’s back. “Are you ready?”

  “Yeah,” Robbie said, and huddled into Julien’s side.

  As they walked to the elevator, Robbie stayed quiet as they got inside, and when the doors closed and the three of them moved to the back, Priest stood on the other side of Robbie and was shocked when he reached out and took his hand. Priest looked over to see Robbie’s head resting on Julien’s shoulder, and found that both of them had their eyes shut.

  They seemed truly relaxed in that moment, and Priest couldn’t help but wish that they had been on the top floor of the hospital, just so he could prolong their peace for what little time the trip to the parking basement would provide them.

  AS JULIEN PULLED the Range Rover into their parking spot back at the condo, the day’s events and where they had been started to catch up with him. He noticed his hands shaking as he removed them from the steering wheel, and he quickly balled them into fists and put them in his lap. He glanced over at Robbie, who’d been staring off out the window, and said, “Are you ready to head up?”

  Robbie glanced at him and nodded, and Julien forced a smile on his face as the both of them opened their doors and got out. As Julien shut his behind himself, he saw Priest pull his Aston Martin into his parking spot and waited for him to get out of the car. Once he was standing in front of Julien, Priest looked down at the fists by Julien’s side, and Julien knew that Priest spotted the tension immediately.

  “Okay, let’s get upstairs,” Priest said, and when he placed a hand on Julien’s back, Julien welcomed the silent show of support and followed Priest’s lead across the lot. Robbie was walking quietly beside them, off in his own head for the moment, no doubt thinking about the day’s events, and when they reached the elevator and all stepped inside, the doors closed and the ride up was a silent one, but not an uncomfortable one.

  Julien shut his eyes and listened to the whir of the elevator, and thought it was a miracle that no one asked about the loud thumping sound. Or maybe he was the only one who could hear that rapidly increasing beat of his heart with every minute that passed.

  Don’t pass out, he told himself as the walls of the elevator started to close in on him. Breathe, and don’t think about—

  “We’re here,” Priest said, as the doors opened and Robbie stepped out.

  Julien glanced up at Priest, whose face looked pinched. He was worried and knew exactly what was happening to Julien, but he was trying to play it cool, get them all inside, and not alarm Robbie.

  As they headed down the hall, Julien thought, Get inside. Get inside and get some water and for fuck’s sake breathe. As they finally got the door open, he heard Priest suggesting that Robbie use the spare room for privacy if he wanted to call his mother to give her the latest updates, but everything faded from view as Julien grabbed at his chest and clutched a handful of the sweater there, feeling as though his heart was about to up and stop on him at any moment.

  “Julien,” Priest said, as he rushed around the island to where Julien had braced his hands on the counter to keep himself upright. He hung his head down and tried to focus on the granite of the island as all the patterns swirled in on themselves and started to make his head feel worse.

  In and out. In and out, he told himself again, but his pulse was racing and he could feel beads of sweat popping on his brow as his anxiety enveloped him and threatened to swallow him whole.

  A faucet was turned on somewhere in his periphery, and then a cold, wet dishtowel was placed over the back of his neck, and as Priest’s voice penetrated the ringing in his ears, Julien told himself to keep his shit together. Not now. Don’t you dare fucking lose it now.

  “Julien,” Priest said again, and this time Julien looked up into his husband’s eyes and saw the concern there, the worry.

  Julien wound his arms around Priest’s waist, and as his warmth enveloped him, Julien laid his head against Priest’s chest and let the sound of his heart soothe him. It was steady, not out of control like his, as it thump thump thumped beneath his cheek and ear.

  “I knew I shouldn’t have let you go.”

  “I—”

  “No,” Priest said, and then Julien felt his lips on his hair. “I shouldn’t have let you go.”

  As they stood there in the kitchen, Julien shut his eyes and knew Priest to be right. Priest was always right. He shouldn’t have gone. He hadn’t been ready to sit in a hospital room on his own. Not today. Not this month. He’d wanted to do it for Robbie, and maybe to prove that he was okay. But as he stood there close to collapsing from a crippling bout of anxiety, Julien wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to prove he was okay again. But one thing he did know: he didn’t have to deal with it on his own. Not when he had Priest. Never when he had Priest.

  ROBBIE CALLED HIS ma and filled her in on Nonna’s latest tests. All of which had been close to perfect, except for some elevated cholesterol.

  The day had been long and exhausting, and he wasn’t quite sure how he was still on his feet at this stage, but it probably had a lot to do with the adrenaline and shock from everything that had happened.

