Odd Stuff

by Nelson, Virginia

  “Oh,” I said, defeated.

  “By being close, though, I am making you want me to touch you, aren’t I?”

  I refused to answer. “Why shouldn’t I go to a human self-defense instructor?” I asked, dodging the topic entirely.

  I closed my eyes again and allowed myself to enjoy the smell of Chance like the air before a spring storm. Intoxicating, really. Not that I liked it, but… pleasant.

  “You would kick his butt and learn nothing. You are not exactly human, you know.”

  I opened my eyes to glare at him again. He was close. His breath moved my eyelashes. He was right. Having him this close drove me to distraction. But if it was bothering me, it had to be bothering him, too. I could take the torture, as long as I knew he was equally disturbed. I curled my lips in a sensual smile, and tilted my head until a lock of silver hair fell over my forehead.

  I lowered my lids, putting as much sexual promise as I could into my eyes.

  Then I replied, as if there wasn’t a whole game distracting us both, “Well, you can’t teach me self-defense, as it would require touching me and that breaks every rule of the game.”

  “We are the ones playing, so we make the rules.”

  He lowered his face, until our lips were nearly touching. If I had spoken, they would touch. If I reached up and pushed him off, he would win the hand I used. I was trapped.

  I blinked at him, unable to move, or speak, for fear of losing body parts to the game.

  I let my eyes speak for me. You dick, I thought, fury bubbling up like champagne bubbles. I could see my eyes reflected in his and they had sparks of gold in them.

  He held the position, and then, after long moments, backed up enough for me to speak.

  I sucked in air. I wanted to close the distance. He was right. This was driving me batty. “I don’t know if I even like the rules I already made.” I snorted in an unladylike fashion. “Why would I want to bend them further?”

  “Because I can teach you to do more than sing and drain. Because I can teach you how to use less extreme measures. Although you have a hammer, sometimes you may only need a tap to get rid of a problem. Why use the hammer?”

  “My power being the hammer, hand to hand being a tap?” He looked at me in a way that made me want to strip him and jump him. What a frigging jerk.

  “Yes, so if you want to learn, we could pause the rules when I teach you. And maybe it will help you build up a resistance to me.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “So, what’s in it for you? I mean, I may have only known you a week, but that has been plenty long enough to learn you do nothing out of the goodness of your heart.”

  He nodded and breathed on my neck above the siren mark. Cabbage Patch sticker or not, those spots were trouble. I shivered as his breath warmed the area. I forced myself not to wriggle.

  “I would get to be near you. I would get to teach you not to get killed. I would get a lot from tossing you into a wall in the way of frustration relief.”

  That I could believe. “When do you propose we train?”

  “Daylight. Your vampire can have you when the sun is down. I don’t need him interfering anyway. This will be our little secret.”

  “Maybe I don’t want to have secrets from him,” I defended.

  “Maybe I don’t care. Meet me at…say one o’ clock, here, tomorrow?”

  “Make it one thirty,” I allowed. Didn’t want to double book. Now that I had a schedule, and all, I thought sarcastically.

  He smiled at me and poofed away.

  I called him names in my head to amuse myself, and then I heard someone coming up the stairs.

  I ran a hand through my hair and made myself more comfortable.

  It was Vance. He looked better than the guy in Last of the Mohican’s. He looked better than the lead singer of Red Hot Chili Peppers. He looked better than… I dunno what. He looked good.

  I smiled at him, and he grinned back.

  I went to his arms, and he enfolded me. One good thing about Chance driving me insane was I had my dear vampiric friend if I won. I would get to keep him and all this lovely man-ness. He lifted me off my feet.

  His lips on mine made me melt. Then he involved a little tongue and I was one happy girl.

  “Miss me?” He looked into my eyes.

  “Nah,” I looked back without hesitation. “I was busy lusting after someone else.”

  He laughed, and I tried not to feel guilty. I had kind of been doing that, but in a month I would be rid of Chance for good and Vance would have me all to himself. I was doing this for us.

  I ignored the little voice in my head that said he would not appreciate my efforts.

