by E. L. Todd
I took the seat then eyed him across from me.
“Do you need anything else?”
Why was he waiting on me when it was my kitchen? “I’m fine. Thanks.”
Hawke ate his food quietly, not staring at me like he usually did.
I thought I would lose my appetite with his presence but I was still starving. I ate my food quickly and silently. It really was good. Everything Hawke made seemed to be delicious.
Hawke sipped his wine when he was finished with his meal. He looked out the window to the city beyond.
“That was really good.”
“Thanks,” he said. “And thank you, Google.”
I was still processing the fact he was there, sitting across from me at my kitchen table. “Hawke, what are you doing here?”
He gathered the dirty plates and carried them to the sink. His back was turned to me and it was pretty clear he wasn’t going to answer my question. After he was done with the dishes, he sat on my couch.
Now I was even more confused.
I joined him in the living room and immediately crossed my arms over my chest. “Hawke, what’s going on?”
“What do you mean?” He eyed me from his side of the couch. “I just wanted to have dinner with you. Is that okay?”
“Of course. I just…I guess I’m confused.”
“What’s there to be confused about? Even if we aren’t together, we can’t stay away from each other. So, we may as well just give in.” He turned to the TV and kept his distance from me. He grabbed the remote and changed the channel. “South Park is on. You like that show, right?”
I nodded.
“Then South Park it is.” He settled into the chair and didn’t make a move toward me.
Whenever I was close to him, I felt that natural pull. But tonight, I didn’t feel anything at all. The confusion of the situation was throwing me off balance, and being so close to him made it difficult for me to think. So I just sat there and watched TV.
And so did he.
***
I grabbed my dumbbells and stood over my mat.
A loud whistle sounded behind me. “Spandex is God’s gift to man.”
Without turning around, I knew who it was. A smile upturned my lips. “And briefs are God’s gift to women.”
Kyle came to my side wearing a sleeveless shirt that he cut up himself. His defined arms and shoulders were on display. And that happy grin was on his face, like always. “Five pounds?” He laughed at the sight of my weights. “Come on, we both know you can upgrade.”
“I’m doing abdominal exercises.”
“Use a fifteen pound plate. I know you can handle it.”
“I’m not as strong as you think.”
He pulled his ear buds out of his ear and stuffed them into his pocket. “I haven’t seen you here in a while.”
“Yeah, I’ve been working a lot.”
“And planning that wedding.”
“Yep. I love Marie, but I’m excited for the wedding to be over. It constantly weighs over my head.”
“Imagine how she must feel.”
Hawke bought her a twenty thousand dollar wedding dress. She was in heaven right now. “What’s new with you?”
“I have a date tonight.”
“Oh.” I didn’t expect to feel hurt by that, but I somehow was. “That’s nice.”
“Yeah, she came on to me when I was at the bar a few days ago. She’s nice and pretty but…” He shrugged. “Honestly, I’m not really into it. But since she had the courage to make the move and execute it so well, I couldn’t say no.”
“She sounds like my kind of girl.”
“You’d like her. But I’m not feeling it.”
“Keep an open mind.” I wanted Kyle to be happy, especially after the way I hurt him.
“That’s what I’m doing. Maybe getting laid will make me feel better.”
Even that made me a little jealous, but I hid my reaction. I had no right to feel anything toward him, especially jealousy. And if I showed any sign of that, it might confuse Kyle. “If she has that kind of confidence, I’m sure she’s amazing in bed.”
“Yeah, probably.” But he still sounded indifferent to the idea.
A man approached us from our left but I didn’t turn his way. He was probably heading to the free weights against the wall.
Kyle glanced at him then turned back to me.
Once we realized the guy was standing right beside us and had no intention of leaving, we both turned to him.
It was Hawke, wearing a gray t-shirt that fit his body perfectly. It highlighted his powerful chest, and the curve of his pectoral muscles. Even his shoulders were defined in the fabric. His shorts were loose on his legs, but his calf muscles were ripped. He had the physique you would see in a Calvin Klein magazine.
Why was he here? We didn’t go to the same gym.
“Hi…” Every time I saw him, I sounded like an idiot. He always put me on alert when he was near, and that made me stutter like I lacked any ounce of confidence. He made me nervous, but some would say in a good way.
“Hi.” His eyes were glued to my face, and he didn’t blink while he examined me. The looks he always gave me were intense, strong enough to make anyone blink. While his eyes were blue, they took on a darker hue depending on his mood.
Kyle glanced back and forth between us, unsure what was going on.
I was frozen to the spot, unsure what to say. Hawke and I couldn’t work out our relationship, but he showed up on my doorstep the other night and cooked me dinner. The sudden change in behavior threw me off, and when I asked him about it, he didn’t give me a sufficient answer.
And now he was here—at my gym.
Kyle turned to Hawke and extended his hand. “Uh, hi. I’m Kyle. You are?”
I forgot my manners in light of my surprise.
Hawke eyed Kyle’s hand but didn’t take it. The recognition in his eyes said he recognized Kyle’s name. He knew exactly who he was. “Hawke.”
