Blessings

by Kim Vogel Sawyer

  He stepped away from the table, lifting his hand in a wave. “You all enjoy your pie. I’ll see you Sunday in service.”

  Before they could say anything else, he hurried down the sidewalk, his heels thudding against the red bricks. Darcy’s comment about catching Trina if he hurried ran through his mind, and of their own volition, his feet sped up. Did he want to catch Trina?

  He knew he did. Despite her crazy ideas of going to college and becoming some sort of animal doctor, he still wanted her. Still loved her. He wished he could set the feelings aside, but how did a person turn off love? The whole community still talked about how Henry Braun had remained a bachelor for over twenty years when the girl he loved married someone else. Henry didn’t marry until that girl, widowed, returned to Sommerfeld. Now they were happily married and the proud parents of twins.

  Henry Braun had waited two decades to marry the girl of his heart. Wouldn’t Henry say his wife, Marie, had been worth the wait? But Graham was ready to be married now. Waiting for Trina to go to college, get a degree, and spend some time working as a veterinarian seemed interminable. He sucked in a breath of hot air then blew it out with a snort. Henry Braun was a much more patient man than Graham professed to be.

  Somehow he needed to get Trina’s focus turned around. Now that she wasn’t working at the café, there shouldn’t be any barriers to spending evenings with her. Maybe he should do what Darcy said— catch up to her, walk her the rest of the way home, go on into the house, and ask permission to take her to the barn party planned at the Kreider farm on Saturday night.

  His heart pounded with the thought of having an evening with Trina. Surrounded by their friends, being seen as a couple—the time was just what Trina needed to remember there were other things in life besides taking care of animals. The decision made, he broke into a jog. He caught Trina just as she was walking up her sidewalk.

  “Trina!”

  She paused at the bottom of the porch steps and turned. Her face didn’t light with pleasure when she saw him, giving him momentary pause, but he refused to let her lack of warmth deter him.

  “I didn’t get a chance to tell you about the party tomorrow night at Kreiders’.”

  She tipped her head, bringing her cheek near the bedraggled cluster of daisies in her fist. “What kind of party?”

  “Shucking.” Graham laughed at her grimace. “But the girls will probably do more watching than working.”

  “Yes, you boys will want to show off.”

  The hint of teasing in her tone encouraged him. “So do you want to go and watch me show off?”

  She released a brief giggle then turned her head toward the house. “I’ll need to ask permission.”

  “Here.” He took the book and papers from her arms. “Take those flowers in to your mom, ask, and then come let me know the answer.” By taking her belongings, he solved two issues—first, her parents wouldn’t see them; and second, she would have to come back out to get them.

  “All right.” She skipped up the steps and entered the house. He heard the mutter of voices through the screened door. The voices drifted away to the back of the house, and still he waited. Finally, Trina returned, her mother on her heels.

  Mrs. Muller remained in the doorway. “Graham, what time will the party be over?”

  “Early, ma’am. I’d have Trina home by ten o’clock for sure.” With service in the morning, Saturday evening activities never went late.

  “Who else is riding with you?”

  Graham recognized the woman’s underlying concern—would he and Trina be alone at any time? “I plan to ride out with Walt Martin and Michelle Lapp.”

  Trina stood on the edge of the porch, her gaze on her mother. It appeared she held her breath, but Graham wasn’t sure if she was hoping for a positive or a negative response.

  Finally, Mrs. Muller gave a brusque nod. “All right. She can go since she’ll be home early and you’ll be in a group. Does she need to bring anything?”

  “A snack, if she wants to.”

  “She wants to.”

  For a moment, sympathy swelled for Trina. Small wonder she kept secrets from her parents. Deborah Muller tended to think for her children, controlling every part of their lives. Another brief thought struck—wasn’t he, too, trying to control Trina? He pushed the thought away and looked at Trina.

  “Trina, shall I pick you up at six o’clock?”

  Still looking at her mother, Trina replied, “Yes. Six would be fine.” Trina moved back one step from the door. “Mama, I’m going to sit out here with Graham for a little bit.”