  “What are you doing tonight?”

  “I don’t know. What did you have in mind?”

  “Dinner, maybe a movie. Then I thought you might want to figure out how to feed without making people nuts or killing them.”

  “That would be handy. Have you found another handy siren manual, then?”

  “Kind of. We need to go through my library more thoroughly, but until we do, there is a vamp I know who has an even more extensive book collection than me. Actually, I bought the other book from him a hundred or so years ago. Word is that he is trying to cross reference a lot of the old writings and separate fact from fiction. He wrote this program and is making it all digital.”

  “A vampire librarian computer geek?” I bit my lip to hold the humor in.

  “Okay, let’s not word it like that when we go see him, but that is the idea, yes.”

  I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. “Okay, let me put on my slut clothes.”

  I slid away and he caught my arms. “Did you just say slut clothes?”

  “Yeah, my siren-wear. I thought I should get a new look.”

  “Define slut clothes.”

  I waggled my eyebrows. “Clothes you will enjoy,” I said seductively.

  “We could just stay here and go tomorrow night,” he offered valiantly.

  “Not on your life. I can’t feed off you, and I have to figure all this out. There is plenty of time for your idea of a relaxing night at home later.”

  “Not if you have slut clothes. Slut clothes deserve admiration. Admiration takes time.”

  I gave him an eye roll. “Admire while we drive,” I offered.

  “Admiration takes your full attention and participation. Admiration is more fun that way.”

  He slid his hands under my shirt and his thumbs grazed my stickers. Typical man. Go for the easy spots. I tried to ignore the fact it was working.

  Mia bounced in right then and looked at us, borderline embracing in her hall. She did an impressive eye roll and strode past to the living room.

  “You two are absolutely the worst pair of horndogs that I have ever met, do you know that?” Her voice faded but still carried. “I mean, I am single here, and do you know how annoying it gets to walk into a room and find you two pawing each other?”

  “We are going out. Wanna come?” I yelled back.

  “Sure. Let me get my coat,” answered Mia. “Where was I? Oh, yeah, I am single—you are pawing. And to top it all off, I don’t even want to know who was smoking holly, but there are more Christmas trees in my house than on a Walmart display floor. I keep walking around and looking for a guy in a Santa hat with a bell and a red can.”

  I snorted and buried my face in Vance’s chest.

  “I mean, really, there is too much. Who needs a frigging tree in their bathroom? You think I want to look at an angel glaring down at me while I am in the bath…not to mention while I sit on the toilet.”

  I headed down the hall and toward my room. I glanced in at Vickie who was sleeping while Mia continued to rant.

  “I mean, I am gone for a couple of days and everything goes to tinsel and sparkly lights. Come on.”

  I tugged off my sweat shirt and pulled off my bra and replaced them with a leather top I had picked up at Hot Topic. I tugged on the skirt I had tried on when I was with Chan
ce, tights and my new kick ass boots. I topped it off with a Gothic necklace that I had borrowed from Mia and tousled my silver hair.

  Looking in the mirror, I was pleased to see I looked hot.

  Mia was still bitching. “And what is with all of the glass crap? I mean, I get it. You are all super coordinated and all that. I mean, creatures of fantasy, but I am a witch. That means I have only normal coordination. And I am even a little klutzy sometimes. I can’t have all this glass filled with potpourri and glass balls around. Its like setting a cat free in a china shop. Disaster waiting to happen. And there is a kid here, too. What kind of pressure are we putting the kid under, constantly worrying that she is gonna break something and get yelled at?”

  I sighed. Vickie wouldn’t worry. If she broke something she would either fess up and wait to see what I would do or hide the evidence and hope I wouldn’t notice. There was no pressure. It’s hard to pressure a kid. At least my kid.

  I walked back out to the living room, where Vance was leaning on the back of the couch while Mia paced and ranted.

  They both looked at me.

  Mia whistled. “Girl, you are gonna get hit on by every two toothed hillbilly in a twelve mile radius, you know that right?”

  “Ha, ha.” I brushed a hand through my hair.

