Taking Chances

by Melange Books, LLC

  Nonetheless first he had to find her.

  * * * *

  Kal waited in the parking lot of the Cedar Commons business building for half an hour after realizing they didn’t open until nine in the morning. He wanted to give them an extra fifteen minutes to get situated before he went in. The weather was overcast, although it hadn’t started snowing, yet it was definitely still coming according to the radio. He was most likely going to be stuck in Minneapolis for a few days if the storm was as bad as they were predicting. The Minneapolis airport was one of the best in the nation at keeping their runways open in snowstorms, however it did cause delays because no matter how good they were at the snow removal process, it took time to clear that much snow off the runways. Being stuck in Minneapolis might not be so bad, if he was able to spend the time with Shana.

  Thirty minutes later, he walked into the office building, stopped at the receptionist desk and asked to speak with Tara Jennissy.

  “Do you have an appointment, Sir?” the receptionist asked.

  “No, but I need to talk to her.”

  “Can I tell her what it is concerning?” she asked.

  “It’s concerning Shana Madden,” Kal stated, as if that should answer any and all questions concerning his visit to their office.

  “If you’ll please have a seat, I will tell her you are here, Sir,” the receptionist informed him.

  Kal took a seat in the waiting room. A few minutes later the receptionist returned, so he walked back up to the receptionist desk.

  “She is in with a patient at the moment, but said if you can wait she will see you when she is done.”

  “Fine, I will wait,” Kal said. He went back to his seat and picked up a magazine to read while he waited.

  What seemed like an eternity to Kal, ended up being a half hour, until he was ushered into Tara’s office.

  Tara got up and walked over to shake hands with him. “Pleased to meet you, Mr. Paxton. What can I help you with?” she asked, motioning for him to have a seat as she returned to her chair behind her desk.

  “I need to find Shana Madden and I think you may be able to help me.”

  “Why is that, Mr. Paxton?”

  “I know you were and probably still are her counselor and possibly a friend. Shana and I need to talk but she got scared and went running back to Minneapolis. And probably came back to see you also.”

  “Anything between Shana and me is private and confidential. I can’t reveal anything to you. But I am sure you already know that.”

  “She wrote me a letter about the chain of events that occurred after our one-night stand over two years ago. And then she took off running. I need to find her. And I need your help to do that.”

  “Why do you need to find her?”

  “I need to explain my side of the story and why I did what I did.”

  “Will your explanation make her happy or push her over the edge again? She is my patient and of course I am concerned for her well-being.”

  “To be perfectly honest I am not sure. If she can forgive me I think we can have a happy life together.”

  “You truly believe that and being together is what you want?”

  “Yes, I love her and I want the three of us to be a family.”

  “Well, why didn’t you say that in the beginning? That makes a huge difference. You know I can’t give out any information due to the doctor/patient confidentiality laws, but, when people are overwhelmed with a problem they don’t know how to solve or what the outcome will be, the basic instinct is the urge to run away. And the place they generally run to is a place they feel some sense of security or a place that feels like home or is or was their home.”

  “This isn’t helping. I don’t know where her home was in Minneapolis. The address she gave me years ago was one she moved out of right after we met.”

  “But Minneapolis was her home, right? And that is where we are, right?”

  “Yes, but you are talking in riddles. Minneapolis is a huge city.”

  “Another place people tend to go to is to see their parents.”

  “Her parents are dead.”

  “And if their parents are dead, they go to the cemetery.”

  “But they aren’t really there so what good does that do?”

  “There are a lot of people who go to grave sites and talk to dead parents, children, friends, etc.”

  “Great! How do I find out where her parents are buried?”

  “Let’s simply say for the record, a lot of men from that generation were in the military.”

  “The Fort Snelling V. A. Cemetery is just down the street, right?”

  “Yes.”

  “Are you saying she is there?”

  “I can’t say, but you might start your search there and see what you find.”

  “Thanks, I think,” Kal said and left. He knew the Fort Snelling V. A. Cemetery and he also knew how large it was. His parents were buried there. How would he ever find her father’s head stone? There must be thousands of identical headstones in that cemetery, but at least it was a place to start looking for Shana.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Shana woke to a cold, dreary Minnesota morning that just shouted snowstorm with every gust of wind. It was coming and soon. She knew she would probably be spending at least one day watching large amounts of snow falling. Snowstorms could be fun if you didn’t have to drive to work or shovel a driveway and had a toasty warm fireplace to sit by drinking hot chocolate with someone special. Like Kal. If only this whole thing worked out okay and he forgave her, but it was yet to be seen what his reaction had been to the letter. She kept reminding herself he’d at least called which was a good sign.

  Thankfully, she brought her winter coat, hat and gloves since the temp had been dropping all night. She headed to the car and drove to a McDonalds a few blocks away to get a breakfast sandwich. Sitting at a table, she ate and thought about her life in Minneapolis with her parents. She’d grown up here, this was her home. She loved Minnesota, unfortunately not so much in the winter. Phoenix was more to her liking, especially in the winter, and she now had a life there, hopefully with Kal and Kalsha, too. Maybe they could come to Minnesota for a vacation in the summer. Minnesota was at its best in the summer with the lakes and all the water activities. Yes, if this all worked out she would talk to Kal about it, after all he was from Minnesota, too.

