Blessings

by Kim Vogel Sawyer

  Beth curled her hands around the steering wheel and straightened her arms, pushing herself into the seat and releasing a yawn. “But I’m sure glad the leaders surprised me with their decision to let you try college. God answered our prayers, and you’re able to forge ahead into your dream.”

  “Oh, He sure did.” Trina propped her chin in her hand and peered out the window. Having Beth’s wholehearted support from the beginning had given her courage to pursue her dream. Now she had support from Graham and her mother, too. If only Dad would be more encouraging. Even though Dad had said he’d go along with whatever the leaders decided, he still held himself aloof from Trina, almost as if punishing her for stepping outside the generational boundary limiting education.

  “But there’s still a lot to pray about.” Trina shifted to face Beth. “Graham and I aren’t sure whether we should get married before or after I finish college.”

  Beth sucked in her lower lip, her gaze ahead on the road. “That’s not a question I can answer, Trina. Once you’re married, you’ll probably start a family, and that would sure make it harder to go to school.”

  “Or to be a veterinarian,” Trina concurred. She felt a small prick of conscience. Was it fair to set Graham and their future family aside for the sake of a college degree? She felt the strong tug on her heart to care for animals, but she also felt a tug toward Graham. Which tug should be honored first?

  “What does Graham want?”

  Trina sighed. “Graham says he’s willing to wait if that’s what I think is best, but I know he’s eager to be married. He has a house built and waiting. He’s older than me, you know, and he’s ready for a family.”

  “I see.” Beth ran her fingernails over the curve of the plastic steering wheel, her brow furrowed in thought.

  Even though Beth wasn’t Mennonite, Trina respected her opinions. Beth was older, and because she’d been raised in the secular world, she often had insights beyond the limited scope of Trina’s experience. Now that Beth was a Christian, Trina trusted her not to lead her astray. “How do you and Sean make decisions?”

  “We argue.”

  Trina raised her eyebrows.

  Beth nodded, smirking. “Oh yes, we argue. All my fault. I’m pretty stubborn, and I always want my way.”

  “Beth!” Trina couldn’t believe her friend would openly admit to arguing and demanding her way with her husband. Dad had always had the final word in their household. Even though Mama was strong willed, she bowed to Dad’s leadership in the home. Albeit reluctantly at times, Trina suspected.

  Beth’s laughter rang. “Sean’s headstrong, too, so he doesn’t cave in to me when he believes he’s in the right. And eventually we find a compromise that works for both of us.” Suddenly she frowned. “At least, most of the time.”

  Trina thought she understood. “Except on his being gone so much?”

  Beth shrugged and flipped a strand of hair over her shoulder. “Except that. But I do okay on my own. That’s where my independent spirit comes in handy. I don’t need Sean to be around. I just want him. There’s a huge difference.”

  Trina nodded thoughtfully. As a single person living at home, she followed her parents’ lead. As a married woman, she’d follow her husband’s. She sent up a silent prayer of gratitude for Graham’s change of heart concerning her desire to become a vet. Having come to a compromise on that huge issue, Trina had every confidence they could find a solution to any problem—including whether to get married before or after her graduation from college.

  EIGHTEEN

  Graham! Graham!”

  Graham dropped the length of lumber with a clatter and spun around, his heart in his throat. Trina raced toward him, tears staining her cheeks, the ribbons of her cap streaming over her shoulders. He held out his arms, and she plowed into him, setting him back two stumbling steps. Catching her shoulders, he regained his balance and held her to his chest.

  “What is it? What’s wrong?” Her panicked voice and the tears sent a shaft of fear through his belly.

  “My test. . .I got the letter. . . .” Trina blubbered against his shirtfront, and suddenly he understood.

  “Aw, Trina.” He rubbed her shoulders, resting his cheek on the top of her head. The cap felt abrasive against his skin, but he didn’t move, hoping his embrace would soothe her bruised heart. The weeklong wait for the test results had been excruciating for both of them, and it hurt him to have it end this way. “I’m sorry.”

