But She Is My Student

by Kiki Archer

  Jodi’s wiggling eyebrow ring signalled for her to continue.

  ‘It was relaxed, enjoyable, entertaining, exciting and ...’ she paused trying to find the word, ‘... natural. There was no awkwardness. It was just a great game, and she was good, she played some good shots.’

  ‘...and then?’ Jodi was lying on her stomach with her feet dancing in the air, twiddling the front of her new blonde Mohican; she had a good love life but nothing as explosively dramatic as this.

  ‘That’s when she gave me the book.’ She produced it for the third time of the evening.

  ‘Dear Freya, Happy 18th Kat Spicer x’ Jodi moaned with desire.

  ‘Stop it, I really don’t find this funny, I can’t stop thinking about her, literally I can’t stop. But we have hardly spoken this term and it is crazy but the less we speak the more I hang on every little word, look or brief work related encounter.’

  Jodi did not want the torrid love affair to fizzle out so got her straight back on track. ‘So you got a kiss, but not a love, and you got her first name, but also her last name. It could go either way babe!’ She glanced at the back cover and after a quick read of the blurb passed it back, something historical and boring did not appeal to her at all. ‘Have you read it?’

  Freya beamed, ‘From cover to cover. I started after my party and didn’t stop until I had finished. I kept thinking what Kat would have been feeling and thinking at different parts, imagining why she had stopped when I saw a folded corner.’ She hid once again under the soft black cushion. ‘I am a stalker aren’t I? I am a sad school girl with an infatuation for her teacher.’ She peeped over the top of her hiding place, ‘I even smelt it.’

  ‘Smelt what?’

  ‘The book. It smells like her. It smells of her gorgeous rich perfume, and I have decided there is definitely jasmine in it as well.’

  ‘What are you now, a perfumer as well as a stalker?’ Jodi teased, meaning no harm. She could see her cousin was in that familiar place of first time female love and sincerely hoped, for her sake, that it wasn’t unrequited. ‘Seriously babe how do you feel?’

  ‘I feel like I look at her and get lost in her eyes.’

  ‘Oh Freya, come here babe.’ Jodi reached across and hugged her lovelorn cousin.

  Chapter 13

  The term had been busy and Kat’s conscious decision to keep her head down and avoid Ben had proved easy; but as she looked over at him now, sat alone in the quiet staffroom, she realised this had been the wrong course of action. In the same respect her deliberate avoidance of eye contact with Freya had also failed to work. She had put it off for too long. Ben hadn’t been to the apartment for over a month and looked scruffier than usual with his stylishly messy hair now dishevelled and his designer stubble now beard like. Kat walked over to his area and crouched down next to his brown fabric seat. ‘Hi how are you? Isn’t this term the worst, always so busy in the run up to Christmas?’

  Ben looked up and smiled warmly, ‘I know, it has been hectic.’

  She took the sunken seat next to him, relieved that their only company was Carol the Cleaner who was standing at the sink with a mound of stained coffee cups not quite knowing where to start .

  He smiled again, ‘How are you? Not been avoiding me have you?’

  She knew he was teasing because he had been doing exactly the same thing as her. She adjusted her position in the itchy brown chair, unable to get comfortable. ‘No, Kathy from Cover keeps cornering me. I am meant to be free next but instead I have Year Nine Hockey!’

  ‘Oh unlucky, it is bloody freezing outside!’ Ben offered her a biscuit from the precious Business Studies biscuit tin but instead of a luxury cream filled chocolate treat pictured on the lid she had a choice of digestive or digestive. It was the same in every department - wonderful tins restocked with bulk bought rich teas or malted milk.

  The ice had been broken and now Ben just felt silly. He reached for her warm hand, ‘I just didn’t want to put you in an awkward position with Lucy and everything. I just think it all happened so fast with me and her. We didn’t really know each other that well and -’

  Kat squeezed his hand in return and cut in, ‘You were great together, and you know that.’

  ‘I know, but I can’t forgive her for being so callous.’

  ‘Thoughtless and silly sometimes yes, but callous no. She was trying to do the right thing for her friend and didn’t look past that point. She is really upset, she misses you Ben.’ Kat finally managed to push a piece of yellow foam, which had been scratching her bare legs, back into the brown woven fabric seat.

