If I Can't Have You (Mills & Boon Spice)

by BETH KERY

  She’d continued to avoid Eric’s phone calls, but knew she’d have to face seeing him on Wednesday, when he came for his weekly volunteer hours at The Family Center. She’d been both relieved and disappointed that Lincoln DuBois’s death and her subsequent trip to Lake Tahoe had prevented her from ever seeing him at work.

  Now two thousand miles separated her and Eric. Before she could experience a stab of pain over that thought, the heavy front door swung open and she was staring at her sister standing in the opening, wearing jeans and a tight dark blue T-shirt.

  They say that you always admire what you don’t have when it comes to looks, and for Colleen that was especially true about how she felt about Deidre. Only their coloring was similar. Colleen was taller and more curvy than her sister. She’d always envied Deidre’s coltish long legs, slim hips and toned, shapely figure. Deidre looked even more slender than she’d been the last time Colleen had seen her in Chicago, on a mutual visit with Marc and Liam. Her recent anguish had seemed to hollow out her cheeks and make her exceptional bluish gray eyes look even larger and more striking than usual.

  They flew into each other’s arms.

  “Oh my God, I’m so happy to see you. You couldn’t have come at a better time. Better time for me that is,” Deidre said, leaning back and inspecting her sister. “I know it couldn’t have been easy for you to pick up and leave, given the kids and work…and Eric,” Deidre finished softly.

  Something about seeing Deidre after such a long absence and hearing her say Eric’s name caused emotion to swell in Colleen’s chest. She and Deidre had spoken frequently on the phone in the past week. Colleen had eventually broken down and spilled the story to Deidre’s sympathetic ear.

  She ruffled Deidre’s silky, glossy blond hair. The short style emphasized both Deidre’s strong, unique character and her delicate features to perfection. She didn’t wear a smudge of makeup. Deidre had been gifted with move-star-quality beauty, but as always, she seemed sublimely unaware of it. It’d been so hard to be separated from her sister by half the planet for so long. Colleen vowed then and there to do whatever she could to convince Deidre to come back to Michigan with her.

  “I wouldn’t be anyplace in the world right now but by your side,” Colleen assured, glancing around her. In the distance, she glimpsed a spectacular great room and enormous picture window overlooking a stunning view of a sapphire-blue Lake Tahoe. “You’d do the same for me in similar circumstances. A man can’t come between sisters.”

  She was glad to see the mischievous sparkle return to Deidre’s eyes. “Even a tall, dark, devilishly handsome doctor?”

  “Especially a dark, devilish doctor,” Colleen stated with more confidence than she felt.

  Deidre smiled and gave her another hug. “I’m so glad you’re here,” she whispered near Colleen’s ear. Colleen closed her eyes, sadness and worry filling her when she felt how desperately Deidre clung on to her…how much of her typically indomitable sister’s rib cage she could feel through the cotton of her T-shirt.

  “I can see the first thing I need to do is cook you a decent meal,” Colleen told her when they broke apart, still holding hands.

  Deidre waved her hand dismissively. “Linc’s chef, Sasha, is terrific. My appetite has been off a bit since I came from Germany.”

  “Her appetite has been nonexistent,” someone said in a blunt tone.

  Colleen started when a tall man with chestnut-colored hair suddenly stepped into the foyer. He had a bold, handsome face and a powerful, rangy build. She noticed the way his gray-eyed, cool gaze landed on her sister’s face. Deidre’s back straightened, her chin went up and her eyes turned every bit as flinty as the man’s.

  “Nick Malone, I presume?” Colleen murmured wryly under her breath. Neither the man nor Deidre corrected her—just continued their staring duel—so Colleen knew she’d been right in her guess that the man was Lincoln DuBois’s right-hand man and CEO of DuBois Enterprises—not to mention the man who made it clear he was suspicious of Deidre’s motives in claiming to be Lincoln’s daughter. Malone was younger and a heck of a lot better looking than she’d expected, but Deidre’s haughty stance said loud and clear they were in the presence of the enemy.