  “No!” She pulled away, shoving a folded piece of paper beneath his chin. Only then did he notice the smile behind the tears. “I passed! Just barely—my score isn’t all that good, but I passed. I really passed!”

  “You passed? Let me see.” He opened the letter and scanned the contents. Sure enough—there it was, in black and white, that all-important word: Passed. “Trina, you’re a high school graduate. Congratulations.”

  She beamed up at him. “Thank you.” Taking the letter back, she stared at it with awe lighting her eyes. “I can’t believe it. I really didn’t think I would pass. It was a hard test, Graham.”

  “Well, you studied hard. You deserved to pass.” When the leaders had given their approval for Trina to take her GED with the intention of applying to a college, Graham had offered his support. Yet as much as he hated to admit it, a sense of foreboding now pricked as he realized it wasn’t just a dream. Trina’s attending college would be a reality.

  “Now I’ve got to let Barton County Community College know I have the GED. If they approve my application, I’ll be a college student!”

  Her unbridled glee chased away the hint of melancholy. Graham gave a genuine smile and squeezed her upper arm. “I’m proud of you.”

  “Oh, thank you! I can’t wait to tell Beth and Mama and Dad and. . .” Suddenly her face clouded. “But probably only Beth will really be happy with me. Mama wants to be, I know, but with Dad so upset, she can’t be.”

  Graham slipped his thumb up and down on her arm. “No one said it would be easy to do what God calls us to do. But you know you won’t be happy unless you keep trying.” He reminded himself of the truth of his words, battling the urge to worry.

  She nodded, blinking rapidly. A smile trembled on her lips. “I’m so glad you’re happy. Having you celebrate with me means so much.”

  He brushed her cheek with his knuckles then pushed his hand into the pocket of his work apron. “You’re impossible to resist. You know that.”

  Trina giggled, hunching her shoulders. The gesture reminded him of the old Trina—the one who’d been too long absent. His heart thumped in double beats. Thank You, Lord, that Trina is back. He jerked his chin toward the lumberyard doors. “Now scoot on over to the café and show your mom. I’ll come by after work, and we’ll talk more, okay?”

  She nodded, her face wreathed with a smile. “Okay. See you later!” She skipped away, carefree as a young girl, cradling the letter against her chest.

  Graham watched her, chuckling. She really was impossible to resist. A groan replaced the chuckle. Could he wait five years to make her his wife? They had a serious discussion coming. Give us guidance, Father.With that prayer hovering in his heart, he returned to work.

  Graham considered having supper at the café. Thinking about the Thursday night special of German sausage, kraut, and fried potatoes made his mouth water. But in the end, he decided he’d rather go home, clean up, and have some quiet time alone before speaking with Trina about when they should be married.

  The short walk seemed longer in the stifling heat of late August. As a boy, he’d once commented that summer did its best to get as much heat as possible in before it closed, making August unbearable. His father had berated him for complaining and told him to appreciate his indoor job—he didn’t have to be outside under the sun, like the farmers. Graham kept his thoughts to himself after that, but he still believed August to be the most uncomfortable month of the year.

  After scrubbing himself clean in a bath and eating two bologna and cheese sandwic
hes, he felt ready to face Trina. But a glance at the clock told him he’d better wait awhile. Trina’s responsibilities at the café wouldn’t end until after eight. Now that she’d passed her test, she would probably return to her job at Dr. Groening’s, if he hadn’t filled it with someone else. He’d have to ask her about providing transport to work—that would give them time alone each day. The thought appealed to him.

  He glanced at the clock again. Only two minutes had passed. Blowing out a noisy breath, he looked around the neat living room for something to do to fill time. His gaze fell on his Bible, which sat on the end of the sofa, still open from his morning’s reading. He sank down beside it and flicked a few pages, until he reached Proverbs. Bending forward over the book, he reread chapter 31, seeking further illumination as to how to proceed in his relationship with Trina. Finding no real answers, he idly turned pages, scanned brief passages, and allowed his mind to wander.