  Graham’s gaze jerked from Trina to Mrs. Muller. He’d never heard Trina state her intentions before—she always asked. From the look on Deborah Muller’s face, she was as surprised as Graham. For a moment, he feared the woman would yank Trina into the house. But to his surprise, she bobbed her head in one quick nod, her black ribbons jerking with the stiff movement.

  “Very well. But you’ve been gone all day. Make it a short visit.” She closed the door before Trina could respond.

  Trina sat on the top step of the porch stairs. With a triumphant grin, she patted the spot beside her. “We won’t have much time. Better sit.”

  A few uninterrupted minutes with Trina had always been a gift. But for some reason, Graham hesitated. Her sudden change in demeanor made him think of the young woman who ran the stained-glass studio on the edge of town—Beth McCauley. Beth told people what to do rather than asking.

  “Or do you need to hurry off?”

  The quaver in her voice pulled him forward two feet, but he couldn’t make himself sit. Instead, he held out the math book and stack of lined papers. “I’d like to, but it’s been a long day. And I have to work tomorrow, so I’d better head home.” He put the items into her arms. “I’ll pick you up a little before six tomorrow, okay?”

  Her brown eyes looked sad, yet he felt the need to step back and process the subtle change he’d just witnessed. He couldn’t do that sitting beside her—he needed some distance. He almost snorted. For the past two weeks, he’d had nearly constant distance from Trina and had begrudged the time apart. Now he was choosing to separate himself? It didn’t make much sense, yet he still moved backward down the sidewalk.

  Still perched on the porch floor with her feet on the bottom riser, she offered a meek nod. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Graham. Have a good day at work.”

  He glanced back before turning the corner toward his own house. She was still sitting there, staring into the gloaming.

  “So tell me about your new job, Trina.”

  Darcy Kauffman pulled Trina into the corner of the barn, away from the raucous young men who tried to outdo one another in the number of ears shucked per minute. The cheers from the girls added to the din.

  Trina normally enjoyed watching Graham—although he worked inside at the lumberyard, he could hold his own against the farmers’ sons, and her heart had always thrilled to his success. Tonight, however, she sensed his displeasure, although no one else would have recognized it, and she welcomed a few moments away from the crowd.

  “I like Dr. Groening a lot,” Trina said, leaning against the barn wall and running her fingers along the attached modesty cape of her dress. “He’s very patient, and he lets me watch all of the examinations.”

  “Your mother told my mother you’re basically Dr. Groening’s cleaning service.”

  Darcy’s words were uttered without a hint of malice, but Trina still cringed. “I suppose that’s true. But I still like it.”

  Darcy smiled, leaning closer. “I also heard Graham is teaching you to drive.”

  Trina’s jaw dropped. They’d only had one lesson. One unsuccessful lesson ending with a disagreement that had yet to be resolved. “Who told you that?”

  Darcy giggled, hunching her shoulders. “Is it true?”

  Trina shrugged. “He tried. It didn’t work out very well.”

  “Oh.” Darcy sighed, her lips twisting into a pout. “I’m sorry.”


  A mighty cheer rose from the group in the center of the barn. Both girls looked toward the gathered group. Walt stood up and waved a red ear over his head. Darcy and Trina shared a snicker—Michelle would be given a kiss before the night was over.

  Darcy caught Trina’s hand. “Don’t you wish Graham had found the red ear? Then you and he. . .” Her voice trailed off, her cheeks glowing bright red.

  Trina felt heat fill her face, and she was certain she blushed crimson. Many times she’d fantasized about Graham kissing her. But she knew she didn’t want their first kiss to be the result of a chance find in a corn-shucking contest. “No!” She hissed the single word.

  Darcy’s eyes widened. “You don’t want him to kiss you?”

  Oh, Trina wanted Graham’s kiss. Sometimes she wanted it so badly it frightened her. She closed her eyes and imagined it—a sweet, tender joining of lips. But in her dreams, it always took place on the day they became officially published. Her eyes popped open, her heart skipping a beat. Would they become published if she continued to pursue a degree in veterinary science?