  She picked up the Variety section of the Star Tribune newspaper on her table and glanced at what was going on in town. The Rockettes were in town performing at the new Mystic Lake Casino’s Showroom. Macy’s eighth floor Christmas display was the Nutcracker. She’d gone to see the Dayton’s, now Macy’s, display every year she lived in Minneapolis from the time she was a little girl with her parents up to when she left for Phoenix. One year she almost missed it but Tara had dragged her down there saying she needed it and seeing the Frosty display would be good therapy for her. So she went and she was glad she had.

  Back in the car, she drove to the cemetery, which was only a few blocks away. She found the entrance gate and drove through the winding roads to where her parents were buried. Remembering exactly where they were wasn’t the easiest since all the headstones were the same white vertical rectangular stones etched with names and dates.

  Shana parked the car, buttoned up her coat, tied her scarf on tight, put her hat and gloves on, got out and slowly walked up to her parent’s headstone markers.

  She stood staring at the headstone bearing her mother and father’s names, their birth and death dates. Visions of their faces and their times together floated through her mind. God, how she missed them. She wasn’t so sure they would have been proud of what she’d done during those dark years yet she was sure they would’ve understood and that they still loved her, if that was even possible since they were dead.

  “Mom, I simply needed to feel close to you so I had to come here. I know you aren’t here but I hope you can hear me in heaven. I am not so proud of those years nonetheless I did the best I c
ould and I tried to do the right thing at the end unfortunately it was too late. Hopefully, my daughter is with you and you are taking care of her for me. Kal did come looking for me. He tried to find me, however since I moved into your apartment, he couldn’t find me. He is a good man, Mom. I love him and want to marry him. He has a daughter. I want to become a family with him and her and hopefully earn the position as her mother. She is beautiful, Mom. Looks exactly like me when I was little.”

  Shana shifted her feet as a large gust of wind blew from the North chilling her to the bone, making her shake from the cold. Nonetheless, she wasn’t done so she continued.

  “Dad, hope you are listening, too. I didn’t mean to leave you out. I couldn’t tell Kal at first what happened. I was afraid he wouldn’t understand, and if our relationship didn’t go anywhere, there wasn’t a need to tell him. But now that it has, I had to tell him. I was scared, though, and couldn’t tell him to his face so I wrote it all down in a letter and it was inter officed to him, which wasn’t what I intended but it’s the way it happened. Anyway, I just wanted you to know I’m okay, too. I have a good job again and a new life in Phoenix, where I might add it is much warmer than here! He called after he read the letter so I am assuming that is a good sign. I will call him when I am done here. Simply being here with both of you gives me courage and strength. And even though I am living in Phoenix now, my heart will always be in Minnesota with both of you and all the memories I have of our lives together. It’s getting colder, I am getting colder, so I need to be going. I love you both and think about you often. Bye, Mom and Dad.”

  It was the freakiest thing but a flush of heat went through her body and the bone chilling cold was gone for a minute. Almost like a warm loving hug from her parents. Shana turned away and walked back to her car. She noticed an SUV parked behind her rental car. Someone else must be out here visiting a gravesite, too, on this cold winter day, she thought.

  Just then, the door of the SUV opened and a man got out. He was wearing a long black wool dress coat and earmuffs. He walked deliberately towards her and she realized it was Kal.

  Shana stopped dead in her tracks—tracks left in what once was light snow, but now was coming down in a raging, blowing fury.

  “Shana,” Kal said, stopping in front of her.

  “Kal.” Shana could hardly believe he was standing in front of her. “What are you doing here?”

  “Looking for you.”

  “How on earth did you find me here, at the cemetery of all places?” she asked, completely dumfounded by his arrival.

  “Let’s simply say, I have my ways. And I was determined to find you.”

  “Yes, that is quite obvious.” She tightened her coat around her as the wind kept blowing.

  “I think we need to talk,” Kal stated.

  “Yes, we do, however it is extremely cold right here. Can we talk somewhere warm?” she asked, shivering.

  “I’m sorry! My SUV is still running and warm, we can talk in there,” Kal said moving closer and putting his arm around her to share some of his body heat. They walked to the SUV; Kal opened the door so Shana could get in then closed the door after she was inside. Kal walked around the SUV and got in the driver’s seat. They both took off their gloves to warm their hands by the heat vents. Then the hat and earmuffs came off. Kal unbuttoned his coat and took it off, feeling more comfortable in his shirt. He was actually getting nervous about what he would say to her. He didn’t want to say the wrong thing or to upset her. No, he wanted to clear the air about everything.

  “Shana, I read the letter you wrote me. In fact, I have it in my pocket. I have reread it about ten times and each time it brings tears to my eyes.”

  “Kal, I am so sorry you got the letter through inter office mail. I meant to give it to you in person, unfortunately I set it down beside the inter office mail basket and Meg was just being her efficient self, saw it there with your name, put it in the basket and you know the rest. At that point there wasn’t anything I could do.”