  He still couldn’t believe Nonna’s injury, which he knew was going to take months to heal and rehabilitate. He was so mad at himself for not being there, but at the same time knew what she’d said to be true. It could’ve happened when he was at work, for God’s sake, just like Vanessa had been. But he hadn’t been at work—he’d been out…enjoying hims
elf—so shaking the guilt was not as easy as clicking one’s fingers.

  After he filled his ma in, she told Robbie she would meet him for coffee because there was a lot to discuss. Robbie agreed, knowing it was likely about living arrangements and his nonna’s care, because what happened now?

  Robbie went into the en suite and splashed his face with water, and when he looked up, he grimaced at the picture he made. He looked like hell, and Jesus, no wonder his nonna had laughed at his lip—it was swollen and split from last night. On the plus side, he didn’t have any hickies or anything on his neck. Knowing it wasn’t going to get better than this, Robbie opened the door, and what he saw when he stepped out drew him up short.

  Priest was standing in the kitchen with his back to Robbie, leaning up against the island. He was minus his coat and jacket now, and in his arms was Julien, who was pale as a ghost. He had his arms wrapped around Priest’s waist and his eyes shut, and his cheek was resting on Priest’s chest.

  It was such an intimate moment, one that Robbie wished he could take a snapshot of, but at the same time felt was probably meant to be private. But when he went to turn away, the floorboards creaked under his feet and Priest glanced over his shoulder. Robbie froze, wondering if he was about to get a glare or a scowl for invading this moment. But instead Priest offered a smile that was so soft and inviting it had Robbie’s feet moving him toward that picture of comfort and contentment.

  When he was halfway across the living room, Robbie looked at the dining room table, now back in place after last night, and remembered the fierce passion that had taken place there, and when he turned back to the others, he found Julien’s eyes were now open and fixed on him.

  Julien held a hand out to Robbie, inviting him closer, and when Robbie came around the island, Julien wrapped an arm around his waist, drawing him into their personal space. Priest leaned forward and took Robbie’s lips in one of the sweetest kisses he’d ever received.

  Robbie put a hand on Priest’s arm as he arched up to get closer, and put his other hand to Julien’s back and trailed it up and down his spine, sensing that he needed the comfort.

  There was something else going on here, something Robbie didn’t understand, but as they stood there, nothing had ever felt more right in his life than being part of this healing.

  When Priest raised his head and Robbie let both men go, Julien straightened and first kissed Priest, and then turned to press a gentle kiss to Robbie’s lips, before he touched his fingers to Robbie’s cheek.

  “Merci, princesse. That’s exactly what I needed.” Julien took in a deep breath, and as he let it out, he turned and went to the sink.

  Robbie looked to Priest for some kind of explanation.

  “Julien doesn’t do too well in hospitals.”

  Julien turned on the faucet and then reached for a glass.

  “What do you mean?” Robbie asked.

  “I have anxiety attacks,” Julien said, and took a long gulp of water. “I’ve had them for years.”

  Robbie’s mouth fell open, and then he took a step toward Julien and touched his arm. “But you…why did you take me today?”

  “Because you had no other way to get there, and—”

  “I could’ve taken an Uber.”

  “No. I wasn’t going to let you do that,” Julien said, shaking his head, and when Robbie looked at Priest as though he should’ve said something or stepped in, Priest held his hands up.

  “Don’t yell at me,” Priest said.

  “I wasn’t going to yell.”

  “Really? Because you had that look in your eyes like you were winding up to tell me how horrible I am,” Priest said. “But before you get all blustery, Julien assured me he was fine and wanted to do this. I checked in on him and you throughout the day.”

  Robbie tried to ignore the way his heart flipped over the fact that both of these men had cared enough about him that they went out of their way today to make sure he was okay. But he turned to Julien and said, “You didn’t have to do that.”

  “I did,” Julien said, and put his empty glass down on the counter. He looked Robbie in the eye. “I knew exactly how you were feeling today, and I wasn’t about to let you go through that on your own.”

  “How I was—”

  “The guilt,” Julien said. “I can see it in your eyes. I’ve seen it all day, princesse. I know how that feels.”

  “Ugh, I know,” Robbie said. “I’m sorry. I don’t blame you two. But I just feel so guilty for not being there.”

  “We understand,” Julien said. “More than you know. Do you remember last night when you asked if we had any brothers or sisters?”

  Robbie thought back to the conversation they’d had at dinner and nodded, realizing they’d never answered him.

