by E. L. Todd
I shrugged. “Eh.” I lay beside him with the sheets to my shoulder. My eyes were closed, and I was tired. I’d probably sleep there because I was too tired to go home.
“Eh?” Amusement was in his voice. “That’s it?”
“I just saw you last week.”
“A week is a long time, babe.”
“Don’t call me babe.” I didn’t like nicknames. They were too possessive.
“Grouchy… Did I not make you come?”
“No, you did.”
“Then I don’t know what your deal is.” He took another drink. “I know you aren’t on your period so that can’t be it.”
I kicked him playfully.
He lay back down beside me. “Something is off. I can feel it.”
I didn’t talk to Kyle about serious stuff. But I had no one else to talk to. Marie was the number one person I turned to but I couldn’t tell her about this. It was a conflict of interest. “I’m just stressed out…”
“About?” He moved his hand to my hip.
“It’s a long story.”
“I’ve got all night.” He squeezed my hip gently. “Now tell me.”
I guess I had nothing to lose. “Remember that guy I told you about?”
“The one you were with two years ago?”
“Yeah,” I said with a nod.
“What about him?”
“Well…he’s back in my life.”
His eyebrows scrunched in confusion.
I told him the entire story and how he’s the best man in Axel’s wedding. “Basically, I’m going to be around him all the time and there’s nothing I can do about it.”
“That sucks…”
“Yeah.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. When I saw him for the first time, I was so angry with him. He kept talking to me, and I just wanted to be left alone. Then he came to my shop and that pissed me off even more. We sat down and talked, and I said a lot of mean things to him…that I didn’t care if he lived or died.”
Kyle cringed slightly. “Then what?”
“I realized how unfair I was being. Even though the break up was hard, he was good to me when we were together. He treated me right and made me really happy. And I loved him… I’ll always love him.”
Disappointment flashed in his eyes. “Why did you break up again?”
I didn’t want to share Hawke’s secrets even though Kyle didn’t know him. “He had some personal issues. You know, he had a bad childhood and was never emotionally stable. He said he would hurt me so it was best if he just ended it.”
“But he hurt you anyway.”
“Yeah…”
“I don’t know… I think that’s pretty fucked up. He made you fall in love with him and then he just left. If he didn’t see the relationship working from the very beginning, why did he waste your time?”
“Because he thought it would work.”
“Sounds like a dick to me.”
“He’s not.” I knew I shouldn’t defend him. “He never tried to hurt me, not the way I tried hurting him when I said all those mean things. I knew he had issues so I shouldn’t have gotten involved with him. I’m over him, and I’ve moved on. I don’t want to hold a grudge and keep him at a distance. In the end, I do care about him. I don’t want us to hate each other.”
“You don’t have to hate each other, but you don’t have to hang out either.”
“We don’t hang out one-on-one. Our best friends are going to be married to each other. That makes it difficult.”
“Man, that is complicated.”
“See what I mean?” I asked. “It’s less heartache for me to just let it go.”
“It doesn’t hurt to be around him?”
I shrugged. “I don’t think about it. We had what we had, and it was beautiful…but it ended. I’ll never regret what we had. But I’m not going to live in the past anymore.”
He stared into my eyes without blinking. “If he wanted you back, would you go back to him?”
“No, that would never happen.”
“Just answer the question.”
“No, I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t go down that road again…not when I already know how it ends.”
“So, I guess exes can be friends. Who knew?”
“It’s not that uncommon. I know other people who do it. We’d had two years to get over it so it’s different.”
“So, you’re okay with this?” He ran his fingers through my hair. “Because you seem pretty sad.”
“I guess it makes me sad sometimes…”
“Why?”
How could I explain this in a way he would understand? My relationship with Hawke operated on a different wavelength. Axel and Marie were madly in love but even they wouldn’t understand it. “Because I pictured a much different ending for both of us. Actually, we didn’t have an ending. Even when we passed away and our bodies decayed, our souls traveled across the earth, tangled together.”
Kyle had a blank look on his face like he didn’t understand a word I said. “What does that mean, exactly?”
“We’re soul mates.”
His eyes narrowed in confusion. “You really believe that guy is your soul mate?” Skepticism was written all over his face, and he couldn’t keep the condescension out of his voice.
Hawke and I couldn’t work it out because he was too broken. His family had ripped him apart, severing his heart into pieces. Even the love I gave him couldn’t fix all the wounds and holes. His mind was shattered, and he continued to believe he was a monster when he was nothing but a saint. But that didn’t change the truth. That didn’t change what we had—even if we could never be together. “Yes.”
***
We went to several different florists in town and tried to decide which was cheaper. Marie was on a budget because she picked an expensive venue. Axel would let her do anything she wanted, but he had to put his foot down sometime.
“These hydrangeas look nice,” she said.
“They could be a cute centerpiece arrangement.”
“I don’t know…they scream Easter.”
“Just don’t put any Easter eggs in the vases and you should be good.”