  Vance slid in front of me. “I like it. Goth works for you.”

  “You aren’t even wearing any makeup are you?” Mia growled at me. “That is so wrong. I am gonna go out and get bit by a vampire. I wanna be an unnatural hottie, too.”

  “Yeah, right,” I mumbled. “This is every girls dream. The power to maim and drive people insane…”

  “Mary probably dreams about just that nightly,” Mia pointed out.

  “Yeah, there was my goal. Be like Mary,” I said with a grimace.

  Mia nodded sympathetically.

  “Really,” Vance offered, ever chivalrous. “We could go out tomorrow. There is no rush.”

  “I’m sure.” I was, secretly pleased at the glowing of his eyes. Now he wasn’t the only eye candy in the room. It sure helped the ego to be as hot as your boyfriend.

  “You guys are frigging annoying,” whined Mia, tilting her head back. “I am getting a migraine.”

  Her eyes were closed. She opened them and looked at the ceiling. Then she tilted her head further back. She looked at us. She opened her mouth.

  She closed it.

  She looked back up and shook her head, smacking a hand into her forehead.

  “What?” asked Vance and I in unison.

  “Wanna explain that?” She gestured up.

  We both stared at her. My face got red.

  I kept my expression blank.

  She pointed at the ceiling.

  I looked at her, refusing to follow her finger.

  “Why is there an ass print on my skylight?”

  I couldn’t help it. I burst into laughter.

  She shook her head at us. “You guys are so cleaning that up.”

  Look for the rest of the Odd Trilogy

  Odd Melody, Odd Series Book 2

  Coming Fall 2014

  Janie Smith is ready to get her life in order. She just needs to control her powers, feed without killing someone, deal with a sick witch, a vampire boyfriend committed by fate to another, and an ancient serial killer’s ghost hidden inside an unsuspecting human. Oh, and she must also put up with Queen Mab’s unwanted elfin fiancé while dodging Chance, her supposed soul mate, while helping her daughter adjust to life after divorce. Seriously, not a big deal.

  Odd Fate, Odd Series Book 3

  Coming Soon!

  Turn the page for a preview of…

  Odd Melody

  CHAPTER One

  My name is Janie Smith and everybody who is anybody in the world of the strange wants me—and by association, my kid—dead.

  Merry frigging Christmas.

  I tapped my toe on the dash and considered the boats docked in the harbor, all tarped against the snowstorm Dick Goddard predicted would hit today. According to my friend Julia, the Wiccan stripper, Dick was right. Ha, ha. The stripper said Dick was right.

  Okay, so that one was off even for me.

  While I played with the straw from my cherry slushie, I adamantly hoped that the school bus would beat the lift bridge. Chances were it wouldn’t—my daughter, Vickie, and I would be sitting there, staring at the harbor for another half an hour, and she would be late for school. With my luck lately, I had a better chance of Santa getting stuck in the chimney we didn’t have than catching the damned bus. I stuck the slushie in my cup holder without taking a single slurp, which was probably for the best. Leftover from the day before, the bacteria count was probably nearly as high as the calorie count.

  If the most dangerous thing in my life at that point was the slushie, I would have been okay, but as the last siren, I had worse problems than your average almost-forty-year-old. Mia, my best friend, was a witch and I am dating a vampire. My mom? She rules the fairy kingdom with a well-manicured fist I feared would soon descend on me. Things had gotten a bit complicated in my life lately.

  I hadn’t yet figured out how to tell my mother I came into my power and decided to date a vampire. The last part wouldn’t sit well with her since vampires killed the whole siren species, including my dad. So far, my method of dealing with her was avoidance. Sadly, I knew all too well that in a town the size of Ashtabula, Ohio, my strategy wouldn’t work for long.

  Queen Mab—or my dearest Mom—expected nothing less than perfection from her minions and me. She’d never done anything less than perfect, well, except creating me. I’ve never been perfect and, by breathing, represent the only thing she ever flubbed.