  “That’s right,” Deidre said. “Nick, I’d like you to meet my sister Colleen. Colleen, Nick Malone. She’s come for the funeral.” Deidre gave Colleen a bland glance. “Knowing Nick, he thinks you came to help me steal the silver, so I just thought I’d clarify.”

  Colleen suppressed a snort of laughter, but Nick’s expression grew even harder at Deidre’s jibe. Despite his jeans and Western-style shirt, Malone reminded Colleen more of a soldier than a cowboy or executive.

  As usual, Deidre was fearless in the face of potential danger. She grabbed Colleen’s free hand and pulled.

  “Come on. We’d better get moving. Nick is likely to go into interrogation mode any second.”

  Colleen glanced at Nick bemusedly as they passed, but his gaze was glued to Deidre. Was that concern she saw on his face, mingling with annoyance? For some reason, the way he looked as he followed Deidre’s retreating figure reminded her of the way Eric glared at her sometimes when she was being stubborn.

  Chapter Thirteen

  A painful stitch stabbed at Colleen’s side as she and Deidre raced through the Holy Name parking lot, both of them wearing heels and holding hands to improve their balance. Their flight from Reno to Detroit had been delayed four hours because of weather, and now they were running late for Liam’s and Natalie’s dress rehearsal. Brigit had gone ahead and brought the kids with her to the wedding rehearsal, while Deidre and Colleen hurried to get ready.

  Everything in the past twenty-four hours had happened so suddenly, it still felt a little surreal to her. She couldn’t believe she was rushing to Liam’s rehearsal dinner with Deidre in tow. They’d decided to surprise Brigit, Liam and Marc with Deidre’s presence. Colleen didn’t like to think about how either her mother or Deidre would act when they saw each other.

  All of that was nerve-racking enough. But Colleen had to admit to herself that she was nervous and edgy because she was about to see Eric again. Would he be irritated at her for avoiding him all this time? Or would he be relieved? He’d stopped attempting to call her in the past week. Had he given up on trying to apologize for his intentions in seducing her? Was he ready to move on from the whole affair?

  Dashing into the church vestibule, Deidre and she removed their coats and hung them on the rack in the entryway. In the distance, she heard Father Mike calling out instructions.

  Her heart thrummed with dread and excitement as they entered the church. Deidre hadn’t spoken to Brigit since she’d overheard an argument between Brigit and Derry sixteen years ago. In that argument, Derry had confronted Brigit with the fact that given their blood types, Deidre couldn’t be his daughter. Brigit had admitted Derry wasn’t Deidre’s father, although she’d kept the identity of Deidre’s biological father a secret until last summer.

  Now Deidre was back in Harbor Town, and Colleen couldn’t help but worry that all hell was going to break loose for the Kavanaughs—again.

  Despite her worry about Deidre and Brigit, it was Eric’s face she immediately sought out among the small crowd, not her mother’s.

  “Oh, my God,” Deidre whispered without moving her lips. They paused at the back of the church, and the entire wedding party turned to look at them. “Is that Eric? He’s gorgeous.”

  Colleen flushed, hoping fervently the excellent acoustics in the church hadn’t made Deidre whisper carry. Deidre was indeed staring at Eric, and he did indeed look gorgeous, as usual. He wore a black suit, white shirt and pale
tie. She hadn’t been able to resist her sister’s encouragements to reveal the truth about the reason for her frequent distractedness and occasional weepiness while they’d been in Tahoe. Now Deidre was privy to the secret workings of her heart. Well…most of them, anyway. There was no way she could convey with words the feelings she had seeing Eric at that moment.

  The wedding party had apparently been practicing the bride’s entrance, because Natalie was holding Eric’s arm and they paused in the center aisle. His gaze fixed on her. Colleen couldn’t interpret his expression. Her heart plummeted to the vicinity of her belly.