Kyle slowly lowered his hand when he put two and two together.
Damn, this was awkward.
I remembered how terrible I felt when I saw that girl standing outside his apartment. Her hair was messy like she’d been rolling around in his bed all night. My stomach fell and the vomit rose.
I’m sure both of them felt that way now.
I crossed my arms over my chest and continued to let the tension rise. One of them needed to walk away, but neither one of them was willing to make the first move. Hawke stared at Kyle without blinking, and Kyle returned that look with his own stoic expression.
This was a nightmare.
Kyle finally stepped up. “I’ll see you around, Frankie.” He walked away and didn’t continue his workout. He left the gym, his bag over his shoulder.
Hawke didn’t watch him walk away. The second Kyle left our presence, Hawke’s eyes turned to me, burning me with their gaze.
The sound of weights dropping, and the hum of the workout machines played in our ear. Music from the aerobics room upstairs was distantly heard.
I refused to speak first because I didn’t know why Hawke was there.
Hawke made the first move. “You and Kyle are still close?” He asked a different question without actually asking it. His eyes drilled into mine, the fear evident if you looked hard enough.
“No. We just go to the same gym.” I wasn’t obligated to answer his question, and frankly, it was none of his business. But I wanted Hawke to know I wasn’t sleeping with Kyle anymore…for some reason.
“You don’t see him outside of it?”
I shouldn’t answer him. My personal life was none of his business. “He came into the bakery one time. We chitchatted then he left. He has a date tonight, actually.”
Hawke didn’t nod in approval or look relieved. His intense gaze still burned the skin of my cheeks. “I haven’t been with anyone since before I told you how I felt. And I won’t be with anyone else again.”
His words came out
of left field and I didn’t know what to make of them. Of course, I loved hearing that. Even though I couldn’t work it out with him, I liked knowing he kept his hands to himself—even though I shouldn’t.
“Have you been seeing anyone else?”
I should stand my ground and not answer the question. But I caved. “No.”
“Are you going to see anyone else?”
Why did I melt right before his eyes? Why did I crumble every time? “No.”
“Including Kyle?”
The smartass inside me rose. “Why would I leave him if that were the case?”
Hawke’s expression didn’t change—at all.
“I don’t see why it matters, Hawke. I told you how I felt, and nothing has changed.”
“Everything has changed.”
Why were we having this conversation inside a gym? “Why are you making me hurt you again? I don’t enjoy it.”
“I deserve to be hurt.” The sincerity in his voice shocked me. It was so raw. “And I don’t deserve you. But I want you anyway.”
I tightened my arms around my chest. “Why are you making this so hard for me?”
“I’m not trying to,” he said quietly. “I was going to walk away and leave you in peace. But then I realized I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t give up—not on you.” The sound of barbells crashing against the ground echoed in the room, but Hawke didn’t seem to notice. “We’re forever. And we’re still forever.”
***
We rented a party bus and hit up Chippendale’s for Marie’s bachelorette party. While I wanted to get wasted and have a good time, I was a good maid of honor and only allowed myself to get buzzed. Axel made it very clear that Marie needed to be looked after.
Like I didn’t know that.
Marie was a fun drunk, but when she had one too many, it wasn’t cute anymore. She stumbled with every step and slurred every word. She was a pain in the ass, actually.
“Oh my god.” She covered her mouth and gasped. “Look at that bulge. Axel is big but not that big.”
I tried not to throw up. “These dancers stuff it down there.”
“I don’t know…” Marie took another shot. “I’d like to see for myself.” She stood up from her seat then cupped her hands around her mouth. “I want to see your junk!”
I covered my face. “Oh my god…”
The dancer, a tall blond, came to the end of the stage. “Hey, sweetheart.”
The other girls held up their drinks and cheered Marie on. “Take off his G-string with your teeth.”
I hated to be the party pooper but I had to be. “No touching, Marie.” If I were getting married, I wouldn’t want my man to touch anybody. He could look all he wanted, but that was it.
“Come on,” she whined. “Don’t be lame.”
“I’m saving your ass.”
Marie climbed on stage then started dancing with the stripper. She backed her ass into him then turned around and spanked him right on the ass.
“Pull up your camera,” Veronica said to Janice.
Janice held up her phone.
I don’t think so. I snatched it away and shoved it in my pocket. “Friends don’t tape each other and put it on Facebook.”
Veronica stuck her tongue out at me.
Marie kept dancing with the stripper, and I had a feeling the stripper genuinely liked her. He kept smiling at her and putting his hands on her waist. “So, can I see your package?”
“Sure.” He smiled then pulled his G-string out slightly.
“Oh my.” Marie gasped and turned beet red. “You don’t stuff.”
I took another drink because I couldn’t handle this sober.
***
We rode the party bus around town and bar hopped. Marie was wasted, beyond wasted, but she wanted to keep going. When I handed her water, she took a drink then spit it out. “This is the worst vodka I’ve ever had.”
“Because it’s water, idiot.”
She pushed the drink at me. “Well, I don’t want this water vodka.”
“It’s just water.” I set it on the counter.