  She planned to take the GED test at the end of August. If she passed, she would immediately begin trying to enroll in the community college in El Dorado. A two-year college didn’t require ACT scores, so she could get several classes out of the way before transferring to a bigger college. She and Beth had worked everything out. But now a fear struck. Graham might decide to pursue some other girl—maybe even Darcy—if she persisted in her pursuit of education. A stinging behind her nose let her know tears threatened. She quickly turned her back on Darcy.

  “Trina?” Darcy’s worried voice came from directly behind Trina’s ear. “Is something wrong?”

  Yes, many things were wrong. But Trina didn’t have the slightest idea how to fix them. Lord, I’m so confused. I believe I’m meant to care for animals. But I love Graham, too. How can we make this all work?

  She sniffed hard and turned to face her friend. “It looks like the girls have started bundling the shucks for fodder. Should we help?”

  Darcy’s brows pulled down briefly, but then she offered a smile and nod. “Sure.”

  They moved toward the group just as another whoop rose. Walt pounded Graham on the back, and the other young men laughed and hollered. Trina’s feet came to a stumbling halt as people began turning, aiming their laughing gazes in her direction. Behind her, Darcy grabbed her shoulders and murmured, “Uh-oh.” Trina knew without even looking.

  Graham, too, had found a red ear of corn.

  ELEVEN

  Graham held his prize with a mixture of elation and regret. A month ago he would have presented Trina with the red ear then given her a possessive kiss that would make clear to everyone his intentions regarding her. But now? He held the ear against his thigh while whistles and cheers sounded, and Trina stood twelve feet away on the straw-covered barn floor, her brown eyes wide in her pale face.

  She didn’t know what to do, either.

  A feeling akin to anger welled up inside of Graham. This ridiculous notion of hers had changed everything. He couldn’t put his stamp of possession on a woman who might not be his someday. But how could he save face with his friends? He had to kiss her. Yet, looking into her apprehensive face, he hesitated. His mind raced through the options, and he decided there was only one thing he could do.

  With deliberately slow steps for the benefit of their audience, he advanced on Trina. Her cheeks flamed brighter with every inch that closed between them. He stopped less than a foot and a half in front of her. Between his buddies’ encouragement and the girls’ giggles, he hoped she’d be able to hear him. Leaning forward, he let his lips brush her temple, which would satisfy the gawkers, as he whispered, “Don’t worry—I won’t kiss you in front of everyone.”

  The look of relief she gave him sent another rush of mixed emotions through his chest, but he squeezed her arm, straightened, and called over his shoulder, “Okay, I won that round. Who’s going to top me this time?”

  By nine thirty, the corncrib overflowed with stripped ears, and the bundled shucked leaves lay in neat rows in the loft to dry. Everyone began climbing into their vehicles to return to their homes.

  Graham couldn’t help but notice Trina’s reticence during the good-bye process. In the past, she would have bounced from car to car, offering private farewells to each person in attendance. Tonight, however, she stayed close to Walt’s vehicle, waving and smiling, but clearly eager to be done with the formalities and on their way.

  He and Walt got into the front seat, and Michelle and Trina shared the back. Michelle chattered away, leaning forward occasionally to tap Walt’s shoulder and whisper comments that made him laugh. Trina responded to questions but did very little talking. That, too, was different.

  Graham faced forward, his chest tight, as he compared the Trina he had begun courting six months ago to the one sitting in the backseat of Walt’s car. He missed the old Trina. Ever since she got the idea of pursuing a career, she hadn’t been the same. Why couldn’t she see it? Surely if she set the notion aside, her old bubbly self would return.

  Wouldn’t it?

  Walt pulled up in front of Trina’s house. “Here you go. See you at service tomorrow.”

  “Thank you for the ride, Walt. Bye, Michelle.” Her gaze flitted to Graham, her eyes questioning. “Bye, Graham.”