She rolled her eyes and walked out of the shop. “That place was way too expensive.”
“We could just make our own,” I said. “You know, pick some flowers and put them in a pretty vase.”
“Sounds like a lot of work…”
“Well, which do you want to save? Time or money?”
She released a sigh. “Weddings are stressful.”
“You didn’t know that already?” I asked like a smartass.
“I thought they were exaggerating.”
“News flash,” I said. “They weren’t.”
She walked into a hot dog shop. “I need something greasy and disgusting.”
“Same here.”
We ordered two hot dogs then sat down and stuffed our faces.
“How’s it going with Kyle?”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s a simple question,” she said. “How’s it going?”
“You know he’s nothing serious. He’s just a booty call.”
“Well, he’s been a booty call for a few months now,” she said. “Nothing else is going on?”
“Nope.”
“You know, that’s how Axel and I started off. Now we’re getting married.”
Kyle wasn’t my future husband. “It works for some people, not all.”
“Can I at least meet him?”
“Why?” I asked. “He’s not my boyfriend.”
“How often do you see him?”
I shrugged. “It depends.”
“On?”
“How stressed I am. Maybe one or two times a week.”
“That’s pretty often,” she said. “What’s he like?”
“He’s nice,” I said. “Perfect body. Pretty face. You know my type.”
“If he’s your type, why don’t yo
u give him a chance?”
“What makes you think he even wants a chance?” This felt like an interrogation.
“Who are you kidding, Frankie?” she asked. “Every guy you’re with falls in love with you.”
“So not true.”
She put down her hot dog. “You really want to play this game?” She started to count with her fingers. “Cameron, John, Jason—”
“Okay, I get your point.”
She smiled victoriously. “He’s into you. I’m sure he is.”
“Well, I’m not into him.”
She picked at her fries. “You’re never into anybody. The only person you’ve ever really liked is Hawke.”
“Well, I’m picky. I’ll find someone else eventually.”
“You aren’t going to find another Hawke,” she said. “Let me save you some time.”
“Believe me, he’s not the kind of guy I’m looking for.” When I settled down, it would be with a good guy that wasn’t a flight risk. I couldn’t carry someone’s baggage anymore, not when it hurt me so much.
“It’s weird seeing you guys hang out. It’s like nothing ever happened.”
“Two years is a long time, Marie. People move on. It’s a part of life.”
“I guess…but it’s still weird.” She finished her hot dog. “Man, that was good.”
“I don’t want to know what’s in it, but it’s delicious.”
She wiped her mouth with a napkin then crumbled it into a ball. “Let’s go on a double date?”
“What?” I blurted. “Hawke and I are never getting back together.”
Her eyes narrowed on my face. “I meant Kyle.”
“Oh…” That was stupid. “No. I don’t see it going anywhere with him.”
“Well, go on a date with him and give it a shot.”
“If I liked him, I would know.” Damn, she was acting like my mom right now.
“If you’ve been sleeping with him this long, he has potential.”
“He’s really good in bed,” I said. “That’s all I care about.”
“How did you meet him anyway?”
“The gym.”
“Romantic…”
I rolled my eyes. “I walked into the guys’ changing room on accident and he was there…naked.” My cheeks reddened at the memory.
Marie’s jaw dropped. “Why didn’t you tell me this story?”
“Because it’s embarrassing.” My face burned from the heat.
“Then what happened?” She leaned forward in her seat with wide eyes.
“I did something super stupid.”
“What?” She slammed her hands down impatiently.
“I…I asked him out.”
She covered her face and laughed until tears came out of her eyes. “Oh my god, Frankie.”
I chuckled because it was kind of funny. “I wasn’t thinking. I saw him…and his package…and I just went for it.”
She wiped the tears from her eyes. “That’s the most hilarious story I’ve ever heard. I’m telling it at your wedding.”
My laughter immediately stopped. “Well, that would be awkward since I’m not going to marry this guy.”
“Give him a chance, Frankie. Geez, you’re uptight.”
“I am not!”
“Look, it’s my job to say things you don’t want to hear. So here it goes; you haven’t even tried to have a meaningful relationship since Hawke. You just look for quick fixes with hunky guys. That would be fine, but I know you aren’t happy.”
“Says who?”
“I can just tell,” Marie said. “I’m not telling you to pledge forever with the next guy in your bed, but at least have an open mind to it.”
I knew she was right even though I wouldn’t admit it.
“The four of us should do something together. I promise I won’t embarrass you.”
“That’s sad you have to make that promise.” I glared at her as I spoke.
“Hey, you embarrass me all the time in front of Axel.”
“He’s my brother—it’s different.”
“Whatever.” She threw a fry at me.
I threw the fry back at her. “Whatever to you.”
She sipped her lemonade then a grin stretched on her lips. “So…how big is his package?”
“Oh my god. I’m going to pretend you didn’t ask that.”
“What?” she asked. “I’m just curious.”
“It’s very nice. That’s all I’m going to say.”
“Nicer than Hawke’s?”