  When he came upon Proverbs 10:22, he read the words out loud. “ ‘The blessing of the Lord, it maketh rich. . . .’ ” He counted Trina as one of his blessings. Her spark for life, her openness to everyone around her raised his spirits and made him want to be more openly cheerful himself. She added a richness to his life that had nothing to do with monetary gain—he couldn’t put a value on what she meant to him. A smile tugged at his cheeks as he thought about her sweet laugh, her dancing eyes, her joyous spirit.

  But his smile faded when he focused on the final words. “ ‘And he addeth no sorrow with it.’ ” There had been a great deal of sorrow lately in his relationship with Trina. Even if he and the fellowship leaders endorsed her desire to attend college, others murmured in opposition to the decision, just as there were those who still murmured about the use of electricity or the driving of automobiles. Those unpleasant, demeaning voices would surely bring a touch of sorrow to the situation.

  Then, of course, her own father and some other family members who stated their objections openly or made known their disapproval with firmly pressed lips created sorrow, too.

  “How can we keep the sorrow away, Lord?” He asked the question to the empty room, his face tipped upward, seeking a reply. “Even I struggle with all of the changes it will mean for me. As much as I want Trina to follow Your will, there are things I may have to give up, and the thought of them makes me sorrowful, too.”

  For some reason, saying the words out loud offered a release Graham didn’t realize he needed. So he said them again. “I support Trina. I’m happy for her, but I feel sad for me at the same time.” With that admission, something struck him. The verse said He added no sorrow to it. That meant the Lord wouldn’t add sorrow to His blessing. But man certainly could—and probably would.

  With a sigh, Graham closed his eyes. “Lord, help me not to add sorrow to Trina’s blessing. Let me support her sincerely and without reserve. Let my support ease the sting of sorrow inflicted by others in the community. Open my heart to the blessing You have in store for us as a couple dedicated to Your service. Amen.”

  Revived by the prayer, he looked at the clock, eager to meet with Trina and discuss plans. Not quite seven o’clock. With a shrug, he rose and headed for the door. He’d have some dessert and wait for her at the café. His steps felt light despite the sluggish weight of humidity in the air. “The blessing of the Lord, it maketh rich.” It won’t be easy to do what’s right, but I’ll do it because I trust in Your promise, Lord.

  Trina caught Graham’s eye as she closed the door behind the final patrons. Something in his expression—a tenderness, a warmth, a secret promise of good to come—made her chest feel like a bell holding a raucously clanging clapper. She pressed her hands to her apron bodice, the thud of her heart pounding against her trembling palms.

  A grin crept up his cheek. “You’re staring at me like you’ve seen a ghost.”

  She stepped to the edge of the table and shook her head. “No, not a ghost. A glimpse of. . .the future.”

  He tipped his head, his forehead crinkling even while the smile still curved his lips.

  She laughed at his puzzlement. “Don’t ask me to explain, because I can’t. But if you’ll give me a half hour to help Mama with cleanup, maybe we’ll be able to make sense of it together.”

  “I can wait.”

  The words took on a much broader meaning, and an impatience filled Trina. He’d said he could wait for her to finish her schooling, too, but did she want to wait? Peering into his handsome, open, adoring face, she wanted everything right now—Graham, her degree, her own home. Taking a step backward, she waved her hand in the direction of the kitchen. “Let me get that cleanup going. I’ll go fast.”

  He nodded, and she scurried away. She banged things together getting the mop and mop bucket out. Just as she set the bucket in the sink to fill it, Mama came over and put her hand on Trina’s arm.

  “Go ahead and leave. Tony is coming in to help, so between Kelly, him, and me, we’ll get it covered.”

  Trina raised her eyebrows. “Are you sure? Graham said he’d wait.”

  A smile softened Mama’s normally stern expression. “Graham’s been waiting long enough. Go ahead.”

  “Thank you, Mama!” Trina shut off the stream of water and reached to remove her apron.

  Mama grabbed her arm again. “And, Trina? This is your last day. I called Janina and Audra, and both of them are willing to come back here. I know you want to work for Dr. Groening, but even if he’s filled the position, you won’t be needed here. You’ll want to use your time to study.”