  Suddenly, Liam gave a shout, and Marc, Mari, Liam and Natalie were converging on them at the back of the church.

  “I can’t believe it!” Liam said, laughing jubilantly as he hugged Deidre and picked her up, making her shriek in surprise. “You came!”

  “I was wondering if I’d ever see the day,” Marc said a moment later, beaming at Deidre. He gave her a big bear hug. When he glanced over Deidre’s shoulder and saw Colleen standing there, smiling with joy, he reached and pulled her into the embrace. Laughing, Colleen put out an arm for Liam. The Kavanaugh children all engaged in a mutual, clumsy, heartfelt hug. “Do we owe you for this miracle?” Marc asked Colleen. “This is incredible.”

  “I’ll say it is. All four of you together again in Harbor Town. I wondered if I’d ever see it again.”

  They all broke apart and turned at the sound of Brigit’s voice. Brigit stared at her oldest daughter, her expression rapt. The hesitancy mingled with joy Colleen saw on her mother’s face sent a pain through her heart.

  “Deidre. You’ve made me so happy.” She flew to her daughter, arms outstretched. Deidre didn’t speak, just returned the hug, albeit stiffly. When they parted, Colleen saw a film of tears over Deidre’s eyes, but she didn’t allow one to spill.

  Father Mike approached, greeting them enthusiastically. Everyone started talking. Colleen sighed in partial relief. She’d been dreading the moment, unsure of whether or not Deidre would turn a cold shoulder and cut Brigit completely. At least the initial greeting between mother and daughter had passed and gone tolerably well. Brendan and Jenny ran up to hug her. She’d missed them like crazy while she’d been in Tahoe and they’d stayed with their grandmother.

  When she straightened, she realized that while everyone else conversed and made introductions, Eric was watching her with that dark-eyed, knowing look that always seemed to pierce right through her.

  She licked her lower lip nervously. She should say hello, at least. No casual greeting seemed to fit the mixed anxiety, uncertainty and pleasure she experienced at seeing him again, though. He looked tense. Deidre had suggested—very delicately—while they’d been in Tahoe that Colleen may have been a tad defensive in not allowing Eric to fully explain himself. Was Deidre right? Was he angry? Concerned? Or was he completely immune to her now that he’d met his personal challenge of seducing her?

  He took a step toward her, and her heart jumped into her throat.

  “Okay, everyone, let’s get back to business!” Father Mike called out, herding them back toward the front of the church.

  Unfortunately, there was no opportunity for the next forty-five minutes to find out what Eric had been planning to say to her as Father Mike led them through the wedding proceedings. She kept stealing glances at him and occasionally caught him looking at her, but his expression gave her no clues as to what he was thinking or feeling. After they’d finished with rehearsal, she saw Natalie draw her brother aside and speak to him. Liam joined them. Eric nodded and approached Deidre. She became distracted when Brendan asked for permission for he and Jenny to ride to the restaurant with Eric.

  “Eric wants us to,” Brendan insisted when she demurred. “We’re giving Lucy to Uncle Liam and Natalie after dinner tonight.”

  “Lucy is going to be in the parking lot, waiting for Natalie and Uncle Liam when they leave,” Jenny said, brimming over with enthusiasm. Between the excitement of giving Lucy and the thrill of her flower-girl duties tomorrow, Colleen seriously doubted her girl would sleep well tonight.

  A little later, she watched Eric leave with Brendan and Jenny. Everyone was trickling out of the church, leaving for the rehearsal dinner at Bistro Campagne.

  “Natalie wants me to be in the wedding,” Deidre said later as Colleen drove over to the restaurant.

  “She does? That’s a wonderful idea.”

  Deidre laughed. “I told her I couldn’t. I don’t have a dress to wear. But it was sweet of her to ask. I like her…and Eric, too. I can see what you meant about him. Tall, dark and smoldering. What eyes,” Deidre added, giving Colleen a sideways, significant glance from the passenger seat.

  She frowned, ignoring Deidre’s mischievous expression.

