Broken Glass

by Tabitha Freeman

  When I walked into the bathroom, I immediately wondered if I could just skip the whole showering routine for the day. Two girls stood at the sinks in their bathrobes, brushing their teeth, and two showers were running. I recognized one of the girls at the sinks as the one who’d been with outside with Aurelia the day before.

  Both girls looked at me as I walked in.

  “Hi,” I greeted quietly to them. Neither said anything but just watched me as I went to an empty shower. I stepped in, and closed the curtain. I took the shower shoes out of the bucket. They weren’t too bad. They looked like any beach sandal, only in the ugliest blue color I’d ever seen. They were a large size, which I guessed was what everyone got, and they made me look like I’d just put on ugly blue skis.

  I slipped off my robe, draped it and the towel the nurse had given me over the cheap plastic rod holding the shower curtain up and turned the shower knob. Ice cold water shot out, causing me to jump and nearly fall on the hard, tiled floor.

  “Jesus!” I hissed, flattening up against the shower wall so as to avoid the cold spray. I waited about two minutes and stuck my hand under the water. I jerked my hand back again quickly, for now it was scalding hot. I played with the knob a little bit, trying to figure out how to get the water to at least a lukewarm. Ten minutes later, I was able to take a shower.

  A nice, hot shower was something I’d always loved. So, needless to say, when I turned the water off after finishing my first shower in Craneville, I was in a super pissy mood. The shampoo smelled like barn animals, the soap was thick as paste and took forever to sud up, and the water had suddenly gone both frigid cold and burning hot on me twice.

  I dried off, put my robe on, and threw the shampoo and soap back into the bucket. I pulled back the curtain and saw the same girl I’d seen earlier at the sink, but this time, she was with Aurelia, whose pink hair was now wet and spiked up into a mohawk.

  “Well, well, good morning, new girl,” Aurelia said, turning around and flashing me what I’m sure was a notorious smirk of hers.

  “Hey,” I replied simply, walking over to the farthest sink on the end, away from the two of them. I took the toothpaste and toothbrush out of the bucket and began the process of brushing my teeth.

  “Are we in a better mood this morning?” Aurelia began walking over to me. I didn’t reply, but instead, tried to concentrate on brushing my teeth.

  Aurelia leaned against the sink next to mine and just stared at me for a moment. I spit one last time and rinsed off my toothbrush.

  “What?” I asked, not looking at her.

  “Oh, nothing,” she said, with a dramatic sigh. “I’m just trying to figure out why you think you’re better than us.”

  I quickly turned to her then.

  “What?” I asked.

  “Aurelia, don’t,” the other girl said, walking over to us. Aurelia looked at the girl.

  “What’s it to you?” she snapped. This didn’t faze the girl. Instead, she tucked a wet strand of her long, dark hair behind her ear and looked at me.

  “You have to excuse Aurelia,” she said, with a slight smile. “She’s a bitch. But she grows on you after a while. I promise.” Aurelia glared at this girl.

  “You know it’s true,” Aurelia said, turning towards me again. “This girl’s a total snob. She looks like an anorexic ex-cheerleader.”

  “Okay, what the hell is your problem?” I asked her. “I don’t even know you.”

  “Oh, yes you do,” she replied, evenly. “We met yesterday, remember? Or are you really crazy?”

  “You’re the crazy one,” I told her, in a huff. “Get out of my face.” I picked up my bucket of bath stuff and walked past her, towards the bathroom door.

  “Oh, so you run away from your problems, that’s your sickness,” Aurelia said after me. “Typical suicide case.”

  I stopped and turned back around to face her.

  “If you’re so keen on making a diagnosis for another person’s life, then why are you on this side and not in the big doctor’s office?” I asked. Her smirk faded and she didn’t respond.

  “Like I said,” I added. “You’re the crazy one. Don’t mess with me, Aurelia.” And I left the bathroom.

  I put on pink and gray checked lounge pants and the same “I Live For Rose Madder” t-shirt I’d had on the night before. I went over to my nightstand and opened the top drawer, pulling out a hairbrush. I brushed my hair back and grabbed an elastic from the drawer, putting my hair up into a ponytail. I sat there for a second, still in denial that I was actually here. There was a knock on my door and the same nurse that had woken me up that morning stepped in.