  “Well, Joel is an only child, and so am I—now.”

  “Now?” Robbie said, his voice barely audible even to his own ears.

  “Oui,” Julien said, his voice cracking a little. “I had a sister. A twin sister. Her name was Jacquelyn. She died eight years ago.”

  Oh my God, Robbie thought, as he stared into the saddest eyes he’d ever seen. It was strange that they were also the most beautiful. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”

  He didn’t know what else to say. What could you say to that? He couldn’t even begin to imagine how hard it must be to lose a sibling. He wouldn’t know how to keep going if something happened to any of his sisters. And a twin? No, he couldn’t even imagine it.

  He wanted to ask more, but knew now wasn’t the best time with Julien finally seeming to settle a little. He hadn’t even known Julien had a sister, and he had practically stalked the guy. So it was clear this wasn’t something Julien talked about, and if that had happened eight years ago and he’d been on Chef Master…what was it…seven years ago? That meant his sister’s passing would’ve just happened.

  How had that not come out in any of the gossip magazines? He probably got Priest to draw up a contract stating they couldn’t mention it, Robbie thought. That might also explain Julien’s attitude on the show, because he’d been around the man for the past, damn, nearly two weeks, and he’d yet to really see the hair-trigger personality that had earned him the nickname “the Prick.”

  “It’s okay,” Julien said, and offered up a smile that told Robbie it really wasn’t. Julien was trying to be strong, trying to keep whatever memories haunted him locked away. But it was clear he’d lost that battle today and had gone to Priest for support.

  What had Julien said last night? “Priest has this innate ability to make you forget everything bad when he’s around. He takes control. He lifts the burden and worry from you and allows you to just be. He makes you feel safe.”

  “This time of the year is always a little more difficult,” Priest said, his eyes on Julien. “And with the hospital and circumstances, everything just came together and triggered a stronger reaction than Julien expected. That’s all.”

  Priest ran a hand up and down Julien’s arm, and then looked over to Robbie. “Would you like something to eat? I still have that Chinese food, or you could have some of that amazing juice Julien was making this morning. He kept it in the fridge for you.”

  When Robbie’s eyes widened in alarm, Julien smacked Priest on the chest and chuckled. “Give the man some Chinese.”

  Priest smirked. “Yeah, you’re right. He’s had enough shock to his system for one day. Why don’t you two sit at the counter and I’ll get the food.”

  Robbie walked around one side of the kitchen island and Julien the other, and as they climbed up on the stools and Priest started to dish the food onto three plates, Julien rested his head on Robbie’s shoulder and whispered, “He’s pretty amazing, isn’t he?”

  Robbie stared at Priest and nodded. That was all he could manage in response, because he was starting to discover that Joel Priestley was, in fact, pretty damn amazing.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  CONFESSION

  Sometimes you don’t always se
e what’s in front of you. Even when it’s staring you in the face.

  JULIEN STARED AT his husband and felt as though the weight of the world had been lifted from his shoulders. How he’d gotten so lucky to have this man in his life he had no idea, because he was pretty sure he didn’t deserve Priest. But watching him move around the kitchen in his perfect suit, with his mile-a-minute brain, Julien had never loved him more. Every weird and wonderful thing about Priest made Julien feel complete, and at that very moment, he thought Robbie might just be thinking the same thing, if his expression was anything to go by.

  Priest had swept in this afternoon, as was his way, and been right there looking after those he considered his, and it had never been clearer that Robbie now fell into that category for the both of them. Julien knew that Priest would want three things to happen next.

  Talk, food, then sleep. Yes, it was still early, but that was what they all needed, and when Priest pushed their plates over to them, they thanked him and got stuck in.

  Talk was put on hold as all three consumed the almond chicken and sweet and sour shrimp, and once their plates were clean, Robbie went back for seconds.

  After he demolished that plate as well, he sat back in his chair and said, “God, I’m stuffed. I ate way too much.”

  “Good,” Priest said, and took a sip of his water.

  “Good? I shouldn’t have eaten all that. One portion was bad enough. But the calories in two—”

  “Won’t do you any harm. You were obviously hungry,” Priest argued. “Did either of you eat today?”

  Both of them shook their heads, and Priest pushed the sesame chicken container toward them. “Finish that off, both of you.”

  “But that’s your favorite,” Julien said with a frown.

  “I don’t care,” Priest said. “I ate two full meals today. You didn’t.”

  “So bossy,” Robbie said, but leaned over to grab at the chicken with his chopsticks.