  He shook his head, ‘I just can’t be with someone like that.’

  Kat hushed her voice as the bearded supply guy entered the staffroom, ‘Why is it such a big deal to you? Gary forgave Jess instantly, what is your involvement?’

  He paused and ruffled his messy hair, ‘Because Gary got to keep his baby, I didn’t.’

  ‘Oh Ben -’

  ‘Look I don’t want to talk about it. It was a long time ago, it’s fine, it’s forgotten and I want it to stay that way.’

  Kat nodded compassionately.

  ‘How is she anyway?’

  She thought she would try, ‘Lucy?’

  ‘No Jess.’

  ‘She is pretending to be a reluctant mother, moaning about the timing of her maternity leave, the baby is due just before the summer holidays, and complaining about her figure -’

  Ben chuckled.

  ‘Hey don’t be rude’

  ‘It’s a good job she likes Lycra!’

  ‘Anyway she is secretly excited. I keep catching her looking on the internet at baby clothes and prams and cots and she has every pregnancy book going, marking dates on her calendar and Gary takes a photo of her bump every Sunday night. They can’t wait to tell people.’

  Ben relaxed in his chair and reached for a slightly chewy digestive. ‘How is he?’

  ‘Thrilled. He is taking her away over Christmas and is going to propose properly, they want to have a small Easter Wedding.’

  ‘Really?! Oh wow, that’s great, good for them.’ He loved hearing all of the news, he had really missed the gang.

  The bearded supply guy was hovering around the overcrowded notice board intrigued by the latest list of students in isolation whose crimes ranged from smoking to boob flashing. Kat turned closer to Ben’s ear and placed her hand on his well defined leg. She whispered, ‘She wasn’t going for an abortion. It was only the first counselling appointment. Lucy was all flustered and didn’t really understand the whole process of it.’ She squeezed his knee. ‘She wishes you would return her calls.’

  ‘Really?’ He paused absorbing the first bit of news. ‘Well it’s still the same principle, Gary should have known from the very beginning.’ He sighed; he had been dying to know, ‘What has she been up to anyway?’

  ‘What apart from killing herself at the gym? Just the usual really, classes and brushing up on her reading, she wants to win you back.’

  ‘I guess I have been a bit of a melodramatic idiot.’

  ‘Well do something about it then!’ she urged, finally comfortable in her chair.

  He needed some reassurance. ‘It is past that now; I have left it too late.’

  ‘No you haven’t, just come round tonight, surprise her.’

  ‘I miss her.’

  ‘Well come home with me.’ Kat was getting excited, Lucy had been utterly miserable for these last few weeks.

  ‘Are you sure? Are you sure that’s what she wants?’

  ‘She would love that.’ The loud bell rang and Kat jumped up. ‘Wish me luck, Chiquita Granger and a hockey stick next! I am not looking forward to it.’ Kat headed for the green staffroom door whose latest sign read, ‘Good teachers are costly, but bad teachers cost more.’ Underneath someone had scribbled, ‘Yeah Faggy!’ so Kat ripped it off and screwed it into a ball. The only provocative thing that each thought for the week provoked was ridicule.

  ‘Good luck, hey and Kat ..
. thanks.’

  ‘No worries, meet you here at four.’

  Kat pushed open the battered wooden door to the girls changing rooms and was instantly hit with the unmistakable PE changing room smell. She tried not to breathe as she shouted, ‘Let’s get changed quickly please girls.’

  ‘Urrr Miss get out, you can’t come in here.’

  Kat edged her way through the mass of girls. ‘Excuse me Chiquita but I think I can. Miss Titley is away and I will be taking you for Hockey today.’ Kat hated the PE changing rooms, always so dark and fusty smelling, stray socks and clumps of turf littering the cold tile floor and twenty five girls clamouring around one tiny mirror trying to correct the damage that an hour in the wind had inflicted on their hair.

  Chiquita put two hands on her waist and wobbled her head, ‘Well I ain't getting changed. My sister Chianne said you’re a lezza and it’s against the law for lezzas to come in the girls changing rooms.’ Chiquita was thinner than Chianne but apart from that their features were almost identical.

  ‘Shut up Chiquita,’ shouted a couple of girls as they put their thick blue Rugby tops on over their school shirts.