  My boyfriend of the past week could be described as perfect. Vance looked like a European rock star, kissed like a…really good kisser, and when we did it, I have been known to literally hit the roof. A small smile played around the corners of my lips at the thought, and I glanced at Vickie, glad she couldn’t read my mind. The things he and I did, a mother should not do. But they sure were fun.

  Vickie looked a lot like me, prior to the changes wrought by coming into my full siren power. Hair like dark honey framed her large blue eyes and distinctly elfin features—all from my mother’s side of the family. She looked so sweet and had no idea what I went through at times to keep the glitter in her azure eyes safe.

  Less than twenty-four-hours before, for instance, a psychotic man claiming to be my soulmate told me my daughter had been kidnapped. I turned into a full siren in a feeble, and not-well-thought-out, attempt to rescue her. She didn’t know any of it and I hoped she never would.

  Vickie glanced up as if she sensed my eyes on her and glared. I smiled, and she rolled her eyes. A flick of the dial on the dashboard sent heat pumping from the vents. Even though the sun still shone brightly, an Alberta Clipper moving in from Canada brought a wash of arctic air which made standing outside for even a few minutes unbearable. Then again, gas prices made sitting in my car and running the heater at a stationary position equally painful.

  In the distance, I caught a flash of yellow, and I leaned toward my daughter for a kiss. After granting me a quick, obligatory peck, she smacked me in the face with her backpack as she spun to battle with the car door. As it was unintentional and she had to hurry, I let it go.

  “Be good, and have a great day!” I used my best soccer mom tone.

  Vickie looked unimpressed. “Try not to eat too much MSG.”

  I smirked as she jumped out of the car and made a dash for the bus. If she hadn’t been outside, the bus would not have stopped. When I was a kid, the bus stopped. It honked. It waited. Not now. Now the driver paused and kept on a-rollin’. Nobody wasted gas, not even the school buses. Shutting off my car, I burrowed into my coat to make the short jog back to Odd Stuff, Mia’s store. I paused just inside the doorway, as I always did, to inhale the incense and candle scented air. I loved the smell of Mia’s store. It relaxed me while most of my life did not. Each day pro
vided a new beginning, though. I promised myself a fresh start and ignored the niggling little voice that whispered I had told myself the same thing last week. Last week, I worried where I would find a job and how I could help Vickie adjust to life after divorce. Ah, the good old days.

  This week I had to figure out how to be a siren, how to have a vamp boyfriend, how not to get killed while working for the FBI and help Vickie adjust after divorce.

  Somehow, the list had grown rather than shrinking.

  I needed to get cracking on my to-do list. Usually a massive infusion of coffee jump started Mondays and, as I had only ingested about half a pot at that point, I headed upstairs for another cup. With luck, Mia would be awake, but I didn’t hold out much hope of that. As I plodded up the stairs, I scratched absentmindedly at my wig. Unfortunately, when I made the change from whatever I had been before to full siren, my hair altered dramatically from dirty, dishwater blond to an unearthly silver. Since walking around with moonlit hair painted an even bigger bull’s-eye on my forehead, I purchased a wig of my natural hair color yesterday. It itched abominably.

  Behind the pink door at the head of the spiral staircase, I heard off-key singing. It took me a minute to place the tune. Ahhh, Owl City, Fireflies.

  “It’s hard to say that I’d rather stay awake when I’m asleep, Cause everything is never as it seems.” Mia’s head tilted back as she belted the lyrics and I cringed.

  “No, it’s not.” I cocked a hip on the counter and waited for my presence to register with my roommate. I didn’t have to wait long.

  She whirled around. Perfect ebony curls bounced as she spun, and her eyes sparkled as the hypnotic lyrics pulsed through the shop. I studied my eclectic best friend in her white tunic style blouse and floaty skirt in shades of emerald and azure—Mia’s usual witchy wear. Sparkles accented the outfit including bangles at the wrists, some girlie thing at her hips, and necklaces hanging nearly to her waist.

  In comparison, I looked like a boy. Jeans with holes in the knees, a tee shirt topped with a hoodie big enough to fit two football players created my comfortable look—a far cry from Mia’s feminine attire.