  “Is that what Eric was talking to you about? Being in the wedding?”

  “In part,” Deidre said lightly. “He also asked about you.”

  “He did?” she asked, nearly missing her turn. “What did he say?”

  “He asked if you were doing all right. He said you looked pale. I told him he should ask you himself how you were. I said that all I knew was that you were up most nights in Tahoe, crying your eyes out.”

  “You didn’t,” Colleen declared in an ominous tone.

  “Okay, I didn’t,” Deidre said, smiling angelically. “I’d never, you know that. I’ve got your back. Still…you guys should talk. I saw the way he was staring at you. If you seriously believe he was just interested in you for a challenge, you’re nuts.”

  Colleen willed her breathing to calm and changed the subject. “Of course you should be in the wedding. You’re Liam’s sister. I have a dress you can wear. Mari and I chose our own dresses—we just made sure the colors and fabric matched in a general sense. I have another dark red dress you can borrow. I’ll do some alterations on it tomorrow.”

  They chatted about the possibility until they entered Bistro Campagne and were shown to a reserved room. The wedding party was seated at the front of the room at a long table. Both Colleen and Natalie—who had also just arrived—insisted that Deidre sit at the head table. Colleen was chatting with Deidre and Mari when she noticed Eric enter the room with the kids. She waved at Jenny and Brendan as they sat down at a table with Brigit. Eric sat at the opposite end of the head table. Colleen watched him unobtrusively as he talked and joked with Marc.

  “Colleen, did you have a chance to come up with something for your speech for the toast?” Mari asked her in a confidential tone.

  She stared at Mari in horror. Oh my God, the toast. They’d agreed that Marc and Mari, as best man and matron of honor, would give the toast at the wedding reception, but Eric and Colleen were responsible for the rehearsal dinner traditional toasts to the bride and groom.

  Deidre noticed her horrified expression. “What’s wrong?”

  “I thought there was a chance you’d forgotten, with everything going on, and you being away.” Mari glanced at Deidre. “She’s supposed to give the toast tonight.”

  Colleen took a large gulp of water. How could she have forgotten?

  “Why don’t you let me do it?” Deidre offered blithely.

  “You wouldn’t mind winging it?” Colleen asked in amazement as a waiter filled their champagne glass
es. Most of the guests were seated now.

  Deidre winked. “You’re talking to an army nurse, remember? Making do with what I’ve got and winging it are my specialties.”

  She was relieved to pass the duty on to Deidre. Colleen was used to public speaking engagements for The Family Center, but she liked to have something prepared. The sound of silver tinkling on crystal rung out, and the guests ceased their chatter. Eric stood to make his toast. Colleen was glad to have a valid excuse to stare at him.

  “I was given the singular privilege tonight to toast the future happiness of this special couple, Liam and Natalie. I suppose I’m not the typical brother of the bride. I’ve also had the honor to be a father figure to Natalie and to watch her grow into the amazing young woman you see before you today.”

  Colleen found Eric’s deep, resonant voice and striking good looks compelling, and she could tell by the many rapt faces in the room, she wasn’t the only one.

  “I won’t lie to you and say that I didn’t have my doubts when Natalie and Liam announced their engagement. I was cynical that anyone could be good enough for my little sister. She’s one of the kindest people I know, generous to a fault. A braver soul never existed. There are things she’s endured that would have broken me,” he said, meeting Natalie’s misty stare. He looked at Liam. “If you’ve won such a worthy heart, then you must deserve her. Is it possible for two people to fall so quickly for one another, to know with absolute, unquestionable certainty that this person is who they were meant to spend the rest of their lives with?” Colleen’s heart skipped a beat when Eric’s dark-eyed gaze landed on her and seemed to burn right down to her spirit. “Until recently, I would have said no. I would have denied cynicism and said I was just being rational in doubting the possibility of falling head over heels in love so fast, so completely. I would have said someone who claimed such a thing was not only foolish, but naive.”