  ‘No I won’t shut up, it’s wrong.’

  ‘Just because she’s a lezza don’t mean she’s gunna fancy you Chiquita,’ roared a laughing girl who was pulling long blue socks over her school tights.

  ‘Yeah it ain’t like you got the bloke teachers falling all over you Chiquita!’ The noise started to escalate.

  ‘Miss Spicer is Premier League Chiquita and you ain’t even made it on the pitch!’

  ‘Whatever,’ said Chiquita giving in and pulling a damp PE kit out of a ripped plastic Tesco bag that had been festering in her locker all term.

  Kat spoke loudly, ‘Right now that we have all finished can you make sure your jewellery is off before we go outside.’ She knew what was coming.

  ‘I ain’t taking my sovereigns off Miss, Gemma Pickers is a thief.’

  ‘No I ain’t Chiquita.’

  Kat stood and sighed as voice after voice rose up from the benches.

  ‘Miss, I can’t take my earrings out, they have only just been pierced and the holes will close up.’

  ‘Yes you are Picker the nicker. That bangle ain’t yours, I put it in the valuables box last week and you nicked it out.’

  ‘Can I put plasters over mine Miss?’

  ‘Miss, if it rains we are coming in right? Cos I straightened my hair this morning and I’ve got Mr Puller this afternoon and I ain’t going in looking like no frizz head.’

  ‘I haven’t got my PE shorts Miss and I have only got a thong, I’m not playing hockey like that, can I go in goal?’

  ‘Yeah the helmet suits you.’

  ‘Miss, I’ve got a music lesson at half past so should I bother to get changed?’

  ‘Oh roll on lunch,’ muttered Kat marching the rabble out to the soggy pitches, no hope of the ball rolling more than a meter.

  Kat and Ben pulled up their collars and decided to make a dash for it across the potholed school car park. Halfway across and a car pipped. A voice shouted through the lashing rain, ‘Can I give you two a lift?’

  ‘Cheers. Come on Kat.’ Ben opened the door of the pale blue Clio and jumped in the back. Kat smiled through the open window at Freya whose face was already spotted with rain and walked quickly round to the passenger side. The connection felt good. Kat had continued to be the best possible teacher that she could, but had consciously avoided looking over at Freya’s back table as she worked and tried her hardest to avoid any personal chats or involvement in her funny anecdotes, but as she stepped into the warm car and smiled once again at Freya, she realised just how much she had missed her knowing green eyes.

  ‘Bloody nightmare this weather. Thanks Freya, just up past Coldfield Park.’

  ‘Ok, no worries Sir.’ She pulled out of the school car park and into the standstill traffic, too many Sixth Formers with cars was the complaint from local residents who wished the school had a side entrance.

  Ben shook himself off and sprawled across the back seat. ‘Did Freya tell you she was the only one in my class to get an A*, can you believe that was nearly two years ago? Uni for you soon hey?’ Ben relaxed searching in his well worn backpack for the remainder of his lunch, his recently depleted appetite had suddenly returned.

  Freya was trying her best to look relaxed and confident whilst also remembering mirror, signal, manoeuvre. ‘Well I have got to get the grades first Mr Puller.’

  Kat realised that Freya had never addressed her, not once, as Miss. How does she manage to get my attention in class she wondered allowing herself to look across at her for the first time properly in about a month? Kat had deliberately tried to avoid too much eye contact, worried that the feeling would return; the feeling that seemed to take over her, the feeling she was struggling to control.

  ‘So how is Eager Elton doing in your class then Miss Spicer?’

  ‘Brilliant Mr Puller, but I think she needs to stop using that print an essay website.’

  ‘Kat! You can’t say that!’ said Freya hitting the leather steering wheel in mock outrage.

  Kat coughed nervously.

  ‘Oh Kat is it?! I didn’t know you were one of those just call me Kat teachers,’ laughed Ben.

  ‘I’m not.’ Kat was embarrassed and Freya was blushing profusely.

  ‘I’m sorry, Harley is always talking about you and calling you Kat and it just rubs off. Sorry.’

  ‘I bet she is a massive topic of conversation for that boy,’ laughed Ben oblivious to the tension.

