She could hardly wait to walk down the aisle on her mother’s arm toward Jed. She squealed with delight at the thought that in less than a week she’d be Mrs. Marsh. Technically, her new name would be Alissa Mann Kirby Marsh. All of the last names of the people who’d loved her seemed just right, if quite long on a driver’s license.
A knock on her front door drew her away from her task. It couldn’t be Jed, as he had a key. Instead of coming over last night, he’d said he had some business to attend to before they left for the airport. She scurried over to the door and yanked it open, prepared for a delivery of some kind. Instead, Jed stood before her. His jeans and T-shirt were rumpled, like he’d slept in them. Stubble on his face and bloodshot eyes made him look as if he’d been on an all-night bender. She knew better. He hadn’t even wanted a bachelor party. Had something happened at work? Or with his mother?
“Where’s your key?” She hugged him. His body stiffened, so she withdrew, watching him carefully. Was he sick?
“I misplaced it.” He raked hands through his hair. “I’ve lost a whole set of keys.”
“Jed, what’s going on? Did something happen?”
He passed through the doorway into her apartment, then slumped into the easy chair with his face in his hands. She knelt next to him and clutched one of his knees. “Jed, please. What is it? You’re scaring me.”
He looked up at her. “Something’s happened. Something terrible.” Tears filled his eyes. He swiped at them with his hands. “My mother’s done something so horrible. Something you won’t be able to forgive me for.”
“Impossible,” she said. “Like we agreed, it’s you and me forever. She can’t hurt what we have.”
“Wait to decide until I tell you what she did.” He choked on the last few words.
“Go ahead, tell me.” She couldn’t imagine anything that would change the way she felt about him.
“We can’t win against her.” He wiped his eyes on his sweater sleeve, like a little boy. “She’ll never stop trying to destroy us. What she’s done is so beyond anything I thought she was capable of. I can’t understand her. God, Alissa, I come from a family of monsters.”
“Tell me what happened. Jed, whatever it is, we can work through it. If it’s your parents, we don’t need them. Who cares if they’re there or not? This wedding is for us.”
“It’s bigger than that.”
“Did they kick you out of the company?” God, the woman was evil. How could she do this to her son during what was supposed to be such a happy time? She should never have trusted that Mrs. Marsh had a change of heart. “You can get another job. We can live on my salary until you find something.”
He lifted his face to look up at her. “It’s not the money. I love you. Please know that. I love you so much it hurts. And I’m so very sorry.”
“You’re not making any sense. The only thing I want is you. I don’t care two figs about anything she thinks about me. She can’t hurt me as long as you’re by my side. It’s been that way since the first time we met. You’ve said so yourself.”
“I was wrong. There are some things that are beyond our control. I’ve ruined your life. I should’ve known better. Someone perfect like you shouldn’t be anywhere near the monsters I call parents.” He got up from the chair as if a great weight rested on his shoulders.
She spoke sternly to try to get him to stop babbling. “Tell me what happened.”
He looked at her for a long moment. One in which Alissa could hear her heart thumping between her ears.
“My mother knows about your job at the club.”
“How?” Her stomach fell.
“Do you remember Amy’s son? The chef?”
She nodded, knowing suddenly what he was going to say. “Yes, I remember.” She drew in a long breath as her body flushed with heat. That’s where she’d seen him. Months before she met him at Jed’s parents’ house, Gary had been at the club. He’d been with a sketchy group of young men that Rif had kicked out after one of them tried to touch Millie.
“He has drug problems and needs money,” Jed said. “He had photographs of you that apparently he had a friend take at one of your recent shifts. Yesterday, he sent them to my mom, threatening to leak them on the internet and send them to your boss and your family, unless she paid him off. Instead, she decided to use them against us. She sent them to your principal and the president of the PTA.”
The room tipped sideways. “Oh God.” Shame and embarrassment washed over her. Everything, just like that, ruined. Her secret revealed. Not on her own terms, but via a cruel, controlling woman. She wrapped her arms around her stomach, the pain as swift and sharp as the wind that howled outside the building. There went the job she loved. The children and families she’d given so much would now see her as unfit to teach.
“She threatened to mail them to your mother,” he said. “I begged her not to. She made me promise to call off the wedding or she was going to text them to her.”
“Did you promise that?” Hot tears dripped from her eyes and stung her cheeks.
“That’s the point. Whether I call off the wedding to keep her from sending them doesn’t matter. When you lose your teaching position, they’re going to have to know why. You mother will never forgive me. My family is the reason you’ll no longer have the job you loved. Think about your sisters. You know how tough they’ve been on me already. When they find out what happened, what will they think? They’ll never welcome me into the family. I can’t do this to you. I won’t spread more poison into your life. I’m sorry, but it’s what’s best.”
“What is?”
“That we call off the wedding. I can’t marry you. It’s not right. Not now.”
She stared at him. Call off the wedding? How could you let this happen?
Even as she thought it, she knew it wasn’t fair. He couldn’t control what his mother did. Yet, somehow, logic didn’t apply here. He’d failed to protect her. Now she’d lost her identity. What was she now? A cocktail waitress in a strip club. Homeless. She’d have to move in with Mom or one of the sisters.
