First Love (Champion of the Gods)

by Andrew Q. Gordon

  “I’ve known Heminaltose almost my entire life. Sanduval too. I trained with them both, as did your grandfather. They are fine men and excellent examples for you to look up to. But I also know they have little time for what matters to a child. I tried to send staff to Haven that would look after you, but it wasn’t the same. They never treated you as their own child, especially since they didn’t know your true identity.”

  She squeezed his shoulder as she twisted to kiss his cheek. Farrell remained quiet, content to enjoy one of the rare moments he got to spend alone with his mother. He wanted to say something to ease her guilt, but her words were accurate. Growing up at Haven had robbed him of any semblance of childhood. Heminaltose was a fine man and the greatest wizard of his age, but he was a thousand years old and had no time for a child and his problems.

  All the years he’d spent at Haven, what Farrell had wanted more than anything was a parent. His parent. Someone to be there for him when he needed advice. Instead, Heminaltose had assigned one of the older students to “handle those issues.” Saulist had been the last, and while they were close friends, that’s all they were—friends.

  “I want you to know that I’m not upset by… that you prefer men.” Her voice disrupted his thoughts. “Under different circumstances, and by that I mean other than Grand Master Heminaltose telling me you might be fathering illegitimate children, this conversation wouldn’t have centered on the gender of your interest, merely that you had an interest in someone.

  “Like any mother, I want you to be happy. As a prince, however, more than just your heart will influence your choice. But that applies equally if you join with a woman or a man. Which raises an issue we need to discuss.”

  Their feel-good moment crashed into the surf below as Queen Zenora replaced his mother. He’d expected this to come up. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone who I really am.”

  “That’s good to know, but I didn’t expect anything less.” She kept her focus on the now dark horizon. “But just because people don’t know you’re my son, doesn’t mean they won’t try to use you. In fact, you’re probably at greater risk because they don’t know you’re the crown prince.”

  “How’s that?” Turning toward her, he couldn’t read anything from her face. The points he’d prepared to keep her from meddling in his private affairs proved useless against his mother’s position.

  Zenora continued to stare ahead for a few seconds more before she turned. “If you were the prince—sorry, I mean if you were openly the prince—every aspect of your affairs would be managed, and it would be obvious to anyone what your friend’s intentions were. “

  “Right, but I’m nobody—nobody to the world at large. How could Cameron….” Neldin’s balls! He hadn’t meant to tell her who he’d snuck off to meet.

  She raised an eyebrow but otherwise showed no reaction. “Lieutenant Cameron of the Guard?”

  Farrell turned away, not that she could see him blush. “Yes.”

  The silence dragged on, and his anxiety grew. She clearly didn’t agree with his choice. Cameron was the third son of a baron whose land barely qualified for the title.

  “He’s a handsome young man.”

  He twisted in shock. If his mother hadn’t been smiling, he would’ve wondered if he’d heard her right. “You approve?”

  Tilting her head to the left, Zenora the mother disappeared in the blink of an eye. “I didn’t know we were at the ‘do I approve’ stage.”

  “I’m not asking that… I mean, I am, but not in an official way.” He let out his breath in a rush and turned his head. “Can’t you just be my mother right now? Does everything have to be Queen Zenora?”

  After he said it, he realized how insolent he’d been to the queen. Bracing for her reaction, he considered flying off to avoid another lecture.

  “Farrell, look at me.” Zenora’s command left him no choice. He turned but didn’t look at her face. “Farrell, look at me, please.”

  He lifted his chin and met her steely gaze. “I’m sorry, Mother. That was rude.”

  “No, sweetie, I’m the one who should apologize. I’m trying to put aside the crown and be the parent you can talk to.” She wiped a tear from her eye. “But unfortunately, even as just your mother, my views are shaped by the fact I am the queen. For instance, Cameron’s father is Baron Althon, a man with big ambitions for himself and his sons—including his youngest.”