  She expected him to just ride off with Walt and not have a private good-bye? He popped his door open. “Thanks for the ride, but I’ll walk from here.” He knew Michelle and Walt would want a few minutes alone, too. Based on the silent messages flowing between the two of them following their kiss tonight, it wouldn’t be long before they were published. He envied his friend.

  Walt nodded. “See you, buddy.”

  Graham slammed the door and remained on the road until Walt drove off. Trina stood on the sidewalk, her gaze on him. The same reserve he’d seen during the leave-taking at the party was still very much in existence. How he wished she’d warm up a little. Was it only a month and a half ago she’d nearly danced into his arms when he visited her in Andrew’s barn?

  He walked toward her, watching her suck in her lower lip. She tipped her head back to look into his face when he stepped onto the sidewalk. Her brown eyes appeared darker in hue with the evening around them.

  “You could have let Walt take you home,” she said. “It’s late— Mama will expect me to come in right away.”

  He shrugged. “Walt will want some time alone with Michelle.” He should have said he wanted some time alone with Trina.

  “I suppose.” She turned toward the porch and took tiny steps along the walkway. He wished she’d say she wanted some time alone with him.

  Although she didn’t offer an invitation for conversation, he fell in step with her. The porch light cast a golden path for them to follow, and he touched her back lightly as they neared the steps. She scurried forward, away from his fingers, and stepped onto the first riser. But then she turned to face him.

  The eight-inch riser put her at an equal height with him. How simple it would be to lean forward and place a kiss on her lips. But if he did it now, she’d think it was because of the red ear. Besides, her mother was probably watching.

  He slid his hands into his trouser pockets. “Did you enjoy this evening at all, Trina?” He heard the resignation in his tone and did nothing to mask it.

  Her eyes widened. “W–why, of course I did. The shucking parties are always fun.” She licked her lips. “And it’s been ages since I had an evening with everyone.”

  He wanted to ask, And whose fault is that? But he didn’t want a fight. He wanted things to go back to the way they were before that night Andrew called her out to work on Regen’s leg. So he said, “I’m glad you came. I wish we had more evenings together.”

  “I know.” But she didn’t say, “Me, too,” or “We will,” or anything else that would have been encouraging.

  Graham blew out a noisy breath. “Well, you’d better go in.�
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  Her eyes seemed sad as she nodded. But she remained on the step, her hands clasped girlishly behind her back, her white ribbons trailing down her cheeks. “I don’t want to go in with you mad at me.”

  Graham took a stumbling step backward. “I’m not mad at you.”

  “Yes, you are.” She looked at him, unsmiling. “You invited me to go to the party, but I can tell you’re mad. You’ve been mad at me for a long time.”

  He knew exactly how long, too. “Trina, I’m not mad, I’m—” But what could he say? If he was honest, he was mad. Mad at her for heading in a direction she shouldn’t. Mad at her for being stubborn. Mad at her for disrupting his life. With a rueful snort, he admitted, “Okay, I’m mad.”

  “Tell me why.”

  In her expression, he saw a hint of the old Trina—the spunky, I-can-handle-whatever-comes-my-way Trina who had captured his heart. Yet the firmly held posture, the tension in her brow spoke of the new Trina—the one he didn’t want to know.

  “Because you’ve changed. All your plans to go to school, to become some kind of animal doctor—it’s taken something away from you. I miss that something.”

  For long moments, Trina stared into his eyes without moving, without changing expression, without speaking. When he felt as though she’d turned to stone, she finally raised her shoulders in a tiny shrug and turned her face slightly to the side. She sighed. Without looking at him, she said, “It isn’t the planning for school that’s taken something away from me.”

  Without offering further explanation, she climbed the remaining two risers and entered her house. Despite the sultry evening air, Graham experienced a chill. He got the distinct impression he’d just been told good-bye.

  Trina followed her mother from the cloakroom. On the benches across the worship room, Graham sat beside the other unmarried men in the last row in the men’s section. Her heart ached when she saw him. Not that long ago, he would have met her gaze and sneaked a wink or sent her a secretive smile. But today he didn’t even glance in her direction.