  Tears filled Trina’s eyes, making Mama’s image swim. Even though Mama hadn’t offered congratulations for passing the GED, her words now spoke of her pride in Trina’s accomplishment. “Thank you, Mama.” Trina gave her mother a quick hug. “I’ll see you later tonight. Ten o’clock?”

  “That’ll be fine.” Mama turned her attention to the mop bucket.

  Trina scampered out to the dining room and captured Graham’s hand. “Mama says I don’t need to stay.”

  Outside the café, Graham lifted his shoulders in a shrug and smiled down at her. “Where should we go?”

  Someplace private was preferable, yet Trina knew the community would frown on it. “How about the cemetery?” The open location, in sight of anyone who happened by, would be considered acceptable and still be without an audience.

  “That’s fine.” Graham held Trina’s hand as they walked the distance to the cemetery. In the treetops, cicadas sang their buzzing chorus, but neither Trina nor Graham spoke. For Trina, just walking with Graham, her hand held loosely within the confines of his firm calloused fingers, was pleasure enough. Conversation would come when they reached their destination.

  Instead of crouching behind a tombstone, they chose a bench beneath a towering elm at the corner of the cemetery. The concrete bench felt cool despite the warmth of the night air, and Trina released a satisfied sigh.

  “It’s nice to be alone with you this way.”

  Graham nodded, keeping his face attentively turned to her.

  “And right now I can’t imagine waiting five years to get married.”

  Graham ducked his head for a moment, his eyes closed. When he raised his gaze to meet hers again, she glimpsed a maturity and strength beyond what she’d seen before. She swallowed, waiting quietly for him to share his thoughts.

  “Trina, my desire would be to marry you this winter. My home is ready; my heart is ready to make you my wife. But I don’t want to be selfish.”

  “Selfish?”

  He nodded. “Think how much time you took studying to pass the GED. Don’t you think college will be even harder than that? I want you to have the time you need to do your best. If you’re working for Dr. Groening and running a household, you aren’t going to have time to focus on studies. Maybe. . .” Suddenly the conviction in his tone faltered. He cleared his throat and started again. “Maybe it would be best for us to wait so you can give this dream the time and attention it deserves to be fully born.”

  Tri
na stared at him in amazement. “You really want to wait?”

  He chuckled softly, placing his hand over hers in the center of the bench. “No, my precious Trina, I don’t want to wait. But I wonder if it’s best to wait.” He drew in a deep breath and released it, his gaze heavenward where a few stars glittered softly against the fading evening sky. “I read a verse in Proverbs about the Lord giving us rich blessings without adding any sorrow to it. It seems to me that stressing over finding time to study and not being able to apply yourself fully to this task is going to lead to sorrow for you. That isn’t right.”

  “Oh, Graham. . .” Trina knew what it cost him to make this concession. His readiness for a home and family hadn’t been kept secret, yet he was willing to set aside his desires for the sake of hers. If she’d harbored any question about whether he truly loved her, the unease now whisked away like a cottonwood seed on a stiff Kansas breeze.

  “We could still be published but just put off the wedding until you have college finished. I would like to take you to Lehigh to work each day so we’d have some time together. I’m not saying it will be easy.” His voice dropped to a low growl. “But I do think it will be for the best.”

  Trina nodded slowly, absorbing the wisdom of his words. Looking back on the number of hours she had spent in preparation for the GED, she knew taking college classes would tax her time and energy. But five years. . .

  She groaned. “How did Uncle Henry live for twenty years without Aunt Marie?”

  Graham laughed—a low, throaty sound. “I’ve wondered that myself. I guess when I get to feeling impatient, I can always go talk to him. He should be able to give good advice.”

  Suddenly something occurred to Trina. “If we wait until I’m finished, then. . .when it comes time for me to take classes on a campus instead of over the Internet, I’ll be moving away from Sommerfeld all alone.” Uncertainty washed over her. Could she manage by herself in a strange town, hours away from her family and Graham?