He wiped his eyes, watching her. “I can see it in your face. You blame me for this.”
She turned her gaze toward the windows. “I don’t.”
“You do, and you’re right. I blame me too.”
She whirled around to look at him. “Fine, I do blame you. How could you let this happen?” The words were cruel and unfair. She knew this, but the anger coursed through her now, hot and red. “We had everything.”
Tears leaked from his eyes. She could see how her words had hurt him, yet she couldn’t take them back. He’d allowed his mother to ruin their love. It was tainted now with this awful, ugly thing.
“I knew you’d hate me for this.” Jed openly wept through the next sentences. “I should’ve anticipated and protected you, but I failed. I don’t have anything to offer you, even if you felt differently. I walked out of her house for the last time. I’m done. I have no job. No future. How could I in good conscience marry you now, even if you wanted me?”
She went back to the window, leaning her forehead against the cold glass. A torrent of rain fell in slants. She hadn’t minded the rain as she packed. Now it represented the cold, lonely life without Jed.
“Why does she hate me so much?” Alissa asked, numbly, as she turned back toward him.
“I don’t know. I can’t explain any of it. She’s sick. I’m so sorry I ever dragged you into my mess of a toxic family. I should’ve known better than to think a guy like me could be with someone as pure and sweet and good as you.”
She loved him. That would never go away. This man, who’d loved her out of her shyness and convinced her that their bond would stand the test of time, was her one and only. They were naïve to have thought that his family would ever let them be happy. They hadn’t factored in the lengths his mother would go to.
They’d been doomed before they even started.
Her legs trembled, and she sank onto the couch as the a
wful reality washed through her. Her life as she knew it was over. She wasn’t sure she could ever look at him the same way now. Even if she could look past all of this, if they went forward with the marriage, his mother would be even angrier. God only knew what she was capable of. Would she go after her sisters? Her mom? Mrs. Marsh was rich. Wealth equaled power. Alissa had none.
And what about her family? How would she explain the called-off wedding and the loss of her teaching position, other than to tell them the truth about her secret job? They would understand her reasons but would be hurt she’d not told them the truth. They lived under the premise that there were no secrets between Mom and the soul sisters.
“She’ll never stop trying to ruin what we have.” Jed went to her, kneeling at her feet. “Please, forgive me. I vowed to take care of you, and I failed. I’d do anything to take it all back.”
“But you can’t,” she said. “Your mother’s never going to let us be happy.”
“I know, and I’m so sorry.” He reached into his pocket and set a folded check on the coffee table. “This is for you. Something to get you through until you find a new job.”
“Money can’t fix this,” she said.
“I can’t leave here unless I know you’ll be all right.” He spoke in a strangled, miserable voice. “You’ll find someone better than me. Without all my baggage.”
She would no longer be able to roll over and see his face every morning. After this, she might never see him again. She gasped for breath; the air had left the room, leaving pain that pressed into her on all sides. A wail like that of a dying animal came from deep inside her. There was nothing she could do to stop the awful sound.
He gathered her into his arms and stroked her hair as she wept, saying over and over how sorry he was.
“You should go now,” she said, finally. Before I break in half in front of you.
“I’ll love you forever,” he whispered, then rose to his feet.
The slamming of the door was the beginning of the after, she thought. She’d had the after before, when her parents had died. Jed had been the beginning of a new life. Loving him had given her peace from the grief that had plagued her for so long. She’d actually believed that Mama and Daddy had sent him to her, to heal all the scars of the past.
I should have known better, she thought. I loved him too much. Just as she had her parents. And then they’d left her to maneuver through the rest of her life without them. Just as she would now have to without Jed.
Again, here she was. Alone and bleeding.
Chapter 7
An hour later, when her body had depleted itself of tears, she picked up her phone from the coffee table. She would have to tell her family. Over the last few years, so much had been shared between them, both good and bad news. Whatever it was, despite how different all the sisters were from one another, they were always there on the other end of the phone. For better or worse, Alissa thought, as a wave of bitterness washed over her.
She called Mom and held her breath, waiting for her to pick up and hear what a total failure Alissa was, and that all the money for the wedding would be wasted.
When Mom and her sisters suggested they all meet at Cedar Mountain Lodge regardless, Alissa agreed. She was comforted that part of the financial investments they had all made wouldn’t be wasted.
And I need my family, she thought, as she packed for the lonely trip. Being with them was the only way she would be able to get through the holidays. She couldn’t help but think of how she’d been looking forward to celebrating the love between her and Jed with them. She’d been so sure of him. Calling off the wedding had never crossed her mind. Not once.
What would she do after? How could she go on?
The only thing she could think of was how much she needed Mom and her sisters. They were the part of her life that never disappointed or failed her. No matter what, they were there for one another. Mom had always said that although they weren’t blood, they were family. Right now, she needed them.