My smile immediately fell at the mention of Hawke. I didn’t compare other guys to him. In fact, I refused to let myself think about him at all. Those memories were sacred to me. The nights we spent together were full of passion and love, nothing like what I had now. Nothing compared to that, and I refused to tarnish those memories with trash.
***
I was in the cake kitchen when there was a knock on the glass front doors. I put down my decorating tools and washed the buttercream frosting from my hands before I headed to the front.
It was 5:30 a.m. and the sun hadn’t even risen. It was still dark outside, and the lights from the city glowed like everything was on fire. When I reached the door, a man was standing near the glass. He wore running shorts and a t-shirt. It was difficult to distinguish his features, but he had the body of a Roman soldier.
“We’re closed.” I pointed to the sign hanging in the window.
He stepped back slightly so his face was visible. “It’s me.” Hawke smiled as his headphones hung around his neck. The wire moved into his pocket where his phone lay.
“Oh.” I didn’t realize it was him. I unlocked the door and opened it. “Sorry, it’s dark out there.”
“It’s okay.” He walked inside. “I know I’m tall, dark, and dangerous.” A teasing smile was on his lips.
I missed that smile. “And terrifying. If I saw you down a dark alley, I’d run.”
“You should run toward me,” he said. “Because I can protect you from truly terrifying things.” His eyes honed in on my face before he turned and examined the bakery. “It’s quiet.”
“It’s nice, isn’t it?” I crossed my arms over my chest and stared at the empty chairs in the lobby. “But don’t get used to it. In half an hour, it’ll sound like the most popular club in town.”
He chuckled. “Most businesses would kill to have your popularity.”
“And I’m not complaining,” I said quickly. “My ears are.”
He examined the lobby and the different pictures on the wall. There was a collage of photos of me and my parents, Yaya, Axel, and one of Hawke. He and I were sitting in my kitchen, and we had cupcake batter all over our faces. Marie took the picture when we least expected it, so it was candid.
Hawke stared at it for nearly two minutes.
It was an awkward situation. I could have thrown away every memory I had with Hawke and started over, but I didn’t want to forget what we had. To me, he wasn’t just another boyfriend.
He was the one.
“I can take it down if it bothers you…”
He slowly turned to me, a distant look in his eyes. “It doesn’t bother me at all.”
“I mean…you named this place. You’re important in its history.”
He nodded slightly. “And that’s a huge honor…The Muffin Girl.”
I was glad he wasn’t mad. “Well…” I trailed off because I couldn’t think of anything else to say.
He stepped away from the pictures and examined the rest of the bakery. “It has an unusual architecture…but it gives it character.”
“I wanted it to be unique.”
“You accomplished that.” He approached the counter and looked through the glass. “Can I get a tour?”
“Sure. It’s nothing fancy.”
“I’ll be the judge of that.”
I showed him the bread and pastry kitchen, where employees were already preparing for the day. Coffee was brewing and the aroma filled the kitchen. I showed him
the walk-in freezer then led him to the cake kitchen.
“This is where you work?”
“Yep. I do all the wedding cakes.” I stopped in front of the wall where I pinned all my pictures of previous cakes.
He stood beside me and looked at them. “Wow…you’ve done amazing work.”
“Thanks…” I received compliments all the time, but it meant a lot coming from him.
“I like this one.” He pointed to the image of a motorcycle club theme. There were toy motorcycles with a man and a woman. Leather vests with fringe covered their bodies.
I chuckled. “They fell in love in a bike gang.”
“Now that’s romantic…” His voice was full of sarcasm but he was smiling. “And badass.”
“They’re really sweet people,” I said. “The nicest people I’ve ever met.”
“Is this one for a wedding?” He pointed to the mermaid theme cake.
“No, it was for a birthday party.”
“A three-tier cake for a birthday party?” he asked incredulously.
“You know how it goes…they’re stupid rich.”
I turned to him and finally realized I’d never asked why he was there. “So…what brings you here?” I didn’t want to sound rude but I was curious.
“I was jogging by and thought I’d pay a visit.”
“You jog this early in the morning?”
“When else am I going to do it?” he asked. “I box after work so I don’t have time for cardio.”
He boxed? “That makes sense.”
“I live nearby—right on Park Avenue.”
“I know,” I blurted.
He turned to me with a raised eyebrow. “You know?”
“Because of the invitations,” I said quickly. I didn’t want him to think I was some kind of stalker.
He nodded in understanding. “I see.”
“I’m happy that you’re doing so well.”
That old look came into his eyes, one that was full of affection and something else. “Thank you. I’m happy for you too. Every time I walk by this bakery, it puts me in a good mood.”
“Because you want a muffin?” I teased.
“You caught me.”
I opened a container and grabbed a new creation. “It’s orange and cranberry.”
“Ooh…” He grabbed it from my hand and took a bite. He chewed it slowly and wiped the crumbs from his lips. “Damn, that’s good.”
“Thanks.” My cheeks reddened slightly.