  “Time to go down to breakfast!” she said, her voice still just as cheerful.

  “Okay,” I said, getting up. “What do I do with my dirty laundry?”

  “Just leave it against the wall by the door and an attendant will be by to pick it up later this morning,” she told me, smiling widely. “How was your shower this morning?”

  “Um, good, thanks,” I mumbled in reply, walking past her out of my room. We walked to the doors leading out of the ward, she punched in a code, and the doors opened.

  “Have a great day, Ava,” she said, giving my shoulder a pat. I glanced at her name badge.

  “Thank you…Tess,” I replied, walking out the doors.

  The door to the activities room was open and for a second, I seriously thought about just skipping out on breakfast. I wasn’t ready to face these crazy people by myself. I took a deep breath and walked into the room.

  Eight people, males and females, sat at the various tables, eating breakfast. Most of them looked at me as I walked in. I decided not to look back. Instead, I stared straight ahead as I walked to the table in the back.

  “Mornin’, honey!”

  The two older nurses from the night before sat behind the table.

  “Why, if it ain’t Miss Grace,” one of the nurses, Connie, said. “How are you this morning, sweetie?”

  “I’m fine, thank you,” I said, smiling slightly.

  “Here’s your meds for the day,” she said, glancing down at a chart in front of her and pulling a pill bottle out of the medical bag resting at her feet. She opened the bottle and poured two green pills into my hand.

  “What are these?” I asked her.

  “Amitriptyline,” she told me. I didn’t reply as she handed me a glass of water and watched me tip my head back and swallow down the pills.

  “What would you like?” the other nurse, May, spoke up.

  “Uh, just some cereal, please,” I said, taking a bowl and some corn flakes. May poured some milk into my bowl and handed me a spoon. Connie poured some orange juice in a tall glass and handed that to me as well.

  “Got to get your vitamin C to keep up that pretty complexion,” she said, with a wink. I just nodded and turned around. My breath caught in my throat. There were no empty tables. I would have to sit with one of the crazies.

  I walked blindly towards the tables, not sure who I dared ask to sit with. Then, I spotted the two young guys Julianne and I’d sat with the night before. I slowly walked up to their table.

  “Um, do you guys mind if I sit here?” I managed to ask in a nearly inaudible voice. The shaggy-haired one looked up at me and smiled.

  “Sure,” he said, pleasantly. I sat down across from them. Oh, God. Now I’d have to talk to them. How exactly were you supposed to carry on a conversation with a head case?

  “It’s Ava, right?” the other one asked. I nodded. I remembered his name because it was different. Shakespeare.

  “I’m Shakespeare and this is Henry, just to refresh your memory,” he said, and I was thankful for the re-introductions.

  “So, beginning the first day,” Henry said, taking a bite of the oatmeal in front of him. “That’s always tough.”

  I shrugged and stuck my spoon in my bowl of corn flakes.

  “The food’s not so bad,” Shakespeare piped up. “And the cereal’s usually safe, so you’re good.�
� I managed a small smile.

  “You don’t talk much, do you?” Shakespeare observed. I shrugged again, causing both of them to laugh.

  “I don’t know what to say, really,” I admitted. “I don’t know anybody and it’s not like going to a new school or something. It’s…” I let my voice trail off and then took a sip of my orange juice.

  “I hit one of the girls here in the face the first day I was here,” Shakespeare told me and Henry chuckled. My mouth dropped open.

  “Really?” I asked. “Why?”

  “She just doesn’t know when to shut up,” Henry said. “She likes to push people’s buttons.”

  “Sounds like my new neighbor,” I mumbled under my breath.

  Henry and Shakespeare burst out laughing.

  “What?” I asked, looking at both of them.

  “Aurelia,” Henry told me. “That’s who he hit.” I actually giggled then.

  “Well I’m not surprised,” I said. “She’s a pill.”