  “Why does that matter? I’m no one.” His stomach twisted and his eyes opened wider. “Do you think he knows I’m…?”

  “No, dear, I’m quite certain he doesn’t know you’re my son. But you’re not ‘no one’. Not by any measure.”

  The smile he tried to contain refused to be held back. “Of course I’m someone to you. You don’t count.”

  She laughed and looked truly happy for the first time since they left the throne room. When she stopped, she ruffled his hair. “Only you could say I don’t count and get away with it.”

  “You know what I mean.”

  “Of course, but you underestimate what people see in you.” She paused, and when Farrell didn’t answer, she touched his chin with a finger and lifted gently. “Who did you have dinner with last night?”

  “You know who. You and Master Heminaltose had my birthday party last night.”

  “And where were you the day before during the afternoon?”

  “Mother, I don’t understand. I was in the council meeting.”

  She smiled. “Exactly. You were with Grand Master Heminaltose and me. You are admitted to places and events to which few others are invited. Your master is Yar-del’s most powerful ally and someone who can speak to me almost at his wish. You, Farrell, might not be a prince, or even an important ally, but you have connections and access to me that others want.”

  “Cameron’s not like that.” Farrell shook his head and inched back. Even as he denied it, a spark of doubt danced at the edge of his thoughts.

  “I didn’t say he was, but I wanted to make you aware that some suitors, particularly those who frequent the palace, are always looking for a way to better themselves.” Zenora’s warning cut to the heart of his insecurities. His stomach twisted and he fought the urge to vomit. “Be on guard if he asks you to intercede on his behalf on some matter that will benefit him.”

  He avoided looking at his mother and focused on the water. Fighting back tears, he shook his head and said, “It would explain why he sought me out. I should’ve known better than to think someone like him would be interested in me.”

  “Farrell, don’t be silly. Of course he’d be interested in you.”

  “Because, as you said, I’m Heminaltose’s assistant and have access to the queen.” He felt like a fool. The only thing Cameron found attractive about him was his connection to those in power.

  “That’s not what I was saying—”

  “You don’t have to say it, Mother. I know what I look like.”

  “Stop it, Farrell. You are a very attractive young man. Just like….” Zenora drew a breath and Farrell turned toward her. Though she looked in his direction, her gaze seemed somewhere else. “It runs in your family.”

  Now the warning made sense. Some had told him that his father was very handsome and had used his looks along with his charm to hide his true intentions from Zenora. Her advice was born of experience.

  “I understand.” More than he wanted. “I’ll be sure to avoid Cameron.”

  “No.” She grabbed his arm and squeezed gently. “I’m not suggesting you avoid him. All I’m saying is be on guard that he doesn’t have ulterior motives.”

  Farrell snorted and threw his free hand up in disgust. “Of course he wants something. No one who looks like him would be interested in me.”

  “You have an unfair opinion of yourself.” She waited until he met her gaze. “You inherited your father’s good looks, and he was one of the most sought-after men in the Seven Kingdoms and beyond. And I’m not saying that just because I’m your mother. When Heminaltose
came to see me today, his comment was—and I think these were his exact words—‘with a face like his, he’ll have no shortage of women for his bed’. He might not have figured out you prefer men, but the sentiment is still the same.”

  “Now I know you’re just trying to make me feel better. Master Heminaltose wouldn’t have said such a thing. He barely knows what I look like, much less that anyone would find me attractive.” He wanted to be wrong, because then Cameron might have really just wanted him and not something from him.

  “If you think I’m lying, I can summon him to join us and he can tell you himself.” She wore her go ahead and call my bluff expression. He’d seen her use it to great effect with headstrong petitioners. “That way you’ll know I didn’t coach him.”

  “He really said that?”

  “He did. Heminaltose warned my father and me to look past the handsome face and see the real Meglar. He might prefer the company of women, but your teacher understands the advantages of an appealing face.”

  So Cameron might be really interested in him. “I’ll be sure to be vigilant.”