With an aching chest, Alissa walked into the honeymoon suite in Cedar Mountain Lodge. Her wedding gown greeted her from the closet, like an uninvited guest. The lodge staff had steamed it already. The filmy white dress hung there, perfect and beautiful.
She placed her suitcase on the wooden stand and went to the window, avoiding the open closet and the dress. The curtains were open to the view of the outdoor Christmas tree, decorated in white lights. How had she forgotten the dress would already be here? She and Mom and Hailey had had such a wonderful time shopping for just the right one. The moment she’d come out from the dressing room, both of them had squealed and agreed that this was the exact dress for Alissa.
Despite her resolve to remain strong, Alissa collapsed on the bed and gave in to her tears, burying her face in the pillow. She’d kept it together on the flight from Seattle to Boise, and even in the rental car as she drove to the lodge.
Mom had texted that she would be there sometime that evening. It was just one now. Alissa knew she should eat something. She couldn’t remember the last time she ate, other than coffee at the airport. Nothing wanted to stay down. It was like her stomach was the epicenter of her grief.
She was an idiot. That was the takeaway from this whole situation. Who was she to think she could have Jed? He was from another world. One of wealth and privilege. Whereas Maddie had counted pennies and sacrificed to keep the four girls in clothes and well-fed. She’d somehow managed to get them all through college. Granted, the other girls had all gotten scholarships because they were talented in specific areas. Stevie and her exceptional cooking abilities, Jo with her quick mind, Hailey’s artistic talent. They were special. Alissa knew she was not. All she’d ever wanted was to be with little children in a classroom. Fortunately for her, she didn’t need to be super smart like the others to fulfill her dreams. When she’d met Jed, she’d thought he was the last missing piece of the puzzle of her life. They would be together and make a family. A family like the one she’d had with her mother and father before they passed away.
She rolled over on her back, staring at the ceiling.
Finally, like a kid tearing off a bandage, she got up from the bed and went to the closet. She fingered the flower-pattern lace overlay and the empire waist made of tiny cloth flowers. The veil hung next to the dress, shimmery and attached to a thin, faux diamond headband.
What would she do with this beauty now? Since the day Jed had proposed, she’d imagined herself walking down the aisle, her arm linked with Mom’s, heading toward the man she loved. The dress had been altered to fit her petite frame. There was no returning it to the shop. Her hands balled into fists. Should she tear it apart? Toss it out the window? Send it to a charity? Where did all the dresses of the brokenhearted go?
After dinner with her sisters, a new level of exhaustion came over Alissa. Stevie and Hailey had decided to go to the bar after their meal, but she had begged off. She had just enough time for a short nap before her mother’s arrival. Just a blissful few hours where all this went away, and at the end, her mother would be there. She undressed, putting on her old flannel nightgown from when she was a teenager. The soft fabric always comforted during times of stress or homesickness. Nothing compared to this, though. She knew in her bones she would never get over this. Over him.
She crawled under the covers and lay on her stomach, letting the tears slide from her eyes, too tired to sob any longer. After a time, she fell asleep.
A buzz on her phone wakened her. The text was from Mom; she was finally at the hotel. There was a delay in check-in, but she’d be there in a few minutes. Alissa sighed with relief. Having her mother here would make it easier to breathe. Finally, she heard a soft knock at her door.
“Mom?” she said, as she opened the door.
“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry.”
Alissa burst into tears and threw herself into her mother’s arms.
“Come sit on the bed with me and tell me everything,” Mom said.
A
lissa cuddled into the room’s soft bathrobe and joined her mother on the bed. She took a deep breath and, without looking at Mom, blurted out her secret. “There’s something I have to tell you. I’ve had a second job for the last few years. At a gentlemen’s club.”
“What is that exactly? What do you mean?” Mom shifted to her side. “Sweetie, look at me.”
Alissa turned her face toward her mother. “Ladies dance on a stage. For men.”
Mom’s eyes widened. “You’ve been dancing at a strip club?”
“No, just cocktail waitressing. But I wear what’s essentially not much bigger than a bathing suit.”
Mom had paled but her expression remained calm. “Why would you do this?”
“I needed the money, Mom. My salary doesn’t cover everything, and then Sophie got hurt.” She explained how her plans to quit had changed. “And then I met Jed.” Alissa explained all of it then, including the cold response from his mother and father, and ending with what Mrs. Marsh had done.
Mom didn’t respond except for a slight wrinkling of her forehead.
“And then he walked out,” Alissa said. Was Mom getting this? “My life’s ruined. My reputation. I don’t even have my apartment now.”
“Okay. First of all, your life is not ruined, and I’m not so sure your relationship is either.”
Alissa stared at her mom, unsure of what to say. “Well, I mean, how can I marry into a family that would go to such lengths to destroy me? What if we had children and Jed died? She’d probably try and prove I was an unfit mother.”
Mom watched her for a moment. “That’s a leap.”
“How is it a leap? Losing people happened to both of us. You know how it can happen in a split second.”
Mom took in a deep breath, clearly gathering her thoughts. “All right, let’s run through this. Mrs. Marsh is a heinous woman, and she did a bad thing.”
Christmas Rings Page 8