  “I’m definitely not a fan,” Shakespeare admitted. “But Henry’s a little soft on her, for some warped reason.” Henry just shrugged and smiled.

  “Oh, are you two…” I started to ask. Yet again, they laughed.

  “No, dear,” Henry replied. “I’m gay.”

  “Oh!” I said, feeling really embarrassed. “Sorry, I…sorry.”

  “It’s okay,” Henry smiled.

  “Then, are you two…?” I asked.

  “No, I’m straight as an arrow,” Shakespeare said. “While we’re on the subject of sexual orientation, where do you stand, Ava?”

  “Oh, um, boys,” I said, chuckling a little. “I’m straight.”

  “Well I feel much closer to you now, Ava,” Henry said, smiling. “And anyway, on the subject of Aurelia, everyone has to have friendship. Even the worst of the worst.”

  “I’ll leave that up to you, then,” I said, taking a bite of my cereal.

  “She’s not so bad,” Henry went on. “You just have to know what parts to overlook.”

  “Yeah, like the psychotically disturbed parts,” Shakespeare muttered, finishing up his toast. I giggled.

  “Honestly, this day won’t be too bad for you,” Henry said then. “The group therapy is the worst part of the day because you’ll be the highlight. You’ll have to give a little insight for the rest of us into your problems. But after that, it’ll all be smooth sailing.”

  I looked down at my cereal. I was suddenly nauseous.

  “So what are you doing for the next hour until the group therapy meeting?” Shakespeare asked me. I shrugged.

  “I dunno,” I replied.

  “It’s raining outside, so we’ll be forced to stay in,” Henry sighed. “How about a few games of cards?”

  “Sure,” I said, smiling at him. “That’d be nice.”

  We left the activities room five minutes later, and I looked around as I dumped the cereal I’d hardly touched into the trashcan by the door. Aurelia caught my eye from across the room and I was surprised when she grinned. I didn’t grin back and left.

  I followed Henry and Shakespeare to Henry’s room. When they walked into Henry’s room, I stopped at the doorway.

  “Am I allowed in your room?” I asked.

  “Yes, as long as it’s before lights out time and the door is open,” Henry replied, leaving his door wide open. I stepped inside. It was exactly like my room, only with a few more items lying about, like some books and newspapers. He opened the top drawer of his nightstand and pulled out a deck of cards.

  “Shall we just play in here?” Henry asked. We both nodded and the three of us sat on the floor. Henry dealt the cards.

  “Rummy?” he asked.

  “Sure,” I replied.

  We just played cards for the next hour and I was completely comfortable with these guys. And I was relieved. I didn’t have to confess anything or talk or hear about anyone’s problems. We just played cards.

  At noon, we all went to the group therapy room. I was ready to throw up as soon as I walked in. Two guys and a girl were already in the room, talking with Julianne. Ten chairs were set up in a circle. Julianne occupied one, along with the others. She looked up at us as we entered the room.

  “Good afternoon,” she greeted. “I see you’ve all introduced yourselves.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” Henry said politely. I sat down in the chair nearest to Julianne. Shakespeare sat down on the other side of me and Henry sat down beside him.

  “And how are you doing today, Ava?” Julianne asked me, in a softer tone.

  “Okay,” I replied. Her eyes met mine then and I wondered if she could see the utter numbness inside of me.

  The door opened again, and in walked Aurelia and Channing. I pretended to be studying the room as I saw Aurelia smirking at me out of the corner of my eye. God, I really didn’t want to do this group therapy thing.

  “Good afternoon, everyone,” Julianne said then. “How are you all today?”

  There were a chorus of fines and goods.

  “I couldn’t be better,” Aurelia added.

  “Wonderful,” Julianne replied. “And why is that, Aurelia?”

  “Well, I’ve had the pleasure of meeting our new inpatient, Ava,” she replied, looking at me with a dark smile. “I have the feeling we’re going to be the best of friends.” I looked away and didn’t say anything.

  “Ah, yes, let me first introduce you all to our new person,” Julianne said, brightly, giving me a supportive pat on the back. “This is Ava. Would everyone introduce themselves?”