  “It’s okay, Shana. You poured out your heart in that letter to me. I appreciate your honesty.”

  “Things could’ve been so different back then, if we both had done things differently.” Shana was anxious now and became warm, so she took her coat off also.

  “You already knew I tried to find you.”

  “Yes, but I obviously didn’t know at the time. If you had even left me your business card, the whole thing may have turned out different.”

  “Shana, we can’t change the past. We both took a crazy chance that night, for different reasons. I made a huge assumption on my part that you were on the pill.”

  “I have only had sex with my ex-husband and you, Kal. I wasn’t sleeping with anyone so there wasn’t any need to be on the pill.”

  “I’m not blaming you, Shana. I’m the guy and a doctor. I should’ve used a condom. I take full responsibility.”

  “Thank you. I have blamed myself for that part for a long time. If I hadn’t had so many drinks it wouldn’t have happened at all.”

  Kal could see relief wash over her. “I don’t wish for one minute that that night didn’t happen. We wouldn’t be here today if it hadn’t, and this is where I want to be right now. It was a bumpy road, that’s for sure, however it led us here.”

  “I guess you’re right. I want to be here right now with you. Nonetheless, you haven’t said anything about the abortion. I have so much remorse and guilt about that day. I was in such a dark place and all alone. My choices were limited. I made a bad decision and tried to correct it, unfortunately it was too late. I have relived that day a million times in my mind, trying to make it have a different outcome. You have a daughter, but our daughter is gone.” Shana cried. Tears she’d held back since talking to her parents at their gravesite.

  Kal reached over, pulled her to him and kissed her cheek. His eyes were watering, too. “It’s going to be alright,” he said.

  “Can you forgive me for what I did that day?” she asked.

  “Shana, I forgive you. Don’t ever doubt that. You need to forgive yourself.”

  “I have tried to and with your forgiveness I think I can get there.”

  “I need to tell you what my life path has been for the last couple of years since the night we met. I, too, have done some things I am not exactly proud of, yet they have actually turned out for the best for both of us. And there is something for which I will need your forgiveness, also.”

  Shana moved away from him wondering what he possibly could’ve done that she would need to forgive him. He obviously had something he needed to confess to her, though.

  “Don’t be afraid, Shana. It is going to be okay and we will get through this.”

  “So what is it you need to tell me?” she asked.

  “I think we should go back to my hotel room and discuss it there instead of in this SUV, okay?”

  Shana nodded and got out to get in her car. She followed him as he put his car in drive and headed out of the cemetery towards his hotel. The roads were quickly becoming snow covered as the storm was intensifying. There must’ve been at least an inch on the ground already. They drove carefully to the Marriott Hotel. The irony of the whole situation was even more obvious when she realized they were both staying at the same hotel. Hopefully it was a good omen meaning they were meant to be together.

  They parked their cars and walked into the hotel. She followed him to his room, which was a suite with a separate living room, mini kitchen and fireplace. It was very nice and inviting, especially the fireplace. She took off her coat and laid it on a chair along with her purse. Kal did the same.

  “Please have a seat.” Kal pointed toward the couch. He would stand, because soon he would probably be pacing the floor while he told her what actually happened on that fateful day too many years ago. She sat down and he turned the gas fireplace on, knowing she was probably cold.

  “So, what do you want to tell me?” she asked staring at him.

  “Please bear w
ith me on this. It is not an easy story to tell even though it is one I should’ve told you a while ago.”

  Shana was dumbfounded. She could not imagine what he was obviously so uncomfortable telling her.

  “Shana, I want you to promise me you will at least listen to the whole story, before making any decisions about us. Okay?”

  “What is this all about, Kal?” Shana asked, confused by his actions.

  “I will tell you, but first, do you promise?”

  “Yes. Now tell me.”

  “Okay here goes. That first night we met, I went to the bar on a lark. It had been a long time since I’d had a date or been with a woman. We met and I was immediately attracted to you. You were and still are so beautiful, and when you were dancing so sexy, first in front of me, then right up against my body, I had no willpower left. Of course, I didn’t know if you’d even agree to let me go home with you at that point, but I knew I was definitely going to ask. I am not the kind of guy to have a one-night stand, in fact, I never had one before, and I, too, had more to drink than usual. When you agreed, I was ecstatic. We had and still have great chemistry. I had a great time however wasn’t sure as what the proper protocol was, especially since I had to leave to catch an early flight out right away in the morning. I left the money because I couldn’t take you to breakfast and felt I was ditching you at the last minute. It was apparent you drank a lot the night before and were still sound asleep. I didn’t leave you my business card because believe it or not doctors don’t usually carry them. I had a couple in the car but figured since I had your card I would call you when I got back.”

  “I was gone for a week, and when I got back I called your work but they said you were no longer employed there, and they were unable to give me any info about you. So if I assumed you knew you wouldn’t be there anymore and still gave me your card that meant you didn’t want to see me again. After another week went by, I thought I would try one more time and went to your apartment unfortunately someone else answered the door and said you’d moved. At that point, I gave up. I had no choice, you had disappeared.”