  “Good.” She kissed his cheek, something she seemed to do a lot more when they were alone. “What time are you meeting him tonight?”

  “Tenth… how did you know?”

  She laughed softly. “I was once your age. Do you really think you’re the first two to find out-of-the-way places in the palace to meet?”

  When she stopped speaking, he nodded once, then shook his head. “No.”

  “Come.” She stood up and offered him a hand. “Let’s go eat so you have time to prepare for your meeting.”

  FARRELL PRESSED his back to the wall and slid down until he was squatting. It was well past tenth hour, and he debated how much longer to wait. Clearly his mother had been wrong about Cameron. Getting stood up would hardly make Farrell predisposed to help Cameron.

  His gut twisted into a large knot. What little dinner he’d eaten sat like a rock in his stomach, adding to his discomfort. How humiliating would tomorrow be when he’d have to tell his mother and his master that nothing happened? Not because he’d exercised restraint, but because the other person never showed up.

  He wrapped his arms around his knees and stared at his new boots. They, along with the new navy blue tunic and tan britches he wore, had been laid out on his bed when he returned to his room after dinner. The note from his mother said they were more appropriate than a wizard’s robe. Even thinking back to that moment couldn’t make him smile.

  Heaving himself back to his feet, he decided he’d wait another few minutes before leaving. Cameron had said “around” tenth hour to give him time to get here from wherever he’d been dispatched during his tour. Maybe he’d been assigned to the far end of the palace.

  Alone in the hallway, Farrell’s self-doubt gnawed at him. Logically he knew there were entirely legitimate reasons for Cameron being late, but his emotions did their best to ignore those explanations. Despite what his mother said, he didn’t think of himself as handsome or attractive. He’d always been self-conscious of being thin, and overusing magic in his growth years had made him skinnier still. Even forgetting that, his eyes were common brown, his ears were too big, his nose looked like a child’s, he had the fingers of a scribe, not a warrior, and his feet looked three sizes too big for his scrawny body. It was easier to believe Cameron wasn’t interested than something unexpected had happened.

  Hurried footsteps from down the hallway made his heart stutter. When he poked his head around the corner, he saw Cameron walking quickly toward him. Farrell’s stomach did another flip, this time in nervous anticipation.

  “I’m soooo sorry.” He took Farrell’s hand and squeezed it gently. “My captain assigned me to an emergency detail and I couldn’t leave on time.”

  “It’s fine.” Farrell grinned broadly and decided he needed to listen to logic a bit more. “I’m glad you made it.”

  “Me too.” Cameron’s smile engulfed his entire face. “For a time I felt sure I wouldn’t make it. The detail is going to go all night.”

  “Did you leave your post?”

  “No, silly. As much as I like you, I don’t fancy a turn in the queen’s dungeon.” He winked and nodded toward his right. “Let’s walk and I’ll tell you about it.”

  Cameron didn’t wait for an answer to start walking. Having been in the hallway alone for the better part of an hour, Farrell happily allowed himself to be led away.

  “You look nice. The shirt and britches are much more appealing than the simple wizard’s robe.”

  “Thank you. They were a gift for my birthday.” They turned a corner and headed toward an area of the castle Farrell had never visited. “Where are we going?”

  Wiggling his hand, Cameron managed to slip his fingers between Farrell’s. “I know how this will sound, but will you hear me out before you object?”

  “That sounds ominous.” Farrell laughed at the absurdity of the statement.

  “No, nothing like that, I promise.”

  “I’m joking. We’re inside the palace and you’re one of the queen’s guards. I seriously doubt you’ve got anything nefarious planned.” Not to mention that Farrell could use magic to thwart any danger to himself.

  “Unless spending time alone together counts as wicked, I think you’re safe.”

  “I like the sound of that.” It didn’t matter who saw him, but he still preferred to have some privacy.

  “We’re going to my room.” Cameron looked over quickly. “I’ve planned a little surprise for you. After that, we can go wherever you like.”