  Freyagate, as it was now termed in their apartment, was a topic of restricted conversation. Kat knew that Lucy had been loyal and kept it private, even though she had suggested that Ben could be the look out while she had her wicked way with Freya over her classroom desk.

  Freya wanted to make amends, ‘She is a great teacher Mr Puller, everyone is expected to achieve way above Miss Pendleton’s predicted grades from last year.’

  ‘Thanks.’ Kat smiled at her and Freya glanced up and returned the smile apologetically.

  Ben drew a heart on the wet window. ‘A love in! Look we are steaming up, what will people think? Hey pip the horn there’s Pity and Mews.’

  Freya sounded the horn. How was she to know that Mr Puller had been messing around? She only realised when he disappeared from her rear view mirror and she spotted him hiding flat on the back seat giggling. How old was he again she questioned?

  ‘It’s a disgrace. Look at that, getting a lift home with a Sixth Former, a female Sixth Former.’ Diane Pity shook her head; her black roots were even more obvious in the heavy rain.

  Fiona Mews shook her spotty umbrella and flared her nostrils. ‘I am keeping a note Diane. I am keeping a note, don’t you worry. Spotless Spicer will hit the floor soon and she won’t be running, we will see to that.’ She flared again, curling her lip up to the right. ‘Head of PSHE, I mean what does she know about ... what is it? Personal, Special? No Social...’

  Diane was even more annoyed than Fiona. ‘That is the promotion I wanted. PSHE is Professional and Social and Health, no Happiness, no...’ she shook the rain from her head, ‘oh fucked if I know.’

  ‘Where were you off to anyway?’ said Ben in between large mouthfuls of squashed ham sandwich; Lucy and him could eat for England.

  ‘Home to do her essay on the slave trade I hope,’ smiled Kat noticing the way Freya’s knuckles looked white as she clutched the steering wheel tightly.

  ‘I was going to Bea’s. She only does Friday mornings, lucky thing. We are going into town tonight.’

  Ben was naturally nosy. ‘Whereabouts are you headed?’ It was another thing that made him and Lucy a good match.

  She checked her mirrors. ‘Gail’s probably.’ Her face reddened again.

  ‘Oh yeah, I heard about Bea’s revelation. How is all that going with her?’ he chuckled.

  ‘All what?’ She noticed Kat discretely looking around the car, hoping desperately
that she would miss the two well thumbed gossip magazines sat in the foot well; Freya knew she should have chosen History Monthly instead.

  ‘You know. Her sexuality?’ He mouthed the word.

  ‘I don’t know Mr Puller, why don’t you ask her! You are so nosy for a man!’

  ‘Feisty Freya, that’s the other thing I used to call you wasn’t it. Miss Spicer you need to watch this one, they always say it’s the quiet ones, the ones you least expect and then whoosh, she blows!’

  She slowed the car cheekily, ‘Do you want to walk the rest of the way Sir?’

  ‘Ha, no you’re ok thanks. Third Friday of the month, that’s your choice of venue isn’t it?’ said Ben directing his question at Kat.

  The thought of bumping into Freya on an evening where she would undoubtedly look incredible and be perfectly able to hold her own in their company, worried her. ‘Jess has stopped coming out and I think Lucy may change her plans once she sees you.’

  Ben was talking as if Freya wasn’t driving the car. ‘No, no I am only coming in for a bit. A lot to chat about you know, but I have Jones’ stag do tonight.’

  Freya paid attention, ‘Mr Jones from the PE department?’

  Ben shoved in the final piece of bruised banana. ‘Yeah, never met his missus though, it’s all a bit strange. You two might bump into each other. Make sure Bea doesn’t make a pass at Miss Spicer won’t you Freya?!’

  Kat felt embarrassed, ‘I’m not sure we are going Mr Puller.’

  ‘You always go, that much can’t have changed in the last month! What are you doing calling me Mr Puller anyway? It is only Freya!’ Ben was getting excited about seeing Lucy, he had been an idiot and realised it.

  ‘That would be nice,’ said Freya catching Kat’s nervous eye.

  ‘They’ll be there!’ said Ben raising his eyebrows at her in the mirror, ‘Just don’t challenge them to a dance off, you have no chance!’

  Kat directed her into the apartment bays. ‘Thanks for the lift.’