“Let’s get this party started.” Marie clapped her hands and moved to the center of the room and started dancing. There was music on, but no dance floor. “I’m getting married!”
The other girls joined in, holding their glasses up while they shook their hips.
I ordered a drink and enjoyed it while I watched them stumble in their heels. At least Marie was having fun, and that’s all that mattered. I suddenly felt a piercing gaze penetrate my skin. It was simmering with heat, and without looking, I knew exactly who it was.
Hawke.
I turned to the source of the stare and saw him sitting at a table with three guys. They all wore jeans and t-shirts, but they had an aristocratic air to them, like they wore suits on a daily basis.
Hawke took a long drink of his scotch as he held my gaze. There was no surprise in his eyes, like he’d been staring at me for the past thirty minutes. Instead of being surrounded by pretty girls, he was alone.
The guys were having a conversation, laughing together. Hawke didn’t participate because all he was focusing on was me. When he set his glass down, he kept his fingers tightly around it. One ankle rested on the opposite knee.
I finally broke the trance and forced my gaze on Marie. I suddenly felt self-conscious in the tight cocktail dress I wore. It was black and backless. The heels were killing my feet, but Marie insisted I wear them. I wasn’t against dresses, but I had intended to wear skinny jeans and a t-shirt.
If Hawke were going to speak to me, he probably would have done it when he first spotted me. But I quickly realized I was wrong when the scent of his cologne entered my nose. He stood beside me at the bar, his glass of scotch still in his hand.
I finally turned to him, hating the way my body hummed for him. The inexplicable needed to wrap my body around his overtook me. Like magnet and steel, we were constantly being tugged together. Some would call it physical attraction or even lust, but it was something else entirely.
“You look…stunning.” He set his glass on the bar and stood close to me. He leaned his face close to mine, and the scruff on his cheeks made him even sexier. I liked it when he didn’t shave for a few days.
“Thanks.”
“I really like this.” His eyes took in my bare back, practically devouring it with just the look.
“I like that I got it on clearance.”
“Worth every penny.”
I focused on Marie in the middle of the floor. She was still dancing around, shaking her ass like Shakira.
“Why aren’t you out there?”
“I’m being the responsible one so they don’t have to be.”
“Sounds boring.”
“A little,” I said. “But I have to make sure everyone gets home okay.”
“I’m assuming this is the bachelorette party.”
“Yeah.”
“How about I keep an eye on all of you, so you can go out there and let loose?”
It was a tempting offer. “So you can take advantage of me later?” It was a flirtatious joke but judging the pissed expression on Hawke’s face, he didn’t take it that way.
“I’m not even going to respond to that.” He downed the rest of his scotch.
“It was a joke.”
“A terrible one.” He turned his eyes to Marie. “Go out there, and I’ll make sure you guys make it back.”
“It’s okay,” I said. “I told Marie I would do this. Also, I promised Axel.”
“You should be out there shaking your ass too.” He gave me a smolder along with a smirk. “I’d love to watch that.”
“This dress is already too short. Something might pop out.”
“Ooh…even better.”
My breathing had changed since he came near, and my chest was tighter than usual. Adrenaline coursed through me in powerful waves. As much as I’d like to say I didn’t want him anymore, it was impossible to deny. My heart would always
beat for his. My soul would always sing when his was near.
“Can I buy you a drink?”
“I’m okay. I’m still a little buzzed from the strip joint.”
“Strip joint?” he asked.
I realized I spilled Marie’s secret. “I didn’t tell you that.”
He chuckled. “Whatever happens tonight stays between us. I wouldn’t rat out Marie.”
Marie pulled a random guy onto the floor and started dancing with him. The other girls joined in. The guy looked like he was having the time of his life, surrounded by beautiful women.
“I didn’t know Marie was so much fun.” He rapped his knuckle on the bar and ordered another scotch.
“She’s a hoot.”
“So, see anything you like at Chippendales?”
“Not really.”
“I could put that place out of business if I wanted to.”
I rolled my eyes. “So full of yourself…like always.”
He held my gaze and leaned closer to me, almost like he might kiss me.
If he did, I would kiss him back. I wish that weren’t the case but it was. If he made the move, I would be powerless to stop it. He knew I was defenseless against him, so hopefully he would be a gentleman and not make the move at all.
He didn’t. He just leaned close to me, his breath falling on my cheek.
I needed to break the tension. It was making my thighs ache. “Are those your boys?”
Hawke moved away slightly. “I work with them.”
“At your company?”
“Yeah, they’re employees.”
“They actually like their boss?”
“What can I say?” he asked before he took a drink. “I’m a great boss.”
I could picture Hawke being the most terrifying boss on the planet.
“I’m not really their boss. They work as hard as they want and make the salary they desire. I just get a percentage of it. So, it works out for everyone involved.”
“That’s interesting.” He never told me about his job before. I wasn’t even sure how he got started. After we went our separate ways, I never asked Axel a single question about him. “Do you like your job?”
“I love it.”
“What do you do all day?”
“It’s complicated, but I basically decide how to invest people’s money. When they get a return, I get a return. It’s that simple.”