  Farrell almost asked why they’d have to go anywhere after that.

  “Are you all good with that? I mean, going to my quarters for a little bit.”

  Although it seemed a bit forward, kissing in the middle of the palace earlier in the day wasn’t the stuff of a timid wallflower. Cameron’s rooms at least gave them a chance to be alone. “Sure, but I warn you”—Farrell puffed out his chest a bit and tried to stand taller—“I’m quite capable of protecting myself if there’s any danger.”

  “I can’t say I don’t pose a risk to your virtue, but from the way you kissed me back today, I suspect you’ve been with someone before.”

  Farrell turned away, and his cheeks burned. “Yes.”

  Cameron pulled them to a stop and turned until they were face-to-face. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it to sound like that. I just meant you kissed well, so I assumed you’d done it before. If it helps, my first time was with a stable boy when we were both fifteen. So I’m certainly not pure and virtuous.”

  Despite his embarrassment, Farrell managed a small smile. “Nor are you scared off by my common birth.”

  The snort from Cameron took him by surprise. “Common? You? Please, Farrell. You get to cavort with the queen and her senior advisors. Do you know how many people of high birth wish they were as ‘common’ as you?”

  “What do you mean?” His mother’s words came to the front of his mind.

  “Just that if you’re common, so is Heminaltose.” Cameron cocked his head to the left. “I dare say no one cares that he was born to a cabbage farmer.”

  “Dairy.”

  “What?” Cameron’s forehead scrunched up.

  “Heminaltose’s parents. They were dairy farmers.” He shrugged. “I’ve grown up with his stories. He’d be offended if you called his parents cabbage farmers.”

  Cameron’s laugh echoed off the walls. “We all have our prejudices. But that just makes my point. Heminaltose could walk into any throne room and refuse to bow and he’d walk out the way he came in. No one cares if he’s not a nobleman.”

  “Some do, but I get your point. Only difference is I’m not Heminaltose. I’m just his student.” He didn’t like the deception, but he had a role to play.

  “And I’m not the queen.” Cameron wiggled his eyebrows, making Farrell chuckle. “That’s better. My point is, if anyone needs to worry about being ‘good enough,’ I suspect it would be me. So how
about we just forget about rank and lineage and act like we’re equal?”

  “I can do that.” The truth about status and rank wasn’t lost on him, but like Cameron said, at this point it didn’t matter. “So tell me, why did you think you weren’t going to make our meeting?”

  “Ah, now that is a curious bit.” Still holding Farrell’s hand, he started walking again. “Lieutenant Farsten, whose squad had duty outside the queen’s residence, got sick—nasty, violent sick. The captain ordered me to take over. There was nothing I could say.”

  “Duty comes first.” It was easy to say that now, but a few minutes ago Farrell would have said to Neblor with duty.

  “I know. On my walk over to the posting, I searched everywhere for a page to send you a message. Not a one crossed my path. Usually they’re everywhere, getting in the way, some flirting with the guards, but tonight? When I needed one? None. I’d swear they were hiding from me.”

  “One of the pages had a birthday today. He reached his age of majority and took official title to his barony. The queen gave them all the night off.”

  Cameron’s step faltered for a moment, but when Farrell kept walking, he did too. “Where did you hear that?”

  “Um… I… the queen said it during dinner.” He hadn’t meant to remind Cameron that he had dinner with the queen. “Lord Gwalth asked for permission to excuse them all once dinner had been served.”

  “That’s right. You had dinner with her.” There was a hint of something in his voice that Farrell couldn’t decipher.

  “Not her. My master had me accompany him.” The look on Cameron’s face didn’t change. “You were telling me how you got free.”

  Cameron blinked and nodded quickly. “Right. Sorry. When I arrived, all I could think about was how you’d be waiting and I’d never show up. I was seriously considering sending someone to find anyone who could bear a message when the queen walked into the hallway.”