  “I’m Princess,” the girl sitting on the other side of Julianne spoke up, with a nod.

  “Max,” said the plump boy sitting next to Princess.

  “Hi, I’m Larry,” the very pale boy sitting next to Max spoke up.

  “Um, Channing,” the dark-haired girl who so far appeared to be Aurelia’s right-wing woman.

  “Aurelia Sykes,” Aurelia said, the smirk growing on her face. “We’ve met.”

  “Well, you know us,” Henry said. “I’m Henry, this is Shakespeare.”

  “Hi,” I said to all of them. “It’s nice to meet you.”

  “Now, Ava, if you would, could you tell everyone a little about yourself?” Julianne asked me. Oh God, I’d known this was coming. Were we in the second grade?

  “Like what?” I asked her.

  “Where you’re from, hobbies, favorite movies…” Julianne replied. “Anything like that.”

  I sighed heavily.

  “ My name is Ava Darton, I’m twenty-two years old, and I’m originally from Marcher, Virginia,” I began, not looking at any of these people in the eye. “I went to VSU for three and a half years, majoring in business marketing. I like the color pink, I like music, and my favorite movie is Titanic.”

  “That’s all very interesting,” Aurelia spoke up then. I looked at her. “But you failed to mention why you’re in here.”

  I swallowed hard and glanced over at Julianne, whose blue eyes were now very grave. She looked at everyone.

  “Ava’s fiancé was killed in a car crash recently,” Julianne told them, in a gentle tone. “Obviously, they were very close and very much in love, and it’s been very hard on Ava.”

  “So, suicide?” Aurelia guessed.

  “Aurelia!” Channing hissed. “Don’t be such a bitch.”

  “It’s okay,” I piped up. “It’s true. I am here because of suicide. I loved him so much, none of you can even fathom it.”

  “What’s up with the shirt?” Princess asked me, quietly. I gave her a small smile.

  “My fiancé had a band called Rose Madder,” I explained. “My friends and I all made these t-shirts in high school to wear at the Battle of the Bands that his band was in.”

  “Oh,” Princess replied. “That’s pretty cool.”

  “Thanks.”

  I looked over at Julianne and she smiled, satisfied at my introduction.

  “Okay, gang,” she said then. “Since Ava’s new to this group therap
y stuff, I thought I’d keep it short and simple today. Since it’s July, I want to talk about summertime. I want each of you to think about something wonderful that occurred in your life during summertime. Think of the most beautiful memory of a summer in your life.”

  Everyone was quiet, starting to fall deep in thought.

  “While you’re all thinking about it,” Julianne went on. “I’ll tell you a summertime memory of my own. I was eighteen years old and I’d just graduated from high school. Me and my girlfriends had so much planned for that summer. Road trips, laying out by the pool, shopping…it was our last summer of freedom and we were ready to have a ball. But my plans were changed when my parents informed me that I’d be spending the summer with my grandparents in Wyoming. I tried to fight it. God, I tried. I thought it was totally unreasonable because my parents knew what a big summer this was for me. But their reasoning behind it was that it was my last summer before I went off on my own to college, and I hadn’t seen my grandparents in ten years. And they weren’t getting any younger.”

  “Why didn’t you just refuse?” Aurelia asked her. “They couldn’t make you.”

  “But that’s the thing,” Julianne said. “They could make me. They were my supply of shelter, food, money for college…I was still their child and they were still my parents and whatever they said was the word to follow. So, three weeks after I graduated, I was unwillingly shipped off to Wyoming for the summer.”

  “I thought this was a happy memory,” Channing pointed out. Julianne chuckled.

  “Just let me finish,” she replied. “Anyway, so I went out to Wyoming, to my grandparents’ farm, with a less-than-enthusiastic attitude. My grandparents were so thrilled to see me, yet for the first week, I was a sully teenager, keeping to myself and not talking much to either of them. Finally, one morning at around seven a.m., my grandmother woke me up and told me I needed to start shaping up. She said, ‘Jules, it’s going to be a long summer and it’ll be even longer if you sit on your butt and pout. So knock off the attitude and come help me do some gardening.’